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[Cdtchick06]

Howdy! My name is Kayla. Im 18 and i live in Georgia. I want to take a moment and share a kinda story but kinda issue i go through everyday of my life. I have been dating this guy named "edward sean" for 6 months. He is 39. Yes i know the first thing you think of is "*** he is a perv". I know i hear it all the time. I love him with all my heart. He lives 5 1/2 hours from me and i see him like every three to four days. We have so much in common its funny. I know everyone says how can a 18 yr old and a 39 yr old have so much in common well i reckon its true what they say guys mature slower than girls. I go to high school, work 40 hours a week, go to college 2 classes and have a very busy schedule. oh by the way my parents do not know about us. They know i date someone by the ring, teddy bears, cloths and other various items he has given me. oh and plus im on my cell phone 24/7. Hehe!! i love him with all my heart. he completes my life. im moving to fort lauderdale , Fl in may and he intends on going with me well like in July at the latest. Im going to stay there for like 2 yrs to get my assoc. in education and then go up north and start a university to get my bach. in education. My question is everything happens for a reason, right
? Well why is he in my life if this is not what God wants? We are so compatible. I honestly feel like he is the one. Please respond and let me know what you think and how i can tell my parents. His parents know and they love me to death. he has given me a promise ring and promised to be with me forever. he is so good to me. I love him. Its funny he reminds me of my dad. They say you date someone who is like your father. please do not be mean when responding. He is not a father figure. i could honestly seeing having a family with him. thanks so much!

 

[Breetai]

Well..... you should be prepared to have your heart broken. This kinds of situations often end up like that.

On the other hand, maybe this will work out just fine! Who knows. Definetely pray about it. This kind of thing has worked out before, but not very often. Plus, he'll probably die of old age when you're in your middle age. It's a sad fact. Have you ever thought of that?

Your parents will probably NOT like this idea. I certainly wouldn't if it was my daughter.

 

[CapitalLancer]

Well... umm I guess if you are happy...

Realy though, I cannot see for the life of me how you two can be on the same level in life emotionaly or life experience wise. In my experience, with the under 20 or so range, love tends to be viciously blind and doesn't heed warning signs or internal doubts, so I have serious doubts honey.

 

[ChildOfGod15]

Hm..well. I've had a relationship before with a guy who I thought was "the one", but we ended up breaking up. You may -want- to think that God would only put him in your life for you two to be together forever...and all that good stuff BUT...you may end up breaking up, and God may put you in this relationship so that you can learn something. You feelin' me?

I don't really think it's too bad of a thing that you're dating someone that much older than you, especially since you're 18 (though your age thingy on your profile says 17 ). But it WOULD be nice if your parents knew him and approved of the relationship. Whether you'd like to hear it or not, I think you should have their opinion of him. If your parents are both christians and truly care for you, which I have a hunch they do, then they most likely are a very good judge of character.

One of my mom's best friends is married to a guy who's ten years younger than her, and they're madly in love. Plus, in the bible, Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was only 13 when she had Jesus. I don't really think that people being so apart in age is something "ungodly", it all depends on who the person is on the INSIDE. Lots of people may disagree with me, I'm sure, but that's just my opinion.

 

[ChildOfGod15]

Oh. Let me add something else really quick.

Since he's .. urm.. I think 39 you said... he's already built up most of his character/personality and most likely already has a career. You, on the other hand, are still developing in that area, so just know that you two may drift apart as you grow up and, most likely, change. You're 18 and you're LEGALLY allowed to date whomever you what, but you should still ask yourself if God approves of the relationship.

One more thing..is he a Christian?

 

[RED that's ME]

Getting input on the internet is not always a good thing.

I encourage you to let your parents know and also get a pastor who can counsel you in your relationship with this guy.

If you are ashamed to tell your parents or worried what they might say that should be a red flag to you.

Most people when they hear the age difference *bells go off* for several reasons. It makes most people wonder why he hasn't gone after a girl his own age. Guys are less mature than girls to a certain point BUT there should be a time that it peeks where it balances out. With him being 39 saying, that is is not more/much mature than a 18 year old is not a good thing.

The Bible tells us to guard our hearts

and I really encourage you to do this. Don't put off getting good local christian counseling instead of letting time and you getting more into the relationship and might ending up getting hurt and scarred.

Feel free to PM me.

 

[Breetai]

My dad's parents are 12 years apart.

One of my friends here is 52, and his girlfriend is 22... They're engaged and they've been together for about 3 years...

It can work, just not very often.

Hopefully everything works out okay.

 

[adnilgnav]

got it here twice.

 

[adnilgnav]

well i think the question is do you know yourself well enough to say he is the one. commitment is difficult when one wants to sleep in as the other wants to clean the house. I think he knows who he is and i am not sure you know who you are yet. But if you want to go ahead as long as it's not against your morals. Most importantly though, dating should define who you are not who you are when you date.

 

[Keri]

Is he a Christian? When I was 18 I dated a guy that was 36. The age thing wasn't too much of a problem other than the fact I got, "I've been alive more than you, I already know that." a lot. God Bless. If God wants you to be together, He will make it known.

If he's not a Christian, then it's probably not right. God tells us not to be unequally yoked.

And I would tell your parents. If it's something that you can't tell them, then that's probably a sign that it's not right.

Other than that, I wish you the best.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

You really do need to tell your parents about this relationship. If your parents find out how old he is on their own, then there will most likely be a lot of problems. Your parents can get him into big trouble for dating a young girl.

I really don't feel like one should date at 17, let alone be dating someone so much older then them. If you were my daughter I would be really worried about what is going on. You need to tell your parents about this guy for your own protection. It is possible that this guy just likes you....but that is really rare. I mean, why would a 39 year old want to be with a 17? I'm not trying to be harsh, but I have seen many bad things about what can happen in that situation.

Please tell your parents and see what they think. Someone mentioned seeing a pastor. That's a good idea too. If you are afraid that your parents would say no to seeing this guy...you probably shouldn't be seeing him. Honor, obey parents. And you are still under their authority if you live at home. Not to mention...I feel a little concerned for your safety. Please be careful; these situations don't usually turn out good.

 

[inchristalone221]

My advice:
1) Tell your parents about it.
2) Be very, very careful.
3) Seek pastoral counsel.
4) Pray for God's guidance.

Good luck, may God go with you.

 

[Rin4Christ]

The age thing is a definete concern, and though not unheard of, very rare for that big of an age diffrence to work out. It will be hard to tell your parents and for your parents to meet him knowing immediatly that there is a 20 year age diffrence between the 2 of you.

I have an age gap between my boyfriend and I (13yrs) , but (a)my parents knew him and his age before we started dating and (b) I am a little older than you.

Every situation is unique. Prior to meeting my bf, my age limit was 10 yrs older, and not younger than college age. going very far from your age is not something i would recomend to most people even though I am in that situation. being part of a diffrent genneration can make it hard to relate.

Your parents need to know, and the longer you wait to tell them the harder it will be. And as others have said, go into this with alot of prayer.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

Howdy! My name is Kayla. Im 18 and i live in Georgia. I want to take a moment and share a kinda story but kinda issue i go through everyday of my life. I have been dating this guy named "edward sean" for 6 months. He is 39. Yes i know the first thing you think of is "*** he is a perv". I know i hear it all the time. I love him with all my heart. He lives 5 1/2 hours from me and i see him like every three to four days. We have so much in common its funny. I know everyone says how can a 18 yr old and a 39 yr old have so much in common well i reckon its true what they say guys mature slower than girls. I go to high school, work 40 hours a week, go to college 2 classes and have a very busy schedule. oh by the way my parents do not know about us. They know i date someone by the ring, teddy bears, cloths and other various items he has given me. oh and plus im on my cell phone 24/7. Hehe!! i love him with all my heart. he completes my life. im moving to fort lauderdale , Fl in may and he intends on going with me well like in July at the latest. Im going to stay there for like 2 yrs to get my assoc. in education and then go up north and start a university to get my bach. in education. My question is everything happens for a reason, right
? Well why is he in my life if this is not what God wants? We are so compatible. I honestly feel like he is the one. Please respond and let me know what you think and how i can tell my parents. His parents know and they love me to death. he has given me a promise ring and promised to be with me forever. he is so good to me. I love him. Its funny he reminds me of my dad. They say you date someone who is like your father. please do not be mean when responding. He is not a father figure. i could honestly seeing having a family with him. thanks so much!

the first thing i thought when i read this is 'does her parents know?' not '****', lol. i read on to see that your parents do not know. i really dont know what to say but i do think what a few people have said you should listen to.

I know you could class what im about to say on one side of the story but its just what i have learnt. My mum is 40 and my dad turns 63 on Friday. Now that is a very big age gap. They fight, my mum has had an affair. They dont work together and my dad is getting on, my mum can live her life and find someone else where as my dad 'is running out of time' (my dads words). I hate to see my dad upset.

From seeing my mum and dad not getting on etc i have put myself in the position where i will not date someone extremely older than me. I mean i have a boyfriend and he at the moment is 18 and i am 17. He is 9 months older than me and i think that is the right amount of age difference. Because their are differences. Like he has a cra, he goes to uni etc. and i like that.

ANOTHER THING: Im in a long distant relationship with him and i believe the relationship i have with him is the best because of it because i know alot about him and he knows alot about me.

Pray and listen to what God is saying to you alot, make some decisions to stay with him or not to stay with him. Maybe talk to a couple that have age difference and see what they think. etc.

God Bless
xxx
Im praying for you

 

[keyz]

Well, I want to be nice, but here were my first honest thoughts.

He's much older than you. At 40 I hear your body really starts to ache and slow down. By the time you are 25 you'll be taking care of this man's ache and pains. You'll be young and wild and he'll be old and sleepy (no offense to any 40 some year olds).

The second thought that went through my mind was what 39 year old guy wouldn't want to date a 17 year old girl? I'm not saying he is a pervert, but proceed with caution. You are minor and could be possibly putting yourself into a very harmful position. I don't care how well you know him. That is just really strange at your young age.

My third thought was tell your parents.

 

[Alejandro]

You're 18 and he's 39???

ok...

I have a feeling he's married.

 

[superfly]

there's a lot of good advice on this thread. i'd suggest you listen to it.

 

[jesuslivesinme]

Hm..well. I've had a relationship before with a guy who I thought was "the one", but we ended up breaking up. You may -want- to think that God would only put him in your life for you two to be together forever...and all that good stuff BUT...you may end up breaking up, and God may put you in this relationship so that you can learn something. You feelin' me?

I don't really think it's too bad of a thing that you're dating someone that much older than you, especially since you're 18 (though your age thingy on your profile says 17 ). But it WOULD be nice if your parents knew him and approved of the relationship. Whether you'd like to hear it or not, I think you should have their opinion of him. If your parents are both christians and truly care for you, which I have a hunch they do, then they most likely are a very good judge of character.

One of my mom's best friends is married to a guy who's ten years younger than her, and they're madly in love. Plus, in the bible, Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was only 13 when she had Jesus. I don't really think that people being so apart in age is something "ungodly", it all depends on who the person is on the INSIDE. Lots of people may disagree with me, I'm sure, but that's just my opinion.

sorry to be off topic, but where did you see that in the bible. that she was 13, I must have overread that part....as for you dating an oler man, put it before God. And think that if you're parents do not approve what would you do. Rebel and go off with him anyway. They love you and know whats best for you. But mainly wait for God's call...ill pray for you on that matter! god lbless

 

[JaneFW]

Seriously, Kayla, I think this is something that you really do need to tell your parents .. and soon. I am surprised that you have been seeing him and he has been buying you gifts and they haven't had enough curiousity to want to meet him. If I was you, I would get some quiet time with your mom, where you knew there would be no interruptions, and sit down and say "you know this guy I've been seeing, well .. I want to tell you about him" then just go ahead and tell her. Be prepared for her to be very shocked. I would be shocked if when my eldest son turns 18, he comes home and tells me he is dating a woman twice his age. Yes, it works both ways.

Let me ask you: has your guy been single all this time? Is he divorced? If he is divorced, do you know much about his ex-wife and the reasons they divorced? Can I also ask you whether you are a Christian and, if so, is he a Christian? Do you guys have an intimate relationship?

I'm not "nosey Nora" honestly, but I tend to need a more rounded picture before I can make comments.

It doesn't sound healthy - that's not meanness, it's honesty. Generally, men of your b/f's age would be looking for women their own age, or only slightly younger. That's a HUGE gap. It doesn't mean it won't work, only that you will probably have to work 20 times harder at your marriage than people who are the same age.

Anyway, if you don't want to answer my questions, that's fine, I understand - but please believe me, as a mom, that I think you should tell your parents as soon as possible.

Blessings, L

 

[Briseis]

My question is everything happens for a reason, right
? Well why is he in my life if this is not what God wants?

Well, I do not believe in the "everything happens for a reason" thing. Just because you are happy now does not mean he is the one. Many ppl have dated someone they loved, but it did not work out.

I do not need to counsel you, since pretty much everything that has been said is very wise.

I do not wish to be mean, but just reading that post made me physically sick.