Need advice to get over the fact that my girlfriend is not virgin

[All4Christ]

No, I didn't sleep with anyone else before her, I wanted to preserve myself for the women of my life and i know it's her.
For those who are asking, yes we are both christian and I understand that she made a mistake ( that's what she said to me ), everybody do mistake in their life. I just think that's regrettable that she didn't preserve herself too for the man of her life.
I don't know what to do, I'm lost and I can't leave her because I know it's her.
Thank you

Someone told me once that it was fine to have sex before marriage if it is the person I will marry. He was wrong. I've learned that this is not the case.

Sex is ordained in marriage, not before, even if it is with the woman you will marry. She had sex with another man before you started dating, but you are also having sex with her before marriage. I strongly urge you to reevaluate your beliefs on the matter and stop having sex with her until you are married. The reasons behind the restrictions are more than just having only one person you ever have sex with. It's not easy, and we all make mistakes of some sort or another. However, we need to follow God on this and put Him first.

 

[JCVD]

She's not your wife. Stop the sex with her.
She is unable to see the enormity of your problem, but if the 2 of you marry it will get bigger with every day that goes by and at some point will destroy your marriage. If you care as much about her as you say, walk away from her. Until you recieve some very serious help for the problem you have you will destroy her life.
Give that some serious thought. You will destroy her life unless you are able to get past this part of you.
I don't think you nor one or two members who responded understand what is going on with you. You do not deserve being vilafied for your problem. You need and deserve the best help out there in order to get well.

Thank you for your reply,
Why do I need to walk away from her ?
Where can I find this help or how can I work on myself to get better ?

 

[Bible Highlighter]

I was fortunate enough that GOD protected me in having sex before marriage. Both me and my wife waited and I couldn't be more happier about that descision. We dated for 5 years and did not have sex and we waited because we seen it as a blessing to wait. We are also both older than 30 and we are both attractive looking and friendly personalities. But we wanted that special someone in the LORD within our lives. According to the Bible: Pre-marital sex is a sin. Not to be hurtful to you, but to simply tell you the truth in love, you are both guilty of doing the same sin according to Scripture. I would ask God's forgiveness for this. If she is a Christian, and understands this, then she will repent, as well. If she is not Christ focused and desiring to please GOD, then it is best to seek somebody that is. Well, you have to be Christ focused, too (of course). For without Christ being the center of your lives in wanting to be married, it will never work (or work in a way that God intended love to be).


...

 

[mmksparbud]

No, I didn't sleep with anyone else before her, I wanted to preserve myself for the women of my life and i know it's her.
For those who are asking, yes we are both christian and I understand that she made a mistake ( that's what she said to me ), everybody do mistake in their life. I just think that's regrettable that she didn't preserve herself too for the man of her life.
I don't know what to do, I'm lost and I can't leave her because I know it's her.
Thank you

Now that she has slept with you, if you 2 do not get married, now she will have 2 men before the next one. If you don't think she's good enough for you as she is, then don't marry her, or you will bring this up when you get angry and throw it in her face. Keep this in mind---we all have sinned, jut in different areas--are you without sin??
Joh_8:7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

 

[Archivist]

Why does it matter if she is not a virgin? My girlfriend is a widow, so I know that she not only slept with another man but she had a child with him.

Oh, and since you are now having sex with this young lady, if you do not marry her would you fault any future woman you might date for rejecting you if she were to learn that you were not a virgin?

 

[yuppers]

No, I didn't sleep with anyone else before her, I wanted to preserve myself for the women of my life and i know it's her.
For those who are asking, yes we are both christian and I understand that she made a mistake ( that's what she said to me ), everybody do mistake in their life. I just think that's regrettable that she didn't preserve herself too for the man of her life.
I don't know what to do, I'm lost and I can't leave her because I know it's her.
Thank you

The problem with that comment is you're not married to her either. Now you've had premarital sex as well. Now you have regret and wish you could leave. This is why God doesn't want us to have premarital sex. Now you're in the same boat as her...

 

[James4.7]

Her past sins are her and God's business is how I see it.

 

[Greg J.]

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.
She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.
After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. (Philippians 3:12-15, 1984 NIV)

The fact that how much this bothered you increased implies that you are being spiritually oppressed. Before you marry, Satan deceives you so you will have sex, and after you marry, Satan deceives you so you won't have sex. There will be many things like this for the rest of your life that you must learn to deal with them. The way you deal with them is to reject what is false over and over and hold onto the truth God has revealed to us in Scripture. To do this, you must read the Bible. In this case, the false thing you are not rejecting is that you are holier than her. You are not cleaner than her by not having had sex with someone before her. You are just as tainted by sin as she is.

You must forgive her as God has forgiven her. Are you greater than God that you can do anything else? Pray regularly for deliverance from the fact that it bothers you, because this is not from God.

What is so special about her having sex with someone else, when in fact, she has committed other sins? Haven't you also committed sins in the past? Do you want her to forgive you of your past sins? What will you do if she learns about a sin in your past that bothers her? God has forgiven both her and your sins. You aren't any different than her.

Since she genuinely repented, it is now your responsibility before God to forgive her from the depth of your heart. If you are having trouble doing that, you need to seek God's help. However, you may not get it if you are continuing sinful habits.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15, 1984 NIV)

 

[Loves Yehushua]

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.
She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.
After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

Please pray about it. The best wives do not necessarily have an untarnished past.

 

[Blade]

JCVD.. I am 55 and there was this Christian song.. part was talking to a girl.. if you done it and you wonder what to do.. go to Jesus and He will make you brand new...

lets speak truth.. as being called and a ministier of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.. if one was to ask me have I ever in 35y of marriage cheated on my wife. No never. Now if someone was to ask GOD.. He would yes. For me to just think lust after..to GOD its the same as doing it. So virgin.. are you talking how the WORLD thinks of virgin or Gods view?

For love never sees faults nor does it ever look at the past. Forgive me but to look backwards at someones past to hold it over them today.. is not God but flesh. If she ever repented..then even GOD does not see her sin nor yours.

If you ask GOD about this He will say "what do you want?" Well if shes saved and knows Him then her past your past has been forgiven. I have seen wonders from my Father (GOD) and if my wife did or didnt ever have sex before.. it would have not changed anything. Other then some personal flesh thing.. control on my part "I want to the 1st to touch her" kind of thing.. for me would have been wrong..

Sorry but not thing for me that would cause me to brake up with anyone. Man..do you know Jesus.. pray read the word.. Church.. THATS what counts!

 

[PanDeVida]

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.
She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.
After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

JCVD,

John 8: 1AND Jesus went unto mount Olivet. 2And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came to him, and sitting down he taught them. 3And the scribes and the Pharisees bring unto him a woman taken in adultery: and they set her in the midst, 4And said to him: Master, this woman was even now taken in adultery. 5Now Moses in the law commanded us to stone such a one. But what sayest thou? 6And this they said tempting him, that they might accuse him. But Jesus bowing himself down, wrote with his finger on the ground. 7When therefore they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said to them: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8And again stooping down, he wrote on the ground. 9But they hearing this, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest. And Jesus alone remained, and the woman standing in the midst. 10Then Jesus lifting up himself, said to her: Woman, where are they that accused thee? Hath no man condemned thee? 11Who said: No man, Lord. And Jesus said: Neither will I condemn thee. Go, and now sin no more.

 

[mmksparbud]

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Isa_43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

If God has forgotten her sins, who are you to remember them?

 

[Grafted In]

Isa_43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

If God has forgotten her sins, who are you to remember them?

But if he is incapable of overcoming this, marriage would be a huge mistake, particularly since the extent of his problem isn't fully understood by her.

Nor him. (Edit)

 

[mmksparbud]

But if he is incapable of overcoming this, marriage would be a huge mistake, particularly since the extent of his problem isn't fully understood by her.

Nor him. (Edit)

Agree, the problem is his, not hers. Except for giving in again before she married this guy.

 

[LoricaLady]

Well, to be honest, if you are having sex with her outside of marriage you are having a double standard.

Actually, though, it sounds like you two have similar values. You could marry a virgin and have a lousy marriage. I know someone like that from my family.

The problem is with your thoughts. You got on this mental treadmill that is ruining your happiness. Stop the thoughts about her virginity and so on! Stop them or they will destroy you and your relationship.

It takes practice, but you can learn to put those thoughts out of your mind. I mean it can take a month of practice. Then, count on the devil to try to make you get on that treadmill again. And again. Maybe even a year later. Don't let him win.

When you have been off the treadmill for awhile, surprisingly, you will actually see things much more clearly and be much more compassionate, or just not concerned.

Try it. It works. I know from personal experience.