my girlfriend

[drummer83]

so my girlfriend of about 2 and a half came to me and told me about something she did about a month or so before we got together.She said a guy on facebook started messaging her,and they talked for 3 or four weeks.Finally he started saying dirty things to her and talking sexually.Long story short,she says he sent her naked pictures and she sent him some back.
This has really hurt my image of her,as I knew her to be a pure,wholesome girl.It has also done considerable damage to how I feel about continuing the relationship.As a Christian,I told her I forgave her,because I know I have to,and I definitely haven't been the perfect Christian myself.
But I don't know if I want to continue this or not,it has really been a hinderance.What do you guys think?How would you handle the situation if it were you?

 

[waxlion10]

Everyone makes mistakes.
I would want to know why she did this. Was she not happy in her current relationship? Does she like the attention? Do you maybe not know her as well as you think you do?

That being said... is she sincerely sorry? Contrite? Torn up about it? Does she just expect you to forgive her and move on or what?

If I were in that situation, I'd probably ask myself if I could trust this person to be in my future as a potential mate. But I wouldn't necessarily give up on the relationship and break up immediately...

And of course, I'd pray about it very extensively.

 

[The Nihilist]

Forgive her? It's none of your business. It's not like you're married now, and you certainly weren't before you got together. She doesn't owe you anything.
Now, that being said, this suggests to me that she's adventurous in ways you're not comfortable with. Whenever I've gone on those types of uncomfortable adventures(sexy or not), I've found that I've come out better for it. But if you're afraid of what your mom will think of you, then by all means, go find someone boring.

 

[carmeneterror]

If you guys have a great relationship other than that, I really don't think you should just give it up for something she did before you were together and something she regrets. Also I think you telling her you forgive her and then breaking up with her after you've claimed that seems kind of lame!

I dunno but at my high school, I always heard a -lot- of stuff about girls sending out their nude pics. This wasn't just gossip either, many of the guys would walk around showing the pics on their phones and stuff. What I also noticed was that many of these girls had simply made mistakes and after doing it once often did not partake in such activity again because of the shame, etc they felt.

 

[Windmill]

What do you mean by her being a "pure, wholesome girl"?

Most people have sexual desires. She will.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

nm, misread the OP

 

[Luther073082]

I think you have to ask yourself if this was a mistake to her or if she would do this kind of thing again. Or maybe ask her that question. Does she regret it.

I don't know how much experience you have with relationships but let me throw this in.

She is an inperfect person and you are just going to have to deal with that. Especially at younger ages but also even at my age many relationships just break up because the two can't get over the fact that the person they are dating isn't perfect in every way.

But the thing is no one can ever expect to date a "perfect person". My pastor once said the only person who won't ever disappoint you in life is Jesus. Everyone else will eventually disappoint you, your parents, your wife/girlfriend, your siblings, your friends.

Unless this is the type of person your GF wants to be and she doesn't regret doing it, then I think this is something you should move past. You where not even together so she wasn't really cheating on you or anything. She was just doing something really really stupid.

Don't act like you've never and will never do something really really stupid. It may not be that particular thing, but dude your gonna do something in the future, and its gonna be dumb. And then you are going to look back and wonder why you did such a dumb thing. This is all part of life.

Just being a realist, you are in a spot in your relationship where you are going to start learning about eachother's inperfections. People put a curtain up about their inperfections and sins in public. That curtain is comming down and thats a good thing.

My suggestion. Stop looking at her as a "pure wholesome girl" and just look at her as a girl/woman. Or else you will care far too much about her morality and it will pierce your skin every time you find out that your pure wholesome love isn't so pure and wholesome.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Well this happened before the OP and the girl got together.

I am going to be candid and say that I too, have actually posted pictures like that online. It wasn't right what I did, and I do regret the involvement I have had with the dark side. I was punished for it too: five months off the internet.

In my case, the reason I started was because I felt very insecure about my body and I thought that if someone, somewhere, thought I was beautiful, then it would make me feel better.

It didn't.

I am very glad that my fiance decided to forgive me. He also took it as a hint that he wasn't giving me the emotional support that I craved. Even though we were in a long distance relationship and he couldn't see me all the time, he said he could have said more to help me realize that he thought I was beautiful. After all, he is the only person it should matter to.


Now, what do you do about this situation?
As long as you are sure she regrets her involvement, I would think it's safe for you to continue the relationship. Will it be exactly the same? No. But it can be saved.

 

[Quaero]

I've had a similar experience, but not being Christian I probably approached it from a different viewpoint. I just forgave her and moved on, a few months later we split up, in truth it never really posed a moral problem for me.

I think the barrier is within your mind, you say that you forgive her, but in your heart you still haven't. Meditate or pray on it, and eventually you will come to the realization of the best way forward.

 

[dan0488]

end it, who knows what else she's done in her past, or what she's still doing.

 

[Ericadl20]

Everyone makes mistakes and you should not judge her from her past. Its seems to me you think this is a terrible thing (which it isn't a good thing)but, she didn't have sex with him. It seems like u don't love her to me. If you love someone u can look past their mistakes.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

Everyone makes mistakes and you should not judge her from her past. Its seems to me you think this is a terrible thing (which it isn't a good thing)but, she didn't have sex with him. It seems like u don't love her to me. If you love someone u can look past their mistakes.

I would say that if you love them you can look past the mistakes if you can see that they have repented from them. There's a difference between just looking the other way and pretending nothing's wrong when someone is still doing a certain activity, and looking past the mistakes because they are truly in the past, and the person has put such behavior behind them.

 

[Ericadl20]

I would say that if you love them you can look past the mistakes if you can see that they have repented from them. There's a difference between just looking the other way and pretending nothing's wrong when someone is still doing a certain activity, and looking past the mistakes because they are truly in the past, and the person has put such behavior behind them.

From what I understood when I read what he wrote it is in her past and she probably felt guilty or she wouldn't have told him. My husband and me have been through a lot and I have had to forgive him for a lot. But we have worked through it.

 

[Luther073082]

Like I said dude, stop looking at her as a "pure wholesome girl" and look at her as a girl/woman.

You look at her as a pure and wholesome girl then she will disappoint you a lot. Because she's not a perfect creature. I understand your disappointment but I'm thinking that if you can't put this behind you then you are going to have problems in every relationship with your SO's sins.

Jesus is the only person who will never let you down.

 

[angrySCORCH62]

I wouldn't break up with her if i was you mate. If she had the decency to tell you, she must care about you or fell guilty about it? Also she did it before she was going out with you, so it's not like she was betraying you. I think that you should give her another chance mate.

 

[Windmill]

Is there a possiblity that you have a madonna-harlot complex? You seem to have trouble viewing her as a sexual being. I could be entirely wrong, its just the feeling I got from the post

In the end, she did nothing wrong to you. All she did was do something morally wrong because she gave into her sexual desires. People do it all the time- apparently, sexual sin is easy to fall into. She has this inbuilt "wild" sexual side- a lot of girls will have it- they just learn to repress it for moral reasons, but for many girls, it'll still be there, even if they're devoted to God. Same with guys, too.

 

[moerunamida]

She didn't have to tell you that in the first place which shows how much she trusts you. How would you feel if you bore a shameful act you commited when you were younger (assuming that you had), and then she felt towards you as you feel towards her? We as humans, sin. We make mistakes as people have mentioned. If you feel that you cannot get past this, then you should tell her so that she can find someone that will not judge her for her past.

 

[Agent_Orange]

I don't think it is really important. You say she did this before the relationship so I doubt there are issues between you and her. If it was during the relationship, then I'd be more skeptical. And as the above poster has said, the fact that she told you this "uncomfortable" event shows that she is comfortable talking about it in your presence - which shows she trusts you.