My GF wants me to change jobs. Need help!

[CCHIPSS]

I am currently in a job that I am comfortable with. I like the co-workers and the job is not too overwhelming. It doesn't make top dollars. TBH I am tiny bit underpaid for my role. But once again having good co-workers and not being stressed out everyday makes up for it.

The downside is that it is very far away. It takes 1 hours of solid highway driving to get there, and another hour back. When there is a traffic jam it takes even more time. I personally do not mind the drive since I got to listen to MANY sermons just driving to and from work. My Christian maturity grew a lot due to these sermons.

My GF has been worried about my driving distance since the start of our relationship. She kept on worrying that I will get into a serious traffic accident. Now I am a very good driver with a clean record, no accident at all (minus a few tiny ones) in the 15 years I had been driving. But that fact does little to ease her mind.

She has been increasingly pushy for me to change my job. She wants me to move closer to home so I do not have to drive so far. She has been saying that I should take a junior job close by and make "even" less money. I told her that I don't want to throw away my career.

And so she looked for senior jobs for me and told me to apply. When I tell her that I have some company loyalty, she gets mad.

I actually understand where she is coming from. But I am at a cross road. And I am not sure what God wants me to do about my career.

What should I do?

 

[RobertMerton]

Tell her to chill.
In my area most accidents occur at speeds less than 40 miles an hour so the highway is statistically more safer.

Highway accidents are more likely to be fatal but there are more accidents on other types of roads

 

[Cute Tink]

I agree that she has a solid point about the driving hazards, however, ultimately you need to do what is right for you. If you really enjoy your job and you have good coworkers and stability in that position, then you need to weigh that against concerns you have about getting there and advantages of a new job closer to home where you might not have good coworkers or stability.

I know that's not really an answer, but it's not something I could really help you decide beyond that.

 

[Swan7]

If she's a Christian, then she has to take that matter of concern to God. For all she knows, that job you have now is where He wants you to be due to said sermons you mentioned. Now I know I can't speak for Him, but ask Him for sure. He will lead you, not your girlfriend or anyone else.

 

[Toro]

Simple....

Make your own choice and accept it.

If you allow her to "force" you to quit you will only resent her for it in the future.

if YOU are happy where you are....... I say stay (unless God tells you otherwise) if you are unhappy..... what do you lose in leaving?

Ultimately, its your choice. Dont let others make it for you.

IF she has that big an issue with it, just tell her "I'll stop showering too then cause I might slip and fall in the shower.

Death comes for us all some day..... we don't avoid it just cause we work close to home.

 

[Swan7]

IF she has that big an issue with it, just tell her "I'll stop showering too then cause I might slip and fall in the shower.

Hey now... I did have a peer that actually died that way... this is why bath mats are important. I am not joking either.

Death comes for us all some day..... we don't avoid it just cause we work close to home.

But this is true. If God calls us home, so be it.

 

[Toro]

Hey now... I did have a peer that actually died that way... this is why bath mats are important. I am not joking either.



But this is true. If God calls us home, so be it.

I know, many people have been severely injured by the dangers of the bathtub. I have almost busted my skull a time or two.

I've been in 3 car accidents in my life and walked away from all of them. If I fall in the bathroom I will be impaled by something...... so you tell me.. statistically which is the bigger danger?

If I become a ghost...before I pick up that call..... I will do my best to find Whoopie Goldburg and have her tell you "You in danger girl". Make sure you have a penny on you at all times in case I need to push it with my ghost fingers

 

[SnowyMacie]

I am currently in a job that I am comfortable with. I like the co-workers and the job is not too overwhelming. It doesn't make top dollars. TBH I am tiny bit underpaid for my role. But once again having good co-workers and not being stressed out everyday makes up for it.

The downside is that it is very far away. It takes 1 hours of solid highway driving to get there, and another hour back. When there is a traffic jam it takes even more time. I personally do not mind the drive since I got to listen to MANY sermons just driving to and from work. My Christian maturity grew a lot due to these sermons.

My GF has been worried about my driving distance since the start of our relationship. She kept on worrying that I will get into a serious traffic accident. Now I am a very good driver with a clean record, no accident at all (minus a few tiny ones) in the 15 years I had been driving. But that fact does little to ease her mind.

She has been increasingly pushy for me to change my job. She wants me to move closer to home so I do not have to drive so far. She has been saying that I should take a junior job close by and make "even" less money. I told her that I don't want to throw away my career.

And so she looked for senior jobs for me and told me to apply. When I tell her that I have some company loyalty, she gets mad.

I actually understand where she is coming from. But I am at a cross road. And I am not sure what God wants me to do about my career.

What should I do?

This is a situation that you have to decide for yourself.

 

[Elliewaves]

Change girlfriends? Just kidding......
Unless you are engaged or married to her, I don't see where she has any real say over your job. She can make suggestions, but it's ultimately up to you. If you enjoy your job and like being there, then it's not up to her to say that you should find a new job.

 

[Jane_Doe]

How serious are you two?

If you're not seriously contemplating marriage, she doesn't get a real say in anything.

If you two are seriously contemplating marriage, then you first need to focus on what your future will look life in general (place to live, expected income, expected time at him, etc). Your current job is one piece of the big picture.

There is another option here: can you move closer to your current job?

 

[Saucy]

It's normal to make sacrifices for a significant other, especially as you get closer. But this shouldn't be one of them.

You found something not too many people ever find: a decent job they enjoy. A lot of it might be other reasons she doesn't want to admit to. Like hating how long it takes to get home, etc.

 

[TurtleAnne]

My advice is to express that it means a lot to you that she loves you so much to think about your safety and be concerned about it. I think a lot of people (but maybe especially women, in some cases) often just want to know that they are heard and respected, or that their feelings are validated. This doesn't even mean agreeing with someone, but just acknowledging that you understand their feelings and that you care about their feelings. This alone can settle more interpersonal matters than some realize.

But then I also agree with others here, it sounds like you are very fortunate to have a job you enjoy and obviously God has been working with you in this all the while. So my furthermore advice is to let her know that you understand that she loves you and that she is struggling with anxiety, and that you will pray for her to be able to let go of that anxiety so she can be happy for you instead. If she argues (and I admit we women can be quite the rapid-fire force in arguing), be steadfast and don't take the bait of Satan trying to cause turmoil in the relationship using the anxiety. Just give her a long, tight hug.

 

[timewerx]

In my area most accidents occur at speeds less than 40 miles an hour so the highway is statistically more safer.

Highway accidents are more likely to be fatal but there are more accidents on other types of roads

How did that become "safer" when highway accidents are more likely to be fatal? Isn't that worse?

I won't be telling his GF that. Hope his GF never ever see your post! :o

 

[timewerx]

My GF has been worried about my driving distance since the start of our relationship. She kept on worrying that I will get into a serious traffic accident. Now I am a very good driver with a clean record, no accident at all (minus a few tiny ones) in the 15 years I had been driving. But that fact does little to ease her mind.

Tell her that facing the risk of potentially ending in up with bad workers in a new workplace might actually increase your chance of accidents due to more stress!

 

[blackribbon]

How far you drive doesn't really increase your risk of having an accident unless you are driving tired. It actually sounds like this is refreshing time and "you" time which allows you to decompress before getting home. If she has a valid point concerning safety, I'd consider moving closer to the job and visiting her on the weekends. Finding a good job that you like and offers advancement is more difficult to find than a decent place to live. The truth is that lots of people drive that kind of drive daily. She doesn't have to drive it, you do. If she is hoping that this relationship eventually becomes permanent, I would hope that she would be more concerned that you have a career that makes you happy than just finding a job that is close to home. If she has a career where you currently live, maybe eventually finding a place halfway between means that no one has to drive more than 30 minutes each way. (I drive that far to buy my daughter new figure skating tights and to go to church.)

 

[CCHIPSS]

How serious are you two?

If you're not seriously contemplating marriage, she doesn't get a real say in anything.

If you two are seriously contemplating marriage, then you first need to focus on what your future will look life in general (place to live, expected income, expected time at him, etc). Your current job is one piece of the big picture.

There is another option here: can you move closer to your current job?

We are quite serious. Which is a good thing.

We live quite close to each other. Our area is also close to where she works. If I (as in we in the future) move close to my work place, that would only mean moving away from her work place. So it doesn't really help anyone. I rather I drive more and she drive less. She isn't the most confident driver.

 

[blackribbon]

We are quite serious. Which is a good thing.

We live quite close to each other. Our area is also close to where she works. If I (as in we in the future) move close to my work place, that would only mean moving away from her work place. So it doesn't really help anyone. I rather I drive more and she drive less. She isn't the most confident driver.

I would use this to drive your point home....that you don't mind driving and she does, so the current situation is the best of two worlds. Also, have you suggested that she change her jobs and you both move closer to your job if it really is an issue. I mean if she wants you to change jobs, shouldn't she be willing to change jobs for you too? Again, just to drive the point home just what she is asking you to do. It is time to do some serious heart to heart .... it sounds more like she doesn't "get" your job or respect it. This could become a problem in the future if you don't address it now. Whose career takes priority...and how do you decide who has to give up theirs if one person's advancement opportunity means a move....or will you just live separately and one person commutes on the weekend (an options some couples do choice).

 

[ReesePiece23]

If you buckle now she'll be telling you what to do for the rest of your life.

Personally, I do think you should look for another job - BUT, I say this because I think your wage should reflect your ability and your experience level. And at the moment, it clearly doesn't.

And for havens sake, do NOT take on a junior role. Career satisfaction is more important than a relationship. (And yes, I did just say that. Sue me.)

If you're waking up everyday feeling unfulfilled, then what have you got? And how long do you think it'll be before you're down and depressed?

Move forward, not back.

 

[RobertMerton]

How did that become "safer" when highway accidents are more likely to be fatal? Isn't that worse?

I won't be telling his GF that. Hope his GF never ever see your post!

If you read the post carefully, you will notice the disjuncture in the number of different premises involved.
Here it is in case you missed them.


Basically, highway accidents are more likely to be fatal, yes, but the risk of actually having an accident is far lower than other types of roads due to the lack of pedestrians, intersections, T junctions, and the usually separated nature of traffic (dual carriageways).

Thus highways (at least in my area) are statistically safer than other types of road per mile travelled.

 

[timewerx]

Basically, highway accidents are more likely to be fatal, yes, but the risk of actually having an accident is far lower than other types of roads due to the lack of pedestrians, intersections, T junctions, and the usually separated nature of traffic (dual carriageways).

Thus highways (at least in my area) are statistically safer than other types of road per mile travelled.

I read your post carefully but I was interpreting your post based on the OP's GF's context of "serious accidents".

Of course, it's unsafe to crash your car at 20 mph at another car but it's very unlikely to kill anyone in the car and in many cases, you'll survive the ordeal uninjured, thanks to airbags and seatbelts. And you'll very likely survive quite many 20 mph crashes in a lifetime of driving.

But a 60 mph crash on the highway could be your last even if wearing seatbelts and the airbags deploying properly.

OP's GF has a bit of a point...It's just my opinion an inferior quality workplace is probably more dangerous to one's health than driving in the highway!