- Mar 16, 2008
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I have a acquaintance, I've known for years. He's in his late forties and I believe is struggling with his sexuality. The thing is He has a few physical disabilities, and a rape he's dealing with (He was the victim).. So long story short, mentally I'd place him at or about 17 years old..
The issue is that, I believe he has a well established addiction to porn, but because of his, and his family involvement in the church he suppresses "Sinful thoughts" for as long as he can, but in the end he usually winds up with drawing all of his money from the bank, takes whatever credit cards he can get a hold of, and goes off into town and doesn't come home until he's spent every dime he had on strip clubs, prostitutes and the like.. Then he returns home (If he can, there have been times he's wound up in the hospital or in different cities) destroyed about himself spiritually, and financially. (Still lives with his parents.)
The problem is, because of his disabilities, and his excursions, The women at church usually won't give him the time of day. Which happens to be his only non spending spree social experience. Because of this, I believe he doesn't see any hope of realistic female contact, which I also believe is important for him to recover his personal self worth, and for lack of a better word his mojo, after the rape he experienced.
Now if you couple this with the every Man's daily struggle, I believe you have the reason for his bi-yearly excursions.. (Which BTW is destroying his parents savings. They are in there mid 70's)
So, what do you recommend to someone like this? I believe if he maintained himself sexually, and didn't allow himself to get all worked up, he'd at least be able to keep himself from going out on the town.. The fact that he is out there, and what he spends his money on shows a sexually related addiction.. So is it ethical for a christian to suggest that he redirect that energy in a more responsible manor, like through pornography rather than destroying his parents lives?
I know that this is not a long term answer, but as it is now he offers little in the way of cooperation. He will listen to what you say but like any defiant teen he just does what we wants to do in the end.. That's what has kept this cycle going for the last 20 or so years..
The church has basically written off him and his family because he can't control himself, but before that, they tried to help him in just about every conceivable "christian" way possible..
any advice here would be great. I try and counsel him once a week, unless I here another viable option I'm planning to advise him to start a sexual maintenance program. I have already spoken with his parents about this and have their consent..
Currently he is see two psychiatrist, was taking meds for bi polar disorder for the last 10 years (no effect) and has recently come off the drugs, goes to AA, and bi-polar meetings 4 times a week, speaks to an elder of the church weekly, and sees me weekly. On top of all of that his parents try and keep him busy at home, but one of the parents health is failing. So between the stress of his excursions and the fail health I was asked to help any where I could because he seems to respond to me the best..
I am in over my head here. (I've told them that.) but I have a friend from high school who is a psychiatrist, I gave him all of the details and he recommends that I try and focus on getting him to open up to one of his doctors, but in the meantime have him try sexual maintenance. I'm just not comfortable with the "side effects" that porn can have.
The issue is that, I believe he has a well established addiction to porn, but because of his, and his family involvement in the church he suppresses "Sinful thoughts" for as long as he can, but in the end he usually winds up with drawing all of his money from the bank, takes whatever credit cards he can get a hold of, and goes off into town and doesn't come home until he's spent every dime he had on strip clubs, prostitutes and the like.. Then he returns home (If he can, there have been times he's wound up in the hospital or in different cities) destroyed about himself spiritually, and financially. (Still lives with his parents.)
The problem is, because of his disabilities, and his excursions, The women at church usually won't give him the time of day. Which happens to be his only non spending spree social experience. Because of this, I believe he doesn't see any hope of realistic female contact, which I also believe is important for him to recover his personal self worth, and for lack of a better word his mojo, after the rape he experienced.
Now if you couple this with the every Man's daily struggle, I believe you have the reason for his bi-yearly excursions.. (Which BTW is destroying his parents savings. They are in there mid 70's)
So, what do you recommend to someone like this? I believe if he maintained himself sexually, and didn't allow himself to get all worked up, he'd at least be able to keep himself from going out on the town.. The fact that he is out there, and what he spends his money on shows a sexually related addiction.. So is it ethical for a christian to suggest that he redirect that energy in a more responsible manor, like through pornography rather than destroying his parents lives?
I know that this is not a long term answer, but as it is now he offers little in the way of cooperation. He will listen to what you say but like any defiant teen he just does what we wants to do in the end.. That's what has kept this cycle going for the last 20 or so years..
The church has basically written off him and his family because he can't control himself, but before that, they tried to help him in just about every conceivable "christian" way possible..
any advice here would be great. I try and counsel him once a week, unless I here another viable option I'm planning to advise him to start a sexual maintenance program. I have already spoken with his parents about this and have their consent..
Currently he is see two psychiatrist, was taking meds for bi polar disorder for the last 10 years (no effect) and has recently come off the drugs, goes to AA, and bi-polar meetings 4 times a week, speaks to an elder of the church weekly, and sees me weekly. On top of all of that his parents try and keep him busy at home, but one of the parents health is failing. So between the stress of his excursions and the fail health I was asked to help any where I could because he seems to respond to me the best..
I am in over my head here. (I've told them that.) but I have a friend from high school who is a psychiatrist, I gave him all of the details and he recommends that I try and focus on getting him to open up to one of his doctors, but in the meantime have him try sexual maintenance. I'm just not comfortable with the "side effects" that porn can have.
