My Wife Does Nothing Around the House. While I Do Everything

[I Art Laughing]

I would recommend to the OP what I recommended to the unequally yoked wife with the cheating husband. Pray and give thanks like it tells us to do in Philippians 4, gain your peace and then do what the Lord is directing you to do.

I also see a troubling double standard here. If the situations were reversed and a woman were here complaining about her husbands use of pornography there would be a shout for the "boot camp" treatment. Intervention/punishment couldn't happen fast enough.

I think it's clear that intervention is called for in this case as it is presented, but I don't think ANY human has the wisdom to sort out how to do this in a loving manner. There is no formula that can be applied, we must seek God and His righteousness.

 

[JaneFW]

Art, I have never suggested that anyone be signed up for "boot camp" by their spouse. It's literally impossible for one adult to sign up another adult for the military, and 99.9% of us know that.

 

[I Art Laughing]

And how can anyone know that their spouse is angry about something unless that spouse voices their anger?

We don't know anything about this woman except the tiny bit the OP gave us. How was she raised? Does she come from an environment where this type of behavior is the norm? Does she have underlying medical issues? Is she disabled? Believe it or not, there are people who are completely comfortable living in a messy home. One person's ideal is not the same for everyone.

I let the housework slide during the week, because I work full-time and choose to spend my precious few hours in the evening doing things I want to do...if this makes my husband upset, how would I know unless he tells me? What motivation would I have to change if I didn't know he was harboring these secret feelings?

And talking calmly and rationally is the best way to go about it. Nobody likes to be screamed at or talked down to or accused. Nothing good can come of that. So yes, a loving (or at very least respectful) conversation is important.

Are these types of questions often asked about the husband when a women comes here with marital problems?

For example, do we ask the abused wife if her husband was abused as a child? Do we ask her if her porn addict husband was a victim of CSA? Are those questions even regarded as important to "solving" the problem?

 

[lillivanilli]

Are these types of questions often asked about the husband when a women comes here with marital problems?

I wouldn't know; I haven't been around here very long.

Why do you ask?

 

[I Art Laughing]

I wouldn't know; I haven't been around here very long.

Why do you ask?

What purpose do they serve? If she has every mitigating condition imaginable does that mean that he should not get his daughter out of that situation?

 

[lillivanilli]

What purpose do they serve? If she has every mitigating condition imaginable does that mean that he should not get his daughter out of that situation?

No, but understanding the underlying issues can go a long way in helping her get the help she needs (provided she needs any). Nobody said to just leave the kid in a bad situation, if one truly exists, but if my spouse was depressed or mentally ill or had a physical disability, I would at very least attempt to encourage him to seek the proper care to address it. Meanwhile, yes, I would do what I had to for my kids, but I wouldn't just kick him to the curb for something he might have no control over.

 

[I Art Laughing]

No, but understanding the underlying issues can go a long way in helping her get the help she needs (provided she needs any). Nobody said to just leave the kid in a bad situation, if one truly exists, but if my spouse was depressed or mentally ill or had a physical disability, I would at very least attempt to encourage him to seek the proper care to address it. Meanwhile, yes, I would do what I had to for my kids, but I wouldn't just kick him to the curb for something he might have no control over.

That's thoroughly reasonable.[staff edit]

http://www.shrink4men.com/2012/01/13/rethinking-female-sociopathy-part-two/

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Mod Hat

Closing thread for review.

 

[Criada]

Mod Hat On

​

This thread has been cleaned up.
Please stay on topic, and remember that only married members may post here.

Mod Hat Off​

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

Mod Hat

I am permanently closing this thread. The OP is gone and the thread has run its course.