(I apologise for the length of this post; I kept the paragraphs short to make reading easier...)
I was born into a typical finnish family. Nominally Christian, Evangelic-Lutheran. We didn't go to church and my parents didn't really talk about faith in God.
My mother did taught me and my siblings a simple bed time prayer, which I kept. I had a child's faith. I was a shy, fearful child and told God things that I wouldn't tell anyone else.
When I was in my late teens I became interested in philosophy and societal matters. All the "cool", intellectually independent people around me, especially when I went to university, were atheists or agnostics. Well, there were some Buddhists and Rastafarians among my acquaintancies as well. Everybody held a liberal worldview.
I didn't become an atheist. Some sort of agnostic maybe. Back then I wanted to find my own path, something I could believe in. I tried to embrace the popular, liberal worldview, but I couldn't believe in those values in my heart. I felt that I didn't fit in.
I sinned terribly during those years and suffered from anxiety and depression.
I often contemplated the meaning of life and morality. It all had become so complicated and relative – in short: what is good in my eyes can be seen as bad in someone else's, and there's really no point in saying that anything is evil, because there are no absolutes, no certainty of existence of any gods...
I came into a conclusion: since I can't tell good from bad / evil for sure, I would just start to build on the simple truth.
And the truth means the reality and the facts of this world... right?
What I saw in the world – the reality and the facts, that is – were a lot of sad, depressing things: drinking, partying, hangovers, cynical humour, sex affairs (or "free love"), competition, lying, compulsory achieving... There were wars and violence, tsunamis, disease and death on the news; in 2007 Finland witnessed it's first school shooting, and the second school shooting a year after that.
There were some happy things as well, of course, like friendships, family and enjoying the nature, but they couldn't make up for the bad things. I saw a thick cloud of depression hanging over this world, and myself in it. The truth of this world was so horrible.
I bought a new tv set, and while tuning it I found a Christian tv-channel. I started watching it every now and then – mainly for entertainment...
But as time passed I found myself watching the Bible teaching programs and testimonies of Christians with a more serious attitude. I remember particularly this one Christian woman who had committed the same sin in her past that I had committed in mine – although I didn't call it a sin at that point in time; but she was so brave in her faith and her testimony was so strong that it moved something in me and made me cry.
A year passed, and my anxiety grew.
Until one day in December of 2010 I was sitting on a bus, traveling to my family for Christmas holidays. I watched out the window, and there were drifts of fresh snow everywhere and the sun was shining and the snow was sparkling in the sun. All of a sudden I confessed to God my severest sin and asked for His forgiveness, and He answered yes.
I was filled with joy that was out of this world. I felt relief and hope. During the holidays I couldn't wait to get back home and start reading the Bible.
I began from the Genesis. God's word was harsh, and every time I turned the page I anticipated: "What is it going to be on this page that declares me unfit in the eyes of God?". And, sure enough, there was something every time. But I felt hopeful. It wasn't until at the Paul's letter to the Romans that I finally understood the point of the Gospel: God has redeemed me in Jesus Christ!
My earthly life has not been easy since – I've been through many hardships. But through my faith God has given me an inner peace and a persistent joy. I follow Jesus. It's a miracle.
Now I understand that the truth is not the facts and the reality of this world, not the things that can be seen and touched and measured and that are often so depressing... Jesus told us that He is the truth. The truth is the facts and the depressing reality of this world in Jesus on the cross, condemned and given to death, and overcome by His eternal spirit!
We must never give in to the hopelessness of the fallen world and our own fallen humanity. Whatever happens, look at it in the spirit of the Lord and see that Jesus has overcome the world!
I was born into a typical finnish family. Nominally Christian, Evangelic-Lutheran. We didn't go to church and my parents didn't really talk about faith in God.
My mother did taught me and my siblings a simple bed time prayer, which I kept. I had a child's faith. I was a shy, fearful child and told God things that I wouldn't tell anyone else.
When I was in my late teens I became interested in philosophy and societal matters. All the "cool", intellectually independent people around me, especially when I went to university, were atheists or agnostics. Well, there were some Buddhists and Rastafarians among my acquaintancies as well. Everybody held a liberal worldview.
I didn't become an atheist. Some sort of agnostic maybe. Back then I wanted to find my own path, something I could believe in. I tried to embrace the popular, liberal worldview, but I couldn't believe in those values in my heart. I felt that I didn't fit in.
I sinned terribly during those years and suffered from anxiety and depression.
I often contemplated the meaning of life and morality. It all had become so complicated and relative – in short: what is good in my eyes can be seen as bad in someone else's, and there's really no point in saying that anything is evil, because there are no absolutes, no certainty of existence of any gods...
I came into a conclusion: since I can't tell good from bad / evil for sure, I would just start to build on the simple truth.
And the truth means the reality and the facts of this world... right?
What I saw in the world – the reality and the facts, that is – were a lot of sad, depressing things: drinking, partying, hangovers, cynical humour, sex affairs (or "free love"), competition, lying, compulsory achieving... There were wars and violence, tsunamis, disease and death on the news; in 2007 Finland witnessed it's first school shooting, and the second school shooting a year after that.
There were some happy things as well, of course, like friendships, family and enjoying the nature, but they couldn't make up for the bad things. I saw a thick cloud of depression hanging over this world, and myself in it. The truth of this world was so horrible.
I bought a new tv set, and while tuning it I found a Christian tv-channel. I started watching it every now and then – mainly for entertainment...
But as time passed I found myself watching the Bible teaching programs and testimonies of Christians with a more serious attitude. I remember particularly this one Christian woman who had committed the same sin in her past that I had committed in mine – although I didn't call it a sin at that point in time; but she was so brave in her faith and her testimony was so strong that it moved something in me and made me cry.
A year passed, and my anxiety grew.
Until one day in December of 2010 I was sitting on a bus, traveling to my family for Christmas holidays. I watched out the window, and there were drifts of fresh snow everywhere and the sun was shining and the snow was sparkling in the sun. All of a sudden I confessed to God my severest sin and asked for His forgiveness, and He answered yes.
I was filled with joy that was out of this world. I felt relief and hope. During the holidays I couldn't wait to get back home and start reading the Bible.
I began from the Genesis. God's word was harsh, and every time I turned the page I anticipated: "What is it going to be on this page that declares me unfit in the eyes of God?". And, sure enough, there was something every time. But I felt hopeful. It wasn't until at the Paul's letter to the Romans that I finally understood the point of the Gospel: God has redeemed me in Jesus Christ!
My earthly life has not been easy since – I've been through many hardships. But through my faith God has given me an inner peace and a persistent joy. I follow Jesus. It's a miracle.
Now I understand that the truth is not the facts and the reality of this world, not the things that can be seen and touched and measured and that are often so depressing... Jesus told us that He is the truth. The truth is the facts and the depressing reality of this world in Jesus on the cross, condemned and given to death, and overcome by His eternal spirit!
We must never give in to the hopelessness of the fallen world and our own fallen humanity. Whatever happens, look at it in the spirit of the Lord and see that Jesus has overcome the world!
