my sweet baby boy is acting up more than he ever did before

[~Anastasia~]

Yeah, it is always terrible when parents let petty squabbles affect the children. I have always felt that my husband's sister disliked me but she was never overly hostile. She became much more resentful when my son was born partially because she feels that my in laws (her parents ) help us with expenses when they didn't when her child was born. The truth is we wish we didn't need help, her husband has a really good job and her child enjoys do many more opportunities and luxuries than ours does but all she sees is that we receive a lot of "hand outs " where as they receive none. Her husband however had always been outwardly disrespectful of my husband and I. In the past he would keep it away from our son but still he would make very dismissive comments about us both behind our backs and to our faces.
And I totally know what you mean about taking the high road in lieu of exposing wrong doing. I have known for a while that my sister in law and her husband don't really care about my son, even as a nephew. My husband and I agonized over if we should explain to our son that his aunt and uncle aren't really how they appears and that they doesn't care for him like they should. But we thought that would be too crushing so we never broached the subject. I am not just saying this due to this incident either. In the past his aunt and uncle would get him nice gifts, take him along when they did fun things with their daughter but the truth is they only did those things in order to purchase a playmate for their daughter. We knew that they really don't because in the past we had to ask them to borrow money for our son's schooling and therapy, they told us flat out no, but at Christmas they gifted him an expensive 10 speed so that their daughter could ride bikes with some one (this was when he was 10 and the ASD was really becoming an issue at school). We agonized over telling him the truth about his aunt and uncle but on advice of the school counselor, decided against it because such a subject would be too complex of an issue for a special needs child his age.

Yes, I agree with not placing the burden, even of truth, on a child of his age.

It may reach a point where for his own protection you may need to - I have no way of knowing. The best general advice I know of in that situation is to let children reach their own conclusions, as they normally do when they are ready, and still it can be quite painful for them. But at least the one who does not participate in the slander is a safe haven at that point, and did not add to their pain.

Your son's case may be different, as he very likely might not be able to sort this out himself. The timing and need make it a delicate question though, and I'm glad to hear you have a competent advisor on that point.

God be with you.

 

[worriedmommie]

Yes, I agree with not placing the burden, even of truth, on a child of his age.

It may reach a point where for his own protection you may need to - I have no way of knowing. The best general advice I know of in that situation is to let children reach their own conclusions, as they normally do when they are ready, and still it can be quite painful for them. But at least the one who does not participate in the slander is a safe haven at that point, and did not add to their pain.

Your son's case may be different, as he very likely might not be able to sort this out himself. The timing and need make it a delicate question though, and I'm glad to hear you have a competent advisor on that point.

God be with you.

What will really hurt him is finding out his cousin isn't really his friend. Like I said, we saw red flags with the adults years and years ago but right of wrong we chose to ignore them for the children. We figured that out do son and his cousin had a good relationship so we as adults can keep or animosity to ourselves. I was truly shocked to learn that the cousin harbors negative feelings towards my husband and my self since she always seemed so nice and sweet. I don't know If this is due to teen angst (unlikely since she seems to idolize her parents especially her dad) or because her parents speak negatively about us to her.

 

[~Anastasia~]

What will really hurt him is finding out his cousin isn't really his friend. Like I said, we saw red flags with the adults years and years ago but right of wrong we chose to ignore them for the children. We figured that out do son and his cousin had a good relationship so we as adults can keep or animosity to ourselves. I was truly shocked to learn that the cousin harbors negative feelings towards my husband and my self since she always seemed so nice and sweet. I don't know If this is due to teen angst (unlikely since she seems to idolize her parents especially her dad) or because her parents speak negatively about us to her.

If she is anywhere near your son's age, children often parrot their parents. You can hope that she will begin to think for herself, and whatever she will do with that I don't know, but likely she will realize the truth at some point. What she does with it will be a reflection of her character. She may indeed love your son and just be following her parents' example right now.

 

[worriedmommie]

If she is anywhere near your son's age, children often parrot their parents. You can hope that she will begin to think for herself, and whatever she will do with that I don't know, but likely she will realize the truth at some point. What she does with it will be a reflection of her character. She may indeed love your son and just be following her parents' example right now.

She's 14 and she really takes after her dad. In my opinion her parents are way too permissive of her. She and her mom like to wear matching string bikinis even to family type functions. One time I asked my sister in law if she could possibly set a better example for her daughter she told me that if I toned up a bit I could "set a bad example too".

 

[JAM2b]

I agree with Anastasia. Your niece is a kid in this situation, too.

I think the judgement toward the children needs to lighten up.

 

[~Anastasia~]

She's 14 and she really takes after her dad. In my opinion her parents are way too permissive of her. She and her mom like to wear matching string bikinis even to family type functions. One time I asked my sister in law if she could possibly set a better example for her daughter she told me that if I toned up a bit I could "set a bad example too".

Apologies, I got a bit behind and dropped a few thread by accident. This sounds really tragic, but we can't control the way some people are, and can only pray for them. And we do have the responsibility to be aware of what kind of influence us being impressed upon our children.

God be with you.

 

[GracefulGalPal]

I think you did what was necessary. Sounds like his uncle and cousin have serious narcissistic issues and are taking it out on your son. I suggest having a good talk with him and ask him what he would like to do to replace the trip plan. Also, the "life isn't fair" lesson isn't always right. Instead tell him that changing things in life is better than sticking to a direct plan. Flexibility is a better way to reach goals. God works in mysterious ways. His plans for us all are all different.