My scars *may trigger*

[christian cutie danni]

Geeze.... I don't really know where to start, and I have to think about this carefully. Because I awnt the world to see my story, but I don't want it to be too grahpic.

Basically, I am a cutter. To put it bluntly. I'm tried to commit suicide several times, more than I should count.

I started cutting in sixth grade, but no one ever found out. I've had so much pain, I didn't know what to do with it all... Then one day I was sitting in my garage.... And I was cutting some boxes. I accidently cut my arm... and it felt so good....

I can't say everything that I did after that, because this thread wouldn't get shown, but ever since I've been cutting. And part of it is because I suffer from serious medical problems. Like ADHD, severe manic depression, and posibbly bipolar as well as i might have an ED. Amoung so much else that's happened. And the thing is, I can't help it, I love my scars.

God, help me... please. Someone. Anyone. I want to stop... but I can't... and I feel so sick doing it....it is a sick relieved feeling that I get afterwards.... help me.

 

[TheMainException]

Hey girl...I know what you mean.....those accidental cuts.....they are major stepping stones in an SI'ers life...I've been there....I'm a burner....a cutter....I try to injure myself in any possible way that seems accidental so no one realizes it....I've gotten MUCH better since those earlier days of my personal hell....but it's still tough...cause I have a lot of pain and anger in my life.....but I'm there for you...I understand the pain, both inside and out....and whenever you want to talk...just email me a line...and we can talk a bit okay? I still go through the same old junk....but I've found a few new ways to get some of the pain out at least.....

 

[luv4godremains]

hey girl,
It's hard, it really is, I was just wondering, do your family know? You may not have the strength alone to deal with this, no one does, but with God, we can accomplish anything, I know this is jkinda hypricritical coming from myself, but still, with God, you really can do anything!
Also, whatever things we do now, whatever "mistakes" we make when we are young, or even when we are older to be honest, if we want him to, God can help us use them to help other people, we can help others in the same situation, it helps us to understand what they are going through, and whatever it is that has made you feel this bad, when you work through it, when you have dealt with it, God will use it for your advantage, your advantage in what it is that you want to do when you are older. I do believe that everything happense for a reason, and this is definately something that, when it is dealt with, can be!
I know it's hard, but, you will get through this, no matter how long it takes, lean on God, he is your strength, stay in him and keep him in you, and you will always pull through these tough times!
there are people who love you, and I'm sure that you have a lot of love for other people too, so just think about them, about how you can help them to feel better when things go wrong, just fromt he pain you have suffered, you can help to cheer them up!!!
if you ever need to chat, then just PM me, I'm happy to reply and let ya know that I am here for you, and always listening out for you.
God bless, I'll be praying for you!
xXx

 

[Godsgirl481]

Hey sweetie,
I too am a cutter. I started cutting when I was 17...I am now 24. It got really bad...I would cut in private places...and burn myself....I tried anything and everything I could to hurt myself. I hated myself and I just wanted to the pain to go away. When I started talking to a pastor about this, I started to understand it a little more. I ended up stopping...after about 5 or so years doing it. It was SOOOOO hard at first. The urges were so strong. I had to fight them....and sometimes do other things that would give the same relief as cutting...such as holding on to a piece of ice until it melted. The stink brought me the relief. Anyways...I apologize that I can't write more, I don't have a lot of time today....but just remember that we are here for you if you need to talk. We love ya girl

 

[christian cutie danni]

Thank you all very much. Just knowing that someone is there to help me makes me feel way better! I will definately be taking you all up on your offers!

 

[els_bells]

I kind of understand what you mean about the scars. Mostly I hate my scars and hate the questions that they bring up and the lies i have to tell. But if I had the option of having them all removed, I don't think i would take it. I guess the scars show to me what i've done, remind me always what i've done to myself. Sometimes they are an incentive not to SI but sometimes I feel like I need the scars, I need to know they are there, don't know if that makes any sense.
Just know you're not alone xxxxxxxxxx

 

[christian cutie danni]

Thanks. I'm so glad you understand. That's exactly how I feel! Wow... I feel better notw that someone understands me.

 

[SparkyMel]

I've been self harming for nearly 2 years now. My friends have seen the scars and they make me feel upset because they're a reminder of what i've done to myself...

But i'm happy to talk to anyone who wants to because maybe we can get through it together. God will help us. He'll never push us further than we can go. We just have to trust him, hard as it is.

 

[christian cutie danni]

Yes... That's so true. Three years for me. I think.. Ack. But ONE WEEK! Since I have not sliced my arms to shreds! GO ME!

 

[els_bells]

Well done, a week, that's awesome

 

[justonelittlelamb]

if any one needs support, you can always pm me. What I do is sing praise songs, pray, or talk to someone. That always takes away my temptations to cut. It works, you just have to choose it. You have to choose to stop cutting. Do it for God, He's done so much for you.

 

[christian cutie danni]

Gr... bad me... *smaks head on brick wall* :frustrated:

I did it again. Thjis time I screwed up big time... I really did.

 

[bassdrum1]

i'm sry you feel this way. i used to cut too b/c i couldn't tell anyone what happened to me or my family or the church blow out. i also didn't really have any close friends and moving churches one after another after another didn't help either.i wish there was something i could do for u. i'll be praying for sure. if u need to talk i'll be here for u.

 

[Captain_Tripp]

im sry ya feel this way bud!ill pray 4 ya 2nightgd luck!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Mmm sometimes we cut just to feel the pain and because we think it might make a difference, although it generally doesn't in the long term!! I've been SIing for almost 2 years and everytime I get too down I start again