- Jul 21, 2010
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Yesterday my girlfriend of two and a half years and I discussed our relationship for several hours and came to the conclusion that we would take a break.
I met her in a college course that we had together and I was immediately attracted to her. I was very happy to finally find somebody who had the same interests and wasnt the typical idiot college partier. We started dating just a week after we first talked in class. From then on we were attached at the hip and didnt really do anything without each other. No, we never lived together thankfully we were smarter than that. Cohabitation outside of marriage seems to be the norm today. I brought her home and she met the family, and they immediately fell in love with her as well.
I made a mistake in the relationship early on. I was raised catholic, while she was a devout Christian who attended church 3 or 4 times a week, went to church group activities, and bible studies (it was her life). I on the other hand had close to no relationship with God. I attended private catholic school from kindergarten through my senior year, and was always taught that my good actions along with baptism were what saved me. The mistake that I made was that I steered her away from her personal relationship with God. Within a couple of months of us dating I had completely talked her out of having her faith consume her entire life. I made it clear to her (through my views at the time) that God doesnt want us to worship him 24/7, instead he wants us to live our lives and be happy.
As we kept spending more and more time with each other, the guilt began to take over. It wasnt until over a year later that I realized she wasnt happy, and that something needed to change. Although her faith was no longer at the forefront of her existence, it was still at her side influencing both of us. I gradually woke up and started to see the light. We began attending Wednesday night worship together at a local non-denominational Calvary chapel. This was a completely new experience for me, because I was never taught in all the years I attended Catholic church that God wants us to have a personal relationship with him.
Over the last year we have attended church more regularly and I have read from the bible for answers fairly often. I am 24 she is 23, and I will be finishing up my double major this school year and will move onto graduate school. She recently left town and moved 4 hours away to attend a nursing program which lasts 3 years. We both have 3 years left in school before we begin our careers. We were both very confident that we would remain together and that the long distance relationship wouldnt stand in the way of our love for each other.
We both love each other with all of our hearts and have no interest in seeing other people. The problem is that she was beginning to feel like too much responsibility was put on her shoulders (as did I, but I didnt want to admit it). After only a couple weeks of her being gone, and us talking every day, she claimed that I was being clingy and that she needed some space. I was a little insulted considering I wanted to talk to her once a day and that was it. I agreed to ease off a bit, and a few more weeks passed without nearly as much communication (I only talked to her every other day or so). By the time yesterday came I felt as though we were already distancing and I decided to bring her flowers and surprise her by driving down and visiting. When I got there she was thrilled to see me, so I know she loves me in addition to the fact that she tells me how she feels regularly.
After hours of talking she made it clear that she needed a break. She is extremely independent, she has supported herself financially since she was 17. Her mother is a little crazy and is already on her 3rd marriage, which adds to the logic of why she may be scared for our relationship.
I am writing this because I was hoping others with experience in this area can lend me their thoughts, because I feel very alone and confused. I have no interest whatsoever in finding somebody else, neither does she, but she made it clear that she needs a break. We both discussed how we each need to find ourselves and be happy with ourselves before we can be happy with each other. This of course comes with having a personal, healthy relationship with God. I am absolutely in agreement with her on this, because I have issues I need to work out, such as respecting and loving myself. She has the same problems.
What scares me is that I could put all my eggs in one basket by choosing to hold onto her, which I am perfectly happy doing, and then 3 or 4 years down the road realize that she doesnt want to continue the relationship. This really scares me because if we dont work out in the end, I would have missed out on a number of opportunities at other relationships. The fact is I dont want another relationship, and neither does she.
Any suggestions on what road I should take would be greatly appreciated. I would especially like to hear the female point of view. Sorry for the long post, but I figure that those who would be willing to read something this long may also be willing to contribute a helping hand. thanks.
I met her in a college course that we had together and I was immediately attracted to her. I was very happy to finally find somebody who had the same interests and wasnt the typical idiot college partier. We started dating just a week after we first talked in class. From then on we were attached at the hip and didnt really do anything without each other. No, we never lived together thankfully we were smarter than that. Cohabitation outside of marriage seems to be the norm today. I brought her home and she met the family, and they immediately fell in love with her as well.
I made a mistake in the relationship early on. I was raised catholic, while she was a devout Christian who attended church 3 or 4 times a week, went to church group activities, and bible studies (it was her life). I on the other hand had close to no relationship with God. I attended private catholic school from kindergarten through my senior year, and was always taught that my good actions along with baptism were what saved me. The mistake that I made was that I steered her away from her personal relationship with God. Within a couple of months of us dating I had completely talked her out of having her faith consume her entire life. I made it clear to her (through my views at the time) that God doesnt want us to worship him 24/7, instead he wants us to live our lives and be happy.
As we kept spending more and more time with each other, the guilt began to take over. It wasnt until over a year later that I realized she wasnt happy, and that something needed to change. Although her faith was no longer at the forefront of her existence, it was still at her side influencing both of us. I gradually woke up and started to see the light. We began attending Wednesday night worship together at a local non-denominational Calvary chapel. This was a completely new experience for me, because I was never taught in all the years I attended Catholic church that God wants us to have a personal relationship with him.
Over the last year we have attended church more regularly and I have read from the bible for answers fairly often. I am 24 she is 23, and I will be finishing up my double major this school year and will move onto graduate school. She recently left town and moved 4 hours away to attend a nursing program which lasts 3 years. We both have 3 years left in school before we begin our careers. We were both very confident that we would remain together and that the long distance relationship wouldnt stand in the way of our love for each other.
We both love each other with all of our hearts and have no interest in seeing other people. The problem is that she was beginning to feel like too much responsibility was put on her shoulders (as did I, but I didnt want to admit it). After only a couple weeks of her being gone, and us talking every day, she claimed that I was being clingy and that she needed some space. I was a little insulted considering I wanted to talk to her once a day and that was it. I agreed to ease off a bit, and a few more weeks passed without nearly as much communication (I only talked to her every other day or so). By the time yesterday came I felt as though we were already distancing and I decided to bring her flowers and surprise her by driving down and visiting. When I got there she was thrilled to see me, so I know she loves me in addition to the fact that she tells me how she feels regularly.
After hours of talking she made it clear that she needed a break. She is extremely independent, she has supported herself financially since she was 17. Her mother is a little crazy and is already on her 3rd marriage, which adds to the logic of why she may be scared for our relationship.
I am writing this because I was hoping others with experience in this area can lend me their thoughts, because I feel very alone and confused. I have no interest whatsoever in finding somebody else, neither does she, but she made it clear that she needs a break. We both discussed how we each need to find ourselves and be happy with ourselves before we can be happy with each other. This of course comes with having a personal, healthy relationship with God. I am absolutely in agreement with her on this, because I have issues I need to work out, such as respecting and loving myself. She has the same problems.
What scares me is that I could put all my eggs in one basket by choosing to hold onto her, which I am perfectly happy doing, and then 3 or 4 years down the road realize that she doesnt want to continue the relationship. This really scares me because if we dont work out in the end, I would have missed out on a number of opportunities at other relationships. The fact is I dont want another relationship, and neither does she.
Any suggestions on what road I should take would be greatly appreciated. I would especially like to hear the female point of view. Sorry for the long post, but I figure that those who would be willing to read something this long may also be willing to contribute a helping hand. thanks.
