Never...always?

[paulnoel]

A friend of mine has been married for nearly 50 years. I asked her one day how she had surrvived 50 years of marrige always with a smile on her face. This is what she said.

"Well my dear, you will have your differences of opion, of course, but if you do get into an argument, avoid two little words....NEVER & ALWAYS"​

Just two ordinary words, yet they got me thinking of the many times in my marrige when what may have been nothing but a small disagreement had turned into a big argument, because one of us said this kind of remark;... "You never take off your shoes just after I have washed the floor, just look at the mess!"... "You always do that!"....."your always saying that, I'll never talk to you again" does this sound familiar to you?​

Never say "NEVER" or "ALWAYS"...What a good motto for marrige or any friendship come to that.​

 

[obibask]

Hi,
and one wise experienced couple also said we should learn to say I'm sorry.

Regards.

 

[Katydid]

my mom's best advice was to marry your best friend. ..

that and realize that there will be times when you won't like, won't want to love him, but you hang on in those times because better ones are on their way.

 

[Cordy]

I can understand your friend's advice, paulnoel. If one of us every uses the words "never" or "always", the other quickly calls the the first one it. Stating absolutes and making generalizations about someone can be very hurtful, and I think often opens the door for pride in marriage.

 

[heartnsoul]

I own a business and an elderly couple came into my store one day and said that they were celebrating their 65th anniversary. I asked them what was their secret after all these years? The husband said, "The word DIVORCE never entered my mind...MURDER maybe, but not divorce!"

It was refreshing to see a marriage that has withstood the test of time.

 

[stonehands]

When my wife and I were married we had a little book next to our little sign in book. We had a thing out front for them to fill this book with their best advice about being married. The one piece of advice that sticks out in my mind that I remember and try to live by was one little sentence, "Let the Little Things Go" that really made me think and I still do that our biggest fights start out as little things that get blown out of proportion. If we'd all learn to let the little things go, we'd still have the big stuff to wait for to get in fights about. I told my wife not to worry about getting on to me about any little things, that there would be plenty of times that I'd screw up big time and then she could let me have it, but to let the little ones go. I likewise try to let her little annoying things that bug me just go, no big deal, she does plenty of big things that I can argue about

 

[FaithAlone]

"Well my dear, you will have your differences of opion, of course, but if you do get into an argument, avoid two little words....NEVER & ALWAYS"

good advice. My husband is quick to point out the times I use those words too

 

[christalee4]

A friend of mine has been married for nearly 50 years. I asked her one day how she had surrvived 50 years of marrige always with a smile on her face. This is what she said.

"Well my dear, you will have your differences of opion, of course, but if you do get into an argument, avoid two little words....NEVER & ALWAYS"​

Just two ordinary words, yet they got me thinking of the many times in my marrige when what may have been nothing but a small disagreement had turned into a big argument, because one of us said this kind of remark;... "You never take off your shoes just after I have washed the floor, just look at the mess!"... "You always do that!"....."your always saying that, I'll never talk to you again" does this sound familiar to you?​

Never say "NEVER" or "ALWAYS"...What a good motto for marrige or any friendship come to that.​

That is a great post - what wise words. Everytime a spouse uses those words in accusatory tones, or even lightly, it sets the tone for disrespect. That is a primary cause of discord and breakup in my opinion, is that lack of respect.

Thanks for bringing it up so I could remind myself to watch my language more closely!