My Death

[One_Becomes_two]

I feel like im near to killing myself. Im 15 years old, im a sophmore in highschool. I found this place and since im christian. I thought i could get some help here... My life has turned into chaos...

I live in good conditions. Our family is wealthy. I have what alot dont. But, no money can truly ever help my feelings or emotions...

Im mad at them all. The school, the people there, the teachers, my parents...
I AM DIEiNG! day by day, hour by hour. The schoolwork for one, we really get way to much. Its to much pressure to cram into all my time. I dont have my own time anymore...

I get the work done but i dont have time for myself or for enjoyment. My life has NO enjoyment right now... Even now, im sitting here after school, trying to get a computer project done and im typing this fast... my parants are starting all these things with my teachers. To send them reports on me. kids at school pick on me. I got 5 4hour detentions because no one seems to like me at school... And becaue of that, when they get in trouble, they say i did it, and everyone doesnt like me, so everyone will say "Yeah he did it" and it makes me go into rage. I was suspended for a month one time in 7th grade when that happened. The kid already had detention but only a 30 minute.I was serving 2 hours. And the kid had blamed it on me and they had all said yes. IN detention, he was snickering at me and whispering at me. i lost it... i got up out of my desk and threw myself at him, i literally pushed over his desk with him in it then Took my books and starting smashing him with them. He finally got up. And he tried to get away but i jumped on him and he fell against the wall and i punched him repeatedly. the teacher tried to stop me, he yelled at me and pulled me off the kid and i pushed the teacher into the blinds and ran away from the school, i was arrested and suspended. And when i came back to school i a schedual rechange and had some new special classes which made me even madder. Its happening again.. And my parants never seem to believe me. Even though i got decent grades they still think im failing and they saw the report card but they still think im not telling them the truth! THEY HAVE THESE THING WITH TEACHERS!

They dont TRUST ME! I CANT STAND IT THAT THEY DONT TRUST ME!

I've told people about my problems but they just say oh come now. my PARANTS WONT EVEN LET ME SEE A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELER!THEY ACT LIKE IM JOKING OR TAKING IT TO FAR....

MANY TIMES I HAVE SAID I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF AND I DAMN WELL NEAR DID IT... ONE TIME I TOOK A SWORD FROM MY GRANDPA'S SWORD COLLECTION HE LEFT ME IN HIS WILL AND I MADE SEVERAL CUTS ALONG MY ARM PLANNING TO BLEED MYSELF TO DEATH IT DIDNT WORK. MY PARANTS ASKD ME WHAT HAPPENS, I TOLD EM THE TRUTH AND THEY SAID "OH NOW STOP IT" EVEN AFTER THEY SAW WHAT I DID, THEY DIDNT THINK ONE THING OF IT...

TODAY, I AM THROUGH. THERES BEEN ENOUGH. I HAVE HAD IT... THIS IS THE LAST... IF THERES ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE ME, SAY SO.

OTHERWISE, TODAY IS THE DAY
IM NOT JOKING....]

HELP ME

 

[Suzannah]

May God bless you in your need...I am so sorry to read of all this...I can say that suicide is from the enemy of our salvation....it is what he is, as our Lord told us: "...a murderer from the beginning." Despair is one of his favorite weapons against human beings....Do you have any one close to you, a friend your age perhaps that you trust and can talk to?

We are here for you and I will stop everything right now to pray for you...

 

[Suzannah]

I am still praying for you....God bless you...I'm so sorry you are hurting...I hope you will stay around at CF for awhile, and make a few new friends...
Love,
Suzannah

 

[M_Lynn]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. Suicide is the work of the devil. Do not let him win!

15 is a ROUGH ROUGH age! I know...I was in horrible disarray when I was 15. I totally understand you!

If you want to talk to me send me a PM and I'll try to help you.

 

[crossrunner]

Praying for you sweet one. Please remember that you do have a friend in Jesus and He loves you so much. Please...please....please, right now, lay the burden of your heart on Him. He's reaching out to you. Won't you please take His hand?

Love you
cr

 

[Ceris]

I'm praying for you. Oh do I know how hard life can be in the early teens. I was also the one who always got picked on during junior high and the beginning of high school.

I'm telling you right now, DON'T DO IT! Don't commit suicide because it is not worth it. I am sorry that your parents don't trust you or seem to take your problems seriously. From the age of 10 - 14 my parents didn't trust me much either (this was because of constant lying on my part though). I know how frustrating it can be when the people you look up to don't put much trust in you.

I am praying for you and please, please post again or at least get help. Go to someone your age at least, or perhaps there is someone outside of your family that you can talk to? Or maybe a teacher or school councilor?

With love in Christ,
Ceris

 

[Rosa Mystica]

To the OP: I can identify w/ some of what you're saying. Really, I can. I grew up in an abusive home, and my folks never took any of my problems seriously (despite having caused many of them). Throughout all of elementary and middle school, I was detested by almost everyone at school. I was THE person to make fun of. I've also struggled w/ depression and suicidal ideation for at least a few years now. I KNOW what it's like to be sick. I KNOW what it's like to want to die (though I've never attempted suicide in my life).

Please, please don't die! Talk to someone who can help you with this. It is imperative that you do so. And, if you need to vent to someone on this forum, Rosa is always here.

 

[One_Becomes_two]

Thank you... but i have no idea what to do... No one listens. MY parants wont let me seek professional help cause they think im just joking about all this no matter how much i insist..

Whats the point of life if you cant enjoy it?

 

[Rosa Mystica]

MY parants wont let me seek professional help cause they think im just joking about all this no matter how much i insist..

I think that this is an occasion where disobeying your folks is probably necessary. God wants you to disobey those who do evil, and sadly, your folks' not allowing to you to become well when you are sick is definitely evil

Whats the point of life if you cant enjoy it?

The point of life? I guess that would be to please God. Maybe one of your goals in life should be to do whatever is w/in your capability to reach the point where you will enjoy it. It's hard work, but it's definitely worth it.

 

[DavidD]

Sounds like you are a very special person and you need to tell yourself that. Yes go and look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are special and God has BIG plans for you. When I was your age I felt as if no one cared yes including my parents but I was wrong and I look back and see how God saved me from going the wrong direction many times in my life, and how the toughest parts and lonliest days of my life actually strengthened me so I would be able to reach others with God's great love and say. God did not bring you this far to give up on you. Don't you give up on God because you are truly God's child and many are praying for you now. And if needed cry some more just don't hold all that anger in and let it out the wrong way but always pray and trust God and as you continue to do this you will know that you are never alone no matter how it may feel. Oh I'm 35 and I may have not been through what some have but I have been through some and know God is the answer.Remember you are special in God's eyes and ours.

 

[doofus125]

Thank you... but i have no idea what to do... No one listens. MY parants wont let me seek professional help cause they think im just joking about all this no matter how much i insist..

Whats the point of life if you cant enjoy it?

Where are you from? We may be able to help you find some resources online that may help also. I've totally been down this road, My family didn't have much money, but we survived. The thing about me is I went through it alone, I never reached out for help to my family. Bro, just know there is hope and don't give up. Life is hard and alot of times it really does stink. I never thought the pain I went through in school would ever end, but it eventually did. Just remember the "Father" loves you and that he is there for you even when everyone else treats you badly. Maybe you need to talk to a Pastor? Hang in there bro.

 

[InTheFlame]

1B2 - *hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*

I wish I could say something that'd make it better... y'know? I've been in a similar spot and it sucked bigtime. Is there a counsellor at your school? Any in the area that'll take you on for a reduced rate, or free? I think you need a chance to sit down and talk with someone - face to face - who's sympathetic. I never really did that (not much opportunity in a small town with no public transport), and I think it would've helped me get through. Those years were so tough... I feel for you. The number of times I thought I'd never make it through... but I did.

God is a fantastic listener. He won't interrupt but he DOES pay attention. Check my signature. Talk to him... pour out all your pain and anger to him. He won't get uncomfortable or disbelieve you.

Oh yeah... and there's us. Feel free to vent whenever

*hugggggggggggggggggggggggg*

 

[bonniea84]

Is there someone at your school you can talk to, or a teacher you can trust? I've been where you are, and if no onetakes you seriously, then you've got to seek help from a guidance counselor or a teacher. Maybe there are students there who can refer you to someone. Please find someone you can trust to try to give you some assistance. I've attempted suicide I'm hear to tell you that it's not worth it. In the meantime, I'll pray that your parents will open their hearts and hear your concerns. Hopefully they won't discover that you're not crying wolf when it's too late.

Thank you... but i have no idea what to do... No one listens. MY parants wont let me seek professional help cause they think im just joking about all this no matter how much i insist..

Whats the point of life if you cant enjoy it?

 

[darketernal]

God always listens to you,

Listen it doesn't matter how rich and wealthy your family is, the only thing that matters in life is your loving intereaction with your fellow man, be very harsh against the problems that you have in life, but be very loving and gentle with other people, treat them asif they where baby's made out of porseline.

Do not fight evil with evil, because only evil will win, you can only fight evil with love. You have to feel love and compassion for the people who don't understand you, God knows you better then your own mother, you also have an image problem. People don't like the way you look somehow, your not at the same frequency as they are, same counts for your mom and dad, you need to tune into them in order for them to understand you, ask God for support and help. He loves you and we do too.

 

[Only1]

dude, I just got out of a position much like your own. The teachers hated me, the students hated me, I hated myself. Everyone seemed to point fingers at me when There was a problem, I was the scapegoat. When I got into high school football I was one of the best linemen on the team, but every problem that occured was blamed on me. The secret it to wait it out, set goals for yourself. Thats what I did and it worked. My goal was to go into the Coast Guard as soon as I get out of Hish school, and prepare for the FBI Academy. Goals will give you motivation and purpose, so will God. I'm a senior in high school, I feel where your comming from. Things arnt that bad now, Now I am more popular and have more self-confidence. I pray that you will make it through these next couple of years and come out on top. God knows how much your heart can bear, so don't let go, he's with you.

 

[Crazy_nut_4_Jesus]

I can relate. People at my school hate me. For one, I was a real idiot coming into school being at the bottom (freshmen), then turned my life around. People thought it was hypocritical because i changed my habits from bad to... slightly ok. Don't sweat it, because what people, teachers and even your parents think, doesn't matter. All that matters is what God thinks. I know it doesnt help much to hear that, just remember you're not bad and that God loves you and you are special. I'm praying for you, and many others are too. If you ever need to vent, PM me or IM me.

<3 always,
Becca