Last night I had a dream where I obsessively looked for rosary beads. While I don't remember all the details of the dream, I remember that I couldn't rest unless they were wrapped around my wrists. Not sure what that would mean?
Rosary beads are sanctioned religious symbols -- pre-approved for saying "the right" prayer. It is so much safer to do something that you're certain is acceptable.
Humans tend to build up religious doctrine and rules, far beyond the point that God presents to us. God moved people into freedom from Egypt, and they wanted something to rely on, so created a golden calf to worship.
God gave them rules to abide by, and they built up the rules further.
Jesus confronted the Pharisees and Saducees for tithing herbs -- getting so obsessed with the guidelines, that rules oppressed the people.
Even the Tower of Babel story seems to speak to man's intent to build up religion or spirituality farther than God intended.
It is easier for many of us to take tests in school and be approved as right, than to make life decisions that require risk. In Christianity, the risk is leaning on God for daily guidance, and leaning on faith that He wants to take care of us. It is so much simpler to just be good and fulfill a to-do list.
Your grasping for the security of a sure thing reflects again our human desire to rely on doing things correctly. Trusting that our righteousness can ultimately save us.
But it is God's grace that offers the contract, makes the decision, and lifts us out of our earthly mire.
Seek His face. Read His Words.
There is a line from an Episcopal prayer book's Prayer of Humble Access:
We do not presume to come to this Thy table, trusting in our own righteousness; but in Thy manifold and great mercies.
Prayer of Humble Access - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Wrapping around your wrist -- hands reflect our ability, our works and creations. You were securing the religious practice around all that you do -- wanting so much to please God, and making sure your actions were based on good intents.
