My baby’s father hasn’t asked about the baby, should I tell him?

[YanaMarkova]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

 

[Servant78]

It looks like a big gap between you. How long have you known him before marriage ?

 

[disciple Clint]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

let your attorney deal with this issue, you do not need the emotional stress.

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

Will he be paying you child support? I would say that he knows about the child and if he wants to know any info he can ask you but as you said, he does not believe the baby is his. What about his partents?

 

[trophy33]

I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I wonder, why does he think so? On what basis? DNA test seems to be easy solution to your problem, in the 21st century.

To your question, not sure what "home country" you are talking about, but in most countries fathers can get such basic info about their child from the government or from the judge (there will probably be a series of court hearings about divorce and about alimony).

So you are not the only source he can get this info from, but if you wish him to hear it from you, you can write him a letter.

 

[BobRyan]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

I suggest that you not say a word about it since he already knows you have a child. Pray that God will make him a born-again Christian because without that he is a danger to you and your child based on what you have said.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

Welcome. I would say yes to pass any and all information to your child's father. Not for him but for your child. You see even though there is animosity between the two of you there is none from the standpoint of your child . As they grow up many questions will be asked and you need to be prepared. Keep copies of all communication so that your child knows it was not your doing but his and every attempt was made to get him involved.
Blessings

 

[eleos1954]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

well ... he can deny the baby is his ... but his name will be or should be on the baby's birth certificate.

I'd just ask him if he wants any kind of relationship with his child ... if not .... then honor that request.

I'd also pursue (if you haven't) child support ... could be a blood test would be in order to prove without a doubt the child is his.

Question is do you want the child to have a relationship with him (or not) .... or does he have any issues that you would not want the child exposed to? If so, then ... I wouldn't tell him anything (unless he asks).

Be in prayer with the Lord over it. May he give you divine guideness. Amen.

 

[YanaMarkova]

It looks like a big gap between you. How long have you known him before marriage ?

About 6 months

 

[YanaMarkova]

Will he be paying you child support? I would say that he knows about the child and if he wants to know any info he can ask you but as you said, he does not believe the baby is his. What about his partents?

No, he’s not paying child support. He stayed in his country and didn’t come back to the US. And his parents are unfortunately dead.

 

[YanaMarkova]

Welcome. I would say yes to pass any and all information to your child's father. Not for him but for your child. You see even though there is animosity between the two of you there is none from the standpoint of your child . As they grow up many questions will be asked and you need to be prepared. Keep copies of all communication so that your child knows it was not your doing but his and every attempt was made to get him involved.
Blessings

That’s a very good point. The way I was looking at it is that maybe I shouldn’t tell her because I don’t want her to be hurt later because her dad never showed up. But thinking from it this way also makes sense. I need to think about what she’d like herself.

 

[YanaMarkova]

well ... he can deny the baby is his ... but his name will be or should be on the baby's birth certificate.

I'd just ask him if he wants any kind of relationship with his child ... if not .... then honor that request.

I'd also pursue (if you haven't) child support ... could be a blood test would be in order to prove without a doubt the child is his.

Question is do you want the child to have a relationship with him (or not) .... or does he have any issues that you would not want the child exposed to? If so, then ... I wouldn't tell him anything (unless he asks).

Be in prayer with the Lord over it. May he give you divine guideness. Amen.

He can’t pay child support because he’s in a different country, I can’t make him. Also, he is abusive and sinful, I’m not sure if I want my daughter exposed to that, but I don’t know if he’ll change in the future.
Thank you so much

 

[BNR32FAN]

He can’t pay child support because he’s in a different country, I can’t make him. Also, he is abusive and sinful, I’m not sure if I want my daughter exposed to that, but I don’t know if he’ll change in the future.
Thank you so much

If he refuses to pay child support then you don’t owe him a thing. He doesn’t deserve to know anything about that child because he hasn’t earned the right to be a part of her life. I wouldn’t let him have any contact with her if he’s not willing to stand up and be a man and do what’s right. I have two step daughters who’s father has never had any contact with them by his own choice and that’s his loss because they are the two most dear treasures I’ve ever had in my life. I praise God for blessing me with them almost everyday. When you tell her why her father isn’t there I would suggest saying that he didn’t want to stay with you. I wouldn’t tell her that he didn’t want her in his life because that can be very hurtful to a young child. It’s better that you take the blame than for her to take it. I’m sure she won’t have any resentment towards you since your the one whose been there for her her entire life. She’s going to love you no matter what.

 

[YanaMarkova]

If he refuses to pay child support then you don’t owe him a thing. He doesn’t deserve to know anything about that child because he hasn’t earned the right to be a part of her life. I wouldn’t let him have any contact with her if he’s not willing to stand up and be a man and do what’s right. I have two step daughters who’s father has never had any contact with them by his own choice and that’s his loss because they are the two most dear treasures I’ve ever had in my life. I praise God for blessing me with them almost everyday. When you tell her why her father isn’t there I would suggest saying that he didn’t want to stay with you. I wouldn’t tell her that he didn’t want her in his life because that can be very hurtful to a young child. It’s better that you take the blame than for her to take it. I’m sure she won’t have any resentment towards you since your the one whose been there for her her entire life. She’s going to love you no matter what.

That makes a lot of sense, thank you. And your story makes me feel very hopeful that I will be able to find a father for her who will truly love her. That’s been a big worry for me as well, I’m afraid that she will miss the fatherly presence and a family union in her life.

 

[eleos1954]

He can’t pay child support because he’s in a different country, I can’t make him. Also, he is abusive and sinful, I’m not sure if I want my daughter exposed to that, but I don’t know if he’ll change in the future.
Thank you so much

well .... give it time if things change for the better THEN you can reconsider .... in the meantime .... concentrate on your walk with the Lord and love your child.

abusive? sinful? Neither you nor your child should be exposed to that.

May the Lord provide you everything you need. God Bless.

 

[YanaMarkova]

well .... give it time if things change for the better THEN you can reconsider .... in the meantime .... concentrate on your walk with the Lord and love your child.

abusive? sinful? Neither you nor your child should be exposed to that.

May the Lord provide you everything you need. God Bless.

Thank you for your advice, I think I will do just that. I have to take care of my daughter and I know the Lord will lead me to the right path. Right now I will just focus on everything he has already blessed me with.

 

[public hermit]

Hi, everyone!

My story is that I got married in 2020. In December my husband and I went to his home country where he started being physically abusive and his sister hated me. I got pregnant and he said that it’s not his child and that I cheated on him.

I never cheated on him and the child is his. But I left and since then he’s never asked about the baby. I’m going through the divorce now, but I’ve been wondering if I should tell him anything - gender, name, date of birth?

In a way, since he doesn’t care, why would I? But also, it’s his child, and shouldn’t he know this stuff about his baby?

What do you think? I’ve asked God to help me make a decision but so far I haven’t been led to a confident path on the issue.

I am also afraid that if I tell him something then he will just tell me again that it’s not his child. I’m afraid that will hurt me again and I’ll feel the pain for my baby as well.

Thank you for your thoughts!
Y

It's good to see that you and the baby are getting along; I remember when you first came on here. A big part of me says you should let that dog lie and don't give him an opportunity to get a foot in the door. He's bad news from what I remember. Of course, that is his child, and that counts for something. Maybe you can take the middle path and don't answer questions he's not asking. But if he inquires, tell him. At any rate, may the Lord bless you and that little one.

 

[splish- splash]

I am sure, he will not mind you proving that, he is with out a doubt the father of your lil one. Push for DNA testing & chld support afterwards.