Need to vent therapy

[WarriorAngel]

First a guy [he's 85 or 86] who likes [I thought] to help me, came in after hunting for weeks and not visiting, and says "I'm not coming anymore." [and he does this every 6 mos]
He's actually mad at me for not wanting to ride in a vehicle with him as a passenger. I've told him repeatedly I have issues with it and then he starts again. So whatever. I'm done with this game. If you can't be a friend and just leave me alone to do as I need... forget it.
He says 'I've known you this many years and you haven't progressed...'
Ok, I have progressed from PTSD a lot and I'm far from where I once was, but his real issue not wanting to be a friend but I know he wants more and I have told him til I was blue it's not gonna happen.
He expects me to ride in his truck for dates and I don't frankly want to go.
So I spoke up. I really don't want him holding his help over my head. Because he does... like today. I could have fixed this or that, I could have picked up a fridge for you to sell... he lists all the stuff I could have IF....
IF IF IF

Then the helper I have who also has serious issues. Severely abused as a child by her mom, blew up because I wanted her to slim down the coats and she blew up. One customer who knows her said 'good luck...'
Mind you... I am a patient person, which I think ppl expect. SO I told her go home and take time off to relax. I cannot allow her temper tantrums to be used as a way of her exerting power... and yet I still have to be nice. MOST of the town and relatives do NOT want her around. BUT I feel patience and calm time may help.

Lastly, had a great convo with a lady and I said after a while I recognized her.. ahhh yes she is the JW. Fortunately we did not go there.
Not after my day.

So, perhaps it's time I see a few things... through the Almighty's help. And maybe I am gonna have to learn how to modify reactions to this as being personal. Not that I like engaging in hot headed issues... because I like quiet. But maybe taking things less personal shows how far I've come. I am crying less. So there's that.

 

[Michie]

First a guy [he's 85 or 86] who likes [I thought] to help me, came in after hunting for weeks and not visiting, and says "I'm not coming anymore." [and he does this every 6 mos]
He's actually mad at me for not wanting to ride in a vehicle with him as a passenger. I've told him repeatedly I have issues with it and then he starts again. So whatever. I'm done with this game. If you can't be a friend and just leave me alone to do as I need... forget it.
He says 'I've known you this many years and you haven't progressed...'
Ok, I have progressed from PTSD a lot and I'm far from where I once was, but his real issue not wanting to be a friend but I know he wants more and I have told him til I was blue it's not gonna happen.
He expects me to ride in his truck for dates and I don't frankly want to go.
So I spoke up. I really don't want him holding his help over my head. Because he does... like today. I could have fixed this or that, I could have picked up a fridge for you to sell... he lists all the stuff I could have IF....
IF IF IF

Then the helper I have who also has serious issues. Severely abused as a child by her mom, blew up because I wanted her to slim down the coats and she blew up. One customer who knows her said 'good luck...'
Mind you... I am a patient person, which I think ppl expect. SO I told her go home and take time off to relax. I cannot allow her temper tantrums to be used as a way of her exerting power... and yet I still have to be nice. MOST of the town and relatives do NOT want her around. BUT I feel patience and calm time may help.

Lastly, had a great convo with a lady and I said after a while I recognized her.. ahhh yes she is the JW. Fortunately we did not go there.
Not after my day.

So, perhaps it's time I see a few things... through the Almighty's help. And maybe I am gonna have to learn how to modify reactions to this as being personal. Not that I like engaging in hot headed issues... because I like quiet. But maybe taking things less personal shows how far I've come. I am crying less. So there's that.

Setting boundaries and not enabling bad behavior is your first step. Sometimes what we think of as being nice is really not nice at all. Prayers for your situation.

 

[mourningdove~]

He's actually mad at me for not wanting to ride in a vehicle with him as a passenger. I've told him repeatedly I have issues with it and then he starts again.

His getting mad, and then continuing to push for what he wants, shows a lack of respect for your boundaries. (Not good in any relationship.)

He says 'I've known you this many years and you haven't progressed...'

True or not, this was an unkind thing for him to say. (I suspect he made that hurtful comment to guilt you into doing what he wants.)

He expects me to ride in his truck for dates and I don't frankly want to go.

Good move. Keep trusting your instincts, and don't go with him.
( )

 

[WarriorAngel]

His getting mad, and then continuing to push for what he wants, shows a lack of respect for your boundaries. (Not good in any relationship.)

True or not, this was an unkind thing for him to say. (I suspect he made that hurtful comment to guilt you into doing what he wants.)

Good move. Keep trusting your instincts, and don't go with him.
( )

He twists things. But I've been through that for all those years married. So I told him he's not speaking to me kindly, as my ex did not.
I suspect I won't see him again.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Setting boundaries and not enabling bad behavior is your first step. Sometimes what we think of as being nice is really not nice at all. Prayers for your situation.

Thank you.

 

[Michie]

Thank you.

My mother has this problem also. Believe me, she pays for it. It’s one thing to be nice within reason while holding some self respect for yourself. Abusive people can usually spot someone they can manipulate a mile away. There is a fine line to being nice and patient and enabling others so they try to manipulate you into situations you do not want to be in. I just had this talk with my mom given her recent situation... God never asked us to be spineless in all situations. It turns into a form of self abuse. Added complications in life one could avoid without being uncharitable or unChristian.

 

[Chrystal-J]

He twists things. But I've been through that for all those years married. So I told him he's not speaking to me kindly, as my ex did not.
I suspect I won't see him again.

I've been with some real loser guys. What tiny bit of help I get from them doesn't off-set the nonsense I have to put up with. If I didn't desperately need help around the house, I'd throw in the dating towel and just be single. My life would be a lot less stressful.
If you don't see this guy again, consider yourself blessed. *Hugs* to you!

 

[Diamond7]

True or not, this was an unkind thing for him to say.

How are you supposed to deal with dysfunctional people? There are getting to be a lot more than there used to be that can not even provide a home or transportation for themselves.