- Dec 2, 2005
- 21,415
- 3,987
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- Married
I write this here 1) because I need prayer. And two. Im killing any false identity Im holding onto because my identity is in Christ. I was sexually abused by my father as a child and I used stories to help cope with abuse. Well for awhile they became too real to me. I wrote this to explain a bit more and say goodbye to them I guess. I wrote it about a month ago but seem to be mourning them this week. 
Magic is the darkness of fiction so I would not have to face the darkness of reality. Magic would always be the torturer. She would hurt anything and everyone if she could but I never gave her that power. She used fear to control and was very good at it. She would rather torture then kill. It is what she was made for. Like she would burn someone alive but would not kill him. She would starve a person so where they would have no strength. She would put Chastity underwater just long enough for her to turn blue and do it over and over again. She would burn many names on my character's bodies and have their ankles in a trap down in a dark hole for many days. She would threaten your loved ones and follow through. She always remained in control. She would bury people alive in coffins, embarrass and humiliate. This was Magic.
Lori was fifteen. She came about when my mom and dad divorced. She gave me memories of the real abuse back. Because of her, slowly this world I had in my mind started to disappear.
Chastity was just a child. 6 years old. Very innocent. victim. Scared. Magic hurt her and she hid.
These three made up a part of me. They were characters that helped me to cope with things from my past. They were as real as you in me.
But they are dead now...This is their funeral and write this here that you will all join me in moving on from them.
We stand here today to honor two friends at three graves. Magic, Lori, and Chastity. I stand at their graves to honor them with the haroes to wish them goodbye.
I know Magic was evil. She finally killed both Lori and Chastity after many years of torture. But this was her job to help me forget. She was my hate for my dad for the longest time. She was the hate towards God and others. She killed herself because she served her purpose in killing these fake identities. My identity is in Christ now.
Little Chastity...you had so much happen to you. Im sorry so much had to happen to you. Magic did shatter that little girl. She did not grow up. She lived in fear and didnt understand all that went on. But I am not that little girl. Chastity suffered so I wouldnt be destroyed as a little girl. Ill feel like a child again at times in my life, but when I do I can be comforted thinking about Chastity and that I am not that scared little girl. I am a beautiful young woman full of love for God and that perfect love casts out all fear.
Lori was fifteen. Stuff happened to change her life then. Memories started coming back and Lori was confused. Magic played on this a lot but she remained the voice in the stories of this confusion and fear. She let Magic hurt her so Chastity wouldnt be hurt anymore. Her torture was unfair and so was her death. Her life was shattered with reality. She is not me though. Reality made me stronger. Reality drew me closer to the One who saved my soul at fifteen. In a way these identities paid an ultimate sacrifice for me for dying for me. They died but I live. They were what could have happened if they were not my friends and faced Magic when I was unable to.
Magic didnt feel remorse for either one of them. She killed them as coldly as she had tortured them. But she did end up losing in the end. When it was all said and done she was alone. The fear and confusion she fed off of was gone and she could no longer hurt anyone else. She couldnt hurt me. I am not a little girl or a confused teenager. I am a grown adult. I dont fear my past and I am no longer confused. Nor is Magic me. I am no longer angry and hate my dad for the sexual abuse. And I dont hate Magic. Instead I mourn for her because she did not know love. She didnt know the light. I tried to find the light in her but she wasnt made for that. She was made to be the dark so that I could find the light.
Magic killed two innocent characters. Now she will be judged accordingly as my abuser one day will, and I can leave that in the hands of God. I just know it is better for a millstone to be tied around her neck and cast into the sea. She was never my friend. She didnt have a friend in the world. Because of this she hated the world.
Chastity and Lori...thank you for what you did for me. May you finally rest in peace. Magic...all I can offer is my forgiveness. I forgive you and you served a purpose for light even as the dark, because you helped a little girl to not become the monster you were.
I stand with the haroes who will live forever in my imagination as a happy memory.
I throw a white rose into each of their graves and throw dirt on their coffins. Goodbye Magic...goodbye Lori...goodbye Chastity.
Fake identities. I dont need them anymore. Christ is my identity.
Magic is the darkness of fiction so I would not have to face the darkness of reality. Magic would always be the torturer. She would hurt anything and everyone if she could but I never gave her that power. She used fear to control and was very good at it. She would rather torture then kill. It is what she was made for. Like she would burn someone alive but would not kill him. She would starve a person so where they would have no strength. She would put Chastity underwater just long enough for her to turn blue and do it over and over again. She would burn many names on my character's bodies and have their ankles in a trap down in a dark hole for many days. She would threaten your loved ones and follow through. She always remained in control. She would bury people alive in coffins, embarrass and humiliate. This was Magic.
Lori was fifteen. She came about when my mom and dad divorced. She gave me memories of the real abuse back. Because of her, slowly this world I had in my mind started to disappear.
Chastity was just a child. 6 years old. Very innocent. victim. Scared. Magic hurt her and she hid.
These three made up a part of me. They were characters that helped me to cope with things from my past. They were as real as you in me.
But they are dead now...This is their funeral and write this here that you will all join me in moving on from them.
We stand here today to honor two friends at three graves. Magic, Lori, and Chastity. I stand at their graves to honor them with the haroes to wish them goodbye.
I know Magic was evil. She finally killed both Lori and Chastity after many years of torture. But this was her job to help me forget. She was my hate for my dad for the longest time. She was the hate towards God and others. She killed herself because she served her purpose in killing these fake identities. My identity is in Christ now.
Little Chastity...you had so much happen to you. Im sorry so much had to happen to you. Magic did shatter that little girl. She did not grow up. She lived in fear and didnt understand all that went on. But I am not that little girl. Chastity suffered so I wouldnt be destroyed as a little girl. Ill feel like a child again at times in my life, but when I do I can be comforted thinking about Chastity and that I am not that scared little girl. I am a beautiful young woman full of love for God and that perfect love casts out all fear.
Lori was fifteen. Stuff happened to change her life then. Memories started coming back and Lori was confused. Magic played on this a lot but she remained the voice in the stories of this confusion and fear. She let Magic hurt her so Chastity wouldnt be hurt anymore. Her torture was unfair and so was her death. Her life was shattered with reality. She is not me though. Reality made me stronger. Reality drew me closer to the One who saved my soul at fifteen. In a way these identities paid an ultimate sacrifice for me for dying for me. They died but I live. They were what could have happened if they were not my friends and faced Magic when I was unable to.
Magic didnt feel remorse for either one of them. She killed them as coldly as she had tortured them. But she did end up losing in the end. When it was all said and done she was alone. The fear and confusion she fed off of was gone and she could no longer hurt anyone else. She couldnt hurt me. I am not a little girl or a confused teenager. I am a grown adult. I dont fear my past and I am no longer confused. Nor is Magic me. I am no longer angry and hate my dad for the sexual abuse. And I dont hate Magic. Instead I mourn for her because she did not know love. She didnt know the light. I tried to find the light in her but she wasnt made for that. She was made to be the dark so that I could find the light.
Magic killed two innocent characters. Now she will be judged accordingly as my abuser one day will, and I can leave that in the hands of God. I just know it is better for a millstone to be tied around her neck and cast into the sea. She was never my friend. She didnt have a friend in the world. Because of this she hated the world.
Chastity and Lori...thank you for what you did for me. May you finally rest in peace. Magic...all I can offer is my forgiveness. I forgive you and you served a purpose for light even as the dark, because you helped a little girl to not become the monster you were.
I stand with the haroes who will live forever in my imagination as a happy memory.
I throw a white rose into each of their graves and throw dirt on their coffins. Goodbye Magic...goodbye Lori...goodbye Chastity.
Fake identities. I dont need them anymore. Christ is my identity.
