need advice, new to the orthodox church

[CodyR4]

So the pastor at that orthodox church gave my gf and I a book to read before we go back to meet him after the new year.

I’m almost 1/4 of the way in but there is a problem, my gf hasn’t read any of it. She never commits to anything, I’ve reminded her like 5 times to read it so we don’t go back and be completely embarrassed bc she didn’t read it.

I feel like she doesn’t understand this is something that’s going to take a lot of dedication and she’s only doing it cause I want to and is going into it half heartedly. Idk what to do this is really frustrating me.

granted he told us to read it together, nut that's just wholly impossible for us. I work a lot, sometimes up to 11 days straight 12 hour shifts.

 

[Tolworth John]

This has nothing to do with the orthodox church or any church and everything to do with your girlfriends committment to you.
The pair of you need to sort out your relationship.
Is she going to accompany you to church service every time you go to church?
Is she going to follow what ever family rituals are done at home?

If she is not prepared to make an effort now, she is not going to change later.

Sort out where she stands, is she a practising Christian?
Is she willing to join this church? That means more than saying 'yes'.

 

[ArmyMatt]

So the pastor at that orthodox church gave my gf and I a book to read before we go back to meet him after the new year.

I’m almost 1/4 of the way in but there is a problem, my gf hasn’t read any of it. She never commits to anything, I’ve reminded her like 5 times to read it so we don’t go back and be completely embarrassed bc she didn’t read it.

I feel like she doesn’t understand this is something that’s going to take a lot of dedication and she’s only doing it cause I want to and is going into it half heartedly. Idk what to do this is really frustrating me.

granted he told us to read it together, nut that's just wholly impossible for us. I work a lot, sometimes up to 11 days straight 12 hour shifts.

what if you read it, and then discuss it with her?

 

[CodyR4]

This has nothing to do with the orthodox church or any church and everything to do with your girlfriends committment to you.
The pair of you need to sort out your relationship.
Is she going to accompany you to church service every time you go to church?
Is she going to follow what ever family rituals are done at home?

If she is not prepared to make an effort now, she is not going to change later.

Sort out where she stands, is she a practising Christian?
Is she willing to join this church? That means more than saying 'yes'.

yeah imma try, she is not a practicing christian, she said shes willing but she hasnt read the book. not even picked it up once

 

[CodyR4]

what if you read it, and then discuss it with her?

well I wouldn't mind doing that. idk if the pastor would find that acceptable though.

 

[AMM]

I don’t think the pastor is going to be mad at either of you for not having read the book 100%. Father Matt’s suggestion seems like a good place to start. And you can ask the priest when you meet with him after the new year what he thinks of that approach.

 

[ArmyMatt]

well I wouldn't mind doing that. idk if the pastor would find that acceptable though.

true, but at least that way she gets the information that Father wants her to get.

 

[Tolworth John]

yeah imma try, she is not a practicing christian, she said shes willing but she hasnt read the book. not even picked it up once

Then why are you dating her?
Paul made it crystal clear. Do not marry unbelievers.

 

[CodyR4]

Then why are you dating her?
Paul made it crystal clear. Do not marry unbelievers.

i considered myself an atheist for ten years. She’s always told me that she believes in god, if anything I was the non believer.

I only decided to start going to church again a few weeks ago. I haven’t even been to any of the liturgies. That was the first time I stepped foot in a church in ten years. I think you have misunderstood my post

 

[Anhelyna]

Cody - have you thought about the fact she may actually have difficulty in reading the book - may feel that it's too 'heavy' for her to understand ?

Fr Matt's suggestion would be a way to get round this , if it is a problem for her.

Remember the more you 'push' the more she may well resist and just become more stubborn about learning about the Church

 

[~Anastasia~]

First, welcome to CF as I haven't had a chance to say so. I haven't been around much lately.

And yes, take it slowly with your gf and do what you can to help her. The priest isn't setting a task - he's just offering tools to help. Reading about Church isn't everyone's way of experiencing it. Though it is a good idea to have your eyes wide open since you aren't married - this is the time to identify differences between you that could lead to lifelong problems if you were to marry. From a few posts, we can't really tell that.

I agree it's best to try to discuss it with her if you are reading it. That can serve you and her on several levels.

I will say that when I was a teenager dating the man I later married, my depth of spiritual inquiry was to simply ask "you believe in God, right?" Both having assented to that, I was naive enough to think that was all that mattered. I wasn't really practicing my faith, nor did I even really know what my faith was in at that time. We all have to sort out what we believe and grow into it at some point.

What book are you reading btw? Forgive me if you've mentioned elsewhere and I missed it.

God be with you both.

 

[prodromos]

Also, do try to attend services. Not just the Divine Liturgy, by try to experience Vespers on Saturday evening as well.

 

[CodyR4]

First, welcome to CF as I haven't had a chance to say so. I haven't been around much lately.

And yes, take it slowly with your gf and do what you can to help her. The priest isn't setting a task - he's just offering tools to help. Reading about Church isn't everyone's way of experiencing it. Though it is a good idea to have your eyes wide open since you aren't married - this is the time to identify differences between you that could lead to lifelong problems if you were to marry. From a few posts, we can't really tell that.

I agree it's best to try to discuss it with her if you are reading it. That can serve you and her on several levels.

I will say that when I was a teenager dating the man I later married, my depth of spiritual inquiry was to simply ask "you believe in God, right?" Both having assented to that, I was naive enough to think that was all that mattered. I wasn't really practicing my faith, nor did I even really know what my faith was in at that time. We all have to sort out what we believe and grow into it at some point.

What book are you reading btw? Forgive me if you've mentioned elsewhere and I missed it.

God be with you both.

This is the booo he gave us to read. I hadn’t thought Of that. I suppose I will ask and talk to her more about it. I guess I’ve been to worried I’ll be turned down by them.

 

[Lukaris]

This is the booo he gave us to read. I hadn’t thought Of that. I suppose I will ask and talk to her more about it. I guess I’ve been to worried I’ll be turned down by them.

That is a good book; Fr Anthony writes with theological precision & a friendly attitude to other Christians.

Probably for your general faith knowing the Lord’s commandments ( Matthew 22:36-40, Matthew 7:12, Matthew 19:16-19, etc.), the Lord’s Prayer ( Matthew 6:9-13), & the Creed:
Statement of Faith: Nicene Creed – St. George Orthodox Church , & the 7 basic sacraments: 7 Sacraments in the Orthodox Church and reading the Didache: Didache. The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles (translation J. B. Lightfoot). might be some helpful shortcuts. A shorter Catechism of St. Philaret of Moscow ( ca. 1850) is an expansion of the Creed,Lord’s Prayer, the 10 commandments, & the 7 basic sacraments. Unfortunately, I cannot find the short catechism online; the long Catechism is online & it is good but long.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Then why are you dating her?
Paul made it crystal clear. Do not marry unbelievers.

he didn't say she was an unbeliever, he said she wasn't practicing. that's not necessarily the same thing.

 

[CodyR4]

Thank y’all do all the comments and help. We had a good conversation today about whether she wanted to keep going down this path.

 

[ZaidaBoBaida]

Thank y’all do all the comments and help. We had a good conversation today about whether she wanted to keep going down this path.

And???

My perspective is that some people are just not deep rollers. They haven't and never will get into the deep theology of the Church, but that doesn't mean their faith isn't real.

 

[Jude1:3Contendforthefaith]

OP, talk to her and tell her how important it is to you and like Fr. Matt said talk to her about what the book says and discuss it together.

Take an hour of your time with her and go through a summarized version of each chapter and talk about it. And pray together before you do this.

God bless you.


.

 

[CodyR4]

And???

My perspective is that some people are just not deep rollers. They haven't and never will get into the deep theology of the Church, but that doesn't mean their faith isn't real.

she said “yeah I think it will be good for us, I just keep thinking about seeing all those kids there, and think that could be our kids one day, I’m just really forgetful bc my medicine”

we saw a bunch of children there I guess they have a daycare or something idk. But in reference to her medicine she is epileptic and the medicine she takes makes her forget things sometimes.

 

[~Anastasia~]

This is the booo he gave us to read. I hadn’t thought Of that. I suppose I will ask and talk to her more about it. I guess I’ve been to worried I’ll be turned down by them.

The Church isn't in the business of turning people away.

It's a good idea to wait for the right time. That isn't the same thing.

I know a number of very pious cradle Orthodox who are faithful down to their very bones - who might not be able to answer Theology or history questions. That doesn't mean their faith isn't real, and they are probably much better Christians than I am. Not everything comes from a book. The books are very helpful to me, and I need them and benefit greatly. My point is that I can't judge anyone else by how they relate to books (and neither does God).

It sounds like things are taking an encouraging turn for you? That's good to hear.