Never had a girlfriend

[Chino]

I just turned 24 and it seems that everyone around me has someone special, and I look at my life and I've never had a girlfriend my entire life. I don't think I'm ugly but I think I look average. I have wondered if something was wrong with me. Girls have shown interests in me sometimes, or I think anyways but I can never know. I have tried before but girls don't see b/f material in me or something. Do I have a flawed character trait that I can't see but others can? I try to be very unassuming and friendly to everyone. I am a little shy and don't always have the smoothest lines or conversations with girls. At times I feel like a pathetic human because because I've never had a girl friend, maybe I'm incapable of holding a relationship with a female and ever being able to express love. Other parts of my life are fine but I"m just an idiot when it comes to love. Can some offer me any advice on being a better person and tips on how take things further from a casual friendship to a couple?

 

[mina]

I'm 24 and have never had a boyfriend and never went on a date until i was 23 so i have you beat in the pathetic department!!!!

 

[Crono]

Let's see...I'm 25, and I've never had a girlfriend or ever been on a date. I win!

 

[desi]

Crono, women treat you based on how you treat them. Treat them in the right way and they will respond favorably to your advances. Find a friend who is good with women and get some pointers, then apply them. It will take time, you may be rejected a few times, stick with it and change your strategy until you get positive results. I've known ughly guys with flat personalities who do well with women. Remember its not a beauty contest or even a popularity one if you know what you're doing. If you don't know learn.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Ha! 35! Any betters? Not that many candidates for girlfriend types - lots of shaky and just too wild people out there!

-kc

 

[Chino]

I do treat women correctly, and most of the time I'm just not seen as boyfriend material. I've been pursuing before but I don't pressure girls into anything. I'm absolutely willing to learn can anyone point me in the direction?

 

[Bookman]

Bookman's 8 Steps to Finding the Right Girl/Boy friend.

1. Prayerfully consider if you really want a life mate or if perhaps you're called to singleness.
2. If you believe God wants you to have a mate, ask Him to send the right person in His time.
3. Believe He will send that person in His time.
4. Start praying FOR that person wherever he or she is right now. Pray for their safety and spiritual growth.
5. Meet people through activities that you enjoy. (Stay away from bars and other such places. The mate you want isn't there).
6. Make friends just for the joy of friendship, without trying to visualize it as a potential "relationship."
7. While waiting, don't get sexually involved with anyone. Wait for the person God brings your way and you and he/she are married.
8. Don't sweat it. Seek first His kingdom and everything else you need will be added to you.

 

[Neenie]

Umm... Maybe you’re a bit too friendly, shy and nice judging from your posts. My advice would be to pressure them a little bit, ask them out take risks, you will have much more of a chance.

 

[chris320]

Umm... Maybe you’re a bit too friendly, shy and nice judging from your posts. My advice would be to pressure them a little bit, ask them out take risks, you will have much more of a chance.

This would be my take on the situation. I only went on maybe 2 dates until I met and then later married my first wife. After being married for several years I finally got over my fear of being around women. Since I am now divorced due to exwife's actions and am free to date again, I expect to do much better with women the second time around.

-Chris320

 

[stray bullet]

Treat them like dirt, seems to be a great way to attract the opposite sex.

 

[Tony W]

Treat them like dirt, seems to be a great way to attract the opposite sex.

No kidding. Seems like every girl I've gone out with has left me for some jerk bag.

 

[Stanfi]

Treat them like dirt, seems to be a great way to attract the opposite sex.

I know this seems to be true, but I'm gonna disagree. Remember the golden rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I say treat the ladies you meet well, and when they treat you the same, then you have something. If they don't treat you well, move on and find someone who will. I think we should always try to show people God's love. It may never be appreciated down here, but I have to believe that it makes God smile.

As far as the pathethic loser cateogory, I think I am the King there. Sometimes, I think it is my job to make people feel better about themselves!

I like Bookman's advice. I have recently came to that conclusion myself, and I think that is something that we should all apply.

 

[JillLars]

Treat them like dirt, seems to be a great way to attract the opposite sex.

It's a great way to get yourself a kick in the pants while you're at it.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Let's see, I think I would take Bookman's advice over Stray Bullet's! (I am hoping Stray Bullet was just venting there a bit!)

I get told all the time, by old, married men, that if they were not married and younger, they would be knocking a path to my door. Great to know that old, married men find me attractive!

I know it's hard Chino. I never seriously dated anyone until I was 26. And then he broke my heart, big time. And that seems to be the pattern since then. I am not sure dating is all it's cracked up to be. But, really, Bookman has some great advice. I think it's the way to go. #8 is the hard one though. Don't sweat it, even when things look bleak. That I could use some help with from time to time!

 

[secretdawn]

No kidding. Seems like every girl I've gone out with has left me for some jerk bag.

it isn't so much treating them like dirt, it is the confidence in a guy who is a jerk that is attractive...that "i just don't care" attitude...no matter who the woman is or what she says she likes a little attitude and to feel like the guy could take care of her...jerky guys drip of confidence and that is hot...take Eminem or kid rock for example...i mean, ew...who would want to deal with that for a boyfriend, but women all over are head over heals.

Maybe you are just being to eager when you meet a girl...i would try treating them only slightly better than your guy friends, and let the "niceness" come out in waves...but don't pretend to be something you aren't or else you will end up in a big mess...

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Treat them like dirt, seems to be a great way to attract the opposite sex.

true that G.

 

[Neenie]

it isn't so much treating them like dirt, it is the confidence in a guy who is a jerk that is attractive...that "i just don't care" attitude...no matter who the woman is or what she says she likes a little attitude and to feel like the guy could take care of her...jerky guys drip of confidence and that is hot...take Eminem or kid rock for example...i mean, ew...who would want to deal with that for a boyfriend, but women all over are head over heals.

Maybe you are just being to eager when you meet a girl...i would try treating them only slightly better than your guy friends, and let the "niceness" come out in waves...but don't pretend to be something you aren't or else you will end up in a big mess...

Honest post! It’s not that woman want to be treated like dirt! But men with confidence are a turn on! I find many professing nice guys to be insecure and make a big fuss over little things. But a guy who is nice, confident and outgoing is still sexy! OK!

I hope I haven't offended anyone

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Honest post! It’s not that woman want to be treated like dirt! But men with confidence are a turn on! I find many professing nice guys to be insecure and make a big fuss over little things. But a guy who is nice, confident and outgoing is still sexy! OK!

I hope I haven't offended anyone

I'm BEYOND OFFENDED (kidding).

I agree with what you're saying, and I think the majority of the agreement (from most of us) with Stray's comment is because despite what you're saying, women still end up going after dirtbags, and then latching on to a "nice guy" to be their emotional boyfriend. Nobody gets two, that's not fair. The frustration coems from the stupidity that seems inherrant in the attraction.

 

[wvmtnkid]

To be fair to the other side, it also seems most guys want, how shall we say it, "party girls" and the nice girls get shoved aside. I've had it happen to me way too many times. I am "too good" for the "bad boys"" and not good enough for the "good boys". So, what's a girl to do?

I'll have to think about the confidence factor. I think that may have some merit.

 

[Living4Him03]

In high school I was never asked out and I thought it was a character flaw I had or something, as you mentioned in your post. When I got to college things changed. My brother is 26 and hasn't really had a girlfriend,although he has dated some. He's good looking and all, but he has been in law school for 3 years and has always been serious about school. He's not too worried about finding the right girl. He is content with God being the center of his life, not a girl. I'm sure when the time is right God will bless you and my bro with the desires of your heart for a girlfriend and wife. Be patient and wait on God.