Hi,
I am not new here to the forum. I joined at least 5 years ago or so. And although I called myself a Christian, I doubted in some major important ways.
I have battled in a spiritual battle for about 24 years starting out at the age of 20, when I sought out to find the Lord. Along the way, I struggled with several forms of serious mental illnesses. I believed God was damning me, and all this time the doctors are saying "it's a form of schizophrenic delusion and paranoia."
I've been in the hospital ward 3 times, each time out of control and manic. Since the last time I've been in the hospital, I have been tormented and not able to find peace. I've been trying to find the root cause of my problem. I knew it was spiritual deep down, but I seemed like an impossible case. I finally figured out I was struggling with doubt about the goodness and validity of God, his Spirit, and of Jesus Christ.
This reality had me scared enough, since it hinges on leading a person to blasphemy of the Spirit of God. Satan had planted some lies in my head long ago. And it's just now I'm able to identify them.
I saw a clipping from someone's post on Facebook about Adrian Roger's ministry, and the topic was "What are the 4 biggest lies that have ruined the world?
1. God is not loving
2. God is not truthful
3. God is not gracious
4. God is not righteous
And these came right out of the mouth of Satan."
When I saw these typed out, a very uncomfortable feeling went through me. I was not able to say any of them may not be true. I had fallen for Satan's lies. The scary part is that if I had settled at this point and agreed with Satan, and persisted to believe this way, I would have never had forgiveness.
Satan also put these things in my mind, similar to that above: "Watch out! Don't believe God! I know something God is hiding from you! He will trick you in the end, and it will come as a complete surprise to you!"
So just about an hour ago before writing this post, I had to admit my doubts to God. But how do you admit doubts of God's validity to God Himself, who you have trouble believing Him in the first place?? That step was a step of humility and faith, leaping out into uncharted territory. But after I told God, "I have problems trusting You, believing You are loving, truthful, gracious and righteous," I asked God to help me believe in Him. The work of Christ is the undisputed evidence of the validity of these things. And Satan has left me for a season.
I haven't ever confessed these doubts as plainly as I have today. I think this was a huge step. I have been saved and I owe my peace of mind to Jesus.
I am not new here to the forum. I joined at least 5 years ago or so. And although I called myself a Christian, I doubted in some major important ways.
I have battled in a spiritual battle for about 24 years starting out at the age of 20, when I sought out to find the Lord. Along the way, I struggled with several forms of serious mental illnesses. I believed God was damning me, and all this time the doctors are saying "it's a form of schizophrenic delusion and paranoia."
I've been in the hospital ward 3 times, each time out of control and manic. Since the last time I've been in the hospital, I have been tormented and not able to find peace. I've been trying to find the root cause of my problem. I knew it was spiritual deep down, but I seemed like an impossible case. I finally figured out I was struggling with doubt about the goodness and validity of God, his Spirit, and of Jesus Christ.
This reality had me scared enough, since it hinges on leading a person to blasphemy of the Spirit of God. Satan had planted some lies in my head long ago. And it's just now I'm able to identify them.
I saw a clipping from someone's post on Facebook about Adrian Roger's ministry, and the topic was "What are the 4 biggest lies that have ruined the world?
1. God is not loving
2. God is not truthful
3. God is not gracious
4. God is not righteous
And these came right out of the mouth of Satan."
When I saw these typed out, a very uncomfortable feeling went through me. I was not able to say any of them may not be true. I had fallen for Satan's lies. The scary part is that if I had settled at this point and agreed with Satan, and persisted to believe this way, I would have never had forgiveness.
Satan also put these things in my mind, similar to that above: "Watch out! Don't believe God! I know something God is hiding from you! He will trick you in the end, and it will come as a complete surprise to you!"
So just about an hour ago before writing this post, I had to admit my doubts to God. But how do you admit doubts of God's validity to God Himself, who you have trouble believing Him in the first place?? That step was a step of humility and faith, leaping out into uncharted territory. But after I told God, "I have problems trusting You, believing You are loving, truthful, gracious and righteous," I asked God to help me believe in Him. The work of Christ is the undisputed evidence of the validity of these things. And Satan has left me for a season.
I haven't ever confessed these doubts as plainly as I have today. I think this was a huge step. I have been saved and I owe my peace of mind to Jesus.
