my sweet baby boy is acting up more than he ever did before

[Nithavela]

It sounds like this family has far bigger issues than a stolen Nintendo DS, a missed fishing trip or a bit of acting out during sunday school.

The actions of your son appear to be a symptom of those problems. I'd advise you fix the root cause.

 

[Hank77]

This is the husband of my husband's sister. And there has always been friction between us and them. Alot of it stems from issues between my husband and his sister. In the past we put a lot of the friction aside because the kids seemed to benefit from being around each other but I don't think we can any longer especially since that side of the family seem to find no problem with instructing a 12 year old how to engage in a criminal act.

Is there a way you could patch things up enough that the cousins could still spend time together, such as having the cousin do things with your family and visit at your home?

 

[erealmz]

I don't know if you are trying to be funny but this is emphatically not how devine judgement works.

What else is there? Is GOD going to spank the kid when he gets to heaven? Our judgement is on Earth. It happens by the things we do.

 

[worriedmommie]

What else is there? Is GOD going to spank the kid when he gets to heaven? Our judgement is on Earth. It happens by the things we do.

Not if you are justified through Christ! Without Christ we all fall short of righteousness. Through Christ all our sins are forgiven

 

[erealmz]

Not if you are justified through Christ! Without Christ we all fall short of righteousness. Through Christ all our sins are forgiven

Yes even if you are justified by ideas created in your head. Christ is not going to stop you from being punished for the things you do just because you think you are justified to do them. That's not how the world works.

 

[A_Thinker]

.

 

[A_Thinker]

It is not that he messed up one time. It is the totality of the situation. He told his daughter that she doesn't have to listen to me. And he undermined my parenting. You must be crazy if you think I would continue to allow my child to see him.

I figured that it had kind of blown up ...

 

[Hank77]

Think Joseph ...

I suppose the if one believes that God caused Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery, then it could be said that God knows best.
I don't happen to believe that. I believe that they did what they did because they were jealous and God worked it out for good because Joseph was faith to God.

 

[A_Thinker]

I suppose the if one believes that God caused Joseph's brothers to sell him into slavery, then it could be said that God knows best.
I don't happen to believe that. I believe that they did what they did because they were jealous and God worked it out for good because Joseph was faith to God.

I don't think that God causes anyone to do anything, whether Joseph's brothers ... or this boy's overreaching uncle ...

 

[worriedmommie]

Is there a way you could patch things up enough that the cousins could still spend time together, such as having the cousin do things with your family and visit at your home?

I really really don't know if that is possible. Ever since the incident my niece, the cousin, has been very disrespectful towards me. She has even begun to cyber bully me on Facebook. Before I unfriended and blocked her she was leaving derogatory comments on my pictures and what not. I tried speaking to her mother, my husband's sister, and she doesn't care.
The has always been issues between my husband and his sister but they they seemed to intensify after his sister married her husband.
Her husband, the uncle has always seemed rather shady to me but I tired my best not to judge. He has also always been rather caustic and arrogant especially towards my husband and I. It is true that we are not as well off as they are. And it is also true that we receive a lot of assistance from my in laws. As a result the sister's husband loves to insinuate that my husband is a failure and I know for a fact he calls me trailer trash behind my back (and now apparently to my face). I have tried to talk to the sister to let her know how hurtful this is and she simply doesn't care. My husband has asked his father to talk to his sister and her husband but the husband simply rebuffs my father in law. My father in law has tried talking to the sisters husband and has told him that it is really hurtful that he is unable to have a family gathering with all his grandchildren because of the issues that have cropped up but the sister's husband doesn't care and the sister always takes the side of her husband. The sister's husband just mockingly asks him if he plans to send him to this room or take away his allowance if he refuses to comply, basically a dig at how he is helping keep our family a float.
So to answer your question, I don't believe that there is a way for the cousin to be able to come do activities at our house.

 

[A_Thinker]

So to answer your question, I don't believe that there is a way for the cousin to be able to come do activities at our house.

As was said earlier ... there is a lot more going on other than this most recent incident. This was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'd encourage you and your husband to continue to try and set the BEST example for your son.

You may want to be on the lookout for OTHER group activities that he might become a part of (to replace his fellowship with your neice). Something has to replace for him what he has lost. Once again, it seems, through no fault of his own, he has lost something dear to him. It's just all about adults behaving badly for him.

 

[worriedmommie]

As was said earlier ... there is a lot more going on other than this most recent incident. This was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.

This is very true in more ways than one. Yes there are underlying issues with my husband's sister and her husband bit like you said that's more adults behaving badly. The other thing is, our son is on the autism spectrum thereby making this and certain other things more difficult.

 

[worriedmommie]

It sounds like this family has far bigger issues than a stolen Nintendo DS, a missed fishing trip or a bit of acting out during sunday school.

The actions of your son appear to be a symptom of those problems. I'd advise you fix the root cause.

If you must know, the "root cause" of the issues with my son is he is on the autism spectrum. By the grace of God my husband and I have been able to manage it very well. However, incidents life a major disruption in regular routine can be very difficult to deal with.

 

[Nithavela]

If you must know, the "root cause" of the issues with my son is he is on the autism spectrum. By the grace of God my husband and I have been able to manage it very well. However, incidents life a major disruption in regular routine can be very difficult to deal with.

Seems that every time i open this thread, there are new facts to consider. I don't really have the time to keep up, so I'll unsubscribe.

 

[JAM2b]

OK, I did not read through every single post, but I'm going to throw my two cents in.

If your son has ASD, then you are going to have problems like this that are going to come up again and again as he ages because the teenage years are tumultuous. They are hormonal and trying to figure life out, and who they are, and they have developmental disability thrown in to make it so much harder.

My oldest son is on the spectrum, and it is rough. Sometimes the grace of God includes professional help and time. After adulthood, things are supposed to get better with routine and support.

Your sons behavior is not surprising, considering this and the circumstances. "Life isn't fair" doesn't work well for ASD. They need it to be predictable and logical (for them). When that can't happen you have to compensate.

I would not create a new goal and reward. He isn't going to trust it, and the consistency (the first promised reward) has already been broken. You have to go back and find a way to make up for it before you can move on.

Go back to rewarding him for VBS and Kumon. Find something that will feel fair to him. How many weeks did he go to Kumon+ VBS? How many successes did he have in each of those? Offer him something equal to that.

 

[Larniavc]

Hi all, I am having more and more problems with my 12 year old son. He is acting up much more than he has ever before and all this stems from my husband and I not allowing him to spend time with his cousin.
Here is the background, a little over a month ago my son bought a Nintendo DS and it turned out to be a box stuffed with playing cards instead of a system. My husband and I were unable to get the store to make it right so we explained to him that some times bad things happen to good people and we must remain faithful that God knows best. His 14 year old cousin and her father, my son's uncle and my brother in law, took my son to Walmart and did a "rock in a box" scam to get him a new system. My husband and I then confronted the cousin and uncle about what they did with my son and they for the most part told me to get bent and were extremely rude to me.
With that we decided that or son would not be spending any more time with his cousin. However, this occurred right before the big flounder fishing trip that the uncle and my husband's sister had planned, so naturally we declined to let our son go.
From here the problems began. My son was really looking forward to this trip all summer. It was suppose to be his reward for going to Kumon and VBS all summer. My son was completely crushed when we told him he wasn't going on the trip with his aunt, uncle and cousin Beth. We tried to explain to him that although this wasn't his wrong doing, sometimes life isn't fair. It didn't help that his cousin purposefully rubbed it in on social media how much fun the trip was with all the pictures she posted.
My husband and I are not as well off as the aunt and uncle so us taking him on a trip like that ourselves was out of the question. I am at a loss as to what to do, since the beginning of the school year he's been in trouble numerous times. He acts up in Sunday school now and when anyone admonishes him he just says that sometimes life isn't fair. What can I do?

Make it up to him and put his needs more to the forefront in the future.

That sounds harsh and may go against your code of ethics but you can expect this situation to repeat with greater and greater severity in the future if you don't.

If you are prepared to go through this many times before he leaves home fine.

If not, you may need to be more ethically flexible.

 

[worriedmommie]

Seems that every time i open this thread, there are new facts to consider. I don't really have the time to keep up, so I'll unsubscribe.

Yes, I suppose this does make a rush to pass judgment rather inconvenient for you

 

[worriedmommie]

If not, you may need to be more ethically flexible.

I don't think there is any flexibility in thou shall not steal

 

[Nithavela]

Yes, I suppose this does make a rush to pass judgment rather inconvenient for you

If you ask for suggestions on how to deal with a situation, but don't provide all relevant information beforehand, anything that isn't fitting for your situation is on you and you are wasting people's time by asking for advice without giving them the whole picture.

 

[worriedmommie]

If you ask for suggestions on how to deal with a situation, but don't provide all relevant information beforehand, anything that isn't fitting for your situation is on you and you are wasting people's time by asking for advice without giving them the whole picture.

I am sorry I didn't think that there were extenuating circumstances which allowed one to engage in theft or retail fraud. Regardless if I'd a child is ADS or not when is it ever ethical for an adult to instruct a child to commit retail fraud and what parent would allow his or her child to spend time with an adult who would?