My dad has problems again

[Susie~Q]

A

I haven't talked yet about how my dad is doing because it's feeling more difficult for me to handle. He had a seizure a week ago (I think I said this) but he still has not recovered the ability to swallow and it's really concerning me. He is also constantly expressing his desire to die and remains determinedly defiant in resisting the therapists that come in. I don't know how I'm going to sleep. My brother (I have mixed feelings about him, he does assure me that he won't let me be destitute but I just don't know) is pushing me to get up earlier and he is kind of right because it facilitates the receipt of phone calls but I'm not doing a good enough job of it (the getting up).

As long as your dad has this uncooperative attitude, he won't get better, his body will slowly shut down. This must be extremely upsetting and even irritating for you. I think your brother can be trusted on this, I doubt very seriously he'd allow you to be homeless. I also agree that if you can get up earlier you will be able to do more. I am not a morning person either so I understand where you're coming from.
Hugs.

 

[Lady Bug]

This must be extremely upsetting and even irritating for you

Yeah this is terrifying. I'm hoping I can sleep. It's already late.

 

[mourningdove~]

Yeah this is terrifying. I'm hoping I can sleep. It's already late.

I hope you can get to sleep soon, too.
I just got up for a bit, and will say a prayer for you.

 

[Lady Bug]

There might be some "positive" updates according to someone who visits him (who has cleaned our house every now and then). I still have to ascertain it with my own eyes. I'm still worried though. I have a "negative" neighbor who insists that this is a false positive and that he won't get better, and although I'm still petrified of that, why can't I just try to confirm this myself?

In a nutshell, the "positive" updates are such that he's apparently more willing to cooperate with the therapists today. It pains me to say this because I hate certain meds but he was given a mood stabilizer yesterday or the day before and maybe that's a contributing factor.

I have a meeting today with a palliative care team and I hate the term "palliative" because I feel like it's a precursor to hospice, but I'll have to see.

 

[mourningdove~]

It pains me to say this because I hate certain meds but he was given a mood stabilizer yesterday or the day before and maybe that's a contributing factor.

Imo, there is nothing wrong with mood stabilizers, if they are needed. They can be very helpful.

And since they are prescribing them, I would say that someone caring for your Dad must be seeing a need for this action, or is suspecting there is a need.

I understand your hesitancy, but I hope that maybe this 'update' is serving to give you some confirmation ... validation ... that the behavioral difficulties you've been experiencing with your Dad are 'real' ... and not just 'in your imagination'. The hospital staff is apparently noticing some issues now, too. And I hope the medication will help.

 

[Lady Bug]

Imo, there is nothing wrong with mood stabilizers, if they are needed. They can be very helpful.

And since they are prescribing them, I would say that someone caring for your Dad must be seeing a need for this action, or is suspecting there is a need.

I understand your hesitancy, but I hope that maybe this 'update' is serving to give you some confirmation ... validation ... that the behavioral difficulties you've been experiencing with your Dad are 'real' ... and not just 'in your imagination'. The hospital staff is apparently noticing some issues now, too. And I hope the medication will help.

I hope it helps too. I don't like it though because the meds are associated with dementia (antipsychotic).

However, it pains me to say this but his mood and personality swings had been becoming nothing short of insufferable. So insufferable that I constantly experienced ideation every day and slept badly almost every day and I always wanted to die. I don't know if the meds are temporary though.

I feel like a terrible person again. I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again. I can't live with him either. It's like - - I want him alive and well and never to die, but I can't live WITH him either. So sad.

 

[mourningdove~]

I hope it helps too. I don't like it though because the meds are associated with dementia (antipsychotic).

However, it pains me to say this but his mood and personality swings had been becoming nothing short of insufferable. So insufferable that I constantly experienced ideation every day and slept badly almost every day and I always wanted to die. I don't know if the meds are temporary though.

I feel like a terrible person again. I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again. I can't live with him either. It's like - - I want him alive and well and never to die, but I can't live WITH him either. So sad.

While the Docs and hospital staff are getting to know your Dad during this time, so are they also getting to know alittle bit about you, and your family dynamics. They can't help but be seeing how difficult all this is on you.

I'm so sorry, but your Dad is at the age where all this kind of stuff can happen. And it does get to the point where it doesn't look very hopeful for an improvement in health. There is kind of a pattern to these things, and your Dad may be in that kind of pattern.

If they are considering sending your Dad home, I suspect they may recommend that palliative care come into the home regularly to help you both. Or they could jump straight to hospice care; that's what they did with my husband. Nowadays, hospice is not just for the dying. Some people can actually be on hospice care for a long time. But it just helps so much, to have others in the home helping. The caregiver needs this kind of assistance as much as the ill family member does.

... So if they mention hospice at home? Please try not to panic. Even if your Dad's prognosis isn't good, the hospice care for him can be a real blessing for you, too.

I'm sorry this a sad time for you. Hang in there.
{{hugg}}

 

[FaithT]

I hope it helps too. I don't like it though because the meds are associated with dementia (antipsychotic).

However, it pains me to say this but his mood and personality swings had been becoming nothing short of insufferable. So insufferable that I constantly experienced ideation every day and slept badly almost every day and I always wanted to die. I don't know if the meds are temporary though.

I feel like a terrible person again. I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again. I can't live with him either. It's like - - I want him alive and well and never to die, but I can't live WITH him either. So sad.

I understand.

 

[Michie]

I hope it helps too. I don't like it though because the meds are associated with dementia (antipsychotic).

However, it pains me to say this but his mood and personality swings had been becoming nothing short of insufferable. So insufferable that I constantly experienced ideation every day and slept badly almost every day and I always wanted to die. I don't know if the meds are temporary though.

I feel like a terrible person again. I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again. I can't live with him either. It's like - - I want him alive and well and never to die, but I can't live WITH him either. So sad.

Try to take it one day at a time Lady Bug. I tend to worry and envision different scenarios myself. Anxiety definitely does not help but I learned you can’t cut everything off at the pass. I’m trying to bite off small bits at a time anymore and it does help along with prayer. It takes some self training and reset but it does help one get off the merry go round. I have also been going to bed early enough where I have some down time to do prayer, relax, etc. Just doing that has made a big difference.

 

[Lady Bug]

I understand.

I wasn't dreading the recovery, though.

 

[FaithT]

I wasn't dreading the recovery, though.

I don’t think I know what you mean.

 

[Lady Bug]

I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again.

I don’t think I know what you mean.

If you see what I wrote here, when I said I'm "dreading that again," I was saying that if he recovered and was able to come back home, I was dreading the possibility of his mood swings/insufferable personality if he came home. I was not dreading him recovering or being home itself, just his personality.

 

[RileyG]

I hope it helps too. I don't like it though because the meds are associated with dementia (antipsychotic).

However, it pains me to say this but his mood and personality swings had been becoming nothing short of insufferable. So insufferable that I constantly experienced ideation every day and slept badly almost every day and I always wanted to die. I don't know if the meds are temporary though.

I feel like a terrible person again. I had been crying because I thought that he'd never recover, but if he does and comes home, I feel like I'm dreading that again. I can't live with him either. It's like - - I want him alive and well and never to die, but I can't live WITH him either. So sad.

May God embrace you in his love

 

[Lady Bug]

My faith got shaken in an unpleasant way today. If seizures cause many people to know longer be able to eat and drink naturally and hence starve/dehydrate to death, how can God just let this happen? I can't seem to believe God is love today, if He lets a seizure victim just die like that (if this kind of thing happened when they were alone or out in the wild somewhere). This is not right. Today is a bad day for my faith. Please someone help me before I go crazy.

 

[Susie~Q]

My faith got shaken in an unpleasant way today. If seizures cause many people to know longer be able to eat and drink naturally and hence starve/dehydrate to death, how can God just let this happen? I can't seem to believe God is love today, if He lets a seizure victim just die like that (if this kind of thing happened when they were alone or out in the wild somewhere). This is not right. Today is a bad day for my faith. Please someone help me before I go crazy.

I know exactly how you feel and I, too, have felt that way numerous times. I do not know why the Lord allows things like this to happen, but it does, everyday, and to folks that don't think even remotely deserve it. It is difficult to not let it make our faith waiver.

Here is a link to a page that may help you, it does make sense, but, it is still hard to handle a lot of the time.

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? | GotQuestions.org

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why does God not prevent bad things from happening to good people?

www.gotquestions.org

 

[Lady Bug]

I know exactly how you feel and I, too, have felt that way numerous times. I do not know why the Lord allows things like this to happen, but it does, everyday, and to folks that don't think even remotely deserve it. It is difficult to not let it make our faith waiver.

Here is a link to a page that may help you, it does make sense, but, it is still hard to handle a lot of the time.

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? | GotQuestions.org

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why does God not prevent bad things from happening to good people?

www.gotquestions.org

Hi there. Bear with me, I'll read it, just not at the moment.

 

[Lady Bug]

I know exactly how you feel and I, too, have felt that way numerous times. I do not know why the Lord allows things like this to happen, but it does, everyday, and to folks that don't think even remotely deserve it. It is difficult to not let it make our faith waiver.

Here is a link to a page that may help you, it does make sense, but, it is still hard to handle a lot of the time.

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? | GotQuestions.org

Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why does God not prevent bad things from happening to good people?

www.gotquestions.org

Hi again, lol. Never mind, I skimmed it over, there were about 4 proverbial bullet points. This one however (the seizure thing) is bothering me a bit too much today. I don't know how to cope with that one yet

 

[Susie~Q]

Hi again, lol. Never mind, I skimmed it over, there were about 4 proverbial bullet points. This one however (the seizure thing) is bothering me a bit too much today. I don't know how to cope with that one yet

I agree, that bothers me too, Steve has had epileptic seizures, I have only seen him have one and it terrified me. I don't understand why the Lord lets things like that happen. Steve is a good Christian, and he doesn't question the Lord, but he said when they first started in his 20's, he did. The meds he is one now (Phenytoin which is Dilantin) help him a lot, he only had that one back in May of 2015 and that is because the batch was weak, it hasn't happened since, even though he has been in and out of hospitals for other issues. It sill causes a person to wonder why the Lord allows them, but, I guess because this is earth and not our home, and we all will have horrible health issues at times, but it is not forever.

 

[Michie]

Just popping in with continued prayers. I hope there is some improvement today.

 

[Lady Bug]

Just popping in with continued prayers. I hope there is some improvement today.

I'm afraid things are stagnant and I had a meeting with a doctor and social worker today. Things don't look that great He'll probably have to have a tube in his stomach or else he will have to starve to death after his nose tube is removed, and the latter is too unbearable to fathom. However, that means I have to consult an elder law attorney for Medicaid planning. The social worker gave me a list but I have so much anxiety from the prospect of calling one of them. I don't want to be judged. I need to compare rates. What's the most acceptable rate so that I don't have to spend hours comparing across firms?