more venting

[Julina]

i mentioned in one of my last threads that i walked to church by myself instead of having my friend drive me because he and i were having a fight.

it just got worse. i'm almost at the point where i don't even want to be in the same room as him, even at church. of course that's ridiculous but it's how i feel right now.

i'm skipping out on all the details, but another part of me is thinking that we might benefit from mediation or something, since he and i are not able to solve this on our own. but i will still be avoiding him for a while.

should i let my SF know what's going on?

 

[Anhelyna]

in a word


YES !!!

He needs to know so he can help you

 

[Protoevangel]

i mentioned in one of my last threads that i walked to church by myself instead of having my friend drive me because he and i were having a fight.

it just got worse. i'm almost at the point where i don't even want to be in the same room as him, even at church. of course that's ridiculous but it's how i feel right now.

i'm skipping out on all the details, but another part of me is thinking that we might benefit from mediation or something, since he and i are not able to solve this on our own. but i will still be avoiding him for a while.

should i let my SF know what's going on?

Absolutely, yes, your Spiritual Father must know about this. How can a doctor properly diagnose and treat you if you don't tell him the symptoms?

 

[Hoankan]

Proto says it best. There's a problem here and it needs to be treated but can't unless you tell your SF.

 

[Julina]

ok. i was also wondering if my friend and i really did need a third party to get involved if it would be ok to ask my SF since he knows both of us. but i really reeaally hope we won't have to go that far. i think my friend would have a bigger problem with it, but he doesn't seem to notice (or care) how serious this is for me. or am i the one with the problem? *sighs*

 

[Hoankan]

Sometimes the best help is not sitting down with the third party and discussing it, but the third party offer individual advice to both members that help them. Don't think that the only help you SF can give you is by direct mediation.

 

[Julina]

Sometimes the best help is not sitting down with the third party and discussing it, but the third party offer individual advice to both members that help them. Don't think that the only help you SF can give you is by direct mediation.

actually i think the individual talks might work better too.

 

[Julina]

ok this is not the whole story but here's part of what's happening:

my crush (yes, it's the guy friend mentioned above) is dating my best friend.
do i have a right to be annoyed?

 

[Anhelyna]

In a way yes - it will make you wonder why she is preferable to you .

BUT introspection like this can be very destructive .

Go and talk to your SF - he will help you if you tell him all - hold nothing back - and trust him

 

[gzt]

Oh, good grief. If that's the whole thing and they aren't being intentionally mean to you about it, then just get over it (if there's more to it, the advice may differ). Your parish priest may have some good advice for you since he knows you both, so you may want to talk about it with him.

 

[Julina]

Oh, good grief. If that's the whole thing and they aren't being intentionally mean to you about it, then just get over it (if there's more to it, the advice may differ). Your parish priest may have some good advice for you since he knows you both, so you may want to talk about it with him.

no, that is not the whole thing. that's just the latest that's happened.

 

[Shubunkin]

Sorry to hear you are going through difficulties with your friend. Prayers for you.

 

[Hoankan]

Yeah, talk with your priest and let him help you. All of us can give advice but it would be poor advice as we don't know the situation well enough. Good luck and my prayers

 

[Julina]

ok so i just talked to my dad. he told me that it might not be a good idea to go to the Orthodox church for a while. i used to go to the Episcopal church nearby, but my friend's new girlfriend goes there, so that'd be equally as awkward. my dad suggested going with my roommate or some other friends, but i don't think i'd want to do that.

i told my dad that i was thinking about talking to the priest. my dad didn't think that was a good idea. he thinks that the priest would take sides, and it probably wouldn't be mine. why? 1. he doesn't know me as well as he knows Mike (my friend) and the rest of his family for that matter 2. culturally speaking he'd probably be more willing to take the man's side anyway (!!!)
that last comment just enraged me even more.

so, now what do i do? should i go to the Orthodox church anyway? should i still try to talk to the priest? oh, help

 

[Hoankan]

1. all the more reason to start talking to him. that'll give him a chance to get to know you better and be able to give more advice. Plus you can always elaborate. Also the insight he can offer far outweighs any inconvenience.
2. Huh? So you should only talk to women about this problem? Wouldn't that exclude your father too after all he's a man as well and culturally speaking.......

If you want to go to church that is your choice. But make sure you do it for the right reason. If you're going just to see your friend then it is not the right reason. But if you truly want to go and worship there, then go. Keep your eye on God, not on social awkwardness.

 

[Protoevangel]

I think you should give your priest the benefit of the doubt. Don't expect him to take any sides.

 

[Breaking Babylon]

The idea that your Priest would be taking sides is negative logismoi and terribly assumptive. It will go over much better than you think, and you will leave blessed and edified. Going to Church isn't based on your social status or how many people you get along with, go for the benefit of your soul and pray for a resolution rather than letting it keep you from the grace of the Divine Services.

May the Theotokos bless you with her prayers.

 

[cassc]

Don't stop going to Church because of these problems with your friend, that would honestly (and without any exaggeration) be a tragedy. You really should talk to your priest, obviously not all priests are created equally but 99% of people talk about how much better they feel after seeking a Priest's guidance. He may not be able to solve the problem, but he won't take sides and even if the conversation stays between you two I bet he will help you.

 

[Julina]

i kno i said i don't want to be anywhere near my friend, but i wouldn't actually stop going to church because of him. i'm pretty sure my parents want me too though, and this is not the first time they've said something like this to me.

 

[Hoankan]

Do you have any idea why your parents would not want you to go to an Orthodox Church?