My heart is so hardened

Invalidusername said:

I fell into a long season of willful sins and when I realized what I was doing I tried to repent of it. I was able to physically repent of my sins in the manner of simply not doing them anymore. I was able to quit my addictions and etc. but my soul still has a void in the inside. I think I even remember a time when I sensed the Holy Spirit left me. I keep praying and praying and interceding but God does not answer. I search for him diligently but he will not be found by me.

When I quit all of my sins it just left a void in my heart. Since I have nothing to replace my sin since God left me, I can't enjoy my victory over sin. I think I have done Hebrews 6 where I cannot ever repent truly from the inside out again. There is a sin unto death and you should listen to the Bible warning about it. It's been 1 year now and I still have no resolution. Almost everyone else I see in the same predicament as me(truly born again and fell away) are in the same state as me feeling spiritually dead.

If you want to give me a story about a backslider who was restored, don't bother because most of those stories are only superficial believers who fell away. I think I am a true born again believer as described in Hebrews 6 and I truly fell away. I don't even feel fear anymore. Just consuming apathy. The second death is here and now.

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Invalidusername said:

I felt some guilt today about doing something I wasn't supposed to do. I'm very thankful for the progress.

And yes. I'm hoping to hear that small voice again.

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Kiko777 said:

I think things have gotten better now, though recently I still struggled with masturbation but the topic wasn't clear to me, I think it was july 16th or when I last masturbated but I did it not only because I was tempted but I did not do it with porn, I think I am able to do it without lusting, but don't risk it!! I did it also because I wasn't sure if it was a sin or not, but I concluded that it was a sin because of the guilt and emptiness that I felt aftewards, like if you masturebate you don't feel complete which leads me to the conclusion that masturbation even without thinking lustfully is still sin because the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] that we feel when we reach climax is something to be shared with a spouse and not alone. Yes even though I just stopped maturbating though I am able to do it without lusting, please don't do it!! I just discovered that it is a sin. So dont risk!!

And here's the answer to your first question, I did searched up help online but yeah I still was tempted, and fell into sin, this kind of thing probably happens to a lot of people, and I know scriptures in hebrews about sinning deliberately after knowing the truth, which are very scary, but one main thing that helped me was that during the times when I felt as if GOD had rejected me and I have become like esau, by the grace of GOD, I was still somehow able to choose to have faith in christ in the cross though I don't think my heart softened in any way, or I don't think my heart felt tender in any way, so I felt hardened. I felt like I could not repent, like esau, and I was despairing feeling as if I recieved the judgement of GOD on me. But afterwards, when things got a bit better, I think I remember seeing your post, but I may have been still struggling with sin or maybe I was already struggling with a hardened heart when I first saw your post, but yeah when things got a bit better even though I haven't fully recovered which I mentioned on my post, I wanted to help you, because I thought we may have been experiencing the same hardness, and this might be the time after I was able to fight lust. Sorry I don't fully remember but yeah, I think I was already able to be willing to fight lust when I started posting to help you.

But when after I was porn free, I actually struggled with with the hardness of heart, I hated what it felt like, because I felt trapped, I did not feel like I could repent, I did not feel like I was tender towards GOD, I was despairing, so my last option by the grace of GOD was faith, even though I was not feeling any change, I stayed there, and for a few days I could not wake up properly, sleep properly, and live properly, because I just despaired. But what kept me alive was the gift that GOD gave me, it was faith, even though I despaired, it was as if the waves of despair could not destroy or ruin this thing called "rock" which is basically having faith in the works of GOD. What I also realized during my battle with the hardness of heart is that the fact that I was tempted to despair, and a verse from the scripture popped into my head, I think the Holy Spirit reminded me this "No temptation has overtaken you", I don't remember if I heard the whole verse inside my head, but it sure did gave me hope, why? Because this truth still applied, I was tempted to despair, but the very fact that the temptation was there, actually gave me hope because this verse still applied. Even now, if you are tempted, then this truth still applies to you, that, GOD saved me from that pit, so I can be a source of healing for others, and GOD is probably calling you through me, can you hear him say this?
"Come now, and let us reason together" says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are as red as crimson, they will be like wool."-Isaiah 1:18

Your problem is that you deeply love lust, but you have to be willing to give that up before everything is too late, let this be a warning, GOD can give you up, people that become like Esau could not repent, why? Because they have such a love for sin that they are unwilling to come into GOD's terms of repentance, namely to give up sin and turn towards GOD. This is a warning to you, if you don't stop sinning, then your heart can be hardened in such a way where you don't even want to repent anymore. But if by the grace of GOD, you are still able to turn away from it, then surely you haven't crossed the line. I also struggled with lust, that's what made me harden my heart towards GOD. I backslided back then, but I was brought back this recent march, and I was able to abstain from porn for more than 3 months I guess, but I backslided again and I think it was on june 29th, I struggled with lust for days I guess but I just didn't want GOD to give up on me, I read from websites, I watched videos, and the scary verses from Hebrews did scare me, but I was that stubborn that even though I was scared, I still fell into sin, then I realized, I could not feel GOD anymore. It is despairingly scary. It is something I would never want to experience anymore. I in fact felt something like this when I was brought back this recent march but, this time somehow, it is worse, because I was reminded of the fact that GOD had already brought me back after I backslided, and I did it again, I was reminded of the fact that I already found relief to this kind of despair but I sinned again, and for days I could not find a relief and I was growing weary, somehow, this experience is probably worse than the last previous one, but yeah i grew weary, I realized I could not do this, it was either I was gonna give up because I didn't feel like there was any escape, or that I was gonna have faith and trust the his promises though my heart was hardened.

I didn't want to suffer, I remembered the days when I felt right with GOD, I think I wanted them back, but I'd say it was only by his grace that I was able to choose to have faith in him as my last option. And then I think I also mentioned to you in one of my posts that I found this verse to be true, "Indeed we felt that we have recieved the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead" -2 Corinthians 1:9.

And also, I think the weapon GOD had given me to be able to say no to lust was that he reminded me that I was already a justified sinner, a new born person, born of GOD, he reminded me that through something, I don't remember if it was a youtube video or a website, but I was looking for help to fight this, and GOD reminded me that I was born of him, born again, and that i didn't have to respond to my lustful desires because I am his child, he actually reminded me the identity that he gave me, A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, A CHILD OF CHRIST WHO DIED FOR ME. And I think when I believed him, like when I believed and chose to do his advice, which is to believe that I am already his and that I must also live out that identity, it was like I didn't have to repond to lust, I still do get temptations, but now I think they are not as strong anymore. So my advice is that you live that identity, that you may find the power to overcome it no matter how deep you have fallen.


I don't know if you have crossed the line, but what I know is that GOD saved me from that pit to be a source of healing, and perhaps, I can be one for you. REPENT and believe that you have a power to overcome it, Jesus died so you would have the power to overcome that, use it, and don't neglect his blood by continuing on sinning, you never know, maybe the next time you sin again, GOD might appear in the sky, the bible does mention that we do not know the day or the hour, read this verse

Matthew 24:46-51 English Standard Version (ESV)
46 Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. 47 Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions. 48 But if that wicked servant says to himself, ‘My master is delayed,’ 49 and begins to beat his fellow servants[a] and eats and drinks with drunkards, 50 the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know 51 and will cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

If you choose to say that your master is delayed, then you will be like that unfaithful servant who says "my master is delayed" and he chooses to sin. Then the verse says that the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he doesn't know, and willl cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
So if you want GOD to be pleased with you, then REPENT and turn to him, so you may find mercy and restoration. But if the mext time you sin, and the heavens open, and GOD finds you lusting, then you could very well be dead. This warning is something you must take seriously, I don't want you to despair, but you really need to stop and come to the LORD, if you stop, you may still hear him saying to you

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord "though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool." -Isaiah 1:18

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Alynn said:

This post is about 2 years old. How are you doing now? Has anything changed.

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