So....with the idea that this might help someone, I would like to talk about the struggle that I had with bulimia. And, believe it or not, it was after I helped people who struggled with Ed, after I helped a friend to stop doing this...after I knew all the consequences of these illnesses
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My parents and sister are very, very perfectionist. They want everything to be perfect and in order. My mum and sister put a lot of emphasis on how you look. I was never like them- I do arrange myself, but I am not obsessed.
There was a time when i got a little bit fat. Not exaggerated, but you could see it. It didn't bother me, but it bothered them. They were reminding me every single day of how fat I was. Firstly it didn't bother me, but then it began to annoy me. I couldn't manage to get skinnier. They were saying me all kind of nasty things and I began to believe them. I got to a state where I just began to hate myself again and to see me as a failure. And here was my mistake- in my immaturity, I wanted to show them..I don't know what I wanted to show them, but I started to eat a lot and then to purge. After every meal. I was forcing myself to eat, and then forcing myself to purge. I can't explain why. I knew every consequence of bulimia. I was already sick when I started it- I was anemic, spasmofilic (I don't know the word in English), I was having problems with my heart, with my imunitare system and some more...I knew what I was doing to myself but still, I did not stop. Every time before I was purging I was putting myself down, saying to me how disgusting, ugly I am. After I was purging, I would feel depressed because I did it. I hated mtself for this. But still, I did not stop. I just can't believe now...I can't understand how I was thinking....
After a time, of course, I began to feel bad. I told to my sis and mum what was I doing and my mum laught, while my sister said "Very good! Now you will get skinnier!" I was so mad! I think that because of my health problems, I began to feel the consequences very early. I was really weak, pale and I couldn't concentrate. One day, I went to a friend and fainted there a couple of times. She had to carry me to church. I could not stand light and I was really weak. I then realized what was I doing. It was like a dark thing felt from my eyes.
Thaks God I didn't do it for a long time, but enough to see what this means. Some years had passed but sometimes, this comes back to me- but now I know how to fight against it!
. My parents and sister are very, very perfectionist. They want everything to be perfect and in order. My mum and sister put a lot of emphasis on how you look. I was never like them- I do arrange myself, but I am not obsessed.
There was a time when i got a little bit fat. Not exaggerated, but you could see it. It didn't bother me, but it bothered them. They were reminding me every single day of how fat I was. Firstly it didn't bother me, but then it began to annoy me. I couldn't manage to get skinnier. They were saying me all kind of nasty things and I began to believe them. I got to a state where I just began to hate myself again and to see me as a failure. And here was my mistake- in my immaturity, I wanted to show them..I don't know what I wanted to show them, but I started to eat a lot and then to purge. After every meal. I was forcing myself to eat, and then forcing myself to purge. I can't explain why. I knew every consequence of bulimia. I was already sick when I started it- I was anemic, spasmofilic (I don't know the word in English), I was having problems with my heart, with my imunitare system and some more...I knew what I was doing to myself but still, I did not stop.
Every time before I was purging I was putting myself down, saying to me how disgusting, ugly I am. After I was purging, I would feel depressed because I did it. I hated mtself for this. But still, I did not stop. I just can't believe now...I can't understand how I was thinking....After a time, of course, I began to feel bad. I told to my sis and mum what was I doing and my mum laught, while my sister said "Very good! Now you will get skinnier!"
I was so mad! I think that because of my health problems, I began to feel the consequences very early. I was really weak, pale and I couldn't concentrate. One day, I went to a friend and fainted there a couple of times. She had to carry me to church. I could not stand light and I was really weak. I then realized what was I doing. It was like a dark thing felt from my eyes. Thaks God I didn't do it for a long time, but enough to see what this means. Some years had passed but sometimes, this comes back to me- but now I know how to fight against it!
