Need help! He snaps..

[isaiah5213]

hmm...

i know the feeling of wanting to be listened to. i know the feeling of seeing my husband hug and smile and be gentle and loving to other people, but yet turn an annoyed, contempteous, aggravated, look to me. that was in my first marriage. and the looks, and the aggravation he felt because i tried to talk to him about it, are still hurts that i will never forget.

i remember asking my own husband why he had been out w/a woman once, and why he smelt like her. he told me: "it's none of your business!".. and me?? i didn't say anything! to this day, i am totally dumbfounded not that he would snap that statement, which was ridiculous.. but that i didn't go berzerk!! lol! don't get me wrong. i know you are not at that level, or area w/your husband.

my point is this: i have been there. i know how you feel. in my case, i was not a Christian. and my husband was not. and we had no one who could give us advice or could listen to us, to tell us what to do or how to do it, etc. in fact, i am not sure that we would listen, if someone was in our lives telling us what we needed to do to have a better marriage...

but praying is the best you can do. if my now husband snaps at me, then i have to judge the correct time, when it is okay to touch him. my timing has to be perfect. if your husband doesn't mind you touching him, then start making it a habit to touch him. it may hint to him, that you need a little bit more physical touch than what you are getting.

i say praying is the best you can do because you have to pray for both of your hearts. all posters are right, when they say it's not just all about what he did, but you too.. and i know you know that. but pray that you be at peace, if he never ever changes. pray you be at peace, and secure, if he continues to ... take it for granted that you know he loves you. cuz' that's what men do. they think because you are married to them, live with them, because they eat the food you fix and fill your car up w/gas and take out the garbage, etc etc that you should know that they love you. it hurts them and aggravates many of them, when the woman demands to hear it.

some men, Christian men, get advice from other Christian men, and they know to give compliments everyday, touch everyday, smile at their wife everyday, etc. some are even smart enough to be conscious of who they touch and how they touch the women. but most men, even Christian men, are clueless...

i don't say this to take over the job of telling you what the man thinks.. sorry if it looks like i am doing a man's job on this board.. i am actually quoting my hubby.

 

[Yitzchak]

There is no reasons for him to snap at you all the time. None. Sure, all of us snap at our loved ones from time to time, but as a general pattern? No. That is not acceptable. I cannot imagine my husband refusing to give me a hug or me refusing to give him one. Never.

At the same time, if you are bringing up concerns like this all the time, it will drive even the most loving husband up the wall. You have every right to bring it up and ask for better treatment, but you are unlikely to be sucessful if you do it all the time.

People get terse with one another and snap for a wide variety of reasons - fatigue, impatience, guilt, annoyance, hunger... Perhaps there's a pattern.

I agree. It is the patterns that are important. Not the one time events. If there are patterns that either one of you has that are not ideal then maybe you two could work on them together ?