My fiance is upset because I said hi to a co-worker and referred to her as Miss

[Dincali]

OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

 

[Aldebaran]

One thing I'll point out is that in addition to you needing to do your part to have your trust, it's also up to her to not be a controlling person as well. I've seen relationships where one person in the relationship is in such a dominant position while the one being dominated allows the other person to control them. Not healthy.
I don't know how saying "Miss" when referring to someone sounds where you live. Cultures are different in different places. It could be seen by a fiance as flirting, but maybe it's actually an innocent thing between coworkers. People in a working relationship relate differently to each other than outside the workplace.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll mention that I'm not married and never have been, but I myself would feel like an overbearing and controlling person if I insisted that my new wife give up all her male friends, remove their numbers from her phone, unfriend all her male Facebook friends, etc. and then get upset when she runs into male friends or co-workers and has a conversation with them and uses certain words or terminology. In a relationship of any kind, there needs to be more trust than control. I hope she trusts you and doesn't feel a need to control you, because a feeling of needing to control is a sign of a lack of trust.

 

[Michie]

OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

Nevermind. For whatever strange reason married people can’t post here. I deleted my comment.

 

[HTacianas]

OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

Being completely honest with you, you're spending too much time on the phone with your fiancé.

 

[Dincali]

One thing I'll point out is that in addition to you needing to do your part to have your trust, it's also up to her to not be a controlling person as well. I've seen relationships where one person in the relationship is in such a dominant position while the one being dominated allows the other person to control them. Not healthy.
I don't know how saying "Miss" when referring to someone sounds where you live. Cultures are different in different places. It could be seen by a fiance as flirting, but maybe it's actually an innocent thing between coworkers. People in a working relationship relate differently to each other than outside the workplace.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll mention that I'm not married and never have been, but I myself would feel like an overbearing and controlling person if I insisted that my new wife give up all her male friends, remove their numbers from her phone, unfriend all her male Facebook friends, etc. and then get upset when she runs into male friends or co-workers and has a conversation with them and uses certain words or terminology. In a relationship of any kind, there needs to be more trust than control. I hope she trusts you and doesn't feel a need to control you, because a feeling of needing to control is a sign of a lack of trust.

I'll give her this, she walks the talk. She doesn't have any male friends, and the men she did talk to she cut them off when we got together. She has said she had an issue with females that had access to me through Facebook or phone numbers. This is a little different since this woman is married and I don't even socialize with her at work. She's just a very nice person. I probably say hi to her every other week if that because she telecommutes.

I did agree to not talking to the two female friends, but it took me a while to stop talking to them as I knew them for a long time and it was hard to say goodbye. I had told her that I was not talking to them when I actually was, so there are some trust issues. I want her to trust me, but at the same time I think she is overreacting a bit.

 

[Dincali]

Being completely honest with you, you're spending too much time on the phone with your fiancé.

What do you think about using the term "Miss" to say hi to someone at work?

 

[HTacianas]

What do you think about using the term "Miss" to say hi to someone at work?

We used to call older women "Miss <first name>". But everyone said it with a southern accent and it came out Mizz. It was just a respectful way to address a woman who wasn't an aunt or grandmother. That being my family tradition I don't think anything of you calling someone that.

 

[AlexB23]

One thing I'll point out is that in addition to you needing to do your part to have your trust, it's also up to her to not be a controlling person as well. I've seen relationships where one person in the relationship is in such a dominant position while the one being dominated allows the other person to control them. Not healthy.
I don't know how saying "Miss" when referring to someone sounds where you live. Cultures are different in different places. It could be seen by a fiance as flirting, but maybe it's actually an innocent thing between coworkers. People in a working relationship relate differently to each other than outside the workplace.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll mention that I'm not married and never have been, but I myself would feel like an overbearing and controlling person if I insisted that my new wife give up all her male friends, remove their numbers from her phone, unfriend all her male Facebook friends, etc. and then get upset when she runs into male friends or co-workers and has a conversation with them and uses certain words or terminology. In a relationship of any kind, there needs to be more trust than control. I hope she trusts you and doesn't feel a need to control you, because a feeling of needing to control is a sign of a lack of trust.

Agreed Aldebaran. I was gonna say the same thing. Some people such as OP's girlfriend could potentially be a little overbearing, and it is up to the original poster, Dincali if he can work through this problem together. Similar to how the Federation/Starfleet in Star Trek strives for peaceful relationships amongst interstellar civilizations, it is possible for anyone to return to a stable relationship, even if it may take a while.

OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

Yeah, best not to be calling on the phone whilst entering work, as that could be considered rude to say hi to coworker while being engaged with someone (ex. your GF) on the phone, Dincali. And hey sir, I like your anime/manga PFP. Where is it from if I may ask? My favorite anime(s) are probably the 2011 or 1999 version of Hunter X Hunter, along with most Studio Ghibli classics.

 

[Dincali]

Hi Alex, point noted.

That picture is of the Raikage from Naruto

 

[AlexB23]

Hi Alex, point noted.

That picture is of the Raikage from Naruto

That is cool. Sadly, Naruto was never for me, as I prefer anime that focuses less on power-ups, and more on character development, friendships and minimal blood. Also, the sage Jiraiya 100% creeps me out, as there are apparently compilations of his not-so-nice shenanigans on YT. I am very new to the anime scene also, as HxH was the the first anime enjoyed by myself (started in November 2021 and completed in March 2022). What is your favorite anime sir?

 

[Divide]

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

The term Miss to me has always been a term of politeness to young laides or someone you don't know if they're married or not. But if your fiance doesn't like that you use that term with women...then you answered your own quetion. Don't use that term in front of her. I don't think it is flirting but if she does then that's who counts, right?

 

[Dincali]

I don't mind if my fiance doesn't like it, but I have to know that she doesn't like it. She told me I was too excited and then asked me if I was checking her out. I don't think that was cool.

Also, I need to know if she is overreacting. If you indulge someone's every whim, they will eventually take it too far. As far as work, I have to have an environment in which I can be reasonably friendly with my coworkers without her thinking that I am flirting with them.

 

[Dincali]

That is cool. Sadly, Naruto was never for me, as I prefer anime that focuses less on power-ups, and more on character development, friendships and minimal blood. Also, the sage Jiraiya 100% creeps me out, as there are apparently compilations of his not-so-nice shenanigans on YT. I am very new to the anime scene also, as HxH was the the first anime enjoyed by myself (started in November 2021 and completed in March 2022). What is your favorite anime sir?

Hmm, I think there was a lot of character development in Naruto. It is the standard anime hero story, but there was lots of emotional attachment as well. I tend to like stories like that. For me some good anime are Seven Deadly Sins, Demon Slayer, One Punch Man, Black Clover, Attack on Titan, and My Hero Academia. Also Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood is simply amazing!

 

[AlexB23]

Hmm, I think there was a lot of character development in Naruto. It is the standard anime hero story, but there was lots of emotional attachment as well. I tend to like stories like that. For me some good anime are Seven Deadly Sins, Demon Slayer, One Punch Man, Black Clover, Attack on Titan, and My Hero Academia. Also Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood is simply amazing!

Whew, a few of these anime you are into have a lot of blood. I'll try My Hero Academia though, if the show keeps it clean. I tried part of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure in the summer of 2023 (one not on your list) and it was too violent. Might just give up on JJBA after the Stardust Crusaders, or Egypt season. I did try the first episode of Attack on Titan, but it was too sad.

By the way, I looked up the Raikage voice actor, and he plays Jet in the sci-fi western anime Cowboy Bebop, which I started watching in July of 2023. John "Beau" Billingslea is his name, and he is so cool.

 

[Divide]

I don't mind if my fiance doesn't like it, but I have to know that she doesn't like it. She told me I was too excited and then asked me if I was checking her out. I don't think that was cool.

Also, I need to know if she is overreacting. If you indulge someone's every whim, they will eventually take it too far. As far as work, I have to have an environment in which I can be reasonably friendly with my coworkers without her thinking that I am flirting with them.

Of course she is overeacting but don't say that to her. Rather just understand what is happening and approach from a different direction.. If she's worried about floating off with a different girl then she is feeling insecure. It happens.

How to fight insecurity? Well on some level she does not trust you enough. So make it a point to gain her trust. Be totally honest with her. This is very important because women have brains like computers and you tell her a small lie today and she'll be like, but 6 weeks you said the opposite. And they remember that. It is so important to be able to trust what comes out of anothers mouth within a relationship. Even if it is bad news. A lie would not help the situation at all because would be focused on the wrong thing and be wasting time in overcoming an obstacle. But if yo're honest about the bad situation, it may be bad but at least they know what they're dealing with and can work towards solving it.

Now I was in the Service Trades and so got to go to between 6 to 8 different houses per day, all while the daddy was at work and the kids in school. Did I have a chance to cheat? Many times. And several times women would present themselves to me as ready. I never took them up on it, not once. I did tell my wife, what happened today. Some woman came on to me. It might sound scary to her at first but on another level she will realize the honesty and honor being given to her. Confidence grows over time and things get better. She might oh was you checking this girl out? I couldn't because you are so much more beautiful than she was that I could not. All I could think about was you honey...

A lot of people lie abut such stupid small things within their relationship that the spouse can't even trust what comes out of your mouth. If it's bad and your honest then at least she knows that no matter how bad anything is, at least she can trust what comes out of your mouth. It worked for me. Tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.

 

[Larniavc]

OK my fiance and I have been having some good times and some rough times. Right now we are in a rough patch. We have been in a relationship for two years.

I will do full disclosure because I want some good advice.

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
-Remove old phone numbers from phone
-Stop talking to two female friends

Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

The other day I was on the phone with my fiance while getting in the elevator at the garage. I saw one of my co-workers and said, "Oh, there's Miss Kirra." Then I got in the elevator with her and said hi to her. At first my fiance said I sounded a little too excited to see her and that I was probably checking her out. I told her that no, that's how I sound when I say hi to everybody at work. We didn't really talk that day. Later on when I brought it up, she said she didn't like the fact that I called her "Miss Kirra". She said that was a term on endearment between us and I ruined it by calling another woman Miss. She is now saying that she didn't have an issue with me saying hi, she only had an issue with me saying "Miss Kirra" before saying hi. One issue may be that we are on the phone every morning when I walk in to work and maybe I should let her go before I go in as that isn't professional anyway (I work in IT).

What are your thoughts about using the word Miss? Is it OK to use it with another woman at work? Is it OK to say it in front of your fiance? Is it considered flirting? Does it depend on if you have made some mistakes in your relationship? I was under the impression that it was being polite, but if it is considered flirty I will never do it again.

Deleted as I’m married.

 

[Divide]

Deleted as I’m married.

In todays world the girl has been inundated with suspicion from all those parternity shows and stuff. Maybe 2 guys out of 10 pass the lie detector test. She probaly knows someone who has been cheated on. So you can't really blame the girl for being somewhat suspicious early in the relationship.

You are supposed to get married to a girl who you are in love with. Not one that you are in lust with. And I bet you that you've learned that Love is a two way street?

Well it's not. Love is a one way street. No matter what she does, you still love her but only need to work something out. Love really cant be, well if she does this or that then I will love her. That doesn't make sense.

I'm not saying that you should stay with a cheater and if she loves you then that is a bonus. So it can't be tenative if there is love present. Love is not provisional. All I'm saying is give the girl a break. In todays world if she wasnt suspicious of her man that would be weird, lol! A couple has to build a resume of trust with each other. And you son't do that by confronting the overreaction, you cure it by confronting as it were the source of the discomfort.

 

[Aldebaran]

I don't mind if my fiance doesn't like it, but I have to know that she doesn't like it. She told me I was too excited and then asked me if I was checking her out. I don't think that was cool.

Also, I need to know if she is overreacting. If you indulge someone's every whim, they will eventually take it too far. As far as work, I have to have an environment in which I can be reasonably friendly with my coworkers without her thinking that I am flirting with them.

You've so far mentioned this one instance that you're asking about. Has your fiance done/said anything else that indicates trust issues? Does she question you every time she sees you talking to a female? Does she get suspicious about who you're talking to when you're on the phone? Does she insist upon looking at all your Facebook PMs?
If trust isn't there, suspicion always will be. That's where controlling relationships come from.

 

[timewerx]

In the past, I have been reluctant to:
-Remove female friends from Facebook
.........
Now I didn't communicate with the women on Facebook, and I didn't call any of the numbers in my phone. But I understand that I should have taken care of these things sooner. Because of this, there have been some trust issues. She thinks I sometimes want to reach out to women in my past.

Whenever you're going through a rough patch in your relationship, having female friends may become a temptation.

For example to engage in "emotional infidelity" by confiding your relationship problems with your female friends to get emotional support or meet emotional needs from them. Although emotional infidelity, isn't adultery nor extra-marital affair (if you're married), it can lead to one and is still wrong.

 

[Divide]

Could it be possible that she feels insecure because you two don't speak the same love language, so ahe feels affirmed?

The 5 love languages IIRC are

Words of affirmatin. (compliments, saying I love oyu etc..)
Quality time together. (this can be taking them out or staying home depending)
Acts of service. (Cooking food for them, back massages, foot rubs, many things)
Physical touch. (This does not include sexual intimmacy)
Receiveing gifts. (Go wild. You know what she likes)

Think how she expresses love to you. Cook you fine meals? I think she might be likely to speak in two of the 5 love languages. Discover what she uses for you and discover what she responds well to and keep that up. I'm guessing you love the girl but nevertheless trust your gut.