Hi all,
It's been a while since I've been around here, mostly because of a lack of time, but also a bit of a bad attitude. I've been dealing with an attitude problem lately, and it's really getting to me.
For those who don't know, in June of 2002, my wife was paralyzed and my oldest daughter was killed in a vehicle accident. Faith, support, and a lot of prayer have gotten me and my family through, not to mention a devotion that is stronger than ever to my other daughter.
But lately, I find I am struggling more and more. I feel overwhelmed a lot, as we live in a small town without hospice care available, so I take care of my wife most of the time with help from my mom and occasionally a couple of my wife's friends. I lack motivation more and more, as most of the household duties fall on me, and I feel wrong to ask anyone else to help with them. (My mom helps a lot, and I love her for it, but also feel guilty...) Work is getting to me because a co-worker is causing a lot of problems, not the least of which is officer safety (a HUGE concern). My daughter will be three next week, and she seems to have gotten a late start on her terrible 2's. The medical bills are piling up, as my wife has required several surgeries and is lined up to have another major one soon. We're making it just fine, but the stress of "making it" is getting to me.
Now the worst part. I am absolutely ashamed of myself for being the least bit unhappy about anything. My wife, who is a complete quadriplegic, has a tremendous attitutde, is more active in the church than ever before, and has just begun going to Bible College online to complete her Christian Educator Degree. She is more and more excited everyday, all while sitting in a chair with no use of her fingers, limited use of her arms, and no use of anything below her sternum. So, I beat myself up for feeling angry, overwhelmed, and stressed, which just makes it worse.
I know what I need, but I can't find the right attitude lately to ask for it, nor pursue it. I've almost come to accept being miserable, when I really have no reason to be. Please pray that I undergo an attitude change soon, I really need to get my mind back in check. I haven't lost faith, nor have I lost my love for God. I've just lost my desire to actively chase growing in either of them. Please pray that I get that desire back.
Thanks for taking the time to read my whine.
It's been a while since I've been around here, mostly because of a lack of time, but also a bit of a bad attitude. I've been dealing with an attitude problem lately, and it's really getting to me.
For those who don't know, in June of 2002, my wife was paralyzed and my oldest daughter was killed in a vehicle accident. Faith, support, and a lot of prayer have gotten me and my family through, not to mention a devotion that is stronger than ever to my other daughter.
But lately, I find I am struggling more and more. I feel overwhelmed a lot, as we live in a small town without hospice care available, so I take care of my wife most of the time with help from my mom and occasionally a couple of my wife's friends. I lack motivation more and more, as most of the household duties fall on me, and I feel wrong to ask anyone else to help with them. (My mom helps a lot, and I love her for it, but also feel guilty...) Work is getting to me because a co-worker is causing a lot of problems, not the least of which is officer safety (a HUGE concern). My daughter will be three next week, and she seems to have gotten a late start on her terrible 2's. The medical bills are piling up, as my wife has required several surgeries and is lined up to have another major one soon. We're making it just fine, but the stress of "making it" is getting to me.
Now the worst part. I am absolutely ashamed of myself for being the least bit unhappy about anything. My wife, who is a complete quadriplegic, has a tremendous attitutde, is more active in the church than ever before, and has just begun going to Bible College online to complete her Christian Educator Degree. She is more and more excited everyday, all while sitting in a chair with no use of her fingers, limited use of her arms, and no use of anything below her sternum. So, I beat myself up for feeling angry, overwhelmed, and stressed, which just makes it worse.
I know what I need, but I can't find the right attitude lately to ask for it, nor pursue it. I've almost come to accept being miserable, when I really have no reason to be. Please pray that I undergo an attitude change soon, I really need to get my mind back in check. I haven't lost faith, nor have I lost my love for God. I've just lost my desire to actively chase growing in either of them. Please pray that I get that desire back.
Thanks for taking the time to read my whine.
