[MOVED] Women Submitting To Their Husbands: What Christians Get Wrong

[dqhall]

An interesting article on biblical submission. The author raises some important points. —courtesy of True Love Dates

I ended up writing the following blog post, to express some of my concerns regarding the whole “submission culture” that we see in Christian communities, and posed a few important questions for all of us to chew on:

HAVE WE FOCUSED TOO MUCH ON SUBMISSION, AND TOO LITTLE ON LOVE?

As a Licensed Professional Counselor and relationship specialist, the truth of the matter is that I’ve seen this concept of “submission” defined and redefined in so many ways. And sadly, I’ve seen it used to fulfill selfish agendas and aid in manipulation, and at times, even abuse. As a Christian I’ve grown up in conservative circles hearing conversation after conversation about a “submissive wife”, but why is it that we’ve focused so much on submission, yet so little on the idea of establishing a loving marriage? Don’t the two go hand-in-hand?

As I look through Scripture, and even zoom-in on the Ephesians 5 passage where all this content stems, I see so much more about love than submission. In fact, the word “love” is used in some way, shape or form more than TWICE as much as the word submission in the referenced passage. There is a significant umbrella of love that is foundational to this concept, but so many times it gets looked over. We PREACH to the women about submission, yet all-the-while neglecting to TEACH the men about love.

Training a wife to submit to an unloving husband is like training a child to swim without water – it simply misses the mark, because there’s so much more to it than the superficial strokes.

Too many women have been bogged down in unhealthy and dangerous relationships yet answered with the simple concept of “submission”, rather than getting the REAL help they need to tackle and heal the root problems in their marriage. I’m just going to say it: there’s more to a healthy marriage than submission…and that more is found in the unconditional, life-giving, marriage-nourishing LOVE of Christ that has to be both given and received by husband and wife. Maybe it’s time we zoom in on that.

HAVE WE PLACED OUR OWN CULTURAL GENDER ROLES ON A SPIRITUAL CONCEPT?

Another thing I found myself questioning throughout the show was the idea that “submission” meant that a wife learn to be a good homemaker. I can confidently say I don’t see that anywhere in Scripture. Now granted, with reality TV, I am aware that there are limitations to what is portrayed and displayed (a.k.a edited out) on the screen, but one theme that kept shining through this particular show is the idea of creating “a happy husband” through cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sex.

I won’t deny that most men, my husband included, love and appreciate the things their wives do to show them love (often including cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex). And in fact, I LOVE doing those things for my husband!

But isn’t there a difference between acts of service toward our spouse, and the biblical concept of women submitting to their husbands!? Could it be that we have placed our own cultural gender roles on a spiritual concept? In my opinion, the answer is a resounding and absolute: YES!! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

I truly believe we’ve done the concept of biblical submission a terrible disservice by lumping it into the category of simply being a good homemaker. Not only so, but I believe that many women, who aren’t necessarily gifted in this way, may feel slighted and even offended by the thought that the reflection of their willingness to submit to their husbands is measured by the cleanliness of their house, the pile of their laundry, or the quality of their cooking. Which leads me to my last thought…

HAVE WE FOCUSED ON SUPERFICIAL ACTIONS WITHOUT TACKLING THE HEART OF THE ISSUE?

I won’t deny that biblical submission is an important topic, but I revolt against the mentality that it’s measured by a certain list of superficial things. I think deep down, at the heart of biblical submission is a woman’s ability and willingness to TRUST her husband in the give-and-take relationship of marriage.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

As a woman, I know the tendency I have deep in my heart to just “take control” of any and every situation. But part of learning to be a wife was learning to let my will align with the will of my husband’s, as the two of us became one. And in order for me to unite with him, whether it be in lifestyle choices, decision making, intimacy, or parenting-issues, I had to learn to trust him in a way that, up until marriage, I had only done with God.

I had to learn to let go of my control issues, by learning to take into consideration someone else’s will, desires, and wants. This is where trust was SO huge. And it is only because of my love and submission to Jesus, paired with my husband’s love and submission to Jesus, that I was and am able to continually trust in his love and actions toward me.

Just listen to the unbelievable and challenging call to husbands in these next few verses, right after the concept of submission is presented for the first time:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

What I’m trying to say here is that there is so much more to the concept of women submitting to their husbands in marriage than what we sometimes present in Christian culture.

As we see in the verses above, there is so much mutual respect, mutual love, and even mutual submission that HAS TO EXIST in a relationship in order for this process to truly work. It’s not about the laundry, the dishes, the finances, the sex, or the “last word” on decisions…more than anything, it’s about learning to trust, to respect, and ultimately, to love one another, as Christ has loved us.

And the thing about real love is this: you don’t have to constantly have your own back, when you know that someone else has your back better than you ever could! In the biblical sense of the term submission, you learn to let go, knowing that your husband loves, nurtures, and cares for you just as much as he loves himself and that your desires, opinions, and preferences will be heard! When it comes to women submitting to their husbands, true biblical submission is never one-sided, but in fact, it’s always triangular: Christ pours into us as we pour into one another, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. How beautiful is that?!

Imagine what could happen if we as a culture focused less on the term “submission”, and more on learning to become like Jesus through our actions, our habits, our communication styles, our finances, our sex-lives, and even our emotional intimacy? Imagine what our marriages would look like if we learned to be the closest reflection to Jesus our spouse would ever see?

I don’t know about you, but I’m all for that model of biblical marriage! May the Lord teach us to love, just as we’ve been loved by Him. And may that love impact our relationships, our marriages, our families, and even our world.

Men are supposed to submit to God. If the man has not submitted to God, the woman submitting to the man is of little use. The woman may seek God in spite of her partner’s failings. If a man provides service to the woman and she provides service to him, they should like to stay together.

Mark 10:45 For the Son of Man also came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (WEB)

 

[section9+1]

I've attended conservative churches for a long time and personally have seen very little emphasis on this subject. I think if men and women are both biblically sound there won't be much need to be harping on any of this. People who are cranked up over it are out of step with it.

 

[Peter J Barban]

The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps. —Proverbs 14:15

Biblical mandates are often predicated on other factors. The notion of the spouse being stupid and wrong flies in the face of loving your neighbor.

For the man who loves his neighbor recognizes the limitations of his mental aptitude and seeks its improvement or assistance. He wouldn’t subject his wife to negative consequences to appease his ego.

~Bella

A wife cannot control her husband, only herself. If she cannot change her husband's will, then, according to the Bible she should submit.

A husband should love and sacrifice for his wife, but even if he does not, she can please God through her submission.

Marriage should be more about becoming a holier union, not a happier one.

 

[bekkilyn]

A wife cannot control her husband, only herself. If she cannot change her husband's will, then, according to the Bible she should submit.

A husband should love and sacrifice for his wife, but even if he does not, she can please God through her submission.

Marriage should be more about becoming a holier union, not a happier one.

I have to say that you have just presented a GREAT argument for why a woman should never get married and a reason why marriages within fundamentalist religious sects are so often abusive.

 

[bèlla]

Marriage should be more about becoming a holier union, not a happier one.

Given the divorce rate for Christians, I think most feel differently. Few marry with no concern or desire for happiness. We’re not altruists.

~Bella

 

[lsume]

An interesting article on biblical submission. The author raises some important points. —courtesy of True Love Dates

I ended up writing the following blog post, to express some of my concerns regarding the whole “submission culture” that we see in Christian communities, and posed a few important questions for all of us to chew on:

HAVE WE FOCUSED TOO MUCH ON SUBMISSION, AND TOO LITTLE ON LOVE?

As a Licensed Professional Counselor and relationship specialist, the truth of the matter is that I’ve seen this concept of “submission” defined and redefined in so many ways. And sadly, I’ve seen it used to fulfill selfish agendas and aid in manipulation, and at times, even abuse. As a Christian I’ve grown up in conservative circles hearing conversation after conversation about a “submissive wife”, but why is it that we’ve focused so much on submission, yet so little on the idea of establishing a loving marriage? Don’t the two go hand-in-hand?

As I look through Scripture, and even zoom-in on the Ephesians 5 passage where all this content stems, I see so much more about love than submission. In fact, the word “love” is used in some way, shape or form more than TWICE as much as the word submission in the referenced passage. There is a significant umbrella of love that is foundational to this concept, but so many times it gets looked over. We PREACH to the women about submission, yet all-the-while neglecting to TEACH the men about love.

Training a wife to submit to an unloving husband is like training a child to swim without water – it simply misses the mark, because there’s so much more to it than the superficial strokes.

Too many women have been bogged down in unhealthy and dangerous relationships yet answered with the simple concept of “submission”, rather than getting the REAL help they need to tackle and heal the root problems in their marriage. I’m just going to say it: there’s more to a healthy marriage than submission…and that more is found in the unconditional, life-giving, marriage-nourishing LOVE of Christ that has to be both given and received by husband and wife. Maybe it’s time we zoom in on that.

HAVE WE PLACED OUR OWN CULTURAL GENDER ROLES ON A SPIRITUAL CONCEPT?

Another thing I found myself questioning throughout the show was the idea that “submission” meant that a wife learn to be a good homemaker. I can confidently say I don’t see that anywhere in Scripture. Now granted, with reality TV, I am aware that there are limitations to what is portrayed and displayed (a.k.a edited out) on the screen, but one theme that kept shining through this particular show is the idea of creating “a happy husband” through cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sex.

I won’t deny that most men, my husband included, love and appreciate the things their wives do to show them love (often including cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex). And in fact, I LOVE doing those things for my husband!

But isn’t there a difference between acts of service toward our spouse, and the biblical concept of women submitting to their husbands!? Could it be that we have placed our own cultural gender roles on a spiritual concept? In my opinion, the answer is a resounding and absolute: YES!! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

I truly believe we’ve done the concept of biblical submission a terrible disservice by lumping it into the category of simply being a good homemaker. Not only so, but I believe that many women, who aren’t necessarily gifted in this way, may feel slighted and even offended by the thought that the reflection of their willingness to submit to their husbands is measured by the cleanliness of their house, the pile of their laundry, or the quality of their cooking. Which leads me to my last thought…

HAVE WE FOCUSED ON SUPERFICIAL ACTIONS WITHOUT TACKLING THE HEART OF THE ISSUE?

I won’t deny that biblical submission is an important topic, but I revolt against the mentality that it’s measured by a certain list of superficial things. I think deep down, at the heart of biblical submission is a woman’s ability and willingness to TRUST her husband in the give-and-take relationship of marriage.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

As a woman, I know the tendency I have deep in my heart to just “take control” of any and every situation. But part of learning to be a wife was learning to let my will align with the will of my husband’s, as the two of us became one. And in order for me to unite with him, whether it be in lifestyle choices, decision making, intimacy, or parenting-issues, I had to learn to trust him in a way that, up until marriage, I had only done with God.

I had to learn to let go of my control issues, by learning to take into consideration someone else’s will, desires, and wants. This is where trust was SO huge. And it is only because of my love and submission to Jesus, paired with my husband’s love and submission to Jesus, that I was and am able to continually trust in his love and actions toward me.

Just listen to the unbelievable and challenging call to husbands in these next few verses, right after the concept of submission is presented for the first time:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

What I’m trying to say here is that there is so much more to the concept of women submitting to their husbands in marriage than what we sometimes present in Christian culture.

As we see in the verses above, there is so much mutual respect, mutual love, and even mutual submission that HAS TO EXIST in a relationship in order for this process to truly work. It’s not about the laundry, the dishes, the finances, the sex, or the “last word” on decisions…more than anything, it’s about learning to trust, to respect, and ultimately, to love one another, as Christ has loved us.

And the thing about real love is this: you don’t have to constantly have your own back, when you know that someone else has your back better than you ever could! In the biblical sense of the term submission, you learn to let go, knowing that your husband loves, nurtures, and cares for you just as much as he loves himself and that your desires, opinions, and preferences will be heard! When it comes to women submitting to their husbands, true biblical submission is never one-sided, but in fact, it’s always triangular: Christ pours into us as we pour into one another, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. How beautiful is that?!

Imagine what could happen if we as a culture focused less on the term “submission”, and more on learning to become like Jesus through our actions, our habits, our communication styles, our finances, our sex-lives, and even our emotional intimacy? Imagine what our marriages would look like if we learned to be the closest reflection to Jesus our spouse would ever see?

I don’t know about you, but I’m all for that model of biblical marriage! May the Lord teach us to love, just as we’ve been loved by Him. And may that love impact our relationships, our marriages, our families, and even our world.

Married 47 years this month and I’m unfamiliar with any submission.

 

[Scott Husted]

It starts fundamentally with our eye being single ... in christ the two made one come in different forms but all lead to the same one truth.

 

[Peter J Barban]

I have to say that you have just presented a GREAT argument for why a woman should never get married and a reason why marriages within fundamentalist religious sects are so often abusive.

The apostle Peter said much the same when Jesus said restricted divorce to sexual unfaithfulness.

And the Apostle Paul said that it's better not to marry unless you burn with passion.

A missionary agency told me that single women make the best missionaries.

There is no shame in being a victorious single woman of God.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

There is a biblical model of a wife's behavior in Proverbs 31. In this, the wife governs the household well so that the husband can contribute to governing the community.

This is the heart and core of it, and it doesn't happen overnight. It is clear that both husband and wife were wearing the same 'yoke' of individual and communal responsibility. They were pulling together even while engaged in widely different tasks. Lots of lessons hiding in that story.

 

[Peter J Barban]

Given the divorce rate for Christians, I think most feel differently. Few marry with no concern or desire for happiness. We’re not altruists.

~Bella

I think your point shows that most Christians don't understand biblical marriage and are in need of repentance and revival.

I married for many reasons, but I stay married in the hard times because that is what pleases God.

Likewise, I encourage husbands to sacrifice for their wives and wives submit to their husbands because that is what pleases God.

We may fall short of this holy goal, but we should not teach/counsel/encourage relationships that are contrary to the word of God.

 

[DamianWarS]

I won’t deny that most men, my husband included, love and appreciate the things their wives do to show them love (often including cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex). And in fact, I LOVE doing those things for my husband!

It seems we all know what a man wants and can write lists similar to this quite quickly (male or female) However, this doesn't seem to be the same shared knowledge to what a woman wants and men historically have had blind spots in this area. The only thing with confidence I know is that women want a man that already knows what they want and doesn't have to ask.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

The bible is full of poor decisions from both sexes. The husband doesn’t have a monopoly on wisdom or common sense.

~Bella

There are a lot of "Nabals" running around.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Granted. But (in the Bible) God has given the husband the human monopoly of family leadership. For better or worse, for richer or poor, until death do them part.

Even when the husband is stupid and wrong, the wife has the responsibility to submit.

I had this argument with my sister (who had been married to an alcoholic). It was her opinion that such a man abrogates his position and she gets to fill it. I told her that the wife should find out which tavern her husband visits then gather up the kids and join him there. She never did quite understand my reasoning.

 

[Peter J Barban]

I had this argument with my sister (who had been married to an alcoholic). It was her opinion that such a man abrogates his position and she gets to fill it. I told her that the wife should find out which tavern her husband visits then gather up the kids and join him there. She never did quite understand my reasoning.

As a father and husband, there is nothing that would prick my conscience more than my wife and kid seeing/participating in my sin. If that doesn't bother a man, then he is dead to God and his family.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

As a father and husband, there is nothing that would prick my conscience more than my wife and kid seeing/participating in my sin. If that doesn't bother a man, then he is dead to God and his family.

 

[bèlla]

I think your point shows that most Christians don't understand biblical marriage and are in need of repentance and revival.

We are inundated with reminders of a woman’s place and the necessity of submission from men young and old. But I’ve yet to hear a Christian man distill what he’s doing to become a responsible leader and the steps he’s taken to make sure his guidance is sound and loving.

I have yet to hear his vision for the home he desires and how he’s preparing himself practically and spiritually for its commencement.

We may fall short of this holy goal, but we should not teach/counsel/encourage relationships that are contrary to the word of God.

I don’t want platitudes or a sermon. What I want to know is can you lead and troubleshoot? How do you respond to adversity and disappointment? Are you cool-headed or falling to pieces?

If you want me to follow you. Give me someone worth following with concrete reasons why you’re the man for the job. Faith + works. Not words.

I’m not interested in mystical expressions. I want facts. I’m not placing anyone at the helm for the sake of belief. If you want to be CEO you have to earn it.

That’s what we’re talking about. I won’t camouflage it in religious speak. You want to be the head. But there’s a practical side that goes ignored. Leadership must be developed. It doesn’t happen overnight.

If that’s your conviction you should be working towards it before the altar. When that is lacking, I question the sincerity of the statement. I wonder if it hails from ego instead.

I spent years working on my surrender. I wanted it. I developed skills and qualities I didn’t possess and fine tuned others for the sake of the one I’d walk beside. That’s living your truth.

A lot of people want the spoil without the work. In my opinion that doesn’t honor God at all. Let alone the one you’re pledging to.

~Bella

 

[bekkilyn]

The apostle Peter said much the same when Jesus said restricted divorce to sexual unfaithfulness.

And the Apostle Paul said that it's better not to marry unless you burn with passion.

A missionary agency told me that single women make the best missionaries.

There is no shame in being a victorious single woman of God.

I agree with you in that last statement, but I strongly disagree in your turning something as holy as marriage into something that's only a burden, something to loathe, something in which one participates for the SOLE purpose of sexual gratification.

Not to mention that your view contradicts a bunch of other messages in scripture, including the very gospel itself. The gospel (which means GOOD news) cannot be good news only for an elite few and bad news for everyone else.

Your view also contradicts the entire story of Abigail and David. Abigail was considered a good woman even though, and perhaps even *especially* because, she did not submit to the desires of her idiot husband (his name even translates to "fool") which would have resulted in not only his own destruction, but in the destruction of his entire household and would surely have resulted in dire consequences for David and his lineage as well.

So you can't just take a simplistic view of one part of scripture that serves to cater only to one percentage of the population without considering how others are damaged by it.

Now many people would wake up to all of this and respond by believing that the bible is a bunch of nonsense and religions such as Christianity are destructive and then just leave, but I rather tend to think that if an interpretation of scripture is harmful or abusive or destructive, then the problem isn't with scripture, or with God, but with the intepretation.

 

[fhansen]

An interesting article on biblical submission. The author raises some important points. —courtesy of True Love Dates

I ended up writing the following blog post, to express some of my concerns regarding the whole “submission culture” that we see in Christian communities, and posed a few important questions for all of us to chew on:

HAVE WE FOCUSED TOO MUCH ON SUBMISSION, AND TOO LITTLE ON LOVE?

As a Licensed Professional Counselor and relationship specialist, the truth of the matter is that I’ve seen this concept of “submission” defined and redefined in so many ways. And sadly, I’ve seen it used to fulfill selfish agendas and aid in manipulation, and at times, even abuse. As a Christian I’ve grown up in conservative circles hearing conversation after conversation about a “submissive wife”, but why is it that we’ve focused so much on submission, yet so little on the idea of establishing a loving marriage? Don’t the two go hand-in-hand?

As I look through Scripture, and even zoom-in on the Ephesians 5 passage where all this content stems, I see so much more about love than submission. In fact, the word “love” is used in some way, shape or form more than TWICE as much as the word submission in the referenced passage. There is a significant umbrella of love that is foundational to this concept, but so many times it gets looked over. We PREACH to the women about submission, yet all-the-while neglecting to TEACH the men about love.

Training a wife to submit to an unloving husband is like training a child to swim without water – it simply misses the mark, because there’s so much more to it than the superficial strokes.

Too many women have been bogged down in unhealthy and dangerous relationships yet answered with the simple concept of “submission”, rather than getting the REAL help they need to tackle and heal the root problems in their marriage. I’m just going to say it: there’s more to a healthy marriage than submission…and that more is found in the unconditional, life-giving, marriage-nourishing LOVE of Christ that has to be both given and received by husband and wife. Maybe it’s time we zoom in on that.

HAVE WE PLACED OUR OWN CULTURAL GENDER ROLES ON A SPIRITUAL CONCEPT?

Another thing I found myself questioning throughout the show was the idea that “submission” meant that a wife learn to be a good homemaker. I can confidently say I don’t see that anywhere in Scripture. Now granted, with reality TV, I am aware that there are limitations to what is portrayed and displayed (a.k.a edited out) on the screen, but one theme that kept shining through this particular show is the idea of creating “a happy husband” through cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sex.

I won’t deny that most men, my husband included, love and appreciate the things their wives do to show them love (often including cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex). And in fact, I LOVE doing those things for my husband!

But isn’t there a difference between acts of service toward our spouse, and the biblical concept of women submitting to their husbands!? Could it be that we have placed our own cultural gender roles on a spiritual concept? In my opinion, the answer is a resounding and absolute: YES!! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

I truly believe we’ve done the concept of biblical submission a terrible disservice by lumping it into the category of simply being a good homemaker. Not only so, but I believe that many women, who aren’t necessarily gifted in this way, may feel slighted and even offended by the thought that the reflection of their willingness to submit to their husbands is measured by the cleanliness of their house, the pile of their laundry, or the quality of their cooking. Which leads me to my last thought…

HAVE WE FOCUSED ON SUPERFICIAL ACTIONS WITHOUT TACKLING THE HEART OF THE ISSUE?

I won’t deny that biblical submission is an important topic, but I revolt against the mentality that it’s measured by a certain list of superficial things. I think deep down, at the heart of biblical submission is a woman’s ability and willingness to TRUST her husband in the give-and-take relationship of marriage.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

As a woman, I know the tendency I have deep in my heart to just “take control” of any and every situation. But part of learning to be a wife was learning to let my will align with the will of my husband’s, as the two of us became one. And in order for me to unite with him, whether it be in lifestyle choices, decision making, intimacy, or parenting-issues, I had to learn to trust him in a way that, up until marriage, I had only done with God.

I had to learn to let go of my control issues, by learning to take into consideration someone else’s will, desires, and wants. This is where trust was SO huge. And it is only because of my love and submission to Jesus, paired with my husband’s love and submission to Jesus, that I was and am able to continually trust in his love and actions toward me.

Just listen to the unbelievable and challenging call to husbands in these next few verses, right after the concept of submission is presented for the first time:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

What I’m trying to say here is that there is so much more to the concept of women submitting to their husbands in marriage than what we sometimes present in Christian culture.

As we see in the verses above, there is so much mutual respect, mutual love, and even mutual submission that HAS TO EXIST in a relationship in order for this process to truly work. It’s not about the laundry, the dishes, the finances, the sex, or the “last word” on decisions…more than anything, it’s about learning to trust, to respect, and ultimately, to love one another, as Christ has loved us.

And the thing about real love is this: you don’t have to constantly have your own back, when you know that someone else has your back better than you ever could! In the biblical sense of the term submission, you learn to let go, knowing that your husband loves, nurtures, and cares for you just as much as he loves himself and that your desires, opinions, and preferences will be heard! When it comes to women submitting to their husbands, true biblical submission is never one-sided, but in fact, it’s always triangular: Christ pours into us as we pour into one another, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. How beautiful is that?!

Imagine what could happen if we as a culture focused less on the term “submission”, and more on learning to become like Jesus through our actions, our habits, our communication styles, our finances, our sex-lives, and even our emotional intimacy? Imagine what our marriages would look like if we learned to be the closest reflection to Jesus our spouse would ever see?

I don’t know about you, but I’m all for that model of biblical marriage! May the Lord teach us to love, just as we’ve been loved by Him. And may that love impact our relationships, our marriages, our families, and even our world.

Submission to husbands is meant to be based on human submission to God, which in turn is to be motivated by love (nothing but love can cause a person to submit in any authentic and good way). This, love, is what Adam lacked, and this is what we're all here to find with the help of grace. The Greatest Commandments remain man's obligation to fulfill as he turns to God in faith. And the fulfillment of this obligation happens to be the best thing for man because his very justice/ integrity/ wholeness/ righteousness are achieved and made complete by it.

As the wife submits to her husband the husband in turn offers his love, cherishing her as he does his own self-or above that. This is the ideal of course but in any case God's plan and intention is that love should be at the center of it all.

 

[bekkilyn]

As the wife submits to her husband the husband in turn offers his love, cherishing her as he does his own self-or above that. This is the ideal of course but in any case God's plan and intention is that love should be at the center of it all.

And what is a husband offering his love and cherishing his wife as you describe but another description of submission?

I think we either need to start talking a lot more about what it means for husbands to submit to their wives (since we've beaten the horse to death the other way around) or we need to move on to what it really means to love God and to love each other (as oneself and also as Christ loved as per John 13:34) and the implications of such love in a marriage.

 

[bèlla]

We cannot have an honest discussion until men are willing to admit their personal interest in being at the helm. As long as they give the impression their behavior is wholly due to God, we’ll remain as we are.

You have to tell the truth. If guiding her feeds something within you, you need to admit it. Pretending you have no attachment to the role or derive any feeling from that position is inauthentic.

That may be true for some. But I doubt its the case for most. Acknowledging the impact of her submission on your manhood is relatable. Perhaps the idea of enjoyment is the elephant in the room.

~Bella