[moved] Need advice and prayer

Nattyz said:

Hey, so I'm new here. I posted in this thread because I didn't know where else to.

If you're reading this, thank you very much. I appreciate that you're willing to hear what I have to say. I've talked about this with many other people, but decided to present this to a new crowd.

So, here's what's going on:

First, this has to do with relationships. Hope you don't see to many posts about this, but this has been a very high and serious concern of mine.

I'll start by saying that I was in a very healthy relationship with this girl for over a year and a half. This wasn't a high school relationship or anything light, I can honestly say she's been my best friend. We're both over 19 now. We talked to each other about everything, prayed with each other, and for our relationship, and were always open to discuss Biblical ideas. Both of us are looking to be full-time missionaries.

Last August, she left for an out-of-country YWAM DTS, a sort of missionary training school. She would be gone for six months. We live about three hours apart, but I drove up there to send her off at the airport with her family. She really appreciated that.At the start of January, she left for her mission trip portion of the school. She'll be back home in February.

Over the course of her trip, I would call her, pray for her, and give her the encouragement and support she needed. Our timezones were different, but staying up extra late to make calls work didn't matter to me. I donated money for her mission portion to work, and she was extremely grateful.

Now, maybe a day after I had made that donation, she called me. She was in tears and told me of how she learned that "God doesn't want her to be in a relationship with me anymore".

I was shocked and freaking out, and I asked her what the reason was. She told me that God had told her the name of her future husband.

She told me this all right before leaving for her mission trip, so contacting her has been almost impossible. But I learned new things over the following weeks.

Apparently, the person "God" was telling her to marry turned out to be part of her YWAM team. Even further, this guy was being told the same thing (and he broke off a very committed girlfriend because of this, as well).

So, naturally, I wasn't happy. If breaking up was bad enough, the fact that another guy was involved sent me off the rails. I told her that she needed to check herself. That she might not be getting this all from God, that what she was saying sounded bizarre, and suspicious.

I asked her how God was telling them all this, and she told me that at first she thought she heard it as a voice in her head while she was worshipping in church.
Then, she explained to me this practice she would do with her mentors, called "Holy Spirit talks". This is where it gets weird.

Basically, according to her, these Holy Spirit talks are done with two people. Person 1 has a question, and will ask it to Person 2, with no context, so broken down into only a few words (such as "who and what?"). Person 2 then repeats these words to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gives them an answer, which Person 2 will repeat to Person 1.

By doing this, she was able to "confirm" with her mentors that I was being too much of a distraction for her, and that she was supposed to marry her YWAM friend. Besides that, she's also mentioned to me how she's gotten involved in modern day prophecy, and praying in tongues. Both of these are things she felt uncomfortable with before she left. All this is telling me is that being at YWAM for so long has changed her views around in many ways.

It's bizarre. It can't be backed up by the bible. It's something I never heard of before, and yet she's completely sold on it.

So here's the notes I have:
-She broke up with me because God told her the name of her future husband.
-This "future husband" turned out to be on her team.
-This guy was being told the same thing.
-Everyone else on her team helped her "confirm" it and just so happened to all be thinking the same thing.

It sounds very suspicious on how conveniant it all worked. My thoughts right now is that she is either A: Using God as an excuse to get with a different guy, B: Fully believing this is all from God without taking much time to pray and think about it on her own, or C: a mix of both.

I've been trying to learn more. I hope to meet with her in person once she's back, so we can discuss it in person, even though she's not planning on thinking twice about it. She's been ignoring me this last week and doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore, but I believe she's just waiting for her mission trip to end before talking to me again.

So, here's my concerns:

First, that she's using God to back her on breaking up and getting with another guy. She firmly believes it, but I don't. I don't think God would be telling her things like this. I don't think He would have us go through all that we did together just to have her replace me with someone else. It's like some kind of modern day prophecy. I've seen many people be under the impression that God told them to marry someone, and it never works out. I don't want to see her get hurt by this.

Second, these "Holy Spirit talks". The fact that her mentors encouraged her to do this is beyond crazy. I have no idea what's going on over there, but I know this strange practice is wrong. It's not in the bible, no church leader I've spoken to has even heard of it before. And even IF it was a thing, I don't think it would focus on relationships.

Third, this is a complete change of character for her. Her personality with me has gone from sweet and caring to cold and immature. She cuts me off when I try to talk to her, and logs off whenever I show a shred of disagreement.

I was really good to her I thought, I can't think of anything I really did wrong in the relationship. The fact that another guy is with her right now, in a completely different country, is a harsh thought. The fact that she tries to ignore me now, and gets mad at me for being concerned, is depressing. I don't think God speaks to people in the way shes described, and I don't think she's in the right mind about this. I don't believe we can get answers from the Holy Spirit whenever we feel like it, and I especially don't think God focuses on relationship advice. But she's treating all this like she's making a giant sacrifice. She's told me it's the only way she can follow God's plan for her, which just sounds like an excuse at this point.

So, I need prayer. I am praying myself, but I need more people to be as well.

She's hurt me beyond measure by this. But I want to keep discussing this with her before she's sure. It doesn't sound right to me, or anyone else I've talked to about it. It certainly doesn't sound like something from God.

She needs prayer, I need prayer. I need help distancing myself from her. I need wisdom in how I talk with her and how I handle this situation.

I don't have any hope for our relationship anymore. It's over. But I do think she's being misled in her thinking, and needs to pray on it more. Especially when she's home and away from the influence of this overseas team.

Am I wrong for how I'm thinking about this? I can't accept that she's solely doing this for God, I'm not even sure how true that statement is. Thank you for reading all this.

What are your thoughts?

Click to expand...

Nattyz said:

Hey, so I'm new here. I posted in this thread because I didn't know where else to.

If you're reading this, thank you very much. I appreciate that you're willing to hear what I have to say. I've talked about this with many other people, but decided to present this to a new crowd.

So, here's what's going on:

First, this has to do with relationships. Hope you don't see to many posts about this, but this has been a very high and serious concern of mine.

I'll start by saying that I was in a very healthy relationship with this girl for over a year and a half. This wasn't a high school relationship or anything light, I can honestly say she's been my best friend. We're both over 19 now. We talked to each other about everything, prayed with each other, and for our relationship, and were always open to discuss Biblical ideas. Both of us are looking to be full-time missionaries.

Last August, she left for an out-of-country YWAM DTS, a sort of missionary training school. She would be gone for six months. We live about three hours apart, but I drove up there to send her off at the airport with her family. She really appreciated that.At the start of January, she left for her mission trip portion of the school. She'll be back home in February.

Over the course of her trip, I would call her, pray for her, and give her the encouragement and support she needed. Our timezones were different, but staying up extra late to make calls work didn't matter to me. I donated money for her mission portion to work, and she was extremely grateful.

Now, maybe a day after I had made that donation, she called me. She was in tears and told me of how she learned that "God doesn't want her to be in a relationship with me anymore".

I was shocked and freaking out, and I asked her what the reason was. She told me that God had told her the name of her future husband.

She told me this all right before leaving for her mission trip, so contacting her has been almost impossible. But I learned new things over the following weeks.

Apparently, the person "God" was telling her to marry turned out to be part of her YWAM team. Even further, this guy was being told the same thing (and he broke off a very committed girlfriend because of this, as well).

So, naturally, I wasn't happy. If breaking up was bad enough, the fact that another guy was involved sent me off the rails. I told her that she needed to check herself. That she might not be getting this all from God, that what she was saying sounded bizarre, and suspicious.

I asked her how God was telling them all this, and she told me that at first she thought she heard it as a voice in her head while she was worshipping in church.
Then, she explained to me this practice she would do with her mentors, called "Holy Spirit talks". This is where it gets weird.

Basically, according to her, these Holy Spirit talks are done with two people. Person 1 has a question, and will ask it to Person 2, with no context, so broken down into only a few words (such as "who and what?"). Person 2 then repeats these words to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gives them an answer, which Person 2 will repeat to Person 1.

By doing this, she was able to "confirm" with her mentors that I was being too much of a distraction for her, and that she was supposed to marry her YWAM friend. Besides that, she's also mentioned to me how she's gotten involved in modern day prophecy, and praying in tongues. Both of these are things she felt uncomfortable with before she left. All this is telling me is that being at YWAM for so long has changed her views around in many ways.

It's bizarre. It can't be backed up by the bible. It's something I never heard of before, and yet she's completely sold on it.

So here's the notes I have:
-She broke up with me because God told her the name of her future husband.
-This "future husband" turned out to be on her team.
-This guy was being told the same thing.
-Everyone else on her team helped her "confirm" it and just so happened to all be thinking the same thing.

It sounds very suspicious on how conveniant it all worked. My thoughts right now is that she is either A: Using God as an excuse to get with a different guy, B: Fully believing this is all from God without taking much time to pray and think about it on her own, or C: a mix of both.

I've been trying to learn more. I hope to meet with her in person once she's back, so we can discuss it in person, even though she's not planning on thinking twice about it. She's been ignoring me this last week and doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore, but I believe she's just waiting for her mission trip to end before talking to me again.

So, here's my concerns:

First, that she's using God to back her on breaking up and getting with another guy. She firmly believes it, but I don't. I don't think God would be telling her things like this. I don't think He would have us go through all that we did together just to have her replace me with someone else. It's like some kind of modern day prophecy. I've seen many people be under the impression that God told them to marry someone, and it never works out. I don't want to see her get hurt by this.

Second, these "Holy Spirit talks". The fact that her mentors encouraged her to do this is beyond crazy. I have no idea what's going on over there, but I know this strange practice is wrong. It's not in the bible, no church leader I've spoken to has even heard of it before. And even IF it was a thing, I don't think it would focus on relationships.

Third, this is a complete change of character for her. Her personality with me has gone from sweet and caring to cold and immature. She cuts me off when I try to talk to her, and logs off whenever I show a shred of disagreement.

I was really good to her I thought, I can't think of anything I really did wrong in the relationship. The fact that another guy is with her right now, in a completely different country, is a harsh thought. The fact that she tries to ignore me now, and gets mad at me for being concerned, is depressing. I don't think God speaks to people in the way shes described, and I don't think she's in the right mind about this. I don't believe we can get answers from the Holy Spirit whenever we feel like it, and I especially don't think God focuses on relationship advice. But she's treating all this like she's making a giant sacrifice. She's told me it's the only way she can follow God's plan for her, which just sounds like an excuse at this point.

So, I need prayer. I am praying myself, but I need more people to be as well.

She's hurt me beyond measure by this. But I want to keep discussing this with her before she's sure. It doesn't sound right to me, or anyone else I've talked to about it. It certainly doesn't sound like something from God.

She needs prayer, I need prayer. I need help distancing myself from her. I need wisdom in how I talk with her and how I handle this situation.

I don't have any hope for our relationship anymore. It's over. But I do think she's being misled in her thinking, and needs to pray on it more. Especially when she's home and away from the influence of this overseas team.

Am I wrong for how I'm thinking about this? I can't accept that she's solely doing this for God, I'm not even sure how true that statement is. Thank you for reading all this.

What are your thoughts?

Click to expand...

Nattyz said:

Hey, so I'm new here. I posted in this thread because I didn't know where else to.

If you're reading this, thank you very much. I appreciate that you're willing to hear what I have to say. I've talked about this with many other people, but decided to present this to a new crowd.

So, here's what's going on:

First, this has to do with relationships. Hope you don't see to many posts about this, but this has been a very high and serious concern of mine.

I'll start by saying that I was in a very healthy relationship with this girl for over a year and a half. This wasn't a high school relationship or anything light, I can honestly say she's been my best friend. We're both over 19 now. We talked to each other about everything, prayed with each other, and for our relationship, and were always open to discuss Biblical ideas. Both of us are looking to be full-time missionaries.

Last August, she left for an out-of-country YWAM DTS, a sort of missionary training school. She would be gone for six months. We live about three hours apart, but I drove up there to send her off at the airport with her family. She really appreciated that.At the start of January, she left for her mission trip portion of the school. She'll be back home in February.

Over the course of her trip, I would call her, pray for her, and give her the encouragement and support she needed. Our timezones were different, but staying up extra late to make calls work didn't matter to me. I donated money for her mission portion to work, and she was extremely grateful.

Now, maybe a day after I had made that donation, she called me. She was in tears and told me of how she learned that "God doesn't want her to be in a relationship with me anymore".

I was shocked and freaking out, and I asked her what the reason was. She told me that God had told her the name of her future husband.

She told me this all right before leaving for her mission trip, so contacting her has been almost impossible. But I learned new things over the following weeks.

Apparently, the person "God" was telling her to marry turned out to be part of her YWAM team. Even further, this guy was being told the same thing (and he broke off a very committed girlfriend because of this, as well).

So, naturally, I wasn't happy. If breaking up was bad enough, the fact that another guy was involved sent me off the rails. I told her that she needed to check herself. That she might not be getting this all from God, that what she was saying sounded bizarre, and suspicious.

I asked her how God was telling them all this, and she told me that at first she thought she heard it as a voice in her head while she was worshipping in church.
Then, she explained to me this practice she would do with her mentors, called "Holy Spirit talks". This is where it gets weird.

Basically, according to her, these Holy Spirit talks are done with two people. Person 1 has a question, and will ask it to Person 2, with no context, so broken down into only a few words (such as "who and what?"). Person 2 then repeats these words to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gives them an answer, which Person 2 will repeat to Person 1.

By doing this, she was able to "confirm" with her mentors that I was being too much of a distraction for her, and that she was supposed to marry her YWAM friend. Besides that, she's also mentioned to me how she's gotten involved in modern day prophecy, and praying in tongues. Both of these are things she felt uncomfortable with before she left. All this is telling me is that being at YWAM for so long has changed her views around in many ways.

It's bizarre. It can't be backed up by the bible. It's something I never heard of before, and yet she's completely sold on it.

So here's the notes I have:
-She broke up with me because God told her the name of her future husband.
-This "future husband" turned out to be on her team.
-This guy was being told the same thing.
-Everyone else on her team helped her "confirm" it and just so happened to all be thinking the same thing.

It sounds very suspicious on how conveniant it all worked. My thoughts right now is that she is either A: Using God as an excuse to get with a different guy, B: Fully believing this is all from God without taking much time to pray and think about it on her own, or C: a mix of both.

I've been trying to learn more. I hope to meet with her in person once she's back, so we can discuss it in person, even though she's not planning on thinking twice about it. She's been ignoring me this last week and doesn't seem to want to talk to me anymore, but I believe she's just waiting for her mission trip to end before talking to me again.

So, here's my concerns:

First, that she's using God to back her on breaking up and getting with another guy. She firmly believes it, but I don't. I don't think God would be telling her things like this. I don't think He would have us go through all that we did together just to have her replace me with someone else. It's like some kind of modern day prophecy. I've seen many people be under the impression that God told them to marry someone, and it never works out. I don't want to see her get hurt by this.

Second, these "Holy Spirit talks". The fact that her mentors encouraged her to do this is beyond crazy. I have no idea what's going on over there, but I know this strange practice is wrong. It's not in the bible, no church leader I've spoken to has even heard of it before. And even IF it was a thing, I don't think it would focus on relationships.

Third, this is a complete change of character for her. Her personality with me has gone from sweet and caring to cold and immature. She cuts me off when I try to talk to her, and logs off whenever I show a shred of disagreement.

I was really good to her I thought, I can't think of anything I really did wrong in the relationship. The fact that another guy is with her right now, in a completely different country, is a harsh thought. The fact that she tries to ignore me now, and gets mad at me for being concerned, is depressing. I don't think God speaks to people in the way shes described, and I don't think she's in the right mind about this. I don't believe we can get answers from the Holy Spirit whenever we feel like it, and I especially don't think God focuses on relationship advice. But she's treating all this like she's making a giant sacrifice. She's told me it's the only way she can follow God's plan for her, which just sounds like an excuse at this point.

So, I need prayer. I am praying myself, but I need more people to be as well.

She's hurt me beyond measure by this. But I want to keep discussing this with her before she's sure. It doesn't sound right to me, or anyone else I've talked to about it. It certainly doesn't sound like something from God.

She needs prayer, I need prayer. I need help distancing myself from her. I need wisdom in how I talk with her and how I handle this situation.

I don't have any hope for our relationship anymore. It's over. But I do think she's being misled in her thinking, and needs to pray on it more. Especially when she's home and away from the influence of this overseas team.

Am I wrong for how I'm thinking about this? I can't accept that she's solely doing this for God, I'm not even sure how true that statement is. Thank you for reading all this.

What are your thoughts?

Click to expand...