Need Prayer

[AnnMercy2]

This is somewhat hard for me to write, and I've avoided coming here and admiting this because I didn't quite know what to say. But, I did not make it to church last Sunday like I said I was going to. I guess I'd better explain things a little better. My mom is also struggling with the church thing as I am. We both love the Lord soooo much and right now the Lord is taking us both through some healing. My mom is an alcholoic and dealing with that is tough enough, and she is also dealing with the church thing too. Sometimes it is just overwhelming and going to church is the thing that suffers the most. Right now the most important thing is that God is healing us. I honestly don't know when we will go back to church and I pray it is sometime soon. I was so ready to go last Sunday, but mom wasn't and I was not about to make her feel even guiltier by telling her I really wanted to go. So many things are changing for us right now. My mother and I are very depentent on each other, and that is very unhealthy. That is one of the things she is dealing with in therapy right now. Me not driving is a big issue for both us and on Monday I am going to get my permit and go to driving school. It will help me to be more indepentent for myself, and her. I have to quit living my life for my momma and quit trying to be a mother for her. I have to start living for myself and let my momma live her own life and realize that I'm not the parent, she is. I finally realize that I need to start making my own life and let her do the same. That includes learning how to drive and be able to go to church on my own and do things for myself. I know these steps are neassary for me to become my own person separate from momma. I've felt that if I'm not here to protect mom that something will happen, but deep down I know she will be alright, and I know she is afraid to let go of me, because I'm the only one she trusts and I'm the only one that knows what she is truly feeling and know how to deal with it. It's like we reverse roles. Her life growing up was a nightmare. Her mom abandoned her and her sisters and brothers when she was two years old. Her dad raised them and that was even worse because her dad raped her older sister for years. That's where her trust issues come into play. Back when she was growing up nobody was allowed to talk about abuse, even if everybody knew about it. And since nobody helped them, she grew up learning not to trust anybody, until she had me. I've been the one person that she can open up too and lean on and she knows that I'm not going to abandon her for anything. That's why it's so hard for us to let go of each other, both of us feel like it would be abandoning the other. She has had two husbands abandon her. The first husdand, being my dad, abondoned her mostly mentally. He has a lot of mental problems, and totally shut her out of his life for a long time and by the time he finally was feeling like he wanted to be a husband again it was too late, she had fallen in love with another. My dad also cheated on her. They were married for twenty years. The second husband, the one she left my dad for claimed to know the Lord, but really only knew of the Lord. And he did drugs which brought her down. I do believe that marraige lasted 6 or seven years, until he decided he didn't want to be a husband anymore. Both those threw her for a big loop, but she didn't give up. She is now married to the most wonderful man there is, he loves the Lord deeply and absaluty adores my mom. I thought I would never see her this happy. And now it is time for us to let go of each other and live our seperate lives. I Know now that I will not be abandoning her, I'll be turning her over to the Lord and her husband. She now has the Lord and her husband to lean on. Those two will never abandon her and I now know that. So we are both working on letting go and making our lives seperate, so that we both will grow in our ralationship with the Lord and she will grow with her relationship with her husband. And I can finally get out there and get myself a life

I'm so happy at the moment I think I could burst, with all the wonderful things that the Lord is doing in our lives right now. I'm sooo excited that I'm finally GOING TO GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

In Christ,
Anna

 

[wvmtnkid]

Wow Anna, how sad I feel for your mom. But how happy I am that she seems to be getting back on track. God is good! And just because you want to live your own life doesn't mean you are abandoning your mom. It's natural for you to want to do things on your own. And I think your mom will understand. I just pray for both of you. Maybe when your mom takes that step back into church, she will find some very supportive friends to help her and that she can lean on during the rough times as well. And I will pray for you and your driving test! Sounds so exciting AnnMercy! Keep us updated.

 

[Living for Him]

Anna, many blessings to you! Jesus is so good. HE is the only one who will never abandon any of us, even after and when we abandon him...it amazes me still.

I will continue to pray for you as you get your wings, and learn to fly!

Lori