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More relationship help please...

Discussion in 'Prayer Wall' started by jessa_lee, May 1, 2002.

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  1. jessa_lee

    jessa_lee Newbie

    I have a best friend from the Lord, and our friendship has grown considerably. Everything in me says he is one of a kind. His heart isn't like any other I've known. Jesus has surely done an amazing work in his life, and I just love to see God working in him more and more. I have friends who tell me to have nothing to do with him - and maybe you will give me the same answer after reading this, but please don't be quick to judge, just see what the Lord puts on your heart through His grace, His love, and His Word.

    My friend Paul had a long and rough past. Paul grew up in a Humanistic home with his mother and step-father, and made about every bad choice there was to make, hurting himself and others. His senior year in high school, he came to believe and trust in Jesus, and as a new Christian was learning and growing spiritually very fast. God was teaching him and showing him amazing things from the start, and God put the calling of pastor on his life. After everyting God showed him the next few months, Paul chose to join the Navy when God had made clear that He wanted him to go to Australia to help build a church. All expenses for this trip would have been covered, but he chose the Navy instead. He backslid a lot and told God to leave him alone, that he wanted to do his own thing. Two years into the Navy, he met a "hottie" and married her soon after (becoming father to her baby from a previous relationship). They had two children within the first three years.
    About two years into their marriage, Paul began to hunger for that sweet fellowship with the Lord. He wanted fellowship and teaching from God's Word again, but his wife would have no part of it. She refused to allow him or the children to go to church or have anything to do with God or Christianity. Paul continually grew in his hunger for God - and one time she came and "responded to an altar call" only to chuck his Bible out the car window on the freeway, proclaiming they would never go to church again.
    Several times during their marriage he walked in on her and another man in his own bed! Every time he forgave her. She began to cut him off from all outside connections. No longer was he allowed to see his family or have any friends, nor was his family allowed to see him or his children - not even his own parents. She also was physically abusive. She would get angry and begin throwing whatever she could at him. After a while of withstanding it, he began to retaliate and she'd call the cops on him! She continued to abuse him and after so many of her cop calls, he was labeled as abusive. She forced him to "see a doctor" and had him put on heavy sedatives. He no longer could hold a job, and she would take the kids to daycare - so he'd sit at home all day with no outside contact.
    For seven years, he remained faithful to her, forgiving her infidelity and her abuse every time, desiring to be there for his children. On 9-11 (terrorist attacks), she came home and flew off the handle at him, and he told her he wanted to turn back to God. He couldn't handle the seperation from God anymore, but had been praying for years that the Lord would save him from his mess. She immediately took him to see the doctor, and she told the doctor he was threatening her life! They took him to a mental hospital (seeing that he was not at all violent so as to require jail) to check him out. After talking with him, the doctors realized that there was nothing wrong with the guy - 'cept that he married an evil woman. At the hospital, they had her come and sit in one last counseling session to see if things could be worked out. She told Paul that he had to choose between God and her, because she would not allow him back in the house if he was going to be reading the Bible and attending church.
    Needless to say, he no longer had a home. He knew he must choose God, and trust God to bring his children back to him. Paul called his biological father, who over time had become a Christian, and a pastor, and is now consequently a pastor at my church. Paul told him his situation, and was on the next bus with only the clothes on his back.

    Paul and I met about 4 months after he had returned (around Christmas). I knew nothing about his past, and God had done some amazing work in his life from the point when he returned to when we had met. It is amazing how God's timing works, and it is clear that God has brought us into each others lives for various reasons. Namely, we point each other to the Lord daily! Paul is currently fighting for custody of his kids, so they too can be free to know God and attend church and have a Christian family. Currently his ex will not allow him to see his children, and will hang up on him if he calls even to talk to them.

    Having said all this, Paul and I have been waiting on God moreso than anything because his divorce has not been finalized by the courts. We have not "officially" done any courtship, rather we've discussed it and are praying about it as a future plan when this all gets sorted out and cleared up by God's grace.

    Some friends have told me I should have nothing to do with Paul, but God's Word proclaims that where he stands is right (see 1 Corinthians 7:15 and the verses surrounding it), and circumstances show that our friendship has only drawn us both very much closer to the Lord. Our talks are about Jesus and His Word and what He is doing in our lives. Edification and even exhortation are the result of our times spent together talking and reading the Word.

    Please, pray, and tell me what is on your heart. And again, thank you for your love and your honesty. My heart desires to be pure before the Lord, and in the center of His will. This is so confusing to me, I don't want to make the wrong choice. If it's not God's will for us to be together, are my friends' negative responces God's way of showing me (note that the friends telling me these things have never met Paul, only heard this same telling of his testimony)? Or is this just the enemy trying to thwart something beautiful that the Lord is doing?

    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Mandy

    Mandy Well-Known Member

    I will be praying for you and Paul.
    According to the Word, he is free to remarry. So after his divorce is final it would be fine for you two to start dating.
  3. ZiSunka

    ZiSunka It means 'yellow dog'

    But please don't get too attached or make any plans.

    God may be holding up his divorce to give his wife time to accept Him. I've seen it happen several times.
  4. amie

    amie Survivor

    Hi Jessa,
    I am in Paul's corner on this one...he was able to withstand the horrors of eliminating God from his life, only to realize that it is God whom is the fundamental basis for all of us. Kudos to Paul. :clap: God is the answer. The sooner his ex realizes this, the better off she will be! Jessa, I know that you are confused by this and that you have all of these outside influences telling you what not to do...but it is like this, obviously Paul realizes that he is unable to live a life without God and puts God first...it is only right, that he be with a woman who has the same values (you) so I am not opposed to this at all. And, remember the past is just that, the past. Everyone has one and the fact that he is so honest with you about his speaks volumes of his integrity...Good luck to both of you Jessa, and keep me posted...I think right now, you are good for each other and it makes me happy that you are best friends! I am praying for both you and Paul on this! If you ever need me, I am here for you ALWAYS! with love, blessings and any advice I can give! :hug:
    Amie :angel:
  5. fieldmouse3

    fieldmouse3 Contributor

    I prayed, and I feel like you should give this a chance. Keep praying yourself, though. I've been wrong before!
  6. solo66 man

    solo66 man Well-Known Member

    You know the answers already. Listen to the Holy Spitit. He has your answers. I read your other thread and counseled you there. In my opinion, Paul and you are free, according to the word to pursue any avenues of marriage you wish. You are in God's will. I say take a chance. If God is doing otherwise, though I dont see it, God will hold you up, anyway. 99% of the time, I vote for love.
    I think you are doing just fine. Dont let outside influences change what you already know is God's will.
    God Bless you, beloved.
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