I apologize for the length.
Well my struggle started when I was young. When I was about 15 I developed a problem with masturbation and have strugged on and off with it ever since. Never really getting over it, but I think truly giving up and ignoring the idea that it was wrong and impure.
Last year was my first year at college and I as usually "struggled" with masturbation but honestly did not view as so damaging until the end of the year. It was a difficult year for me. Majoring in biology, the materials taught in my classes really challenged my faith, and led me to a very dark place for a while. Though towards the end of the year I randomly one night googled "gap theory" and that somehow led me a collection of online sermons that really reignited and led me closer to god than I had ever been. That is when I really came to wish to remove the shackles my addiction rewarded me. I struggled a lot. I may make it a week, two weeks, but somehow I would always fall back into it. I'd be really down, forgot what I had told myself, forgot how instantly after I felt ten times worse. But when I returned how from school I began reading alot of christian literature, especially C.S. Lewis, and got really into it, and it filled that hole that often led me to succumb and I was doing great.
After making it about a month, I was really on fire for god, and I felt amazing. I was happier and more joyfull and really felt renewed. And then I became close with a girl, one I had been crazy about for 4 years, but the timing was always wrong. We were together for about two months until she had to go back to school in another state, and it was decided (by her) that we would not try to make it work.
After she left, it was really hard for me. Although it was a short time, there was so much history, and she was truly my ideal girl, it hurt a lot. After she was gone about two weeks, I somehow let the pain I was feeling get to me and succumbed to my addiction once again.
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Cliff notes: I overcame my addiction to masturbation briefly, but reverted and now am back where I started.
Ever since that point I have not been able to make it more than a week. I want to get back to where I was, I need to. I feel so far from the joyfulness I felt. I feel so far from God as well, I can barely remember how it felt being close. So I guess this thread will be the journal of my struggle starting now. If anyone would take it upon themselves to periodically check in on me through this thread that would be very helpful I think. Also any advice would be helpful as well.
Thank you all, and please pray for me,
David
Well my struggle started when I was young. When I was about 15 I developed a problem with masturbation and have strugged on and off with it ever since. Never really getting over it, but I think truly giving up and ignoring the idea that it was wrong and impure.
Last year was my first year at college and I as usually "struggled" with masturbation but honestly did not view as so damaging until the end of the year. It was a difficult year for me. Majoring in biology, the materials taught in my classes really challenged my faith, and led me to a very dark place for a while. Though towards the end of the year I randomly one night googled "gap theory" and that somehow led me a collection of online sermons that really reignited and led me closer to god than I had ever been. That is when I really came to wish to remove the shackles my addiction rewarded me. I struggled a lot. I may make it a week, two weeks, but somehow I would always fall back into it. I'd be really down, forgot what I had told myself, forgot how instantly after I felt ten times worse. But when I returned how from school I began reading alot of christian literature, especially C.S. Lewis, and got really into it, and it filled that hole that often led me to succumb and I was doing great.
After making it about a month, I was really on fire for god, and I felt amazing. I was happier and more joyfull and really felt renewed. And then I became close with a girl, one I had been crazy about for 4 years, but the timing was always wrong. We were together for about two months until she had to go back to school in another state, and it was decided (by her) that we would not try to make it work.
After she left, it was really hard for me. Although it was a short time, there was so much history, and she was truly my ideal girl, it hurt a lot. After she was gone about two weeks, I somehow let the pain I was feeling get to me and succumbed to my addiction once again.
**************************
Cliff notes: I overcame my addiction to masturbation briefly, but reverted and now am back where I started.
Ever since that point I have not been able to make it more than a week. I want to get back to where I was, I need to. I feel so far from the joyfulness I felt. I feel so far from God as well, I can barely remember how it felt being close. So I guess this thread will be the journal of my struggle starting now. If anyone would take it upon themselves to periodically check in on me through this thread that would be very helpful I think. Also any advice would be helpful as well.
Thank you all, and please pray for me,
David
)
