MY HUSBAND CHEATED AFTER THE FIRST 7 WEEKS

[dvistated]

I MET MY HUSBAND 16 MONTHS AGO. HE WAS AN IMMIGRANT WHO HAD ONLY BEEN HERE A YEAR, I WAS PREGNANT FROM ANOTHER MAN WHO JUST HAPPENED TO ALSO BE AN IMMIGRANT FROM THE SAME COUNTRY. HE SUGGESTED WE HELP EACH OTHER OUT. HE'D BE THERE FOR ME AND THE BABY AND I WOULD HELP HIM. WE STARTED A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT AWAY BECAME EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED AND SO FORTH. WE HAD ARGUEMENTS ABOUT THE BABY AND SUPPORT, MY EXTREME JEALOUSY AND INSUCURITIES. WELL ANYWAY I HAD TO GET OUTSIDE HELP BECAUSE I DIDNT FIT THE CRITERIA TO HELP HIM ON MY OWN. WE MOVED IN TOGETHER AFTER 4 MONTHS. HE HAD BEEN THERE PHYSICALLY AND FINACIALLY AND SOME EMOTIONALLY FROM THAT TIME. BUT HE ALSO KEPT OPTIONS OPEN. HE WOULD HAVE WOMEN WHO HE TALKED TO AND FORMED RELATIONSHIPS WITH OR WAS IN THE PROCESS. BUT I BELIEVE HE HAS NOT SLEPT WITH ANY OF THEM. HE STARTED GOING TO SINGLES PARTIES EVERYOTHER WEEK AND MET WOMEN THERE. BUT SWORE HE NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG, TILL I FOUND OUT HE WAS EXCHANGING #'S AFTER HE SWORE HE NEVER DID THAT. I FIGURED ONCE WE WERE MARRIED HE WOULDNT NEED TO DO THAT ANYMORE. HE HAD ONE FRIEND HE CLAIMED HE MET THERE ONE TIME BUT MAINTAINED CONSTANT PHONE CONTACT FOR A FEW MONTHS BUT ALWAYS WHEN HE WAS WORKING. I ACCIDENTLY FOUND AN OLD EMAIL GIVING HER DIRECTIONS TO HIS JOB THAT NIGHT HE CAME HOME 5:30 IN THE MORNING SWEARS HE WAS NOT WITH HER SAYS HE GOT A CONSCIENCE HE CANT CHEAT I CALLED THIS FRIEND OF HIS AND SHE HUNG UP ON ME AND THEN MY HUSBAND CLAIMS SHE DIDNT IT DISCONNECTED. THEN ADMITTED THAT SHE WAS SCARED CAUSE SHE DIDNT KNOW THAT I WOULD BE ON THE LINE THEN A WEEK LATER HE GOES OUT AND COMES HOME AT 7:30 SAYING HE MADE A BAD JUDGEMENT HE SLEPT WITH A WOMAN WE PREVIOUSLY HAD A PROBLEM WITH. I WAS CONFUSED JUST THE DAY BEFORE HE ALMOST HAD ME CONVINCED HE MARRIED ME FOR LOVE FIRST, THEN FOR THE FIRST TIME I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM DURING SEX AND I ASKED HIM PLEASE DONT DO SANYTHING TO HURT ME AND A FEW HOURS LATER HES CHEATING. WE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 WEEKS. AND HE BECAME ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED WITH ME CAUSE I NEEDED THE INFO AND BECAUSE I CALLED THE WOMAN HE SLEPT WITH. EVERY MAN I BEEN WITH HAS CHEATED ON ME OR USED ME UNTIL THEY WERE ABLE TO ACCESS MY FRIEND BUT I NEVER THOUGHT HE COULD DO THAT HE ALMSOT HAD ME CONVINCED THAT HE WOULD SHOW ME MORE RESPECT THAN THAT. THAT HE WOULD BE DIFFERENT HE CANT GIVE ME ANY CLEARCUT REASON BUT GAVE ME A FEW DIFFERENT STORIES, HE DOESNT SEEM REMORSEFUL BUT HE COMES FROM A CULTURE THAT IS TOUGHT TO HIDE FEELINGS TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING AND THEN GET ON WITH LIFE. I LOST MY KIDS DUE TO THE MEN I HAVE CHOSEN I THOUGHT THIS ONE WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME AND MY DAUGHTER I HAVE CONVINCED FAMILY SERVICES THAT THIS MAN IS DIFFERENT HES A GOOD MAN NOW WHAT? POSSIBLY LOOSE MY DAUGHTER CAUSE HES A CHEATER AND LIAR. IF I HAVE HIM LEAVEIT WILL LOOK BAD ON MY PART RIGHT BACK TO MY PAST IF HE STAYS I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE LACK OF TRUST AND BETRAYAL AND A POSSIBLE REPLAY. MY FRIENDS ALL THINK HES GREAT HOW DO I FACE THEM AGAIN WITH ANOTHER LOOOSER ITS EMBARRASSING AND HUMILIATING I CANT SEEM TO WIN... MY BELIEF IS MARRIAGE FOR LIFE I DONT BELIEVE IN DIVORSE AND IM CONFUSED AS TO WHAT I SHOULD DO IN TERMS OF BEING GODLY STICK IT OUT AND LOOK LIKE A WOMAN WHO LETS PPL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER A NEEDY INSURE PERSON, OR GET RID OF HIM, SOMETIME I WONDER IF IM BEING TESTED. AND THAT IM RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS. he sys that i am a control freak and he doesnt feel like he is fulfilled as a man PLEASE ANY ADVICE THANKS DVISTATED

 

[TheTempleTeam]

Wow, this is a tough one 'dvistated'. It is easy for me to say this as I am not in the situation, but your vows may have containted some words that answer your question (theoretically) 'till death does us part'.

To be honest, it's a very tough choice. And a very important one. I have not voted in your poll because this is something you must decide, and I do not feel qualified to sway your judgement. I suggest you sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us. Come to your close friends and church to support (Which you have done here, well done) but the decision must be made by yourself, with your husband. I am sorry I couldn't be of more assistance.

My Prayers Are With You and Your Husband
God Bless
Dave

 

[Kepa]

Listen, what I'd suggest is talking to a pastor. And praying.
The bible would tell you to try and reconcile your grievances (sp?). But seeing as he committed adultery, you would be just in divorcing him. But you need to heal from this before you go and make a rash decision. It sounds like getting into this relationship with this guy in the first place sounded like a rash decision coming from your pregnancy.

 

[stephenthecounsellor]

"It sounds like getting into this relationship with this guy in the first place sounded like a rash decision coming from your pregnancy....."
i tend to sadly agree with Kepa...you've had a hard trot by the sounds of it....
sometimes we jump from relationship to relationship because the fear of being alone is SO strong...you sound very anxious...is it money reasons or whats happening for you? Due to the fact he has been unfaithful so early in the relationship ther eis some qustion to whats happening for him...i suggest you take a break and ask yourself...what is that i really want? See some help from various professionals, thoguh, before you make a move
Hang in there
Stephen