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Need advice fast please

Sep 23, 2004
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First a little bit of background on the story. My thoughts and perspective, and then I need some input. Thanks.
I'll try and stay in chronological order...

Back in mid may of this year, I met a woman (20, me 21). Hit it off, things have gone well. Still are in fact.
We've talked on the phone or talked online just about every day. She recently (well, coming up on 2 months ago now) moved back to arkansa for college, but if I decided to persue a relationship, that would be fine, because I can work off site and would have plenty of time to visit or find a place up closer to her, etc...

Anyway, I learned pretty early on that she had broken up with her boyfriend of 6-7 years earlier this year. I didn't really ask for details, but that is beside the point. Earlier today I was looking at a website my future hopefull had made for her. I do some research on guy who was making the site becuase I'm a techie and it looked REALLY good. Turns out this guy is someone I went to college with for about 6 months from jan-june this year and I knew him(or so I thought). It also turns out it is her ex.

I contact him thinking this is someone I've had a few talks with and hung out with at the school during breaks or whatever, but when he replied, it seems he is a totally different person. Ok, no big deal, because whether this is a person I know or not is irrelevant. So in his reply, he says he is planning on asking my future hopefull to marry her in the next few weeks and for me not to tell. I've had 6 hours and 32 minutes from right now to think and talk with God about it, but I feel I'm running on emotions in stead of rational thought trying to find God's will.

End background... My perspective...
I've been asking God to bring the right person at the right time into my life for the past two years, and that if I accidentally rush into something and find the wrong person, that He would end the relationship for me.

So when my now, ever getting closer friend, shows up in mid may and it's continued until now (when the past relationships I've tried to start have ended within days for various reasons, but I know it's God helping me), I can't help but question what's going on here.

I have no intention at all to screw up this guys plan on asking her to marry him because 1. I don't wanna strain any relationship from my point and 2. If it's God's will for me to be with her, it won't work out between these two anyway.

End perspective... Need input from you...

What should I do? Should I continue to talk to her like nothing has changed. I mean I know that her and her ex have still be good friends, but she has expressed that she wouldn't go back. Whether or not that happens, doesn't bother me too much. Again, I believe that if it's God's will for me to be with this girl, I will no matter what I do, but I don't know how I should go about it right now.

Should I back off and see what happens between the two or should I continue on like nothing has happened? Advice?
 

R.James

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Jun 1, 2004
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I think you should back off for a couple weeks and see what happens. If they were in a relationship for 6+ years, they may have a connection that you can't break. You've known her for a few months. If I were in your position, I'd keep a low profile for the next couple weeks. Put your trust in God, that if she isn't the right woman for you that she'll accept the proposal, but don't take a rejection of the proposal as a definite sign that she is your bride-to-be. Prepare for the worse, as they say. But if she does accept, be happy for them and move on. If you must talk to her before then, that is a difficult situation. I'd say keep the conversations short and shallow, conviniently schedule your day so you don't have much time to socialize, those are a couple ideas.
 
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plum

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.

Hello truth! God has your story, her story, and this other gent's story all planned out for you. I think at this point, perhaps it is best to pray for God's light to shin on your next step so you can see where to go. I probably wouldn't interfere though my instincts, like yours, would tell me otherwise.

I believe that if God has her for you, then she will find that way without your effort.
 
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Sep 23, 2004
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One more major thing I forgot to mention. It's a "DUH" thing and I can't believe I forgot to mention it.

I've planned (earlier this week) to go up and spend a long weekend with her in a couple of weeks. If I cancel now, she would know something is up, but I guess a canceling wouldn't be as hard as I think.

Honestly, I know what I should do, especially after your two posts, but my human instinct says go and try and make as much of an impression as I can.. you know, just for kicks.

Thanks for your super fast responses. I'll lay quiet for the next couple of weeks and see what happens. I'll move on if it doesn't go my way. Thanks!
 
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wvmtnkid

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Sounds like you have made your decision, but I would just echo the excellent advice previously given. I would just hang tight and put your trust in God. This could be one of those testing times that we all know and love! :) God may be testing your faith and trust in Him. If things are meant to be between these two, do you want to be the one that messes that up or cause unneeded strife? If she doesn't want to be with this other guy, then I think a marriage proposal out of the blue like this may totally freak her out and cause her to cut ties with him, realizing that maybe it's time to end whatever type of relationship they have. But just remember, that doesn't pave the way for you either. Just continue being her friend, getting to know each other and finding out about each other. Going to spend a long weekend with her sounds like a step in the right direction. Don't cancel that unless she tells you that she has accepted this other guys proposal or is considering it.

Above all else, continue to pray and seek God's will. God promises to never leave us or forsake us. He doesn't promise there won't be any pot holes along the way, but He will be there beside us! Let us know how things go!
 
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Sep 23, 2004
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Wow, you would still go on a long weekend with her?

If I reversed rolls with this guy, and I knew he would do that. I would be VERY mad. True he has already screwed up to some degree if they broke up earlier this year, and it would be his fault if he lost her because of that, but I still would be mad.

I don't know. It seems that close friends of your significant other that are the opposite sex cause problems....
 
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wvmtnkid

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Here are my thoughts and some questions (because frankly I am little confused by your first post)-

Are you and this guy really good friends? Did you know this guy and girl had dated when you started hanging out with her?

If you answer no, then I don't think you really owe him anything. If their relationship was over when you started seeing this girl and you didn't know that X was the fellow she had been dating before, you haven't done anything wrong. You have just got caught in a strange coincidence.

I wouldn't interfere in him asking her to marry him, like he has asked. If he feels he needs to ask, then by all means let him. And let her make her decision. But, my feelings are if she doesn't call off the weekend, then that should be an indication of her feelings for the other guy. Just ride it out and see what happens. If you call it off now, isn't see going to wonder why and wonder what is going on?
 
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Sep 23, 2004
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The answer is no. The only reason I contacted him is because I thought I knew who he was. It just turns out my friend has the same name as this guy and they both were at my school at the same time.

So when she said she was dating 'him' I assumed it was my friend in stead of the other guy becuase come on, how many people have the same name at the same school?
 
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bubblegirl23

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I feel inclined to question her motives. Go on the long weekend but take a female friend along to take the mood back to "friendly".

It sounds to me this girl can't/doesn't want to say what she feels. Are you sure they aren't still together in his mind? Ask her about the situation. You can't make a decision with partial-truths. If she cares she will open up, to stop from losing you. Speak to her before you go though, or take a friend so things aren't too awkward.
 
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IDOXLR8

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Personally, I would back off. Allow her to make the choice on who she wants to be with. Continue to live your life in Christ and I am sure regardless of the outcome you will be ok. I just got out of a year and a half relationship and my ex-gf swore that she would never get back together with her ex-bf who cheated on her during the relationship. A few weeks after breaking up with me she got back together with her ex-bf. The moral of this story is don't trust someone you barely know or you will get hurt. Just continue to pray. :)
 
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