My fiancé doesn't want to go to church with me.

[mkgal1]

Not really. If all my wife did for me was what she wanted to do instead of what I wanted, that's not really for me, that's for her. It's perfectly okay for her to do things for herself, but not to pretend it was for me and expect me to be grateful.

That's not what I wrote, though. I'd said, "choose the things they'd like to do in order to make their spouse happy (that way it's sincere)". What I meant was along the lines of what CG had said.....she chooses to go to sushi with her husband (even though that's not something she enjoys doing, normally). I choose to watch certain television programs while with my husband (he doesn't guilt me into it).

 

[RDKirk]

That's not what I wrote, though. I'd said, "choose the things they'd like to do in order to make their spouse happy (that way it's sincere)". What I meant was along the lines of what CG had said.....she chooses to go to sushi with her husband (even though that's not something she enjoys doing, normally). I choose to watch certain television programs while with my husband (he doesn't guilt me into it).

[/QUOTE]

Then you're not getting to the concept I quoted earlier:

"Love is when another person's happiness is essential to your own."

That means if I see my wife unhappy and I can do something to make her happy, I will do it because I'm not completely happy if she's unhappy. Guilt has nothing to do with it.

 

[mkgal1]

Then you're not getting to the concept I quoted earlier:

"Love is when another person's happiness is essential to your own."

That means if I see my wife unhappy and I can do something to make her happy, I will do it because I'm not completely happy if she's unhappy. Guilt has nothing to do with it.

I think you're missing my point.

Our happiness shouldn't be at the expense of our spouse (and vice/versa). IOW....there are certain lines (I believe). I can't truly enjoy something knowing that my husband would rather not be there. We are still two different people with different tastes/interests. For instance.....he doesn't like to hike (it hurts his hip)....so, instead of me missing out on something I love, I go with a friend of mine that equally loves hiking. My husband wouldn't truly be making me happy by coming along, because I'd know that he would be in pain.

 

[James Is Back]

Mod Hat On
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This thread has been moved from Married Couples to Questions From Singles About Marriage


Mod Hat Off​

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

March 2015 is fast approaching. Any updates on how this is going?
Was it a deal breaker? Did he offer an explanation? Inquiring minds...

 

[mkgal1]

I'm not sure if the OP is coming back. Looking at her profile---she hasn't been back to CF since the 17th of December (the day after starting this thread). Praying all goes well in the future.

 

[pittsflyer]

I will play devils advocate here, what kind of "drugs" was he on (because pot is quickly on its way to being nationally legalize non scheduled "drug". If he was doing meth or haroin then thats another issue.

Also I have been to multiple churches in the past that would pour on an openly hostile guilt trip if you were having sex before "marriage" (ie indentured servitude contract with the state, not with God). I found that if you were having sex before "marriage" that was all the "pre-marital church counselors" could seem to focus on, actual compatability was not really relavent to them.

Then once you signed your slave contract with the state the church could care less about you, you just disappear into the crowd and if you get divorced they could care less about the people. All they cared about was the sex and enforcing the state licence. So I can appreciate your boy friend not really caring about going to church, it is exhausting and when you only have 2 days off a week thats not exactly how I want to spend it plus then I have to drag my self out of bed early on sunday, what if I wanted to have game night with some friends on sat night (friends who actually care about me as opposed to most churches).

 

[Dave-W]

Our happiness shouldn't be at the expense of our spouse (and vice/versa).

Actually, our spouse's happiness should be at OUR expense.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

It killed him and at times it may feel like it is killing us too. That is to be expected.

 

[mkgal1]

Actually, our spouse's happiness should be at OUR expense.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

It killed him and at times it may feel like it is killing us too. That is to be expected.

I actually disagree and I'll explain why.

There's something unique about God's economy of love. When we do something for others (in the spirit of genuine love)....no one ever seems to suffer. For instance (like CGolfer, I believe it was, posted earlier)....if I decide to go with my husband to his favorite restaurant --one that I wouldn't go to on my own-- I will have the satisfaction of knowing my husband enjoys it. That's not at my expense.....because I still gain something.


It's our enemy, on the other hand, that steals away from everything. Genuine love (God's love) only adds....increases. Even in using the example of Christ's suffering on the cross for us (and I don't mean to minimize that at *all*).....but there *was* a sort of "benefit" in all that (and that's the redemption of His creation). IOW.....it doesn't end at sacrifice and expense.

 

[mkgal1]

Then once you signed your slave contract with the state the church could care less about you, you just disappear into the crowd and if you get divorced they could care less about the people.

Slave contract?

I don't believe the rest about "the church could care less about you". If YOU believe that......perhaps you need to start looking at different churches.

 

[pittsflyer]

I say that sarcasticly but its partly true. I dont like signing anything that gives more control to the state in my life (marraige licence, military contracts, credit cards, etc) unless I am really sure about it and it takes me a long time with tons of research to be sure about anything.

Our society does not cut people much slack so its foolish not to be prudent about such things.

Also finding a good church is easier said than done. Often time churches try to get people to do things to error on the side of caution spiritually while failing to recognize that in doing so in can result in serious liabilities physically. Being in a bad situation for long periods of time in this life can then lead to negitive effects spiritually and that is typically where most churches turn their backs.

Slave contract?

I don't believe the rest about "the church could care less about you". If YOU believe that......perhaps you need to start looking at different churches.