My struggle

[Mememe21987]

I read a passage not to long ago, Psalms 37:4 Take delight in tge lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

I ain't the perfect Christian anymore... Used to be you couldn't keep me out of a church. I had done a decent job of fending off my temptations(still do),

I don't know why it seems like such taboo to say I want to love and be loved, I want the right woman for me.

That is what I want(ed) while I was the "perfect christian", don't waste my time with "Nobody is perfect!" BS!

I want to know why all through my teen years and up until I became a man, I did just that. I want to know why the scripture didn't fulfill itself as stated in psalms...

I couldn't "give it time", it was pretty much live or die. And now I live a life of kill or be killed. I have also step foot in another way of life like this that hopefully I'll be happier in(won't move so much). Moving so much makes it almost impossible to maintain a relationship!

Why does it seem like my entire life is meant to be nothing but a punishment??? I'm always getting hurt by those I love, I'm always getting my heartbroken with any young lady I hookup with. They either lie to me, or are abusive, and just treat me like dirt even though I normally treat them like an angel...

Last week, I guess you could say I went into a hyper mode, I went through 3 relationships in that week. One because she lied to me about family problems as a scapegoat to see someone else. Another because she stood me up and when I ran into her again she and her friends were all just laughing at me acting like i was stupid or something primitive(I dealt with it the way I deal with people who waste my time now), then the third blamed it on me never having time.

Often when I seek companionship I get ridiculed. I wouldn't say i'm looking in the wrong places so much as I don't have the social skills because I was a homeschooler isolated from society in the name of ideaology, good intentions and other lies.(So if you support homeschooling... Don't tell me unless you want to get hurt)

Some people have their lives ruined... I say it was from the first time I saw light.

I just dunno what to do anymore. These problems have lead me into alot of bad habits. Smoking. Drinking(not socially so much as to try and erase my memories), and other things that I stopped on my own.

Drinking has become my biggest issue, so much that it has effected my work, i've taken my reprimands. And one of my best friends don't want to talk to me anymore. I've been in and out of the hospital a few times from excessive drinking(only once recorded, and I had to insert my own IV while I was still well above .40 BAC because the doctors were worthless incompetant scum bags).

I've been through some couseling on the drinking problems... None of it really helps, I'm not addicted.

I'm babbling a bit.

Now-a-days, I feel either hurt or numb. And my mind deviates alot.

What is a man to do? Is it so incredibly wrong that all I asked of god really was for someone to dote on? Was it so incedibly wrong that I - - -...

I dunno, I'll stop here. No SS.

 

[Mememe21987]

I feel like i'm not caplable of
love anymore.

 

[Mememe21987]

I dunno why I go on.

 

[bling]

Wanting someone to Love you, might not be the best motive. There are plenty of people that could really use your Love and you do not have to look very far. Godly type Love is not the result of what you get or who is being loved and what you might get from them, but who you are and really what has been done for you already. Your past is forgotten by your forgiving God, so what can we do from where we are at right now (and really it is what can God do through you right now)?

You have actually had a lot of experiences and some seem like real tragedies, but I can assure you if you get out and talk with people you will find some have gone through a lot worse. You might want to go to an AA meeting and hear other people’s story.

Marrying the wrong person is lots worse than not being married, so pray for those in harder situations. Being married does not “solve” your problem, but can just add to your problems, so if you cannot handle this do you really want to take on greater responsibility?

I know lots of wonderful young ladies looking for a strong Christian man, but they are not looking to take on a challenge. Fill your life with good works and the right girl will come along side.

 

[zaksmummy]

You have two separate issues here. You feel let down by God, because you've tried to live a good Christian life and you've failed, and you feel let down by other people ie women because you havent found one that can live up to your expectations.

Lets deal with them. Christianity isnt about being perfect, its about knowing that when you mess up, you can go to God and repent. Then he forgives you, you pick yourself up and move on. How do you get to do this? "Seek first the kingdom of God" Jesus said. Get to know him, draw yourself closer to him, pursue him, make him the sole interest in your life.

If you are upset or angry at him because of your issues in relationships, tell him, shout at him, get cross, cry, whatever it takes to get to your true feelings, God is a big God, he can take it, and he will respond, with love and care and compassion. I know this to be true in my own life.

Going through this process, you begin to see that other people are just like you, they are messed and need God too.

Jesus finished off his sentence with "...and all these things [material things you need, things you desire] will be added to you". The difference is now that in seeking God, he will be in the process of changing you into the person he wants you to be, you wont be perfect but you will be a little bit more like Jesus. He said "Be like me, I am humble and pure in heart".

 

[salida]

My life always has trials-in fact, my husband just got laid off and I have a chronic medical condition. Look what the apostles went through.

1Pe 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.

1Pe 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.

Ro 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
　
2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

 

[Mememe21987]

Try to understand that my responses on here are limitted because I use a mobil device for this forum... Some things might not make sense.

Wanting someone to Love you, might not be the best motive. There are plenty of people that could really use your Love and you do not have to look very far. Godly type Love is not the result of what you get or who is being loved and what you might get from them, but who you are and really what has been done for you already. Your past is forgotten by your forgiving God, so what can we do from where we are at right now (and really it is what can God do through you right now)?

Love is and always has been the
missing part of my life. Generally speaking i live by the golden rule. I do alot more good things than bad things, and I don't go looking for trouble, it finds me often enough. Problem is, I have Many dark deeds that lay in my future... Be it for money, be it for safety, or insurance thereof. I have blood on my hands, but I've helped numberious compared to those few.

some have gone through much worse

I've had friends take their own lives for much less than I've been through. Please note my responses are summarized and limitted. That being said I didn't give all the details of what I've been through... Things I will have nightmares for life over, and things that I won't forgive myself for(even though they already forgave me... I hate hurting others, even if they don't know it happend or understand how it hurt them.)

You have two separate issues here. You feel let down by God, because you've tried to live a good Christian life and you've failed

I've never failed anything; others have failed me! Make that a note for the record.

I chose to quit following the christian life for a while because of the corcumstances I found myself in. Think of it as climbing a mountain, you need to cut some weight sometimes, especially if it is holding you back from accomplishing your mission in a life or death situation.

Don't get the wrong idea though, I still have my moral fiber. And always follow my heart and trust it knowing I will always be doing the right thing. Leastwise upto now...

If you are upset or angry at him because of your issues in relationships, tell him, shout at him, get cross, cry, whatever it takes to get to your true feelings, God is a big God, he can take it, and he will respond, with love and care and compassion. I know this to be true in my own life.

Going through this process, you begin to see that other people are just like you, they are messed and need God too.

I do talk to god, shout at him get angry with him... He ignores me and mocks me... Last week was a prime example.

One thing I cannot do, is make god my sole interest in life anymore. I did it once and it didn't help. Most of what people are saying here I hate to say I've done. Not to say indont appreciate the responses and their input...

be like me humble and pure of heart

I've always done my best to be this way. Not for Jesus so much as for myself and those I care about. I'm not so humble anymore, because the scum of life like to try and pull me down or take credit
for my accomplishments. I end up putting them in their place.

Eg: my mother was neglectful, I had to teach myself how to read write add and how to talk again. But she wants to claim credit for everything I have accomplished acting like she supported me. I love her, but hate her at the same time. She has no idea how much she has hurt me, and doesn't care either... Man my eyes are tearing up! Grrr..!

I do believe there is only so much pain one can endure befor something gives... But giving up is so much harder than people really think.

look what the apostles went through

I'm glad this gives you strength...

It doesn't work for me though...(The apostles actually had Jesus to talk to them in person. Jesus may have died
for our sins but doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to talk to me on the same level as he did the apostles, therefor I still do try to do what is right but I don't respect Jesus in that aspect so much, and I don't honestly care to make comparisons to others problems, though indont mind helping others...)

I'm just tired off the emotional pain... I'm tired of empty promises... The only thing that has brought me anything are my labors and tasks... But I fear for myself now, because of my dark deeds, and likely the many more that lay in front of me...

 

[Mememe21987]

I think it is safe to say that one cannot live, or that life isnot worth living without something/someone to die for...

 

[singpeace]

Mememe,

I wish you would try to take a step back and consider just how much Christ suffered first for us; how our suffering cannot begin to be compared with his.


Isaiah 53:3-6
3. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. 4. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
6. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

1 Peter 4:12-14
"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."

1 Peter 4:1-4
"Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind.... For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles—when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you."

Hebrews 12:1-3
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross.... For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls."

 

[Tempura]

Hey man. I can't concentrate well enough to compose a well-thought answer, it's late here where I live.

But I think I've dealt with something like what you described, with the exception that I've never tried to live a "perfect christian life". What I mean is, i've got crap from those who I loved, got cheated on, future dreams of families broken and myself broken...and I found out many times that you don't always (or nearly ever) get what you give. And, as years passed, I managed to understand that love isn't a favor which should be paid back. I know that's not probably what you meant, the thought was just in my head.
Had my problems with drinking, drugs, suicidal thoughts and have been hospitalized a handful of times.

My brain isn't working right now, but I wanted to say that I might understand what you're saying. You can PM me, tell something more about your situation and you are very welcome to ask any questions from me that you can think of. Anything. I don't come here daily as I used to at some point, but I'll try to check my PM's in a few days, maybe tomorrow if I get to it. Perhaps we could share some experiences, thoughts and feelings.

May God be with you, man.

 

[Mememe21987]

I wish you would take into consideration he was the son of God himself therefor having no reason to doubt himself in his beliefs... That was a road he chose to take. And many more suffered equally as a man for themself back then as well.

Real life issues, you can't just touch someone with a bible and say "be cured!" and everything is alright. Andin truth I only glanced at what the bible verses you wrote said.
######################
!!!WARNING: ON THE SOAP BOX!!!

Telling me that somewhere in this crazy world someone has/had doesn't help much because each issue is unique and obviously the most that some people can take considering there is an average of over 30,000 suicides a year in the US.

Try telling someone who has a .357 pointed to their head and is starting to pull the triggar that "it could always be worse". How many suicide interventions does anyone here have??? I have 3 so far, including a girl I swore was the one for me. Slit her wrist open, by the time I could even talk to her she had almost bled to death, couldn't even roll over! Then try looking down the barrel of that .357, because the guy is flipping out!

Yes I have my own problems, but [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] I cannot stand the whole "well it could always be worse", or "someone has it worse", been through worse whatever! People who say that rarely have dealt with it on such a personal basis if at all!

######################
Ok off my soap box now.

Bible verses don't help me because of how troubled I am in my faith. I'm a human-flippin'-being not some angel or robot, I bleed, need and want things, and not so horrible things either! I ask why I deal with Certain things, and the most anyone can say is "could be worse", come talk to me when you have blood all over you from an attempt by a loved one, or been shot at by the one yiur trying to help if all you can do or say is "could be worse" rather than recommend something or give actual
input besides down play!

I ain't sorry, but I am rambling a bit. It just amazes me how many people continue on with such a useless tactic! "could be worse", oh ok, so suddenly everything is supposed to be better because I can now smile because someone has it worse, I can take delight in suffering or that of
someone elses!

 

[Mememe21987]

Hey man. I can't concentrate well enough to compose a well-thought answer, it's late here where I live.

But I think I've dealt with something like what you described, with the exception that I've never tried to live a "perfect christian life". What I mean is, i've got crap from those who I loved, got cheated on, future dreams of families broken and myself broken...and I found out many times that you don't always (or nearly ever) get what you give. And, as years passed, I managed to understand that love isn't a favor which should be paid back. I know that's not probably what you meant, the thought was just in my head.
Had my problems with drinking, drugs, suicidal thoughts and have been hospitalized a handful of times.

My brain isn't working right now, but I wanted to say that I might understand what you're saying. You can PM me, tell something more about your situation and you are very welcome to ask any questions from me that you can think of. Anything. I don't come here daily as I used to at some point, but I'll try to check my PM's in a few days, maybe tomorrow if I get to it. Perhaps we could share some experiences, thoughts and feelings.

May God be with you, man.

This is more like it...

Thx man, I might just take you up on that offer, I'm busy lately but, maybe be able to do somethin...

 

[Tempura]

Hey, just wanted to say that we posted at the same time, so you wouldn't miss my "answer". Also, intervened suicide attempts too. And I hear you: sometimes verses don't help. When you're in a particular state of mind - you need a fellow human to listen. Trying to sleep now, but if you want to keep in touch, PM me and say/ask anything you will.

and - ramble on. sometimes it's the only thing to do. take care now, even if it sounds stupid.

 

[Tempura]

Hah, you noticed it anyway. Cool!

And don't be shy with that PM thing, I got a feeling that we could have much to share and maybe learn from eachother. Perhaps I could be visiting here more often if I could truly discuss some things in a way that normally isn't tolerated here.

But, to bed.

 

[Mememe21987]

bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]

I dunno exactly what I said, but to emphasize the soapbox a bit more, Christians live in a bubble and generally are spoiled, haven't seen blood and gore more than what is in the movies or on tv, or know how much some things really effect people and their lives. It's hard to explain, but I do my best to refrain from profanity in general, because it is not very gentleman like, and I am considerate of the people I am talkin to. Until you make me angry, then it's open range.

 

[Mememe21987]

You bet partner.

 

[drich0150]

I wish you would take into consideration he was the son of God himself therefor having no reason to doubt himself in his beliefs... That was a road he chose to take. And many more suffered equally as a man for themself back then as well.

Real life issues, you can't just touch someone with a bible and say "be cured!" and everything is alright. Andin truth I only glanced at what the bible verses you wrote said.
######################
!!!WARNING: ON THE SOAP BOX!!!

Telling me that somewhere in this crazy world someone has/had doesn't help much because each issue is unique and obviously the most that some people can take considering there is an average of over 30,000 suicides a year in the US.

Try telling someone who has a .357 pointed to their head and is starting to pull the triggar that "it could always be worse". How many suicide interventions does anyone here have??? I have 3 so far, including a girl I swore was the one for me. Slit her wrist open, by the time I could even talk to her she had almost bled to death, couldn't even roll over! Then try looking down the barrel of that .357, because the guy is flipping out!

Yes I have my own problems, but [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] I cannot stand the whole "well it could always be worse", or "someone has it worse", been through worse whatever! People who say that rarely have dealt with it on such a personal basis if at all!

######################
Ok off my soap box now.

Bible verses don't help me because of how troubled I am in my faith. I'm a human-flippin'-being not some angel or robot, I bleed, need and want things, and not so horrible things either! I ask why I deal with Certain things, and the most anyone can say is "could be worse", come talk to me when you have blood all over you from an attempt by a loved one, or been shot at by the one yiur trying to help if all you can do or say is "could be worse" rather than recommend something or give actual
input besides down play!

I ain't sorry, but I am rambling a bit. It just amazes me how many people continue on with such a useless tactic! "could be worse", oh ok, so suddenly everything is supposed to be better because I can now smile because someone has it worse, I can take delight in suffering or that of
someone elses!

What would be the right response?

 

[Mememe21987]

If I knew for sure I wouldn't be here asking.

Think of it as trying to tell north African tridesman about ice or something. They have might have mo idea what ice is but they know it's not broiling water.

 

[paul1149]

MeMeMe,

It can be excruciatingly hard to trust God for our needs. But God tells us to put Him first because it is crucial HOW those needs are met. When we look to Him first, He guides our path and purifies our heart. When we're ready, He can give us our desires.

Abraham with Isaac is a good example. Abe had to trust for an awful long time. Then even after Isaac was born, Abe was tested again - his greatest test. It's not easy walking with God, but the rewards are great.

There is nothing wrong with the desires you expressed. But the Bible says that God wants to build you up and give you fruit that remains. And that involves restoring our foundations as we trust in Him for guidance.

 

[Jazer]

Why does it seem like my entire life is meant to be nothing but a punishment??? I'm always getting hurt by those I love, I'm always getting my heartbroken with any young lady I hookup with. They either lie to me, or are abusive, and just treat me like dirt even though I normally treat them like an angel...


Drinking has become my biggest issue,

If you keep doing the same thing, your going to keep getting the same results. If you keep hooking up with the wrong women, then you will end up with the same results every time. If your attracted to the wrong kind of women it maybe difficult, because you may not even be attracted to the right ones.

Of course you need to quit drinking and stay away from women who drink. But that may not be so easy to do. God can help you, but you have to decide what you want and if you want His help.