My GF has a not so clean past....

[aiki]

More likely? You know her well enough to know what her ideas likely are?

Hey, you were the one who was making assumptions about her "fantastic ideas." Maybe you should ask yourself your own question. Why is it okay for you to offer conjecture about her but not me? Bit of a double standard there, I think.

 

[Mudinyeri]

Hey, you were the one who was making assumptions about her "fantastic ideas." Maybe you should ask yourself your own question. Why is it okay for you to offer conjecture about her but not me? Bit of a double standard there, I think.

I said "for all we know." You said, "I know." Do you not understand the difference?

 

[aiki]

I said "for all we know." You said, "I know." Do you not understand the difference?

Well, let me ask you then: Was the OP's girlfriend observing godly, biblical sexuality when she was having sex with multiple partners?

 

[MotherFirefly]

If we are judged based on our past, I am pretty sure everyone of us is in trouble...

If her good qualities and little things you love about her far out weigh some decisions she made at a time before you knew her, why let it destroy something potentially amazing? I am not saying you are wrong for the worry, that feels natural. But I do not think you should let it ruin your relationship.
This is assuming you love her and feel that it could be VERY difficult to find someone of equal.

Have you tried talking to her about your worry?
Honesty can go a long way...

I hope everything works out for you

 

[Mudinyeri]

Well, let me ask you then: Was the OP's girlfriend observing godly, biblical sexuality when she was have sex with multiple partners?

I don't know. Were you observing Godly, Biblical principles the last time you sinned repeatedly?

 

[aiki]

I don't know. Were you observing Godly, Biblical principles the last time you sinned repeatedly?

You don't know? Really? Dude, you don't know your Bible if you have some doubt about whether or not she was behaving in a godly and biblical manner when she was fornicating with multiple partners!

 

[MotherFirefly]

Perhaps I am out of place, but I feel as though arguing about what she did and didnt do isnt helping our OP come to a peaceful solution to his heartache...

 

[Mudinyeri]

You don't know? Really? Dude, you don't know your Bible if you have some doubt about whether or not she was behaving in a godly and biblical manner when she was fornicating with multiple partners!

No, I don't know her heart. Neither do you. You've made ASSumptions. Generally speaking, I behave in a Godly and Biblical manner. Occasionally, I sin. Sometimes I even commit the same sin multiple times. I confess. God forgives and I go on trying to produce fruit.

FWIW, I've been studying the Bible, including Bible college and study of the original languages, for nearly 45 years. I know a few things for sure: We all sin. None of us is righteous. We have all fallen short. We are not to judge others. Other things will remain a mystery until God chooses to reveal them to me.

Experience has taught me that people who like to sit in judgment of others, need to get their heart right with God. I grew up in a church pastored by and filled with people with attitudes very similar to the one you have demonstrated in this thread.

 

[aiki]

No, I don't know her heart. Neither do you. You've made ASSumptions. Generally speaking, I behave in a Godly and Biblical manner. Occasionally, I sin. Sometimes I even commit the same sin multiple times. I confess. God forgives and I go on trying to produce fruit.

Yes, and? What has any of this to do with the fact that the OP's girlfriend will have some things to work through concerning sexuality given that her past has been ungodly and contrary to biblical principles and commands in the sexual area?

FWIW, I've been studying the Bible, including Bible college and study of the original languages, for nearly 45 years. I know a few things for sure: We all sin. None of us is righteous. We have all fallen short. We are not to judge others. Other things will remain a mystery until God chooses to reveal them to me.

Uh huh. So why the "I don't know" response to my question? If you know the Bible even half as well as you claim, your answer should have been an unequivocal "No, she wasn't observing godly and biblical sexuality."

Oh, and the "we are not to judge" thing isn't biblical either. I refer you to the words of Christ:

John 7:24
24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment."

There's also the business in 1 Corinthians 5 where Paul judges a member of the Corinthian church very harshly. Are you suggesting he was out of line in doing so?

Experience has taught me that people who like to sit in judgment of others, need to get their heart right with God. I grew up in a church pastored by and filled with people with attitudes very similar to the one you have demonstrated in this thread.

Sort of like the judgmental attitude you've shown toward me in your criticisms of my posts.

Selah.

 

[aiki]

Perhaps I am out of place, but I feel as though arguing about what she did and didnt do isnt helping our OP come to a peaceful solution to his heartache...

I did not post in this thread with the intent of arguing about the content of my comments. I would much have preferred for my words to the OP to be undiluted by the discussion I've had with Mudinyeri. I'm hoping he will desist in his criticisms of my remarks to the OP.

Selah.

 

[nerfherder]

Or more likely she has developed a twisted and ungodly view of it. If this is so, whatever "fantastic ideas" she may have will not lead to healthy, god-honoring sexuality.

Selah.

You are being very judgmental over a person you do not know and based on very scant information. Having multiple partners in ones past does not mean their ideas towards sex are unhealthy. More often than not people who are permiscuous are not doing so because they like "unhealthy sex" (whatever that may be) but because they have other emotional issues. And since most of us have had several sexual partners in our lifetime we have no room to judge at all.
Maybe you haven't but that still doesn't give you room to say her ideas of sex were anything.
Plus the poster who said she might have fantastic ideas is correct. She probably does. There is nothing sinful about knowing how to have good sex and teaching it to your spouse so both can enjoy.

 

[aiki]

You are being very judgmental over a person you do not know and based on very scant information. Having multiple partners in ones past does not mean their ideas towards sex are unhealthy. More often than not people who are permiscuous are not doing so because they like "unhealthy sex" (whatever that may be) but because they have other emotional issues. And since most of us have had several sexual partners in our lifetime we have no room to judge at all.
Maybe you haven't but that still doesn't give you room to say her ideas of sex were anything.
Plus the poster who said she might have fantastic ideas is correct. She probably does. There is nothing sinful about knowing how to have good sex and teaching it to your spouse so both can enjoy.

*Sigh* Look, I said nothing about the OP's girlfriend that wasn't completely evident in her conduct as described by her boyfriend, the OP. I did not, by the way, say that the girlfriend liked "unhealthy sex." My intial remarks were about her likely requiring some adjustment to her view of sexuality. Clearly, her fornication is not in accord with God's intended design for human sexuality and insofar as this is so, some correction of her view of sex is necessary. This isn't being judgmental, it is being realistic.

I get that as someone who has fornicated with multiple partners, you are loathe to point at the same sin in another person. But your past failings in this area are not grounds for shutting up any who would point out the problems in having multiple sexual partners. Really, my point wasn't about her sin but about the consequences of it, which is a distinction you seem to have missed entirely. I wasn't saying, "Shame on you!" as you seem to think, but rather, "The consequences of sexual promiscuity are real and need to be anticipated."

I also never said that having good sexual technique is bad. But I have observed in counselling people who have not had a godly perspective on sex that sexual technique means very little if it is not coupled to a God-honoring view of human sexuality.

Selah.

 

[Grafted In]

I think it is wrong to try to convince this man that he is being unforgiving. He has serious issues with her past that will trickle down to every relationship they, as a couple, will have...including any children they will have. And I certainly do not agree that his heavenly father will withhold forgiving him over this issue.
There's far more going on here than unforgiveness on his part. For all we know he has totally forgiven her for her past. He has a multitude of concerns that are not all that unreasonable. The fact that he is asking for advice tells me that he wants to do the right thing before God. If all of his concerns are not completely dealt with and settled in his heart I believe he should wait on God. It may very well be God's will for him, but at this time he is unsure. If not, marrying her will have serious consequences for her as well. In other words, if trying to convince him he is being judgemental of her and as such, unforgiving, we will bear the consequenses of the harm done if he marries her for that reason.
In my opinion, JRO116, you would be wise to seek the mind of God diligently before making what is perhaps one of the biggest decisions you will ever make.
I don't think you will find the answer here on CF, unless God reveals His will for you in the words someone posts. Opinions are all over the place guided by who knows how many different reasons.
JMHO.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I did not post in this thread with the intent of arguing about the content of my comments. I would much have preferred for my words to the OP to be undiluted by the discussion I've had with Mudinyeri. I'm hoping he will desist in his criticisms of my remarks to the OP.

Selah.

I will desist because I can tell that you can't see your own sin while you're focused on mine and that of the OP's girlfriend.

 

[aiki]

Oookay...

 

[Four Angels Standing]

You're all arguing with one another over your own false notions about this man's girlfriend and her character and personality? And you're posting that you're offended by what one another judges about each other after you've both judged a woman you've never met?

And then you invoke scriptures to defend your own behavior and condemn the other?

Do you know how ridiculous it is that this is even an issue among the two of you? When a brother has opened a discussion asking advice about his life?

 

[nerfherder]

I will desist because I can tell that you can't see your own sin while you're focused on mine and that of the OP's girlfriend.

You're all arguing with one another over your own false notions about this man's girlfriend and her character and personality? And you're posting that you're offended by what one another judges about each other after you've both judged a woman you've never met?

And then you invoke scriptures to defend your own behavior and condemn the other?

Do you know how ridiculous it is that this is even an issue among the two of you? When a brother has opened a discussion asking advice about his life?

Pretty standard for any internet message board. I agree the focus should be on the OP but it just never works out that way when opinions start flying. I wish I could say I was above that but obviously I am not.

 

[Mudinyeri]

You're all arguing with one another over your own false notions about this man's girlfriend and her character and personality? And you're posting that you're offended by what one another judges about each other after you've both judged a woman you've never met?

And now you come here accusing us of "false notions" and not trying to help her and judging her when, in fact, I did offer advice and help and never had a "false notion" or judged the woman.

Pot meet kettle.

 

[Four Angels Standing]

Thank you so much for reiterating my observation of your behavior.

 

[Mudinyeri]

Thank you so much for reiterating my observation of your behavior.

You're quite welcome.