Moral Question: What would you do...

Beanieboy

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Jan 20, 2006
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I have been struggling with this situation for quite some time and I am not too sure how to proceed. I have a former friend who has been cheating on her husband, who is a soldier, for at least the past 18 months. She and her husband are both practicing Christians. He has been unfaithful in their marriage in the past as well. I have never agreed with what she was doing but I did not judge her for it. However, the other man is the head pastor of a church in a different state. We have recently had a falling out, and at this moment we are no longer friends. I have had my part in this as well, she went to visit him this summer and asked me to pick her up from the airport. As her friend I agreed but my conscience has been talking to me for quite some time about what I have done wrong. I am not sure how to proceed. As a Christian should I tell her husband when he gets back from his deployment of my part in this and ask his forgiveness? Should I contact the church and make them aware of what the pastor is doing? I do not want his actions that may be made public to make others stray from their walk with God. Or should I just keep quiet about it all. Although we are not friends, I do not want to do this with vengeance in my heart, but I feel like the truth should come out. Just not sure if it should come from me.

That you are struggling with it show that you are doing so in love, and not arrogance, haughtiness, condemnation, etc.

What would I do? She has been cheating on him before, so I don't see how him being gone is any different. I am also not sure about whether he is, or has, cheated on her.

However, rather than looking at the sin, of lying, of adultery, I would look at the cause. Why is she cheating on him if she loves him? Why is she being deceitful if she loves him? What is the motivating factor?

People don't cheat on someone that they love a lot, or if they have a lapse of judgement, they at least feel remorse, feel that they are putting a relationship they value in jeopardy.

I would suggest to your friend that she seek counciling, and explore why she has a history of cheating. I would also probably tell her how you are feeling. Her affairs aren't "hurting no one." It's bothering you, because you don't approve, and see her deceiving her husband, and don't want to be a part of it. And it is bothering you emotionally. Does she value her relationship with you? Does she love you? Because, you aren't very happy because of her actions.

I also think that the couple should get couples counciling, and find out what is under all of the symptoms.

You should tell him if he is your friend, but it sounds like your friend is the wife. You should also tell her what it is doing to you, to your relationship with her, and tell her that it bothers you because you care about her, her relationship, and her husband, and it is jeopardizing all of it.

Should you tell the husband? I wouldn't suggest it, but I would pray about it, and rather than doing all the talking, pray the question, and then sit at attention, and simply listen. God speaks, but unfortunately, most of us do all of the talking. It will come as a serious of images, of strong thoughts, that you will recognize as his voice, and not your own voice or thoughts.

I don't think God is "angry" at your friend, but like you, probably sees it the same way you would see someone who is gambling with their health, their job, their safety, etc., and can offer nothing but your opinion, your view and judgement of the matter, but she is the one who must choose what to do.

The only thing that you can do for yourself is choose what you want to do. Imagine yourself telling him. Would that be the best thing to do? How would you feel? Allow yourself to play out the situation in your head. Then, choose another path - you say nothing, and again, allow it to play out, see what happens, notice how you feel.

You may simply say, "I love you as a friend, but your life is starting to involve me in lying and withholding information, and I can't be a part of that." It's ok to offer her an ultimatum.

Then, tell God that you want what is best for her, but need guidance. If we ask him for bread, will he give us a stone? Simply sit quietly, and it will come. God practically stands on his head to get our attention to listen, rather than us needing to get his. He is there to help us. He will offer you solutions, and like your friend, offers you the choice of how to act.
 
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