More Struggles

Status
Not open for further replies.

Dewjunkie

Well-Known Member
Apr 1, 2002
1,100
5
49
Asheville, NC
Visit site
✟9,428.00
Faith
Christian
Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been around here, mostly because of a lack of time, but also a bit of a bad attitude. I've been dealing with an attitude problem lately, and it's really getting to me.

For those who don't know, in June of 2002, my wife was paralyzed and my oldest daughter was killed in a vehicle accident. Faith, support, and a lot of prayer have gotten me and my family through, not to mention a devotion that is stronger than ever to my other daughter.

But lately, I find I am struggling more and more. I feel overwhelmed a lot, as we live in a small town without hospice care available, so I take care of my wife most of the time with help from my mom and occasionally a couple of my wife's friends. I lack motivation more and more, as most of the household duties fall on me, and I feel wrong to ask anyone else to help with them. (My mom helps a lot, and I love her for it, but also feel guilty...) Work is getting to me because a co-worker is causing a lot of problems, not the least of which is officer safety (a HUGE concern). My daughter will be three next week, and she seems to have gotten a late start on her terrible 2's. The medical bills are piling up, as my wife has required several surgeries and is lined up to have another major one soon. We're making it just fine, but the stress of "making it" is getting to me.

Now the worst part. I am absolutely ashamed of myself for being the least bit unhappy about anything. My wife, who is a complete quadriplegic, has a tremendous attitutde, is more active in the church than ever before, and has just begun going to Bible College online to complete her Christian Educator Degree. She is more and more excited everyday, all while sitting in a chair with no use of her fingers, limited use of her arms, and no use of anything below her sternum. So, I beat myself up for feeling angry, overwhelmed, and stressed, which just makes it worse.

I know what I need, but I can't find the right attitude lately to ask for it, nor pursue it. I've almost come to accept being miserable, when I really have no reason to be. Please pray that I undergo an attitude change soon, I really need to get my mind back in check. I haven't lost faith, nor have I lost my love for God. I've just lost my desire to actively chase growing in either of them. Please pray that I get that desire back.

Thanks for taking the time to read my whine.
 

BarbB

I stand with my brothers and sisters in Israel!
Aug 6, 2003
14,242
508
76
NJ summers; FL winters
✟25,548.00
Faith
Messianic
Politics
US-Republican
You are in my prayers!

Edited to add: Are there any social services your family could qualify for? It sounds as though you are simply exhausted and may be clinically depressed. Maybe head for your doctors and check it out. With rest and/or medication life can be taken care of. I know - I may never be off my anti-depressant because my life just spirals downward. Sounds like you are in that spiral. It's nice to feel competent again! :hug:
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Ben johnson

Legend
Supporter
Feb 9, 2002
16,916
404
Oklahoma
Visit site
✟54,049.00
Faith
Christian
Dew --- what is there to feel guilty for? Your feelings are understandable and justified. I second what Newlamb said. FIND A THIRD PARTY who can mostly LISTEN. Just TELLING someone else, feeling that a third party listens, helps to share your burden.

I can't even BEGIN to know what what it's like to lose a daughter; but I certainly can cry with you. And yet, our tears are tempered with our reality; as our hearts grieve for loved-ones-silenced, there is a consolation. "O death, where is Thy victory? Where is Thy sting?" As hollow and empty as your heart feels for your daughter, you KNOW where she is; and there is no doubt that you will hug her in your arms again, and laugh and cry with her. THERE IS NO DOUBT! I really believe Jesus will return in just a few years; and He will be bringing her back with Him. Yet here and now, grief is real; honest, justified, NECESSARY. Healing takes effort --- please consider calling "Grief Recovery Institute", and you and your wife and daughter attend a seminar; I've been to one, they're pretty awesome. You will be among people well familiar with your feelings; survivors of lost children, lost mates, suicide survivors, all. Grief doesn't naturally "just go away" --- it takes work and effort.

1-800-334-7606. (California) Call them and find out the next local seminar for you.

I have an excercise for you. Yes you HAVE very much on your plate; no denying that. The weight is great. BUT --- take out a pen and paper, and make a list; will you? List your BLESSINGS, NOW. Your wife is HERE; she can still laugh and cry with you, she can love you HERE. If not fully embrace you physically (but she really can), she can completely embrace you emotionally. She could have been gone, Dew. She loves you. Chloe loves you, there ARE many blessings in your life. A great load is in your arms, weighing down both your body AND your spirit; tell God how your spirit hurts, HE KNOWS ABOUT IT! And He really really CARES about it! About YOU! But don't lose sight of the good things.

I will join the prayers for you WITH ALL MY HEART! That you will find peace and strength and ENCOURAGEMENT, you and your wife and your daughter; and healing. If God wills, physical healing for your wife; stranger things have happened.

May God bless you and comfort you and strengthen you, Dew!!!

:hug:
 
Upvote 0
Status
Not open for further replies.