My boyfriend gets aroused every time we talk!

[Ave Maria]

Hi everyone. I have a problem. My boyfriend gets aroused every single time we talk! I am terrified he's going to lose his soul over lust. I don't know what to do. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Your post creates lots of thoughts in my head, but the strongest one is concern for you! What worries me is that I get the impression this doesn't bother him, that he is okay with it.

I'd have the discussion with him about how you feel about this.

If this is a problem, then he does have the ability to change his thoughts, though it may take practice and hard work. There may be a possibility that he needs to see a physician to rule out a medical reason for his arousal.

My questions for you would be... Does this happen when he talks with other women? If he doesn't see this as a problem, are you okay with this?

On the spiritual realm, prayer is always the way to go. Only God can change his heart.

 

[Johnnz]

He is a wonderfully normal adult male. It may surprise you but guys aren't asexual until after the marriage vows are exchanged. The fact that he has a sexual response doesn't mean he is lusting after you. Recognise too that for him to have no sexual attraction to you now could spell big problems later in your marriage. As he may well do too if you have no flicker of sexual interest now.

John
NZ

 

[Ave Maria]

Your post creates lots of thoughts in my head, but the strongest one is concern for you! What worries me is that I get the impression this doesn't bother him, that he is okay with it.

I'd have the discussion with him about how you feel about this.

If this is a problem, then he does have the ability to change his thoughts, though it may take practice and hard work. There may be a possibility that he needs to see a physician to rule out a medical reason for his arousal.

My questions for you would be... Does this happen when he talks with other women? If he doesn't see this as a problem, are you okay with this?

On the spiritual realm, prayer is always the way to go. Only God can change his heart.

Yes, he does have a problem with it.

 

[Johnnz]

He needs to know that he is pretty normal, that he needs to exercise discretion and control, and both of you need to ensure you stay in a safe environment and behave appropriately.

John
NZ

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Yes, he does have a problem with it.

Somehow I missed your response. I'm so sorry!

I do agree with John's response in post #5, that he can learn to control it, and definitely need to remain in safe places. Normal I think, is defined by talking with him. There is no way we can know here if what he experiences is normal or not. It is normal for men to be aroused when attracted to someone or when thinking about sexual thoughts. Having men who are good friends, it is not normal for them to be aroused with every woman they talk too. I believe there is a balance. Perhaps John is correct and his responses are normal and he needs to learn control. On the other hand, there may be more to that than you are aware of.

I also agree that these issues definitely need to be addressed before any permanent relationship is sealed in marriage.

Have you considered talking with your pastor or one of the leaders in your church who can counsel you as they are there locally and possibly even know him? Another options may be a Christian counselor to help you deal with what you are feeling and thinking as well as exploring questions you may have.

 

[Ceili]

Depending on how much you love eachother I find this "arousal" normal, to me it is anyways. I get a happy feeling and ok arrousal when I hear my boyfriends voice too... I though don't see what you're saying about the lust, I'm sorry.

 

[DrStrangelove]

I'm not an expert, but I believe that in the human male, it's perfectly reasonable to be aroused basically at all times of the day...it's hormones, we can't really do much about it. Infact, during puberty, the average teenage boy gets an erection every 15 minutes (note, that's an average based on a 24hour day).

So, uhm..yeah...obviously, most guys are totally within their bounds to control it, but it's nature taking affect. It's his body telling him "I'm ready to father kids, now get frikken' to it".

 

[MMikayla]

Feel complimented, Not insulted. Maybe this is just him being lost in your awe.

 

[acropolis]

Chances are he gets aroused every time he thinks about you.

Why is sexual arousal between two people in a relationship a bad thing? I don't believe it is. A complete lack of sexual arousal would be far worse?

Are you aroused by him at all?

 

[gengwall]

What are the circumstancial similarities "every time we talk"? What are you wearing, how are you sitting, are you physically contacting each other, facing each other, embracing each other, etc? What do you talk about? I would say someone who literally gets arroused every time you talk is a little unbalanced. Or is it possible you are exagerating a little? At any rate, there is just too little information to draw any conclusions. (BTW, how do you know he is arroused - do you see it, feel it, or does he tell you. If you feel it, I would suggest you not get so cozy to have your discussions.)

Arrousal is natural but arrousal is never the less a sexual response. Sexuality expressed physically outside of marriage is clearly wrong, and Jesus seems to indicate that it is just as wrong if expressed in the mind. Thoughts of having sexual contact with you are still lustful, whether the two of you are sexaully active or not. He, or both of you, need to set up some boundaries.

 

[Penny_Lane]

why would he lose his soul for having sexual attractions just like every human being?

 

[christiangal522]

My boyfriend is the same way. We've had to set some pretty clear boundaries, otherwise it'd get out of control. The Lord has brought both my boyfriend and I to scripture regarding sexual sin. It put the Fear of God into both of us. Is God at the center of your relationship? That can make a huge difference on whether or not he acts on his feelings. (yes, men are generally turned on 24/7...that's normal and NOT wrong...it's wrong when it controls their lives and it's more important than God). As a couple, constantly bring it bato God.

 

[Shiversblood]

There may be a possibility that he needs to see a physician to rule out a medical reason for his arousal.

She is 25 so he is probably about 25 too, its normal for men that age to get arousal and have sexual urges. He would need to see a physician if he wasn't have sexual urges, as that could be a sighn of health problems. He sounds like a normal male to me, just try to wait untill after marriage and it will be fine.

 

[TertiusC]

All these opinions must be quite confusing to the OP.

If he lusts after you then that's wrong. If he gets aroused when he hears your voice and it is only attraction then that's right.

I can attest to this. If I kiss my girlfriend sometimes I get aroused, well, most times. And I can stand before God and know that it is only the sexual attraction and not lust. A guy can clearly see the difference between the two if he's honest with himself.

So as suggested by some others, have him be open about this. If you don't like it then you should tell him so that he knows not to make you aware of it.

But saying that he gets aroused or turned on is vague... You need to say why you say that... Does he try to kiss you more, does he touch he more etc. or does he just tell you.

So again, being aroused because he is attracted to his wonderful girlfriend is fine, is that's ok with you and he respects the boundaries that HE HIMSELF should institute, then that's great normal dating/courting. If it's lust, or he doesn't respect or make boundaries then well you have a problem.

My 2c

 

[norak]

Chances are he gets aroused every time he thinks about you.

Why is sexual arousal between two people in a relationship a bad thing? I don't believe it is. A complete lack of sexual arousal would be far worse?

Are you aroused by him at all?

Remember in Matthew's Gospel our Lord Jesus says the following: "I say unto you whosoever looks upon a woman with lust has already committed adultery in his heart. It is better that you gouge out your eyes rather than be consumed in the fires of hell."

 

[247j]

There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend at all, believe me God created men to be sexually active it's a good thing we are attracted to the other sex.

Some guys have a high sex drive other guys a low sex drive what matters is his ability to control it.

If he is getting a little to heated up and a little to clingy or touchy then you need to talk self control is very important.

However I don't see any issue with him being sexually aroused

The issue would be if he was turning this into sin

Rick

 

[Straybullet]

Ok, see I agree with 247j. God did give us men this ability to be aroused by His most beautiful creation. Not being aroused would be a problem. I do not think the feelings should be controlled, but any actions planned based on these thoughts should be. Normal human being reacting to a normal scenario.

 

[unquinx]

Try making it so he's talking on the phone in front of his parents and when you go on dates, you're out in public with friends.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Arousal is not bad like some say, but it isn't good like others say. It can be caused by external or internal stimuli. It could be things in the environment (mostly tied to you). That doesn't mean it is your fault, it could very well be hormonal (say pheromones or such) and thus neither of you have control over it. At the same time, it could be internally caused, in which case there is cause to worry about lust. First and foremost though I would say talk to him about it.