My mom and my aunt (her sister) have this horribly toxic relationship. If you can even call it that. My aunt came down on hard times and asked my mom if she could stay for awhile. She implied this would only be temporary but it's been over 6 years and she refuses to leave. She's taken over my mom's home, has ruined several of my mom's things (including pots/pans and a rocker my late dad gave her as a gift) then refuses to pay to have them replaced or fixed, will not get a job, help pay bills nor help out around the house. She makes messes then leaves them for my mom to clean up and is also a terrible hoarder with piles of junk she buys and won't let us go through and throw out.
Now, your first idea would be to kick her out. Well, here's where it gets complicated. The house and land my mom lives on is also partially owned by my aunt, since it was once owned by their family. As a result, my mom can't legally throw my aunt out. Reasoning with her is also unhelpful as she will either ignore me or give stupid excuses that make no sense. My mom is so full of despair that she's pretty much shut down. She doesn't want to stand up to her and has been talking about moving out or building an apartment in the basement of the house. I feel this is a bad idea that will only be temporary. My mom will have to empty every penny of her savings into such a project or buying a new house and I also don't want my aunt to keep going on living in my mom's home without consequences.
While it's true my aunt lived on the land before my parents did, she moved back in with their mother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. While she lived there, my parents moved into the current house and that's where they stayed and raised my brother and me. At some point my aunt moved in and out of a series of houses and apartments throughout my lifetime. I realized much later in life it was due to her hoarding. She fills up a house then just moves when it gets too full. Eventually, she ran out of money and shacked up with a family friend she knew had a crush on her (her feelings were not mutual) and did to him what she's doing to Mom now. He passed away and she had to leave the house which is when she came to "live" with my mom.
I just want my family back. Mom is still reeling from my dad's death, as he was the backbone and enforcer of the family. With him gone, she's collapsing under all the pressure and my aunt is using it to her advantage. I try to be there for her and give her advice but she's drowning in depression and despair and when I think I'm getting through to her she regresses the next time I see her. My aunt has pretty much shut me out because, in her eyes, I'm the "ungrateful" troublemaker she can't manipulate. During arguments she's confessed to me that she "expected" my parents to invite her to live with them and is now taking back what she thinks is hers.
Please pray that this issue is solved quickly and efficiently. That my mom is given peace and strength to deal with this and is able to think with a clear head. And also that my aunt is moved to realize what she is doing is wrong and that she works to make a better life for herself and give mom her home back without a fight.
Please help. We're running out of time and even sanity. Thanks.
Now, your first idea would be to kick her out. Well, here's where it gets complicated. The house and land my mom lives on is also partially owned by my aunt, since it was once owned by their family. As a result, my mom can't legally throw my aunt out. Reasoning with her is also unhelpful as she will either ignore me or give stupid excuses that make no sense. My mom is so full of despair that she's pretty much shut down. She doesn't want to stand up to her and has been talking about moving out or building an apartment in the basement of the house. I feel this is a bad idea that will only be temporary. My mom will have to empty every penny of her savings into such a project or buying a new house and I also don't want my aunt to keep going on living in my mom's home without consequences.
While it's true my aunt lived on the land before my parents did, she moved back in with their mother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. While she lived there, my parents moved into the current house and that's where they stayed and raised my brother and me. At some point my aunt moved in and out of a series of houses and apartments throughout my lifetime. I realized much later in life it was due to her hoarding. She fills up a house then just moves when it gets too full. Eventually, she ran out of money and shacked up with a family friend she knew had a crush on her (her feelings were not mutual) and did to him what she's doing to Mom now. He passed away and she had to leave the house which is when she came to "live" with my mom.
I just want my family back. Mom is still reeling from my dad's death, as he was the backbone and enforcer of the family. With him gone, she's collapsing under all the pressure and my aunt is using it to her advantage. I try to be there for her and give her advice but she's drowning in depression and despair and when I think I'm getting through to her she regresses the next time I see her. My aunt has pretty much shut me out because, in her eyes, I'm the "ungrateful" troublemaker she can't manipulate. During arguments she's confessed to me that she "expected" my parents to invite her to live with them and is now taking back what she thinks is hers.
Please pray that this issue is solved quickly and efficiently. That my mom is given peace and strength to deal with this and is able to think with a clear head. And also that my aunt is moved to realize what she is doing is wrong and that she works to make a better life for herself and give mom her home back without a fight.
Please help. We're running out of time and even sanity. Thanks.
