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My Mooching Aunt is Abusing my Mom!

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by Dragonfyre, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
    +6
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    My mom and my aunt (her sister) have this horribly toxic relationship. If you can even call it that. My aunt came down on hard times and asked my mom if she could stay for awhile. She implied this would only be temporary but it's been over 6 years and she refuses to leave. She's taken over my mom's home, has ruined several of my mom's things (including pots/pans and a rocker my late dad gave her as a gift) then refuses to pay to have them replaced or fixed, will not get a job, help pay bills nor help out around the house. She makes messes then leaves them for my mom to clean up and is also a terrible hoarder with piles of junk she buys and won't let us go through and throw out.

    Now, your first idea would be to kick her out. Well, here's where it gets complicated. The house and land my mom lives on is also partially owned by my aunt, since it was once owned by their family. As a result, my mom can't legally throw my aunt out. Reasoning with her is also unhelpful as she will either ignore me or give stupid excuses that make no sense. My mom is so full of despair that she's pretty much shut down. She doesn't want to stand up to her and has been talking about moving out or building an apartment in the basement of the house. I feel this is a bad idea that will only be temporary. My mom will have to empty every penny of her savings into such a project or buying a new house and I also don't want my aunt to keep going on living in my mom's home without consequences.

    While it's true my aunt lived on the land before my parents did, she moved back in with their mother when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. While she lived there, my parents moved into the current house and that's where they stayed and raised my brother and me. At some point my aunt moved in and out of a series of houses and apartments throughout my lifetime. I realized much later in life it was due to her hoarding. She fills up a house then just moves when it gets too full. Eventually, she ran out of money and shacked up with a family friend she knew had a crush on her (her feelings were not mutual) and did to him what she's doing to Mom now. He passed away and she had to leave the house which is when she came to "live" with my mom.

    I just want my family back. Mom is still reeling from my dad's death, as he was the backbone and enforcer of the family. With him gone, she's collapsing under all the pressure and my aunt is using it to her advantage. I try to be there for her and give her advice but she's drowning in depression and despair and when I think I'm getting through to her she regresses the next time I see her. My aunt has pretty much shut me out because, in her eyes, I'm the "ungrateful" troublemaker she can't manipulate. During arguments she's confessed to me that she "expected" my parents to invite her to live with them and is now taking back what she thinks is hers.

    Please pray that this issue is solved quickly and efficiently. That my mom is given peace and strength to deal with this and is able to think with a clear head. And also that my aunt is moved to realize what she is doing is wrong and that she works to make a better life for herself and give mom her home back without a fight.

    Please help. We're running out of time and even sanity. Thanks.
     
  2. disciple1

    disciple1 Newbie

    +444
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Can your mom sell the house, or move out, money isn't everything.
     
  3. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
    +6
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    @disciple1

    That's what I'm trying to avoid. It's not even about the money. Mom shouldn't have to cave to my aunt and abandon her home. If she does that then my aunt wins and knows that if she pushes hard and is patient enough Mom will give into her demands. I want Mom to be strong enough to take her life and her home back.

    I don't think her moving would make her happy anyway. She might be excited at first but then have buyer's remorse but then be stuck with this extra house she couldn't afford.
     
  4. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +1,854
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    US-Democrat
    Why dont u and your mom just move into an apartment and leave your aunt where shes at. I know u guys willbe alot happier away from. There.
     
  5. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
    +6
    United States
    Christian
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    @Far Side Of the Moon
    As I just told disciple, I don't think my mom would be happy for long. I certainly wouldn't. My aunt shouldn't be rewarded for bad behavior.

    Also, I don't live with her. I live in the house their mother and father lived in before they died. After my aunt moved out it was rented out to a string of bad tenants. After I graduated from college I was offered to live here. I've been here ever since and I am NOT giving it up because of my aunt's selfishness.
     
  6. AmberB

    AmberB Jesus Rocks My Socks

    47
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    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I don't really know how to help, but I will pray for your family. <3
     
  7. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
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    United States
    Christian
    Single
    @AmberB
    Thanks. I think that's what we really need. I've been begging God for years or a legit solution and I feel like I'm talking to a wall. Everytime I think it's getting better I'm proven wrong a day or even only an hour later.
     
  8. Stephanie7

    Stephanie7 Senior Veteran

    +1,440
    Christian
    Married
    Heavenly Father, I ask for Your wisdom in this matter. Thank You that we can depend on You for the right answers that are needed to give every one peace for a loving home for this family, one without strife. Thanks be to God our Father, Jesus Christ His Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen
     
  9. Little Lantern

    Little Lantern "The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD." Supporter

    +916
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    @Dragonfyre, are your mother and your aunt believers?
     
  10. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
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    United States
    Christian
    Single
    @Little Lantern
    Yes. Both are Christian women and my aunt even teaches Sunday School for kids.
     
  11. Greg Merrill

    Greg Merrill Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,156
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Father, I pray that this aunt will come under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, either for salvation, or for practical sanctification. I have in mind Romans 12:1-2. I pray that You will work in her life in such a way as to bring temporary, earthly peace in this relationship with her sister; but more than that, present and eternal peace with You, living in such a way that is pleasing to You. May this current situation be an opportunity for trust in You, and for You to demonstrate Your great transforming power in answer to prayer to those that would yield to You. If this aunt is unyielding, I then pray for You to provide all that is necessary for her sister to be pleasing to You. I pray You guide her, empower her, provide for her, and deliver her from the pain and frustration, if not the situation itself. Amen.
     
  12. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
    +6
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    @Greg Merrill
    Thanks. I hope it works. I don't know how much more we can take.
     
  13. Dragonfyre

    Dragonfyre New Member

    7
    +6
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    So I just got back from visiting my mom over the weekend. I wrote up a letter telling y aunt that if she doesn't start cleaning up her trash piles by a certain date Mom and I will do it for her and she'll get no say in what we do with it. I put it on the kitchen table and I know she at least picked it up because it was gone after she was in there. So no matter what happens that house is getting cleaned up with or without her.

    My mom isn't terribly thrilled about the idea. It's not that she thinks I'm being mean or anything but she has this overwhelming feeling of guilt. She says she's afraid of what my aunt will do but can't tell me exactly what she thinks she'll do. So she's basically afraid of nothing. Trying to cheer up my mom is like pushing water uphill with a rake. She just wants to run and hide and not deal with it because she's so beaten down and doesn't like confrontation. I keep praying God will give her peace and strength but I guess He's not interested. Looks like I'm in this alone.
     
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