My story that I have never talked about before. Please help me

[lildrum_man_777]

This is my story, This story is really long but if you would take some time to please help me I would very much be thankful.

I am 17 year old young man, and today I just watched a TV special on catching sex preditors and during and after watching it I felt either of these two things.One, the holyspirit convicting me about my past sexual sins that I totally forgot about because of my young age or it was two, satan reminding and condeming me of my past sexual sins. Before I tell my story I just want to say, this is really hard for me to type even when you guys and girls don't personally know me and I have never told anyone about this and I'm seeking some serious help from other christians about this.

So here it goes, when I was really,really young, my parents had some really close friends and their one of their friends had a son. I think he 17,18 or older, and I can only remember on time that this happend, but this one time he touched my private parts and had me do some really bad things to him, there was no intercourse(which I am so glad),just four-play.I was so young and small I didn't I was doing wrong but he DID!!!. I did not want to do it but he did. I'm just glad I wasn't raped or forcefully abused.

Later on down in life as I was still really young, meand my cousin sexually messed around with eachother, he was a boy, and we were about the same age only about a month apart.We didn't think of it as sexual sin or being wrong at all, not to long after that, his two twin sisters that were a little younger,the sisters and I also messed around on eachother.All of this sexual sin between my 3 cousins,only happend a few times.When I say messing around I don't mean messing around like a teenager or like an adult would, because I was still a very young child. I did feel it was a tiny bit wrong but nothing close to major.I don't even my cousins would remember this unless I reminded them.This sexual sin that my cousins and I did has never caused a problem between us because we were so young and saw no wrong in it at all.Today was the first time I have remembered it in years.


Many years after this when I was a quite older and at this point in my life I knew right from wrong but I was also very addicted to pornography and masturbation.My parents had gotten a divorce,my mother married a very mean,hateful,and mental abusive man.My father also got remarried and had two other kids and plus my step mother had two kids of her own.So my life was really at time bad bad and confusing, but this is no real excuse but all this trouble in my life didn't help any.This is so hard to go on and tell what I did but I feel I need to confess,tell, and get it out of my system this so many years later.My Father and step mother had a foster child, he was like 10,11, or 12 he could of been younger, but I really doubt he was any older than that. So as this young boy and I grew close, and me being addicted to porn and masturbation, I told him we could have a secret, and he agreed.I was so stupid and hate what I did.I touched him on him on his private area and he touched me also, there was no intercourse involved, I was not going to do that.The farthest was oral, adn this only happend no more than 3 times. I NEVER forced him or made him do it.. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong but this time I DID!!!.This boy was,if im not mistaken,sexually abused totally differently from what I did,alot worse, but what I did is so very,very worng,sexual sin is sexual sin.

Me and another boy, can't remember if it was before or after this incident with the foster child, messed around also.Again oral was the farthest I would go, but this messing around between this other boy and I only happend about twice.Later on down a few years of life, my mothers best friend had a daughter about a year and a half younger than I was, this was a girl that I grew up with was kindof like family.I would spend the the night with her and hang out with her just like a close friend would.But on one night we got a litte to close and were curious about sex and all the different things that are with it,all we did that night was kiss.But I would keep coming to spend the night, I think I was about 15 when this happend, but every night go farther until, one night we had sexual intercourse which I forver wish I would have saved for my wife that god had for me.This went on between her and I for a great while, my mom and her mom found out about it but they didn't tell anyone.My father sill to this day doesen't know,at least I don't think so.

There were only 2 more incidents with 2 other women but never intercourse.I only had sexual intercourse with one girl but oral,4-play,intercourse, it's all very wrong.After them two girls I haven't had any other incidents with anyother peoplem but I was still addicted to pornography and masturbation.I have changed from bad to good, I have alot from THEN to NOW.I am now 17 years old and today when I remembered about all these past things I have done ,it makes me so sick,I still can't believe what I did and now at 17 years old I would never think or even dream about these things I've done, especially with another MALE!!! or a FAMILY member or a small CHILD, it just makes me so sick and hate what I did forever. I'm not attracted to men,children or family members at all, I am not incest or gay. I am 100% attracted to WOMEN my age and to be blunt about it when I would look at porn, I would always stay away from gay men and child porn. I just don't understand why I was so stupid to do what I did.My wicked porn addiction was so strong that I would not care about anything except the GOOD felling.But when the good feeling was over I would be overcome with so much guilt and would say to myself I am NEVER doing that again but I did.Because the good feeling that came with my stong addiction shrouded(covered)my guilt and shameful feeling that convinced me that I was never going to do it again

That is why porn and masturbation has been so hard for me to quit.But as of right now about a week ago, I quit pornography and masturbation,its been so hard,but for about a week now I have succeeded and plan to for the rest of my life with the help of my dear LORD JESUS!!!.I was so controlled by satan but now I am controlled by GOD!!!.Every time I did one of those sexual sins I would feel like I should of quit living right then and there,i was really sorry and had much remorse, the feeling was so horible but the then that GOOD short-term feeling of my strong addiction would come back and override the feeling I had of being really sorry and showing of remorse.Until that short-term pleasure went away it was like I totally forgot what it was like to feel bad or sorry for committing the sin.But since I have prayed and asked god to help me, now I can remember how sorry I was even with that good feeling being there.But today I am clean of that sin and like I said for about a week now I have stayed away from porn and masturbation.I am living for God, my life has gotten better, I love the two kids my dad and step mom had and my step brothers.My mother divorced that mean abusive man remmaried a wonderful man that is just awsome and him and my mom plan to go to church.My mother kind of backslid during the first divorce with my father, but she plans on going back to Jesus.My life is wonderful now, I am blessed.But looking back on what I did, I am have so much trouble forgiving myself for them sinful things I did and I'm also having trouble about God forgiving me, so this is where i need you help.Also, if you could, please tell me if I was under conviction of the Holy Spirit or I was being reminded and condemend by satan.

Thank you so very much if you read this and plan on helping me, God Bless You

 

[goldenviolet]

lildrum_man_777 God bless you! i am so blessed to come across your post first. i think God kept your thread empty just for me. (first impression) i prayerfully answer your post. i have taken child development, sexual abuse therepy, preditor classes, and even participated in sexual preditor therepy as a mentor as well as mentoring those who are recovering from abuise.

you were taught sexually inappropriate things through abuse. you say the first time wasn't forced; but yes it was. it was through manipulation of your curiousness and innocence. the person may have also been in the cycle of sexual abuse/ or preditory. sexual abuse when not dealt with, often starts a cycle of sexual behaviors. acting out either starting (imatating and exploring) more innapropriate behavior... or causing the victim to be vulnerable to circumstances where more abuse occurs. the porn and touching yourself probly became a part of the cycle too.


the guilt you are feeling is one of the symptoms of abuse and innapropriate sex (before marriage too). we have guilt for the mistakes we view as really bad too. so you can say, that there is a big weight on your shoulders. i recommend that you exsplore counseling. you may not need it; but you may benifet from knowing you are not alone, and it may put guilt and fears that you are a preditor away (fears and wondering that you are is also a symptom). you could possibly need counseling. so this is why i reccommend exsploring it.

i want you to be blessed and not carry the misconceptions of sex and love that many of us abused carry. i also recommend that you exsplore premarital counseling (before marriage counseling through church), men's support groups through church, and stuff relating to the role of a christain man.

God bless you! you have God's mercy and grace. let me encourage you: God calls you son. His child.
you are blessed and redeemed. your past is washed away!

I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. Philippians 3:13

 

[dalej42]

You're doing the right thing. Remember that you are a child of God and nothing can seperate you from the love of God.

 

[eastcoast_bsc]

Don't beat up on yourself. You did the right thing and have confessed your sin. The key is that you stated, you do not have these feelings and compulsions now. You had a lot of baggage dumped on you from your family situation as a child. It was a sin what they did to you. Remember the scripture regarding the Sins of the forefathers. Just remember that " There is NO condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. Move forward in your life and don't let this situation from the past, rent space in your head.

 

[christiankid]

if you have asked forgiveness from God and are truely repentant then God has forgiven you. you shouldt feel tormente about it but you shoud remember the lessons you learned
God bless you and you will be in my prayers

 

[Eskarina]

You are far braver than I, to utter, even online, the inappropriate stuff you've done. I have never done, or been subject to anything the world might consider wrong, but I've sinned against God. I understand the "I'll never do that again" and then doing it anyway. You are no weaker than the rest of us and you CAN overcome it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

[BasicFaithKid]

This is my story, This story is really long but if you would take some time to please help me I would very much be thankful.

I am 17 year old young man, and today I just watched a TV special on catching sex preditors and during and after watching it I felt either of these two things.One, the holyspirit convicting me about my past sexual sins that I totally forgot about because of my young age or it was two, satan reminding and condeming me of my past sexual sins. Before I tell my story I just want to say, this is really hard for me to type even when you guys and girls don't personally know me and I have never told anyone about this and I'm seeking some serious help from other christians about this.

So here it goes, when I was really,really young, my parents had some really close friends and their one of their friends had a son. I think he 17,18 or older, and I can only remember on time that this happend, but this one time he touched my private parts and had me do some really bad things to him, there was no intercourse(which I am so glad),just four-play.I was so young and small I didn't I was doing wrong but he DID!!!. I did not want to do it but he did. I'm just glad I wasn't raped or forcefully abused.

Later on down in life as I was still really young, meand my cousin sexually messed around with eachother, he was a boy, and we were about the same age only about a month apart.We didn't think of it as sexual sin or being wrong at all, not to long after that, his two twin sisters that were a little younger,the sisters and I also messed around on eachother.All of this sexual sin between my 3 cousins,only happend a few times.When I say messing around I don't mean messing around like a teenager or like an adult would, because I was still a very young child. I did feel it was a tiny bit wrong but nothing close to major.I don't even my cousins would remember this unless I reminded them.This sexual sin that my cousins and I did has never caused a problem between us because we were so young and saw no wrong in it at all.Today was the first time I have remembered it in years.


Many years after this when I was a quite older and at this point in my life I knew right from wrong but I was also very addicted to pornography and masturbation.My parents had gotten a divorce,my mother married a very mean,hateful,and mental abusive man.My father also got remarried and had two other kids and plus my step mother had two kids of her own.So my life was really at time bad bad and confusing, but this is no real excuse but all this trouble in my life didn't help any.This is so hard to go on and tell what I did but I feel I need to confess,tell, and get it out of my system this so many years later.My Father and step mother had a foster child, he was like 10,11, or 12 he could of been younger, but I really doubt he was any older than that. So as this young boy and I grew close, and me being addicted to porn and masturbation, I told him we could have a secret, and he agreed.I was so stupid and hate what I did.I touched him on him on his private area and he touched me also, there was no intercourse involved, I was not going to do that.The farthest was oral, adn this only happend no more than 3 times. I NEVER forced him or made him do it.. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong but this time I DID!!!.This boy was,if im not mistaken,sexually abused totally differently from what I did,alot worse, but what I did is so very,very worng,sexual sin is sexual sin.

Me and another boy, can't remember if it was before or after this incident with the foster child, messed around also.Again oral was the farthest I would go, but this messing around between this other boy and I only happend about twice.Later on down a few years of life, my mothers best friend had a daughter about a year and a half younger than I was, this was a girl that I grew up with was kindof like family.I would spend the the night with her and hang out with her just like a close friend would.But on one night we got a litte to close and were curious about sex and all the different things that are with it,all we did that night was kiss.But I would keep coming to spend the night, I think I was about 15 when this happend, but every night go farther until, one night we had sexual intercourse which I forver wish I would have saved for my wife that god had for me.This went on between her and I for a great while, my mom and her mom found out about it but they didn't tell anyone.My father sill to this day doesen't know,at least I don't think so.

There were only 2 more incidents with 2 other women but never intercourse.I only had sexual intercourse with one girl but oral,4-play,intercourse, it's all very wrong.After them two girls I haven't had any other incidents with anyother peoplem but I was still addicted to pornography and masturbation.I have changed from bad to good, I have alot from THEN to NOW.I am now 17 years old and today when I remembered about all these past things I have done ,it makes me so sick,I still can't believe what I did and now at 17 years old I would never think or even dream about these things I've done, especially with another MALE!!! or a FAMILY member or a small CHILD, it just makes me so sick and hate what I did forever. I'm not attracted to men,children or family members at all, I am not incest or gay. I am 100% attracted to WOMEN my age and to be blunt about it when I would look at porn, I would always stay away from gay men and child porn. I just don't understand why I was so stupid to do what I did.My wicked porn addiction was so strong that I would not care about anything except the GOOD felling.But when the good feeling was over I would be overcome with so much guilt and would say to myself I am NEVER doing that again but I did.Because the good feeling that came with my stong addiction shrouded(covered)my guilt and shameful feeling that convinced me that I was never going to do it again

That is why porn and masturbation has been so hard for me to quit.But as of right now about a week ago, I quit pornography and masturbation,its been so hard,but for about a week now I have succeeded and plan to for the rest of my life with the help of my dear LORD JESUS!!!.I was so controlled by satan but now I am controlled by GOD!!!.Every time I did one of those sexual sins I would feel like I should of quit living right then and there,i was really sorry and had much remorse, the feeling was so horible but the then that GOOD short-term feeling of my strong addiction would come back and override the feeling I had of being really sorry and showing of remorse.Until that short-term pleasure went away it was like I totally forgot what it was like to feel bad or sorry for committing the sin.But since I have prayed and asked god to help me, now I can remember how sorry I was even with that good feeling being there.But today I am clean of that sin and like I said for about a week now I have stayed away from porn and masturbation.I am living for God, my life has gotten better, I love the two kids my dad and step mom had and my step brothers.My mother divorced that mean abusive man remmaried a wonderful man that is just awsome and him and my mom plan to go to church.My mother kind of backslid during the first divorce with my father, but she plans on going back to Jesus.My life is wonderful now, I am blessed.But looking back on what I did, I am have so much trouble forgiving myself for them sinful things I did and I'm also having trouble about God forgiving me, so this is where i need you help.Also, if you could, please tell me if I was under conviction of the Holy Spirit or I was being reminded and condemend by satan.

Thank you so very much if you read this and plan on helping me, God Bless You

i see why i what so hard to say i will pray for you and any other people that have a problem with this problem

 

[catlover]

LilDrum, you need to know Jesus loves you. I have two suggestions, one get in therapy, preferably with a Christian therapist, two attend church regularly. Find a good home church and attend services regularly.

 

[lilmiah_101]

God has forgiven you, think only about the forgivness, his blood that was shed is enough to wash away every sin. God died for you and he loves you so much.

 

[lildrum_man_777]

I have to memberships to this site because it was so hard for me to tell my story. I just want to say thanks to *EVERYONE* who has helped me with their time and post's, and thanks to the still to come post's.And as of right now, I am FREE!!! from my addiction totally, by the awesome LORD Jesus Christ. This story has been washed away from me forever by the blood of jesus and I will be free for ever.

Thank you ChristianForum members, God Bless You!!!

 

[11MAN]

This is my story, This story is really long but if you would take some time to please help me I would very much be thankful.

I am 17 year old young man, and today I just watched a TV special on catching sex preditors and during and after watching it I felt either of these two things.One, the holyspirit convicting me about my past sexual sins that I totally forgot about because of my young age or it was two, satan reminding and condeming me of my past sexual sins. Before I tell my story I just want to say, this is really hard for me to type even when you guys and girls don't personally know me and I have never told anyone about this and I'm seeking some serious help from other christians about this.

So here it goes, when I was really,really young, my parents had some really close friends and their one of their friends had a son. I think he 17,18 or older, and I can only remember on time that this happend, but this one time he touched my private parts and had me do some really bad things to him, there was no intercourse(which I am so glad),just four-play.I was so young and small I didn't I was doing wrong but he DID!!!. I did not want to do it but he did. I'm just glad I wasn't raped or forcefully abused.

Later on down in life as I was still really young, meand my cousin sexually messed around with eachother, he was a boy, and we were about the same age only about a month apart.We didn't think of it as sexual sin or being wrong at all, not to long after that, his two twin sisters that were a little younger,the sisters and I also messed around on eachother.All of this sexual sin between my 3 cousins,only happend a few times.When I say messing around I don't mean messing around like a teenager or like an adult would, because I was still a very young child. I did feel it was a tiny bit wrong but nothing close to major.I don't even my cousins would remember this unless I reminded them.This sexual sin that my cousins and I did has never caused a problem between us because we were so young and saw no wrong in it at all.Today was the first time I have remembered it in years.


Many years after this when I was a quite older and at this point in my life I knew right from wrong but I was also very addicted to pornography and masturbation.My parents had gotten a divorce,my mother married a very mean,hateful,and mental abusive man.My father also got remarried and had two other kids and plus my step mother had two kids of her own.So my life was really at time bad bad and confusing, but this is no real excuse but all this trouble in my life didn't help any.This is so hard to go on and tell what I did but I feel I need to confess,tell, and get it out of my system this so many years later.My Father and step mother had a foster child, he was like 10,11, or 12 he could of been younger, but I really doubt he was any older than that. So as this young boy and I grew close, and me being addicted to porn and masturbation, I told him we could have a secret, and he agreed.I was so stupid and hate what I did.I touched him on him on his private area and he touched me also, there was no intercourse involved, I was not going to do that.The farthest was oral, adn this only happend no more than 3 times. I NEVER forced him or made him do it.. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong but this time I DID!!!.This boy was,if im not mistaken,sexually abused totally differently from what I did,alot worse, but what I did is so very,very worng,sexual sin is sexual sin.

Me and another boy, can't remember if it was before or after this incident with the foster child, messed around also.Again oral was the farthest I would go, but this messing around between this other boy and I only happend about twice.Later on down a few years of life, my mothers best friend had a daughter about a year and a half younger than I was, this was a girl that I grew up with was kindof like family.I would spend the the night with her and hang out with her just like a close friend would.But on one night we got a litte to close and were curious about sex and all the different things that are with it,all we did that night was kiss.But I would keep coming to spend the night, I think I was about 15 when this happend, but every night go farther until, one night we had sexual intercourse which I forver wish I would have saved for my wife that god had for me.This went on between her and I for a great while, my mom and her mom found out about it but they didn't tell anyone.My father sill to this day doesen't know,at least I don't think so.

There were only 2 more incidents with 2 other women but never intercourse.I only had sexual intercourse with one girl but oral,4-play,intercourse, it's all very wrong.After them two girls I haven't had any other incidents with anyother peoplem but I was still addicted to pornography and masturbation.I have changed from bad to good, I have alot from THEN to NOW.I am now 17 years old and today when I remembered about all these past things I have done ,it makes me so sick,I still can't believe what I did and now at 17 years old I would never think or even dream about these things I've done, especially with another MALE!!! or a FAMILY member or a small CHILD, it just makes me so sick and hate what I did forever. I'm not attracted to men,children or family members at all, I am not incest or gay. I am 100% attracted to WOMEN my age and to be blunt about it when I would look at porn, I would always stay away from gay men and child porn. I just don't understand why I was so stupid to do what I did.My wicked porn addiction was so strong that I would not care about anything except the GOOD felling.But when the good feeling was over I would be overcome with so much guilt and would say to myself I am NEVER doing that again but I did.Because the good feeling that came with my stong addiction shrouded(covered)my guilt and shameful feeling that convinced me that I was never going to do it again

That is why porn and masturbation has been so hard for me to quit.But as of right now about a week ago, I quit pornography and masturbation,its been so hard,but for about a week now I have succeeded and plan to for the rest of my life with the help of my dear LORD JESUS!!!.I was so controlled by satan but now I am controlled by GOD!!!.Every time I did one of those sexual sins I would feel like I should of quit living right then and there,i was really sorry and had much remorse, the feeling was so horible but the then that GOOD short-term feeling of my strong addiction would come back and override the feeling I had of being really sorry and showing of remorse.Until that short-term pleasure went away it was like I totally forgot what it was like to feel bad or sorry for committing the sin.But since I have prayed and asked god to help me, now I can remember how sorry I was even with that good feeling being there.But today I am clean of that sin and like I said for about a week now I have stayed away from porn and masturbation.I am living for God, my life has gotten better, I love the two kids my dad and step mom had and my step brothers.My mother divorced that mean abusive man remmaried a wonderful man that is just awsome and him and my mom plan to go to church.My mother kind of backslid during the first divorce with my father, but she plans on going back to Jesus.My life is wonderful now, I am blessed.But looking back on what I did, I am have so much trouble forgiving myself for them sinful things I did and I'm also having trouble about God forgiving me, so this is where i need you help.Also, if you could, please tell me if I was under conviction of the Holy Spirit or I was being reminded and condemend by satan.

Thank you so very much if you read this and plan on helping me, God Bless You

God bless you friend,
I had a similar childhood to you
I ended up in a Homosexual lifestyle because of it until the Lord Jesus saved me that was a year and a half ago,
I encourage you to ask the lord for the Courage to tell a Christian friend, someone who you can trust, Satan will try to bring up your past but if you have been born again greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.
I pray that you have a strong prayer group or fellowship of believing friends that you can set yourself free from your past.
May God bless you and keep you from the evil one
your friend and brother
>josh

 

[zmattz3]

This is my story, This story is really long but if you would take some time to please help me I would very much be thankful.

I am 17 year old young man, and today I just watched a TV special on catching sex preditors and during and after watching it I felt either of these two things.One, the holyspirit convicting me about my past sexual sins that I totally forgot about because of my young age or it was two, satan reminding and condeming me of my past sexual sins. Before I tell my story I just want to say, this is really hard for me to type even when you guys and girls don't personally know me and I have never told anyone about this and I'm seeking some serious help from other christians about this.

So here it goes, when I was really,really young, my parents had some really close friends and their one of their friends had a son. I think he 17,18 or older, and I can only remember on time that this happend, but this one time he touched my private parts and had me do some really bad things to him, there was no intercourse(which I am so glad),just four-play.I was so young and small I didn't I was doing wrong but he DID!!!. I did not want to do it but he did. I'm just glad I wasn't raped or forcefully abused.

Later on down in life as I was still really young, meand my cousin sexually messed around with eachother, he was a boy, and we were about the same age only about a month apart.We didn't think of it as sexual sin or being wrong at all, not to long after that, his two twin sisters that were a little younger,the sisters and I also messed around on eachother.All of this sexual sin between my 3 cousins,only happend a few times.When I say messing around I don't mean messing around like a teenager or like an adult would, because I was still a very young child. I did feel it was a tiny bit wrong but nothing close to major.I don't even my cousins would remember this unless I reminded them.This sexual sin that my cousins and I did has never caused a problem between us because we were so young and saw no wrong in it at all.Today was the first time I have remembered it in years.


Many years after this when I was a quite older and at this point in my life I knew right from wrong but I was also very addicted to pornography and masturbation.My parents had gotten a divorce,my mother married a very mean,hateful,and mental abusive man.My father also got remarried and had two other kids and plus my step mother had two kids of her own.So my life was really at time bad bad and confusing, but this is no real excuse but all this trouble in my life didn't help any.This is so hard to go on and tell what I did but I feel I need to confess,tell, and get it out of my system this so many years later.My Father and step mother had a foster child, he was like 10,11, or 12 he could of been younger, but I really doubt he was any older than that. So as this young boy and I grew close, and me being addicted to porn and masturbation, I told him we could have a secret, and he agreed.I was so stupid and hate what I did.I touched him on him on his private area and he touched me also, there was no intercourse involved, I was not going to do that.The farthest was oral, adn this only happend no more than 3 times. I NEVER forced him or made him do it.. He didn't know what he was doing was wrong but this time I DID!!!.This boy was,if im not mistaken,sexually abused totally differently from what I did,alot worse, but what I did is so very,very worng,sexual sin is sexual sin.

Me and another boy, can't remember if it was before or after this incident with the foster child, messed around also.Again oral was the farthest I would go, but this messing around between this other boy and I only happend about twice.Later on down a few years of life, my mothers best friend had a daughter about a year and a half younger than I was, this was a girl that I grew up with was kindof like family.I would spend the the night with her and hang out with her just like a close friend would.But on one night we got a litte to close and were curious about sex and all the different things that are with it,all we did that night was kiss.But I would keep coming to spend the night, I think I was about 15 when this happend, but every night go farther until, one night we had sexual intercourse which I forver wish I would have saved for my wife that god had for me.This went on between her and I for a great while, my mom and her mom found out about it but they didn't tell anyone.My father sill to this day doesen't know,at least I don't think so.

There were only 2 more incidents with 2 other women but never intercourse.I only had sexual intercourse with one girl but oral,4-play,intercourse, it's all very wrong.After them two girls I haven't had any other incidents with anyother peoplem but I was still addicted to pornography and masturbation.I have changed from bad to good, I have alot from THEN to NOW.I am now 17 years old and today when I remembered about all these past things I have done ,it makes me so sick,I still can't believe what I did and now at 17 years old I would never think or even dream about these things I've done, especially with another MALE!!! or a FAMILY member or a small CHILD, it just makes me so sick and hate what I did forever. I'm not attracted to men,children or family members at all, I am not incest or gay. I am 100% attracted to WOMEN my age and to be blunt about it when I would look at porn, I would always stay away from gay men and child porn. I just don't understand why I was so stupid to do what I did.My wicked porn addiction was so strong that I would not care about anything except the GOOD felling.But when the good feeling was over I would be overcome with so much guilt and would say to myself I am NEVER doing that again but I did.Because the good feeling that came with my stong addiction shrouded(covered)my guilt and shameful feeling that convinced me that I was never going to do it again

That is why porn and masturbation has been so hard for me to quit.But as of right now about a week ago, I quit pornography and masturbation,its been so hard,but for about a week now I have succeeded and plan to for the rest of my life with the help of my dear LORD JESUS!!!.I was so controlled by satan but now I am controlled by GOD!!!.Every time I did one of those sexual sins I would feel like I should of quit living right then and there,i was really sorry and had much remorse, the feeling was so horible but the then that GOOD short-term feeling of my strong addiction would come back and override the feeling I had of being really sorry and showing of remorse.Until that short-term pleasure went away it was like I totally forgot what it was like to feel bad or sorry for committing the sin.But since I have prayed and asked god to help me, now I can remember how sorry I was even with that good feeling being there.But today I am clean of that sin and like I said for about a week now I have stayed away from porn and masturbation.I am living for God, my life has gotten better, I love the two kids my dad and step mom had and my step brothers.My mother divorced that mean abusive man remmaried a wonderful man that is just awsome and him and my mom plan to go to church.My mother kind of backslid during the first divorce with my father, but she plans on going back to Jesus.My life is wonderful now, I am blessed.But looking back on what I did, I am have so much trouble forgiving myself for them sinful things I did and I'm also having trouble about God forgiving me, so this is where i need you help.Also, if you could, please tell me if I was under conviction of the Holy Spirit or I was being reminded and condemend by satan.

Thank you so very much if you read this and plan on helping me, God Bless You

hey man....funny how your story kind of mirrors mine. i'd be glad to talk to you sometime, we share some of the same problems. drop me a rivate mssg where i can get ahold of you. God bless

 

[Elle_For_Short]

I am so happy for you. I will most definately pray for you. I had a similar childhood incident, that I honestly did not know was bad, but it had affected me. I am so glad you overcame it. God bless you always.

 

[Lwest25]

You are an overcomer in Christ Jesus.

Thank you for sharing - many MEN would be afraid to state the things that you have stated.

But with God all things are possible and He gave you the ability to reach out there and get help. And you are doing it.

Those reading yur post had a big task to fill - Our duty layed in Galatians 6:1

Now there is a bigger task for you - You have fulfilled James 5:16 and we assisted you with prayers, but here is the kicker - and this is not just your responsibility but all of ours - James 5:19-20...we must convert those that err from the truth and convert the sinners to assist in saving their souls - so that we do not fall into deeper transgressions.

BE BLESSED MY BROTHER and PRAISE GOD!