I have been struggling with this situation for quite some time and I am not too sure how to proceed. I have a former friend who has been cheating on her husband, who is a soldier, for at least the past 18 months. She and her husband are both practicing Christians. He has been unfaithful in their marriage in the past as well. I have never agreed with what she was doing but I did not judge her for it. However, the other man is the head pastor of a church in a different state. We have recently had a falling out, and at this moment we are no longer friends. I have had my part in this as well, she went to visit him this summer and asked me to pick her up from the airport. As her friend I agreed but my conscience has been talking to me for quite some time about what I have done wrong. I am not sure how to proceed. As a Christian should I tell her husband when he gets back from his deployment of my part in this and ask his forgiveness? Should I contact the church and make them aware of what the pastor is doing? I do not want his actions that may be made public to make others stray from their walk with God. Or should I just keep quiet about it all. Although we are not friends, I do not want to do this with vengeance in my heart, but I feel like the truth should come out. Just not sure if it should come from me.
Moral Question: What would you do...
- Thread starter flowergrl
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These kinds of situations are often the hardest to determine the correct course of action. While I am not Christian, I'm sure you'll agree that Christian and Jewish ethics are very similar.
While we need to be careful about spreading gossip about people to cause them harm (and posting like you did does not violate that, since there is no information that allow us to identify them), one is also to act in ways to prevent injury to others. The wife's behavior could endanger the husband, as diseases transmitted through sexual encounters can be fatal.
In your position, I would first cease any actions which allow her to cheat on her husband. You are only helping in activity that you should be discouraging. I would then talk to the wife and try to convince her to stop this behavior. If that fails, as hard as it may be, I would tell the husband so that he is aware of the situation.
I would avoid telling gossiping to others about the situation and I would make sure that my motivations were not about causing harm to the woman or husband.
Others will say that you should mind your own business and not be involved, and that is a valid solution. I'm just not convinced it is the most moral solution.
While we need to be careful about spreading gossip about people to cause them harm (and posting like you did does not violate that, since there is no information that allow us to identify them), one is also to act in ways to prevent injury to others. The wife's behavior could endanger the husband, as diseases transmitted through sexual encounters can be fatal.
In your position, I would first cease any actions which allow her to cheat on her husband. You are only helping in activity that you should be discouraging. I would then talk to the wife and try to convince her to stop this behavior. If that fails, as hard as it may be, I would tell the husband so that he is aware of the situation.
I would avoid telling gossiping to others about the situation and I would make sure that my motivations were not about causing harm to the woman or husband.
Others will say that you should mind your own business and not be involved, and that is a valid solution. I'm just not convinced it is the most moral solution.
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MoonLancer
The Moon is a reflection of the MorningStar
Do nothing, but be sure not to lie if incriminating questions pop up.
getting involved with your former friends problems will make things worse then better, especially if kids are involved.
maybe convince your former friend to stop, but other then that there is not much you can do.
also (in reference to above), if you know that the other Pasteur has a disease you should tell the husband right away.
getting involved with your former friends problems will make things worse then better, especially if kids are involved.
maybe convince your former friend to stop, but other then that there is not much you can do.
also (in reference to above), if you know that the other Pasteur has a disease you should tell the husband right away.
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Hentenza
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Hi Flowergrl,
Welcome to CF. Have you talked to your friend yet? Have you let her know how you feel and the position that she has put you in? I think that you should start with her directly. If she is your friend then she should not have any problems discussing this with you and taking your feelings into consideration.
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I would like to approach her about telling him the truth, however, I dont think she will listen to me. THe pastor does not have any disease that I am aware of, however he does have a family. Their families are the main reason for why I would not say anything. In the past, I have decided that if questioned I would tell the truth. Yet I have always had a strong moral compass yet I let my friendship with her weaken it. I would want to know if my husband were cheating, yet I do not want to be the one to break apart the family or a church. However, my silence is a burden.
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Hentenza
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Well, what she is doing is wrong and she is dragging you into her sin. The biblical answer is to talk to her directly and explain, lovingly, that she can not continue to live in sin. She needs to understand that in addition to the obvious damage that she is causing her own family she is also hurting you as her friend. If she refuses to listen to you then I would suggest reconsidering the friendship.
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Thank you for your candid opinions. Telling me that I am dragged into her sin really hit home. She is the one that I turned to for biblical questions in my life. I will pray about how to tell her what I have been feeling. Thank you.
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th1bill
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... It sounds to me as though your heart is in the right place and if the tables were turned and i were in your place the first person I would contact would be my pastor for prayer support. Then I would not wait for the spouse to return, I send him a letter with just the essential information and before it is sent hand it to the pastor to bathe it in prayer by himself and the elders of the church. My next letter would go to the state association that the church is a member of and let them handle the sin in their ranks.
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Wedjat
Spirited Apostate
I would aproach her and give her an ultimatum. Either she stops or you tell. If she ignores you approach the pastor in question (even if he may be a ways off) and give him the same ultimatum. He may be more responsive since
a) he does not know you and could perceive you as a real threat
b) has his family to look after
c) has his pastoral position to uphold.
plead these points, as in, your giving him the chance to end it on his own because you don't want his family or his career to suffer, but if he doesn't end it then he will be forcing your hand.
a) he does not know you and could perceive you as a real threat
b) has his family to look after
c) has his pastoral position to uphold.
plead these points, as in, your giving him the chance to end it on his own because you don't want his family or his career to suffer, but if he doesn't end it then he will be forcing your hand.
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keith99
sola dosis facit venenum
Look at yourself first. When you were her friend you did nothing to discourage this. Now that you have fallen out you are thinking of taking action. Look at your own heart. I find it doubtful the motivation is purely a moral one.
I'd be very slow to take any action beyond talking to you ex-friend about this. And even that can go astray, especially since yuo are no longer friends and such a conversation can easily be seen as a threat to tell others.
EDIT:
Flowergrl. At leat you considered the possibility that your motivations may not be pure. Many yuo are getting advice from here have completely ignored the possibility. Personally I would totally discount their advice. However if you chose to go forward and tell please consider telling only the husband. You say they are Christians, if so they are both called by their Lord to forgive. Don't make his task in doing that any harder by going public.
I'd be very slow to take any action beyond talking to you ex-friend about this. And even that can go astray, especially since yuo are no longer friends and such a conversation can easily be seen as a threat to tell others.
EDIT:
Flowergrl. At leat you considered the possibility that your motivations may not be pure. Many yuo are getting advice from here have completely ignored the possibility. Personally I would totally discount their advice. However if you chose to go forward and tell please consider telling only the husband. You say they are Christians, if so they are both called by their Lord to forgive. Don't make his task in doing that any harder by going public.
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Zebra1552
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He has no position being in leadership if he's breaking one of the 10 commandments intentionally. Something must be said before it blows up further.
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Zebra1552
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And the longer this goes on, the worse the reaction and outcome will be when it does get sorted out. Nip it as close to the bud as possible, not further. Kill the roots, don't just chop down the tree.
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![[serious]](/data/avatars/m/160/160873.jpg?1431539545){kind=avatar}
I might rat out the pastor depending on the degree of hypocrisy, but I wouldn't be the one to break the news to the husband.
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Matthew 18 sets out how we should handle those in our fold who are straying. First, we are to go to them privately. If they do not see the error of their ways, we are to take a few more people. Finally, the church needs to know. If they still do not change their behavior they are to be treated as tax collectors and pagans (meaning, not as members but as outcasts).
The pastor's family and church deserves to know what is going on, but there is no easy way for that to happen.
The pastor's family and church deserves to know what is going on, but there is no easy way for that to happen.
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cantata
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Goodness, this. So very much this.
If you talk to anyone, let it be the ex-friend and no one else. You really can have no real idea of what you might be messing with.
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Personally, I find the most interesting part in this story how a certain sense of morality kicks in at the moment you are no longer friends with someone.
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