I would like to share my experiences with you, so that you can understand who I am. This is not an attempt to gain pitty, but to give you a better understanding of why I may react to certain things differently than others.
I think you in advance and will answer any questions that you may have.
I'm from a little town in the Midwest. I was born and raised here. Learned about life in the mid seventy's. Was raised religiously in the Jehovah's Witness faith, but had to run away from home in my teenage years to get away from it.
Being steeped in religion, has value to me, because it taught me how to not judge people by their looks, but by their hearts, but It also held me back as far as learning how to be streetwise and how to deal sociably with others of my own age group.
I had a very hard time making the transition from the religious world to the secular one, in that I took my good nature from a secluded faith-based pocket universe to a greed infested jungle, that I was in no way ready for. I think, on a certain level, this could be construed as child abuse, since it is the parents duty to prepare the child to meet the world head on and all I knew about is the world of the Jehovah's witness. I guess, I should be lucky that I got out, when I did, since I think hitting the world in my 20's would be even more of a culture shock. In a way. I'm grateful to that early background because the impact of what I went through, within the transition. The ridicule, The use of people who played me for a fool, Those that used me for my money, and used me to further their own ends, has taught me the bitter pill that those who seem to glow in the eyes of others at times stinks to high heaven after the glitter wears off and those that others dismiss might just be a goldmine of human compassion and kindness. I've found the same lesions, no matter where I go.
Even those that others have seen to be total %^^$#&&%$##, I've seen the milk of human kindness, If you confront them head on in a non-confrontational manor. This I had done several times while I was admin. Some times it worked, sometime it didn't. I guess my major strong point and my major flaw is too, as they say, wear my heart on my sleeve. I've been hurt many times, by many people, but I've found a reservoir of some of the most wonderful people in the world. I think it's my vulnerable nature that takes those people that are already careworn by a thoughtless unforgiving world by surprise. They seem not sure how to take me at first.
I've had in my life boats with my substance, both chemical and alcoholic, and paid for both in some measure. I overdosed on a powerful form of THC called Canebinol, in the late 70's and if my brother wasn't there, I would not be here typing this. He had to give me mouth to mouth, while my body ran through convulsions that made me lock my jaws, to which I bit my brother terribly. I had no knowledge of this, until he told me the next day. I woke up in a pair of underwear that in my brain-fried state felt like someone inverted a coconut shell, cut out waist and leg holes and put it on me. My vision was such that proportion was off. I saw everything as being 2 feet high and 7 foot wide. I watched a entire marathon of The Three Stooges in this state. I finally came back to myself, but I have a serious lack of a short term memory, because of that. I guess, there are some mistakes in your life, you just can't get away from. This memory loss is one of them. Even after that I stayed in the drug and alcohol world, and fantasied about me being the eternal rebel, without a cause, until reality started forcing it's ugly head into my world. All my friends were moving on and I was stuck in the world of the 60's, while my body was in the mid 80's.
I had ran from one sanctuary to the next, trying unbeknownst to me, to remain a kid. I thought it was everybody else, but it was the drugs and alcohol that was whispering that in my ear. I ended up in Texas, where I encountered another lost soul. This one female, and she took a liking to me. One thing lead to another and we ended up in bed, several times, before reality found me again and I found my way back up in Kansas, with my brother, who had just about reached the end of his rope with me. We had a blow out and I left to find a halfway house and a final resolution to my drug addled life. Two things happened there.
(1) I found out that the little girl I bedded down in Texas was pregnant and
(2) I was in desperate need of a new life.
I talked to the girl and told her I wasn't ready to be a father yet, and that I was going to shake the drugs and straighten my life out. I did that and more. In the intervening months, I not only detoxed, but entered the military at the ripe old age of 25. I kept in touch with the girl from Texas, through my father, who I found out later had his own ideas about me being a parent. I went through boot camp and sent my dad money to give to the girl, since her mother was Catholic and was pretty steamed about the whole affair. She wouldn't even let me talk to her, unless I had a ring in my hand and a church surrounding me. Well to make a long story short, My father contacted me and said the girl gave birth to a little girl, still borne. He said that she told him, that she never wanted to talk to me, and that I should stay away. I tried several time to call but the mother just let me die on the answering machine. I learned to hate that device right then and there. I came to Texas, during the Christmas holiday, with a ring in my hand, but they had already moved.
I spent that Xmas with my old man and continued supporting him financially through my 8.5 years in the military. He took ill and had several strokes as my military career came to a close, and he passed away as I was trying to get a hardship transfer from the base where I was to Ft. Riley, Ks, so I could be closer to him. My brother took after him as I took after my mom, in attitude, and I wasn't to learn just how controlling he had been until the begriming of last year.
Well, I left the military after the wall fell and was actually in Germany when it did. I was also there, during the Gulf War, and got out under the Early out program. I went directly into trucking and spent the next 16 years of my life over the road. I changed jobs at the end of 2007 and got on where I now work. This is right after my brother, who also drives a truck, decided to go out drinking over Superbowl Sunday, and I got a call from my nephew that my brother and his wife was pulled over, about a mile from our house. He was lucky and just lost his license for a year. I helped him keep what he's worked for all of his life, by renting a room for the price of a house payment, per month. This will continue until June of last year.
This is where my life took a drastic leap in a way back machine and found out just how devious my dad really was. I knew he had taken the brunt end of a cash settlement of a motorcycle accident I had and spent it on himself, but money was never a driving issue in my life, but what he had done in my personal life was inexcusable.
After I had made my 1st trip for my new company, out to California I was surprised by a call I received coming up I-15 through Utah. I got a call from a 25 year old woman who's initial words were "Hi DADDY" no joke. That's what she said and started crying her eyes out. I found out that my beloved Dad had thought my chances of being a father, so slim that he had lied to both me and the mother of my child. Not only was I a father, but a grand father as well.
Also I found out my little girls mother was still as screwed up as she was, back then. 48 year old 250 lbs of teenager, wanting someone desperately to come save her from herself. I'm trying to get her to take the steps to be self sufficient, but it's like pulling teeth from a duck. I talk with my daughter, who is trying to go through nursing school, and she has all the support I can muster. The Economy is crap and I'm struggling as everyone else is. I hope this will give you some reason why I'm the way I am.
I think you in advance and will answer any questions that you may have.
I'm from a little town in the Midwest. I was born and raised here. Learned about life in the mid seventy's. Was raised religiously in the Jehovah's Witness faith, but had to run away from home in my teenage years to get away from it.
Being steeped in religion, has value to me, because it taught me how to not judge people by their looks, but by their hearts, but It also held me back as far as learning how to be streetwise and how to deal sociably with others of my own age group.
I had a very hard time making the transition from the religious world to the secular one, in that I took my good nature from a secluded faith-based pocket universe to a greed infested jungle, that I was in no way ready for. I think, on a certain level, this could be construed as child abuse, since it is the parents duty to prepare the child to meet the world head on and all I knew about is the world of the Jehovah's witness. I guess, I should be lucky that I got out, when I did, since I think hitting the world in my 20's would be even more of a culture shock. In a way. I'm grateful to that early background because the impact of what I went through, within the transition. The ridicule, The use of people who played me for a fool, Those that used me for my money, and used me to further their own ends, has taught me the bitter pill that those who seem to glow in the eyes of others at times stinks to high heaven after the glitter wears off and those that others dismiss might just be a goldmine of human compassion and kindness. I've found the same lesions, no matter where I go.
Even those that others have seen to be total %^^$#&&%$##, I've seen the milk of human kindness, If you confront them head on in a non-confrontational manor. This I had done several times while I was admin. Some times it worked, sometime it didn't. I guess my major strong point and my major flaw is too, as they say, wear my heart on my sleeve. I've been hurt many times, by many people, but I've found a reservoir of some of the most wonderful people in the world. I think it's my vulnerable nature that takes those people that are already careworn by a thoughtless unforgiving world by surprise. They seem not sure how to take me at first.
I've had in my life boats with my substance, both chemical and alcoholic, and paid for both in some measure. I overdosed on a powerful form of THC called Canebinol, in the late 70's and if my brother wasn't there, I would not be here typing this. He had to give me mouth to mouth, while my body ran through convulsions that made me lock my jaws, to which I bit my brother terribly. I had no knowledge of this, until he told me the next day. I woke up in a pair of underwear that in my brain-fried state felt like someone inverted a coconut shell, cut out waist and leg holes and put it on me. My vision was such that proportion was off. I saw everything as being 2 feet high and 7 foot wide. I watched a entire marathon of The Three Stooges in this state. I finally came back to myself, but I have a serious lack of a short term memory, because of that. I guess, there are some mistakes in your life, you just can't get away from. This memory loss is one of them. Even after that I stayed in the drug and alcohol world, and fantasied about me being the eternal rebel, without a cause, until reality started forcing it's ugly head into my world. All my friends were moving on and I was stuck in the world of the 60's, while my body was in the mid 80's.
I had ran from one sanctuary to the next, trying unbeknownst to me, to remain a kid. I thought it was everybody else, but it was the drugs and alcohol that was whispering that in my ear. I ended up in Texas, where I encountered another lost soul. This one female, and she took a liking to me. One thing lead to another and we ended up in bed, several times, before reality found me again and I found my way back up in Kansas, with my brother, who had just about reached the end of his rope with me. We had a blow out and I left to find a halfway house and a final resolution to my drug addled life. Two things happened there.
(1) I found out that the little girl I bedded down in Texas was pregnant and
(2) I was in desperate need of a new life.
I talked to the girl and told her I wasn't ready to be a father yet, and that I was going to shake the drugs and straighten my life out. I did that and more. In the intervening months, I not only detoxed, but entered the military at the ripe old age of 25. I kept in touch with the girl from Texas, through my father, who I found out later had his own ideas about me being a parent. I went through boot camp and sent my dad money to give to the girl, since her mother was Catholic and was pretty steamed about the whole affair. She wouldn't even let me talk to her, unless I had a ring in my hand and a church surrounding me. Well to make a long story short, My father contacted me and said the girl gave birth to a little girl, still borne. He said that she told him, that she never wanted to talk to me, and that I should stay away. I tried several time to call but the mother just let me die on the answering machine. I learned to hate that device right then and there. I came to Texas, during the Christmas holiday, with a ring in my hand, but they had already moved.
I spent that Xmas with my old man and continued supporting him financially through my 8.5 years in the military. He took ill and had several strokes as my military career came to a close, and he passed away as I was trying to get a hardship transfer from the base where I was to Ft. Riley, Ks, so I could be closer to him. My brother took after him as I took after my mom, in attitude, and I wasn't to learn just how controlling he had been until the begriming of last year.
Well, I left the military after the wall fell and was actually in Germany when it did. I was also there, during the Gulf War, and got out under the Early out program. I went directly into trucking and spent the next 16 years of my life over the road. I changed jobs at the end of 2007 and got on where I now work. This is right after my brother, who also drives a truck, decided to go out drinking over Superbowl Sunday, and I got a call from my nephew that my brother and his wife was pulled over, about a mile from our house. He was lucky and just lost his license for a year. I helped him keep what he's worked for all of his life, by renting a room for the price of a house payment, per month. This will continue until June of last year.
This is where my life took a drastic leap in a way back machine and found out just how devious my dad really was. I knew he had taken the brunt end of a cash settlement of a motorcycle accident I had and spent it on himself, but money was never a driving issue in my life, but what he had done in my personal life was inexcusable.
After I had made my 1st trip for my new company, out to California I was surprised by a call I received coming up I-15 through Utah. I got a call from a 25 year old woman who's initial words were "Hi DADDY" no joke. That's what she said and started crying her eyes out. I found out that my beloved Dad had thought my chances of being a father, so slim that he had lied to both me and the mother of my child. Not only was I a father, but a grand father as well.
Also I found out my little girls mother was still as screwed up as she was, back then. 48 year old 250 lbs of teenager, wanting someone desperately to come save her from herself. I'm trying to get her to take the steps to be self sufficient, but it's like pulling teeth from a duck. I talk with my daughter, who is trying to go through nursing school, and she has all the support I can muster. The Economy is crap and I'm struggling as everyone else is. I hope this will give you some reason why I'm the way I am.
Last edited:
- well-meant, but sanctimonious crap. 
Try to enjoy it for what it is - that's my only advice.
