My prayers aren't being answered

[Life2Christ]

I'm not bitter though. I know God is listening but not answering. I haven't posted in a while but I have posted before that I have an abusive father. He's unsaved, abusive, miserable and violent. I have to walk on eggshells around him and it is sucking the life out of me. I need to move out but can't. I have the courage I just don't have the means.

I go to church every Sunday to ask God to either change him or change me. I think God is actually changing me instead. I now have zero tolerance for his nonsense. I don't pray for him as much. My heart is hard. Maybe God wants it that way. God has gotten rid of bad influences in my life before.

I can love this enemy by promising not to punch him in the face. That is probably the kindest thing I can do for him. What would Jesus do?

 

[texastig]

It is imperative that you fast for him in accordance with Isaiah 58:6
"Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?"

 

[Rubiks]

I think a key to getting prayers answers is actually expecting God will answer them. Many people will pray thinking "God probably won't answer my prayer." God is a good father, he gives what his children want. Just trust God.

 

[Inkachu]

Life2 - have you considered renting a room instead of a whole apartment or house? Or going in with a friend or two to rent a place together? Your motives are noble, but subjecting yourself to constant abuse... is not good.

 

[boogalaboogala]

like you said.. God must be changing you.. and i would think that He is using your fathers mistreatment of you to bring about the resolve that He(the Lord) wants..
trust Him.. be patient and endure.. it will help in revealing the you that will be.. blessings sister...

 

[forGod1]

Psalm 91 Song "My God, In Him I Will Trust" (Christian Scripture Praise Worship Lyrics)-Esther Mui - YouTube

 

[spr]

"Be angry and do not sin"

Also, don't forget to pray for him. And try not to respond to the digs. It only make's it worse and hinders your prayers. How can you pray when you're no different than him?

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I'm not bitter though. I know God is listening but not answering. I haven't posted in a while but I have posted before that I have an abusive father. He's unsaved, abusive, miserable and violent. I have to walk on eggshells around him and it is sucking the life out of me.

I'm sorry to hear this, I know where you're coming from...

I need to move out but can't. I have the courage I just don't have the means.

What exactly is preventing you from getting out?

Like Inkachu said you can share an apartment. If you have other family (cousins, aunts, grandparents) go live with them instead. I had a cousin who "lived" on couches in their friends houses for awhile just to get away. I've known people who have lived in their car for a time just to get out. You can even camp or rent an RV. There are options even if they aren't glamorous, but you can always make changes later.

If you don't have a car for transportation, get a bike or take public transportation. I've known a women who's car was totaled and she walked to work every day, around 7 miles. Sometimes you deal with what you have even if it's not ideal.

If you don't have a job, apply everywhere even where you don't want to work at. Stores with a high turn-over rate will more likely hire you than others. Look at places that are non-retail; maybe at a factory, maybe as a hired hand, maybe doing yard work, telemarketing, hotel, editor, teach art or piano, house sitting, baby sitting, get hired as a companion for the elderly, etc. Maybe do every kind odd job you can find. Where there's a will, there's a way. It doesn't matter your education.

I go to church every Sunday to ask God to either change him or change me. I think God is actually changing me instead. I now have zero tolerance for his nonsense. I don't pray for him as much. My heart is hard. Maybe God wants it that way. God has gotten rid of bad influences in my life before.

I can love this enemy by promising not to punch him in the face. That is probably the kindest thing I can do for him. What would Jesus do?

I don't believe his abusive behavior should be tolerated or condoned. I believe it's right to be angered by evil and injustice. However, I know God doesn't want your heart to grow hard and cold to people. I know God doesn't want you to be filled with hate, rage, bitterness, etc. You may never be able to have a real relationship with your Father, and you may need to be aware you cannot fix him, be aware that you need to move on and get away; do not give pearls to swines -- but do not hate the man because that will take over your heart. You may not be able to help that, but I know God can heal your heart and allow you to forgive. What would Jesus do? He would leave the justice to God and forgive his sins, so anger would not give Satan a opening into his heart. Forgiving your father isn't just for him, but it's to set you free too. That is the beauty of grace.

Do what you can to stand on your own feet and get out of the house. The sooner you can get away from that environment the sooner you can start to heal.

 

[FollowerOfJesus777]

Living with a detrimental parent IS difficult I know. I need you to read this closely friend, don't ever think God the Father does not answer your prayers. It's either "Yes", "No", "maybe later", IT IS IMPORTANT that you also understand, you must NOT have a hardened heart.

In all situations you must have an eternal mindset and realize that your salvation is not secure unless you forgive those who hurt you. Keep a tunnel vision on Jesus and constantly be aware He listens to you, soften your heart...talk to Him.

Jesus! Lord of lords and King of kings, will always grant your prayers for wisdom, forgiveness, and salvation! Those are the basic things you need in whatever situation your in, He sees the end from the beginning, and will reward you in the end...IF you forgive you parent!!!

P.S. The Holy Spirit is present on this earth, if you ask His spirit for comfort, He will help you.

 

[sjdean]

I wish I had some wise advice. I wish I knew what to say. I don't, but I do sort of understand where you're coming from, stuck in a situation you can't change, not being able to cope, praying and not getting the answers, the strength, the wisdom.

As some friends of mine once said, people are under this delusion that you become a Christian and you have all your answers. But actually you end up with more questions. What was once an easy thing to answer becomes so much harder because you're not only looking to do the right thing, but the right thing through God, which is sometimes the wrong thing in the secular world.

I can't say how God is working, and it might seem like your heart is cold. That might be beneficial for your own protection. Just don't be cold with God or with others that can help. And don't be a doormat.

I came to the conclusion that you don't have to like your father, or like what he does, you don't have to bend over backwards for him. You just need to be forgiving. That doesn't mean you forget what he does and pretend it doesn't happen and let yourself get hurt again. It means you acknowledge what he does, recognise it and let it go so it doesn't control you.

Or at least that's how I came to terms with it after months and years of praying.

 

[ezeric]

I'm not bitter though. I know God is listening but not answering.

This is your mind (speaking)
Because these are your doubts....and that is ok to doubt.
Doubt and unbelief are two way different things (one is of the mind, the other the heart)...guard your heart...

I go to church every Sunday to ask God to either change him or change me. I think God is actually changing me instead.

This is your heart and its still looking for GOD.

Which is real GOOD.

GOD always changes us first.
This frustration and anger and cursing that you have/feel will bring you to the end of your self, where for your sake (not his) you will be able to release him and forgive him (because he doesn't know what he is doing).
This will bring you release, where you've forgiven and then with new strength can move on. Yes, you are probably 'there already'.

LOVE is the most powerful thing, but its not a door mat either.
And perhaps your being so negatively attached to your dad, is keeping you from intimacy with your (FATHER), but don't fret over that, that will all change too - guaranteed!

Because you already know in your heart, that GOD is changing things - starting with you....so that HE is answering prayer.

its a battle...that has moved from the outside of you to the inside.

-eric



the-exchanged-life.blogspot.com

 

[Life2Christ]

I have read every one of your responses and I thank you.

About fasting: My mind and heart are not at a place where I can fast for him. I don't desire it. I don't care that much. Maybe one day I will get there.

About moving out: I am going to take baby steps and spend my weekends some place else. I'll focus on weekends and then move on from there.

About heart growing cold: My heart is passionate for God and his word...that is the only thing I have in this life to hold onto so I'm ok there. As for other people, I hate misanthropy so I can never see people as bad. I used to feel cold toward all men but I know that not all men are bad...I have yet to experience a good one though. My maternal grandfather treated me good. He's dead but he was the only good guy that I knew and he made me feel loved.

I can feel some sympathy for my father. He is the oldest of 10 kids and grew up in abject poverty. His parents (my grandparents) were nuts though. I never knew them but I visited them on 3 occassions in my whole life. I think my mother purposely kept me away from them.

My father only has two modes: violence and just plain ignoring me. He's like a lion that you don't want to look at when he's eating or look him in the eye. He keeps to himself and likes it that way. When I enter a room he leaves (same for the dinner table). Another thing is he is very academic minded: he doesn't watch sports but reads philosophy, watches opera passionately and classical music. He's always reading. I don't get him in any way...that is the way he likes it. Loves to mock religion.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Life2Christ. God hears our prayers, but God does not force us to anything, neither will God force others either. We have to keep praying and at the same time doing our bit. What does God want from us?
In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells a Lawyer: " The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Love is our great weapon, with love we can overcome all adversity and obstacles. Sadly this is not always possible, but then God will give us strength to overcome and live with our " burden," until Love brings about a change. God will be with us:
and Love will have to do the changing.
In the mean time we read in the Bible: " Repent," and also " Be Born Again."
We have to change our selfishness to loving and caring, and gradually we will change into the men and women, which God wants us to become. We might stumble and forget at times, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on
Loving and Caring. Love is a Christian`s great weapon, and Love will always be victorious. It might take time, but God will be by our side always.
Love and Obey, is our greatest weapon, and God will always be with us.
Jesus our Saviour will help and guide us: JESUS IS THE WAY.
I say this with love, Life2Christ. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[Inkachu]

FWIW no amount of a "bad childhood" is an excuse for a grown adult to be abusive towards anyone, especially their own child. My parents came from abusive households. My mother did her best to overcome and break the cycle, but she never did her own healing, nor did she ever stand up to my father, who turned into an abusive person himself. I determined that I would never repeat their behaviors - either of them - and I haven't. I could have had good excuses to become a horrible person, but I chose another way. Every person has that choice. I know we love our parents and we feel compassion and empathy and sympathy for them when we realize that they came from awful beginnings, but allowing them to abuse us even into our adult years... it's not OK. Just my two cents. I'm glad to hear that you'll be spending weekends away. I hope you get away completely soon.

 

[turkle]

I'm really sorry that you have to endure that kind of environment. I also come from a physically and mentally abusive home, and know what it's like to harden your heart. It's a defense mechanism, and a natural response to what you are experiencing.

The Lord was very clear in Matt 5.44 to pray for those who persecute you. I know that you don't want to, and I don't blame you. But part of being a follower of Jesus is that we do what He commands even when, especially when, we don't want to. This is a time to trust Him and what He says and leave the rest to Him.

I agree that you can find a way out if you want it badly enough. I did exactly that when I was 21 years old, and moved halfway around the world to get away from my abuser. It was difficult, to put it mildly, but all these years later, I am glad that I had the courage and fortitude to do the best thing. While you probably don't have to move as far as I did, I know that when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of finding a way to go, you will find a way to go.

 

[Life2Christ]

But part of being a follower of Jesus is that we do what He commands even when, especially when, we don't want to.

Somehow I will feel held liable as a Christian if I don't forgive him or even my worst enemy. If I didn't consider Jesus as my lord and savior, I would say your comment is meant to brainwash and keep someone weak but I have to admit.... forgiving your enemies does bring a certain peace.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

About moving out: I am going to take baby steps and spend my weekends some place else. I'll focus on weekends and then move on from there.

That's good, keep working towards that goal <3 The sooner you can move out the better. That stressful and toxic environment is so detrimental to your own health both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Even if he's not acting violent atm, it's still no good. Don't belittle how bad it really is. You need to be with people who are emotionally and spiritually healthy <3 Who will uplift, encourage, and support you as a Christian woman.

About heart growing cold: My heart is passionate for God and his word...that is the only thing I have in this life to hold onto so I'm ok there. As for other people, I hate misanthropy so I can never see people as bad. I used to feel cold toward all men but I know that not all men are bad...I have yet to experience a good one though. My maternal grandfather treated me good. He's dead but he was the only good guy that I knew and he made me feel loved.

I'm so glad to hear that Yes, not all men are bad. There are many decent and even good godly men out there! <3 But be careful, hopelessness & bitterness will and can sneak up on you. Many a time I thought I wasn't until it overshadowed me completely or someone (whether the abuser or someone else) brought it all back with their actions. Just remember, the Lord Christ is your Shepard & King, He will gently guide & protect you with his staff and rod.

I can feel some sympathy for my father. He is the oldest of 10 kids and grew up in abject poverty. His parents (my grandparents) were nuts though. I never knew them but I visited them on 3 occassions in my whole life. I think my mother purposely kept me away from them.

My father only has two modes: violence and just plain ignoring me. He's like a lion that you don't want to look at when he's eating or look him in the eye. He keeps to himself and likes it that way. When I enter a room he leaves (same for the dinner table). Another thing is he is very academic minded: he doesn't watch sports but reads philosophy, watches opera passionately and classical music. He's always reading. I don't get him in any way...that is the way he likes it. Loves to mock religion.

Yeah, it's really understandable where he's coming from. I do think it's good to understand and sympathize, otherwise we'd just dehumanized people into shallow twisted, monstrous caricatures. We should never enable or be in denial of how bad and ill others really are, just as we should be honest about ourselves. But just as Christ has given us mercy and pleads for us, we should always be mindful that God can redeem anyone. We should pray for our enemies that they would come to see God and understand His grace. This isn't just for his sake, but your own. Praying for your enemy; praying for God's will to be done in his life; praying he would find God is part of what keeps us in perspective, it protects our hearts & minds, and gives us peace beyond understanding.

Just remember Jesus pleaded for forgiveness to those who were murdering him on the cross. This is not a sign of weakness and fear, but a sign of his power and grace.

 

[Inkachu]

Forgiving and loving someone does not equate to subjecting yourself to constant and unending abuse at their hands. Just FTR.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

Somehow I will feel held liable as a Christian if I don't forgive him or even my worst enemy. If I didn't consider Jesus as my lord and savior, I would say your comment is meant to brainwash and keep someone weak but I have to admit.... forgiving your enemies does bring a certain peace.

Matthew 10:16
“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves."

There are times when God will ask us to go against great odds, there are times christians are killed because of what they believe. But christians aren't called to be hurt or killed because of a lack of discernment. We aren't to go out in the world in weakness and stupidity, but to be wise, prudent, shrewd but also innocent, loving, and kind just as God is. The spirit God gives us isn't of weakness, fear, or timid but of power, confidence, strength, love, and grace. It may not be a power many understand unless they've seen it in themselves or in others.


Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Romans 8:15
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Ephesians 3:16-18
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

2 Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.


1 Corinthians 1:18-31
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”


1 John 4:17-19
This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because He first loved us.

We are called to love others. Our choices and actions do matter and has impact. It can hurt our relationship with God and others, it hurts and saddens God, and it can create spiritual distances and darkness. But know this -- our relationship with God as his children does not stand or fall because of our actions. You may question whether you actually understand God and His grace IF you don't forgive or love. Because if you don't love or forgive, His love hasn't fully matured in you. And it is through a mature relationship with God that His love is made whole in us.

And Inkachu said, love and forgiveness is NOT enabling or subjecting ourselves to injustice and violence. Love and forgiveness is the ability to no longer BE slaves to injustice, violence, and other evils. You cannot rid strife from life, but when it does come you will not fall apart in weakness but are able to stand strong without choosing to do evil or violence yourself. You have the freedom and the choice to live in love, kindness, patience, etc without becoming controlled and dictated by fear, evil, or life circumstances. That is the power of love and grace that comes only from God.


1 Corinthians 13:6
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.