Must talk now.

[New_Hope]

God is showing me to reach out to Christians in my life now.I have always been one to stand alone and not talk much.God has lead me here and one more place,and is showing me how to get out all my feelings.So here goes!
A month in a half ago,my husband told me he didn't love me anymore and he wanted a divorce.He is not a christian,does d...rugs and has been having affairs.I am heart broken over all of this,and have been looking to God to show me the way in the mist of all the pain.
I am now looking for a job,and am trusting God to open the doors to the one he wants for me.My sweet little boy is three and is having some anger problems right now through all of this.I am giving him much love and understanding.I am praying for peace in the mist of all of this.
I am having a very hard time right now,I will be honest here.Here I am in my 40's with a little boy and trying so hard to understand "WHY"? Maybe it is not for me to understand why just to know God is with me in the mist of all of this.I wonder some days how much can one person take in a life time.
Everyone in my life has left me from Childhood to now.I haven't been true to me or God for a long time now.And am trying so hard to get back where I belong.
So I guess you could say we have been seperated for many years,just in the same apartment.This was a very hard post for me today.But one thing God is teaching me to get it out and know I am not alone on this walk with him.
Thank you for listening to what I had to say today.
God Bless you,
New_Hope

 

[katelyn]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such hardship now. I'm glad you have decided to reach out to other Christians during this time. God gives us one another so we can help each other in times like this.


My prayers are with you!

 

[New_Hope]

Thank you! I have spent alot of time running from God.And he is bringing me back now.I praise you father in the mist of all things! I know now I can't do this alone,and he has given me a place to come and know I am not alone.Thank you for your kindness,I appreciate it.
God Bless you,
New_Hope

 

[Mustaphile]

I'm here anytime you want to chat. PM me if it's urgent. I have email notification of threads, so I should respond eventually.

When I was seperated from my wife, God was my only companion. I was driving a taxi at the time and I used to carry around a little Bible with me and draw strength from reading scriptures. Every love song that came on the radio used to always seem like it was singing about me.

Hard times. Sharing is good.

I initially felt the feeling of blaming myself. It was such a trying experience, thinking of all the mistakes we had made, the wasted years. I would find myself wracked with emotion and overcome. Sobbing uncontrollably over the loss. I also came to a point of clarity in my life too. I think the partner who feels the pain is the one that grows and matures.

 

[New_Hope]

Thank you for responding to my post.This has been very hard for me,and each day seems to show me so many things.I find myself crying alot and feeling all alone many days in this.It helps to know you understand how I am feeling,even though I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.
When he told me he didn't love me anymore,he added to that he hasn't loved me for three years.I am growing in this and seeing God move in me.With each tear God is wiping them away.

I am asking God to teach me how to help others with this pain,and show them the way to him.To not shut down and draw strength in him.

I am so sorry for the pain you went through,but Praise God you made it through in the mist of it.You are so right sharing is what gives us strength and to be able to move on.I know this is Gods will.But it hurts so bad some days.

When I hear love songs I can't listen to them at all,they hurt me to much.I think because I am scared of loving again which is something God will have to work in me and show me his grace.And in his time.

I find myself some days still trying to make things good again,giving and doing anything I can to make him happy with me.I still have to learn how to let go of him,and learn how to live for me now.Which has not always been easy for me to do.To stand on my own and trust God.But God is showing me one day at a time he will heal my broken heart!

Thank you for your kind offer to talk sometime,I appreciate that very much.Getting this out is the only way to heal.

I pray God bless's you in a mighty way today and always.

 

[Mustaphile]

Thank you for responding to my post.This has been very hard for me,and each day seems to show me so many things.I find myself crying alot and feeling all alone many days in this.It helps to know you understand how I am feeling,even though I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.
When he told me he didn't love me anymore,he added to that he hasn't loved me for three years.I am growing in this and seeing God move in me.With each tear God is wiping them away.

I am asking God to teach me how to help others with this pain,and show them the way to him.To not shut down and draw strength in him.

I am so sorry for the pain you went through,but Praise God you made it through in the mist of it.You are so right sharing is what gives us strength and to be able to move on.I know this is Gods will.But it hurts so bad some days.

When I hear love songs I can't listen to them at all,they hurt me to much.I think because I am scared of loving again which is something God will have to work in me and show me his grace.And in his time.

I find myself some days still trying to make things good again,giving and doing anything I can to make him happy with me.I still have to learn how to let go of him,and learn how to live for me now.Which has not always been easy for me to do.To stand on my own and trust God.But God is showing me one day at a time he will heal my broken heart!

Thank you for your kind offer to talk sometime,I appreciate that very much.Getting this out is the only way to heal.

I pray God bless's you in a mighty way today and always.

It's a blessing to know that God is providing healing in your trial and that you have been able to draw some comfort from others relating their experiences. It really sounds like you have been an the rough end of the scale in this relationship. I would imagine it must have been dealing some hard blows to your self esteem over the years. Then to have him say that he doesn't loved you, nor has he done so for years, really pulls the rug out from under your feet.

Sadly, I must say that I said the same thing to my wife at one stage as things really started to degenerate in the relationship. She was, as you were, quite shocked at the statement. I'd like to clarify why I stated it myself, which perhaps my go some way to giving you an understanding.

I came to the realisation quite slowly that I really didnt know what love was. Men have real problems with emotional maturity and though some might disagree with me, I don't think they really mature emotionally until the are in there early to mid 30's, some never quite work it out. The old clique of the mid-life crisis is not dead. Men often reach a point between 30 and 40 when they find something missing in their lives. Some, through introspection gain wisdom about the important things in life and others go into denial and seek the wrong path to fulfilment. It's not only sad for you that your husband hasn't worked this issue out, its sad for him too. He won't work this out until he falls on his face again in the future and by that time I doubt you will be conducive to taking him back under your wing. I wouldn't wait for it to occur. It may never occur for him. Many men go to their graves in denial over the their failings.

What I thought was love in my earlier years was more like faithfulness and loyalty. I lacked the ability to show spontaneous affection, I never really spent time contemplating what my partner meant to me, nor did I take the time to consider what she added to my life. I had made the commitment in my mind to staying together, and then I attempted to cast us into some odd stereotypical roles. My complete lack of understanding of the depth of love and the ability to find those feelings within myself eventually led to my wife feeling somewhat like a withered flower. Her mind was strongly commited, but her heart was slowly dying from lack of sustenance. We were married quite young and we thought we knew it all. We never realised we had problems. It's only been in the years following as we have discussed our feelings about the whole thing and gone over old ground to see where we went wrong. I would add that we are still seperated. It's coming up on eight years now I think, I am a shocker for dates, so I can never quite remember. I thought I was 40 last year until someone reminded me.

You may well feel that love will never come your way again. My answer to this is, that it will, but in saying that I know you won't gain much comfort from it.

Stay strong in your knowledge that God loves you. Seek those around you that give you support. Don't let anyone tell you its your fault alone. Especially don't let anyone tell you that you are worth less, now that you are going to be divorced. Some people have no concept of compassion. They think you want answers when in fact you seek understanding and empathy. For a while you may be dependant on the support of others, lean on those with a compassionate heart, with an eye towards bringing yourself out this rut in your life. A new life awaits you down the track, which is full of joy and fulfilment. This trial of fire will forge a new woman of gold.

 

[believer12]

I am sorry to hear about your sorrows. Sounds like the Lord is really giving you strength and a new hope. You are a witness to me, thank you. Keep focusing on HIM - Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Isaiah 54:5 "For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth."

Praise the Lord for believers like you who draw on His strength- Pray for your husband, He needs the Lord as much as you.

 

[E-beth]

The pain from being betrayed and dumped is hard to describe and even worse to live through. It happened to me too and I honestly thought I would never love or trust again and that I would forever remain angry and bitter and alone. But the time after I was divorced was a great time of healing and growing. I had also been living like roommates with my ex fro months before I finally moved out. When I was struggling on my own, though, I realized that I could make it alone with God's help, and that I was better alone than being together with someone who didn't love or respect me. As I learned to depend on God, my whole life started to balance and I healed. Then He lead me to my new and greatest love, my last and best husband Iddie4him. God even blessed me with a baby, which after my divorce I thought was a blessing I was never going to have.

God counts our every tear and knows how your heart is bleeding. He is there to comfort and love you, and He will see you through to a better life than you ever imagined!

 

[New_Hope]

Hi E-Beth,
Thank you for writing to me,and giving some very encouraging words here.

Yes,you are right it is a pain that is so hard some days to indure.A pain I never wish on anyone.I have good days and bad days,and days when I wish it was all over and gone forever.But,it's not it is real and here,so I am learning in the mist of it the best I can!I have to tell myself everyday..."Let go and Give it to God,he will heal you".And as the tears flow down my face and in my heart,he hears them and wipes them away.It seems when I think I am getting a handle on it ,something else come up my way again.Last night my husband told me he was laughing at me,I asked him why? He said (God this is hard,but I must talk Lord,help me).About a week ago I found a note from what I thought was a woman,and gave it to him.Last night I found out he has written it for me to find,to hurt me and laugh at me.He said nothing at the time to me about it.Until last night,he said when I gave it to him,he went into the living room and was saying..hahaha to me while I was in the bedroom crying my heart out over this.How can I even express the pain this is giving me right now Lord.Why would anyone want to hurt me like this? What have I done to deserve this? So last night I cryied out to the Lord to show me some comfort in his word to help me to give me some peace in the mist of this.And he did.....(Thank you Father)

Isaiah 51:11 Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return,and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.

I am very happy God has given you your hearts desires,and has blessed you the way he has.We have a good God,and he see's our hearts desires.

Thank you for being here,and may God Bless you today and always.

 

[New_Hope]

Hi Believer12,
Thank you for your encouraging words here!Bless you...I draw strength from my father each day,when I am weak he holds me.IN the hard times we learn how to really trust in God,and to allow him to show us the way to the light.
May God bless you in all things you do today!

 

[New_Hope]

It's a blessing to know that God is providing healing in your trial and that you have been able to draw some comfort from others relating their experiences. It really sounds like you have been an the rough end of the scale in this relationship. I would imagine it must have been dealing some hard blows to your self esteem over the years. Then to have him say that he doesn't loved you, nor has he done so for years, really pulls the rug out from under your feet.

Sadly, I must say that I said the same thing to my wife at one stage as things really started to degenerate in the relationship. She was, as you were, quite shocked at the statement. I'd like to clarify why I stated it myself, which perhaps my go some way to giving you an understanding.

I came to the realisation quite slowly that I really didnt know what love was. Men have real problems with emotional maturity and though some might disagree with me, I don't think they really mature emotionally until the are in there early to mid 30's, some never quite work it out. The old clique of the mid-life crisis is not dead. Men often reach a point between 30 and 40 when they find something missing in their lives. Some, through introspection gain wisdom about the important things in life and others go into denial and seek the wrong path to fulfilment. It's not only sad for you that your husband hasn't worked this issue out, its sad for him too. He won't work this out until he falls on his face again in the future and by that time I doubt you will be conducive to taking him back under your wing. I wouldn't wait for it to occur. It may never occur for him. Many men go to their graves in denial over the their failings.

What I thought was love in my earlier years was more like faithfulness and loyalty. I lacked the ability to show spontaneous affection, I never really spent time contemplating what my partner meant to me, nor did I take the time to consider what she added to my life. I had made the commitment in my mind to staying together, and then I attempted to cast us into some odd stereotypical roles. My complete lack of understanding of the depth of love and the ability to find those feelings within myself eventually led to my wife feeling somewhat like a withered flower. Her mind was strongly commited, but her heart was slowly dying from lack of sustenance. We were married quite young and we thought we knew it all. We never realised we had problems. It's only been in the years following as we have discussed our feelings about the whole thing and gone over old ground to see where we went wrong. I would add that we are still seperated. It's coming up on eight years now I think, I am a shocker for dates, so I can never quite remember. I thought I was 40 last year until someone reminded me.

You may well feel that love will never come your way again. My answer to this is, that it will, but in saying that I know you won't gain much comfort from it.

Stay strong in your knowledge that God loves you. Seek those around you that give you support. Don't let anyone tell you its your fault alone. Especially don't let anyone tell you that you are worth less, now that you are going to be divorced. Some people have no concept of compassion. They think you want answers when in fact you seek understanding and empathy. For a while you may be dependant on the support of others, lean on those with a compassionate heart, with an eye towards bringing yourself out this rut in your life. A new life awaits you down the track, which is full of joy and fulfilment. This trial of fire will forge a new woman of gold.

Thank you Brother.God is showing me many things in the mist of this pain,and I am open to see them.God is good and loves his children and is always there with us no matter what he will never leave us nor forsake us.

Yes,my self-esteem is not very good right now and hasen't been in a very long time.I am seeing things now,I didn't want to see before.I gave all of me to this man,and he took it all gladly and wanted even more.I lost me in the process of it all and now am asking and trusting God to show me the way back again.When you are married to man like this,that steals everything from you..You love him so much you let him like a theif in the night.I see that now (Thank you Father).I will give God prasies in the mist of this.

It is very sad in what you say about men here,but so very true.I agree with you 100%.He has never had anyone that loved him in his life before,really loved him for who he was.So to steem from that he doesn't know how to love anyone.If I am counting right here he would have been 40 when he states he fell out of love with me.God is helping me to learn to let go of him now,and to learn how to trust him and move on with what he has planned for me in my life.To love and live in him.The hard thing for me right now,is to pray for him,I feel bad even saying anything about his here.But,one thing I am learning is to be honest with the way I am feeling in all of this.I need to pray for him as I am praying for me and my son.That God will bring mercy on him,and bring him into his kindom.Please father help me with this....I don't want to hold any bitterness or anger towards him,for that is not Gods will.

The way you are explaining the way you had the relationship with your wife here,is just how it has been with me and my husband.He has never been able to show any kind of affection towards me or our son.Maybe I didn't try hard enough in this area to show him how much he really was loved and cared for.I don't know,I will have to ask God to show me this in my heart.I am glad that you and your ex are talking now and going over different things to show you where you could have done something different.That to me shows much maturaty on both of your parts.To see and look at these things now,can help you to not do the same things again when the Lord sends you another wife.God teaches us to help prepare us for what he has planned for us.All we have to do is be open to see what he is showing us.

I do understand what you are saying here about love coming again.I am just scared right now to even be open to it.When God is ready he will show me his perfect will and in his time.I have many things to do for me,and so much healing.It will take alot of time and in God's perfect timing.God is a good God!

Thank you for understanding and being here to gain support from.And most of all for knowing I don't need to be judged right now,all I need is someone to understand and know how it feels.Leaning on someone has always been very hard for me to do,I think it is due to my childhood issues which God is healing me of day by day.I think God for your insite and sharing your honest thoughts with me.

May God Bless you and be with you in all things today.

 

[optocarol]

Dear New Hope,

Just want to agree with "don't let anyone tell you you are worth less, now that you ae going to be divorced." You don't need that - I know! Here's a thought which will be revolutionary to some and helped me - God himself is a divorced person. See Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8.

God Bless.

 

[New_Hope]

Hi Optocarol,

Thank you for your support in this.This is a very hard time for me right now.But,I have been seeking Gods hand in this,and asking him to give me peace in the mist of it all.I am finding when I am all alone and need someone,I have God to depend on.I am seeking his word and looking to him for my heavy heart right now.I am asking God to not let anyone go through this pain in their life,it is the hardest pain to have to go through.
Once again thank you for your kind words and support.
God Bless you,
New Hope

 

[cjba]

Have faith and take all of your pain to Him. He will comfort you. Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. No one deserves to be hurt intentionally. What your husband did with the note was cruel. Keep praying not to bring bitterness into your heart. Don't let the devil draw you into your husbands level. You are worthy, you are God's daughter and he loves you.

 

[New_Hope]

Have faith and take all of your pain to Him. He will comfort you. Read 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. No one deserves to be hurt intentionally. What your husband did with the note was cruel. Keep praying not to bring bitterness into your heart. Don't let the devil draw you into your husbands level. You are worthy, you are God's daughter and he loves you.

Bless you sister,for such encouraging words here.I am learning and trying to not let the bitterness in,and no matter what to lean on the Lord in the mist of all the pain.God is showing me many wonderful things.I thank him for that everyday.I am binding up the devil everyday,and asking God to show me how to love him and keep my eyes on him.I pray God bless's you today in every way sister.
God Bless you for caring,
New Hope

 

[E-beth]

New Hope...

I don't know how you do it! If I had lived through that kind of malice I would have been in a sad sorry state. As it was, my divorce left me with such resentment and pain that when I was "free" from it, I went out and committed some terrible sins. All because I wanted to feel loved.

I am proud of you fro grasping onto God during this terrible time. If anyone deserves to heal and move on to a better life, it's you!

God bless you, sister. I pray peace to envelop you and for God's unending love to pour out on you.

 

[Riddick]

My divorce was definately the most painful thing I've ever gone through. Statisitcally, it is the 2nd most traumatic life experience. I feel my relationship with Christ is stronger now than it was before. You will bounce back and recover, it just takes time.

 

[New_Hope]

Hi E-beth,

The thing I am seeing and learning in the mist of all of this is,without God I can't make it through this pain.He gives me the strength and courage to be able to live through this.I praise God Sister that he brought you through all the pain in your divorce and has given you peace in it.We serve a great God and shall praise him in the mist of all things.I am learning that the only one that loves me is God,and in his love I am healing,and growing closer to him then I thought was possible.

Thank you for such kindness you have shown me here.I am trying and depending on God for all my pain and hurt in this.Father I thank you for your loving child and pray you give her an abundance of joy and peace today and everyday.thank you Jesus.

Thank you Sister and God bless you for caring and being here for me in the mist of all of this.I praise God for you!

 

[New_Hope]

God Bless you brother!Yes going through this is the most painful thing to go through.I praise God for bringing you through the pain and closer to him in the mist of it all.We serve a wonderful God and he loves us so much.

My faith in God is stronger then it has ever been.I am giving all to him and letting him show me the way through it.Yes,I have some days when it gets hard to trust in the Lord,but,he always shows me his love.He is giving me a new hope in him and showing me that there is nothing he cannot do for us.All we have to do is believe in him and trust him.

Thank you for your kindness.I pray God shows you his love and peace today and in all things.May God bless you each day.
New Hope in Jesus name

 

[cjba]

A suggestion for reading - Putting On A Gentle & Quiet Spirit by Elizabeth George.
In her book she mentions that out of out of suffering the strongest souls have emerged. 1 Peter 5:10-11 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen