Moved Out

[sillyrabbit400]

I wanted to ask people to pray for me and maybe offer some encouragement from any one of you who have been in this situation.
I am 17 and in michigan this is the leagal age to move out and do things on your own... your parents cant do much to fight it either.
I was having a HARD time at home... my Mom wasnt exactly a role model mother and Im not a role model kid either.
So I couldnt stand living there anymore and I moved out with my bf... there is no chance unless hell freezes over that I will move back home... we will be getting married in a few months when I turn 18.
Everything is going great I have an awesome life... his family adores me, but Im not happy. All my family either doesnt get to see me or doesnt want to see me. I feel like I dont even have a family like no one wants to be here for me. Nothing I can say will change their minds, because I moved out and got my own house they think Im an aweful person. Heck Im only living a mile from my parents house.
In time does anyone think that things will get better between us?... Im doing everything I can to just make them love me and yet they treat me like I have cancer. All I want is someone to call me or come over, they all know where I live... and say "hey we love you".
There is alot more behind the scenes stuff to this but I dont really have time to write it all down, but there is the basic story.

 

[BOJAX]

hey,
I personally am not in this experience but there is a girl I know who is. She lives with her parents and sister I believe. She is not happy at home. Constantyl being abused and being put-down bye each of her family members. Well she came to me for advice because she wanted to move out of that house and move in with a relative. She is tired of crying everyday and the constant abuse. She is VERY VERY intelligent for her age and I know this because she finally made the decision that she didn't want to take any abuse anymore because, above all, it was unhealty. I told her that because she is young she should first make sure it is ok with either her parents or the relative she wanted to move in with. She told me the relative was ok with it.
Anyways I know that if she were to move out, eventually her parents, and her siblings feelings will kick in and they will begin to miss them. I don't see how they could not. You'd have to be a robot not to. I dunno why all the hatred but what I do know is that you should try to make the most of your new found freedom. And enjoy it. You might not have your OWN family right now but at least you have A family. I guess that's what's important after all.

-Jamie

 

[Anti Existance]

Well i can tell you i know more people who got in arguments with their parents who moved out , and even after years and years they still say its the 'best' thing they have ever done in life. This may also count for you .

Next i want to give you a big hug. God will always love you, and the Christian community will gladly love you and take you into the community I love you and i encourage the decision you have made in your life.

I know from personal experience that family can be the worst and even after 80 years, things still can be terribly and an awfull mess. The only thing you can do is to try to be a loving and helpfull person thruout all your life, not to let people walk over you and try your best. In all honestly i don't think you and your family will ever get to get along with eachother again, and i hope you will find strong friends and helpfull people that you can love and who love you back who can hopefully substitute as a family. I also have an important lesson from God to teach you which is called the ripple effect.

It's basically like this. If you put darkness and hatred into someone's life it will act like domino and effect others badly far more then you think it will. And if you put Light and love into someone's life likewhise. It's like throwing a brick into the water, its ripple effect will touch the entire pond. You and your family have been continuesly only putting darkness and hatred into eachothers life, which resulted into a dark situation into which you all where destroying the relationship and putting hatred into eachothers life.

Therefore my important message to you is , only put LOVE and LIGHT into other people's lives. Because hatred only leads to selfdestruction.

 

[heron]

Good words.
Remember that everyone goes through this separation, even the best relationships go through this tension; it seems to be a natural fly-from-the-nest instinct. You might find that once you've proven your capability to provide for yourself and appear mature to other people, your family will feel more connected and less fearful.

Some of it is a parent's need to control every situation for your benefit.

We all have to learn sometime that our parents are far from perfect. It seems that you already found that out, but it takes a while to get over that society image of what a parent should be. When we're toddlers, we need to trust that they know everything, for our own protection.

Decide what you need to do for your future, and stand firm. Don't allow others to pull you downward in their panicked attempts to make sure you don't falter. People will try to pull you down. It's an important life lesson, to be able to keep your cool while others lose it.

Your family might not like your boyfriend, or the fact that you're living with him, or they might be afraid that he's using you, whatever. Sometimes we need the help of someone else to make that leap out of the house. Keep your future life in your mind at all times.

Make friends with your neighbors, showing people around you that you are a capable adult now, creating your adult life. As antiexistance conveyed, you are shaping the world around you. It's an exciting time--enjoy it!

 

[EOT]

I'm sillyrabbits little sister for real...have you ever thought of the situation from my point of veiw...my sister left in the middle of the night without saying goodbye....she just left..
we both grew up in a christian home with my bro mom and dad...my mom was not abusive in anyway...my sis and my mom just didnt get along
i love my sister very much...we used to tell eachother everything...i mean EVERYTHING there was nothing i would hide from her and nothing she would hide from me...untill about six months before she left...she wouldnt tell me anything that was going on with her...i still told her stuff about me..and she would still give me addvise, but it hurt me that she wouldnt do the same with me. then one night she jumped out her bedroom window ...i lost my big sis....doesnt anyone know how much she hurt me....i still really lover her but its been like 9 months and i hardly ever see her...and when i do its like we run into each other at walmart....its my 15th birthday soon....and i want her to be here but then again i dont...cuz i know when she leaves again i'll just remember how much everthing hurts and i'll ccry again...i lost the one person i could tell anything she doesnt call to talk to me...nothing...last time she did call her boyfriens cussed me out in the background....i love my sister so much and i really miss her..and i have a hard time saying to anyone else how i feel...but here is a song that says alot of how i feel....its by Relient K
"Which To Bury; Us Or The Hatchet"

I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget

and even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened

And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for naught

No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)

what happened to us
i heard that it's me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don't hate you
and know that I don't want to fight you
and know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...

 

[Anti Existance]

If she only lives 1 mile away like she says , grab a bike and cycle over to your sister. Im sure your welcome if you two where really as close together as you say you are. I hope you have some understanding for your sisters 'difficult' situation with the family , she didn't leave to upset you, but in order to avoid her mother who made her life like hell, you wouldn't understand this but imagine a person constantly pulling your hair making your life filled with pain constantly , wouldn't you want to run away from it too? That's as best as i can explain it , and how come you only have your sister, i mean your in school and all with dozens of other people to talk to, and if you have something confidential to speak to you could do that with (suggestion) God or your parents,or using the christian board to let the stuff out of your system, especially with these three i believe that you are bound to encounter a loving ear that wants to understand you. A person shouldn't have secrets for all what i know, its never good to make your heart a murder hole, and i believe that thru-out your life God , and to some extend the christian forums ,friends and family can give you the advice that you ask for, however living your life is up to you.

 

[Boltwave]

If she only lives 1 mile away like she says , grab a bike and cycle over to your sister. Im sure your welcome if you two where really as close together as you say you are. I hope you have some understanding for your sisters 'difficult' situation with the family , she didn't leave to upset you, but in order to avoid her mother who made her life like hell, you wouldn't understand this but imagine a person constantly pulling your hair making your life filled with pain constantly , wouldn't you want to run away from it too? That's as best as i can explain it , and how come you only have your sister, i mean your in school and all with dozens of other people to talk to, and if you have something confidential to speak to you could do that with (suggestion) God or your parents,or using the christian board to let the stuff out of your system, especially with these three i believe that you are bound to encounter a loving ear that wants to understand you. A person shouldn't have secrets for all what i know, its never good to make your heart a murder hole, and i believe that thru-out your life God , and to some extend the christian forums ,friends and family can give you the advice that you ask for, however living your life is up to you.

I don't know why but I felt the urgent need to bump this thread

 

[Davis]

I'm sillyrabbits little sister for real...have you ever thought of the situation from my point of veiw...my sister left in the middle of the night without saying goodbye....she just left..
we both grew up in a christian home with my bro mom and dad...my mom was not abusive in anyway...my sis and my mom just didnt get along
i love my sister very much...we used to tell eachother everything...i mean EVERYTHING there was nothing i would hide from her and nothing she would hide from me...untill about six months before she left...she wouldnt tell me anything that was going on with her...i still told her stuff about me..and she would still give me addvise, but it hurt me that she wouldnt do the same with me. then one night she jumped out her bedroom window ...i lost my big sis....doesnt anyone know how much she hurt me....i still really lover her but its been like 9 months and i hardly ever see her...and when i do its like we run into each other at walmart....its my 15th birthday soon....and i want her to be here but then again i dont...cuz i know when she leaves again i'll just remember how much everthing hurts and i'll ccry again...i lost the one person i could tell anything she doesnt call to talk to me...nothing...last time she did call her boyfriens cussed me out in the background....i love my sister so much and i really miss her..and i have a hard time saying to anyone else how i feel...but here is a song that says alot of how i feel....its by Relient K
"Which To Bury; Us Or The Hatchet"

I think you know what I'm getting at
I find it so upsetting that
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget

and even though I'm angry I can still say
I know my heart will break the day
when you peel out and drive away
I can't believe this happened

And all this time I never thought
that all we had would be all for naught

No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
No, I don't hate you
don't want to fight you
know I'll always love you
but right now I just don't like you
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice
go with your instincts along with some bad advice
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge
I think you know what I'm getting at
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

and wisdom always chooses
these black eyes and these bruises
over the heartache that they say
never completely goes away
(I just can't believe this happened
and one day we'll see this come around)

what happened to us
i heard that it's me we should blame
what happened to us
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way
and know that I don't hate you
and know that I don't want to fight you
and know that I'll always love you
but right now I just don't...

I may be in the minority here but I agree with this little sister. Something inside me just says that what sillyrabbit is doing is going down the wrong road. It sounds like she is jumping into marriage without a clue of how its going to really be. Marriage is rough and at 18 its going to be very strange and new to you even if you have been living with this man. I lived with my now wife for three years before we got married and its different. Its hard work. I think you really need to think things through sillyrabbit. Look at your life and see that seperation is not a good thing. I dont think we all know the true story but something inside is telling me that what your doing is all wrong and we need to learn to forgive. Jesus taught that. He wants us to face our problems, not run away from them. Go back to your family. You still can have your boyfriend but you need the peace of forgiving them and vice versa. I will pray for you.

 

[rocklife]

sillyrabbit, maybe your mom and dad are not supportive of you living with a guy, maybe they don't see him as the best husband and father of your children. (?) parents think that way pretty often.

I did something similar, at 16 I left, but was almost 17, moving in with boyfriend. I had nothing to do with my parents for 2 years. My parents were very happy to blame my boyfriend for my leaving, even though it was really because I didn't want to live with THEM. For me, life got worse before it got better, I still don't have a good relationship with dad, but that's his own selfish fault. I forgive my parents, they aren't perfect, that doesn't mean I agree with them about so many things.

 

[AtheistPerson]

I guess moving out to your parents means that your moving away from your family emotionally or something like that. They might feel insulted because you would rather live with your bf then your own family, but then again i dont know your family.

 

[EOT]

I really care for my sister...i love her very much...
but i really dont have many other people to talk to im homeschooled...the only people i have are at my church
but my sisters friend has sorta become like a big sis to me in a wierd sorta way..which im thankful for but its not the same as a REAL big sister
I know i could get on my bike and ride to where she lives...i have done that...but she could do the same and come here..or at least call


and btw thanks Davis.. at least someone agrees with me

 

[Davis]

I just really think silly-rabbit is making a big mistake. I have been down the rushed-decision road and its not worth it. Family knows best. No matter how weird they may seem at the time with there thinking.

 

[dodad91]

In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend, even if it's your own sister or brother, mother or father. From reading the posts it appears that each of you needs to learn how to be a friend to each other, then you can become sisters, and eventually a family once again. Not speaking to each other will accomplish nothing. Or thinking, "they must make the first move, before I make my move." This line of thinking then turns the situation into a "US" versus "THEM" mentality. Also, hearing two versions of the story (providing EOT is indeed SillyRabbit's sister) throws additional complexities in the mix.

Someone has to be strong, confident and reassuring to want to bring things back together, and dismiss your differences. God wants the strong family ties to be healed. Without healing there will be dissension, and continued division. Start the healing process today, and let God take all your cares away.

 

[sillyrabbit400]

Like everyone here is saying, I never moved out to hurt anyone. I love my little sister more than I think she even realizes. I want you to know that I put alot of thought into my descision and still I think I made the right choice. When you are in a life that makes you unhappy or in my case I felt trapped, forced to follow in footsteps I wasnt ready to face. I stepped out of the situation and now I can see everything from a very outside point of veiw. My life has taken a turn in an unexpected direction, I am learning to be responsible... I am learning to see the good in things that have happened in my past and in that I don't dwell so much on the bad.
I had a long conversation with my Mom a few months back and basicaly I asked her to accept me the way I am with the choices I have made. She doesnt need to agree with me to accept me... her response was "If I dont agree with the way you are living your life I cannot accept the way you are living it". I really havnt talked to them since because if they cannot chose to put aside differences to accept me then they are not really showing me the love and support a family should.
I want to see my sister I want to spend time with her... You know the thing she just said about one of my old friends becoming like her sister. She is there at the home I used to live in everyday. Eating with my family almost taking my place, I dont even enjoy going over there when she is there because now it almost seems she is more a part of the family than I ever was.
Will my sister whom I love more than anything tell me when she has her first kiss? has her first major crush? or when she is sad, lonley, scared,?

I know you'll be reading this and I want you to know that I never left you... Im right here and I want you to come see me. I wasnt leaving you, I wasnt really even leaving the family.... I was leaving my life... doing something I needed to do to get better, to get out of my depression. Overcoming my fears and fighting my weaknesses.

 

[EOT]

i just dont understand your disicion sillyrabbit....mom and dad didnt teach us to go live with our boyfriends and have sex before we get married...even if you may be engaged...im happy that your happy...but im not happy that your not here so i can tell you things like if i did have my first kiss (i havnt) or my first major crush (havnt)...im constantly sad...whenever i think of you and how your not here..and how i dont et to see you much...im lonley when i think how i wish you where here at a really funny moment or a really sad one...and im scared when i think of you...i dont know anything thats going on with you...i dont even know where you live anymore

Briee could never take your place sillyrabbit400 (this feels weird calling my sis silyrabbit...) you will always be my big sis...but she has kept me from constantly crying over not ever seeing my big sis..i know i prolly shouldnt cry but i do.

I Love my sister