need help please!

[kicker]

Hi! im a new member to this site but have been reading posts from it for a long time. I could read posts from my phone but could not sign up from my phone, but now im back online with a computer. I am really struggling with my faith and salvation. I used to be the most easy going person you would ever meet and seldom let anything really get me down. Even when i would doubt my salvation it would last a few days and i would get my mind off of it. I have asked Jesus thousands of times to save me (no exaggeration), one time when i was 14 really sticks out to me as the time i may have truly been saved, but not long after, the doubts started again and i went back to asking again and again. Seven years ago i thought i had something bad wrong with me and i had to wait 3 months before i found out i was ok. But something happened to me in those 3 months that has changed me ever since. I had severe doubts about being saved and i began to feel as if God was nowhere to be found, i felt so hopeless and alone. I didn't know it at first but i was beginning to feel real depression for the first time in my life and did not know why i couldn't snap out of it. I would sit and cry for hours and plead with Jesus to save me but i felt completely faithless. Ever since then I have cycled in and out of depression because i would start worrying about my salvation. I found out a couple of years ago that i may have ocd when i looked at a website and read the symptoms. I will do good for a while and think everything is ok and then i will read something about salvation and the questions begin again. I want so bad to know im saved and rest in it but i question whether i really believe. I ask Jesus to save me but feel like he isn't before i ever finish praying. I really need advice, please!

 

[alreadybutnotyet]

I know exactly what you mean. I go through the same thing. I'm not sure that I have any good answers for you, but know that you're not alone. Take comfort in the fact that salvation is an act of God, ultimately based on His sovereignty and faithfulness, not the consistency of our faith. He knows we are only dust.

 

[Jayangel81]

Hey

With OCD we tend to doubt our salvation more than people without it, and it usually hits us in this area because OCD tends to hit the things we care most (in my experiance)

You dont need to keep asking Jesus to save you over and over (i was there at one time) We must believe in His promises to us. He loves you more than anything and He will do everything to make sure youre in His arms at the Last Day.

1John 4:15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God


Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10-10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
10-11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.


John 3-15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
3-16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
3-17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
3-18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

All you have to do is ask once and believe(trust) in Christ and what He did for you. Honestly everyday(just about) my mind and feelings condemn me. So what do we do? How can we stop feeling this way? By just trusting in God. Even after I still feel condemned at times but I just look to Gods promises and that is if we trust in Him than we already have eternal life in his Son Jesus Christ.

Its hard especially if you have blasphemy thoughts. I blasphemed His name yesterday and it got me mad but than i realized, God knows my heart and its through His promise that I have eternal life, nothin in our heads feelings,voices whatnot can change what Jesus did on that cross. Jesus did not die in vain.

Are you seeing a doctor at the moment? If not please dont wait! God wouldnt want you to, believe me i procrastinated seeing a docter for years, and He convicted me big time.

How often do you read His Word? Faith comes by hearing the Word. Reading youre bible will give you a nice foundation in Faith, and just keep asking God for strength, And just know that He will never leave you nor forsake you. (hebrews 13:5)

I will keep you in my prayers

Love always,
James~

 

[babegirl111]

I know it is tough. I will of course be praying for you.

 

[BeccaLynn]

I know well what you mean when you say you've literally prayed thousands of times to be saved but, even before the prayer was over, you would think it hadn't happened. I would mark my calendar for a while every time I prayed with a cross . . . a private message to myself that this is the day I got saved. All of it was in the hope that it had actually happened. I used to make myself read the Bible, especially the verses on salvation, fearing the whole time I was condemned. I once read some of Billy Graham's book entitled Peace With God. I was so scared that I couldn't finish reading it. The fear is not as great and gripping as it was, but it is still present. I'll go through a time when I can seem to smother it somewhat and say, "I choose God anyway", but then I'm right back to feeling lost and hopeless. I don't have the feelings I think I should, the faith I think I should, the desire I think I should, the change I think I should. . .. the list goes on and on endlessly. I do believe that God led me to this website and I am seeing a Christian counselor who is very understanding. I felt like I was the only one who was unable, for some reason which had to be related to my own unwillingness to receive or to truly repent, etc., to be saved. I must say that even though I've often felt so far from God, He's had to be merciful to me to lead me here. He's let me see that I'm not alone, that He loves me (I still struggle to FEEL this though), and He's heard my cries. I've realized that my image of God has been so very tarnished that it would be impossible for me to personally feel like I wanted to know Him. He was cold, demanding, harsh, and I could never please Him as far as I was concerned. I might have said, "God loves me", but as far as it really penetrating my heart, it didn't. My view of God has been messed up for a really long time. I can't love a god like that. But that 's not who He is. His character is nothing like that. I have realized that the more I come to see His true character, the more easily I can feel accepted by Him. It's not always easy, but He is gentle. I do understand, I believe, what you are going through. I used to think that I would live my life in a form of hell on earth, and then spend eternity in hell as well. It kept me torn up all of the time. I so wanted internal peace. I still struggle, but like I said earlier, nothing like I did before. Sometimes I just have to take it to God and say, "You understand far better than I do. You know what I'm dealing with so please help me." I have to sometimes just leave it like that and go on. I can't analyze it, because then I get back into telling myself every reason why I'm feeling the way I am, which leads back to it being because I'm not truly a Christian. That gets me nowhere but in more bondage. When I listen to Billy Graham or his son, or any other preacher really, sometimes I hear things like, "If you're not sure if your saved or forgiven, don't take the chance. Come and be sure." Sometimes I actually can get angry because I want that feeling of assurance that they obviously have, but it doesn't help to get angry about it. Sometimes I've even felt jealous of them. God does understand, and He is the One who matters anyway. This website truly has helped, and so has my counselor. In fact, I had just listened to some of a sermon by Franklin Graham and felt frustrated over the comment about being sure you're saved. I typed in this website wondering if there was a recent message that could offer me comfort, and there was your post. I'm not glad you're struggling, but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Maybe God wanted to remind me that I may not feel like I'm His, but it doesn't mean that I'm not. I want to encourage you to not give up. God has brought me far from where I was. He will not abandon us. Thanks for your honesty. I hope this website blesses you.

Rebecca

 

[Humility123]

I just want to tell you that I also have suffered from OCD and currently suffering from another episode. First if you are obsessing about fear of the unpardonable sin or if you have actually committed the unpardonable sin by calling the Holy Spirit evil names, i want you to understand that the unpardonable sin is not literal and I will show you biblically how and please think about so you can feel better. Jesus said "Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men but the blasphemy against the spirit will not be forgiven men. Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or the in the age to come." First, let's see why it's not literal blasphemy as some would think it. "But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from ALL sin" (1 John 1:7). The key word here is All, there's nothing impossible for the blood of the Lord Jesus to cleanse. It's capable of cleansing all and every sin and if it was not so, He would say there's an exception. but there's not because it also says that if "We confess our sins, He's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from All unrighteousness." (1 john 1:9). So There's literally nothing impossible for the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ to cleanse. Please keep that in mind. The second verse is this, Logically, How can you curse the Son of Man(Jesus Christ) and be forgiven yet if you curse the Holy Spirit, you will not be forgiven? when the bible says that the "the Father, the Word(The Son), and the Holy Spirit, and these Three are one. "(1John 5:7). Peter himself, one of the disciples of the Lord cursed Him when the Lord was about to be crucified and He repented and cried and the Lord forgave him and restored him but He actually told him to "feed His lambs, and tend His sheep" . What blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is refusing the work of the Holy Spirit by unrepenting until death, that's what the Pharisees were doing. These people didn't come to the Lord asking Him for forgiveness and confessing their sins. If they did, the Lord would have forgiven them even until the last minute just as He did to the right thief on the cross. The Lord doesn't desire that "anyone should perish" not even one should perish but all to come to repentance and If you have been pleading with the Lord to forgive you this sin so many times then you are actually asking Him for forgiveness.

 

[basil0187]

I have been struggling with similar doubts and questions for years, not blasphemous thoughts but just wondering "was I really saved?". Hearing people talk about being sure without any doubt that they are saved does not help. But knowing that there is a real difference between doubting and disbelief has helped.
Our emotions and struggles do not dictate God's saving power!
It has also helped to find an accountability partner who understands my struggles. (she deals with an eating disorder, so she understands the need for encouragement without validation)

 

[kicker]

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I will try to use some of what you have said. Thanks to all of you

God bless
James

 

[kaykay9.0]

Just reiterate to you what others have said here and assure you that this kind of thing if very, very common among those of us who struggle with OCD.