Ya know, I've gotta admit, I grant different degrees of leeway to different groups. Like, the kind of stuff you're talking about is (at least in my mind) understandable with teenagers...because teenagers are just kinda confused overall. They've got so much stuff going on hormonally (and with the amount of intellectual development going on) that it isn't exactly realistic to expect rational thought from them.
I also grant a degree of leeway to the elderly...because...well...you're pretty much at the end of your rope anyhow. If you only have a year or so to go - and that year is gonna really suck - maybe that ought to be taken into consideration.
But - I don't grant that kind of leeway to your normal humdrum individual walking around out there.
For example - I know a lady who was married to some chronically depressed guy that ended up killing himself (shot himself.) He did it in their home, and left himself for her to find later. He also left two young teenage children to have to cope with it.
Now - as you said - everyone grieves for the survivors and complains about the selfishness of the person because "they just don't understand". Maybe I don't...but I'd like to think that I would suck it up for the benefit of my children (especially). Part of life, in my opinion, is that you have obligations to others that you have voluntarily taken upon yourself...and the fact they were voluntary means that those now supersede your own individual desires.
It would be one thing if you were some hermit living up in the woods - and you chose to knock yourself off. It's quite another if you've been carrying on in life, chose to have a few kids, and now decided it was "just too much for you." Once you've started bringing other people into the equation - it ceases being your choice any more (once again, IMHO). That's why I think it rubs people the wrong way, and gets such a strong reaction about it being pure selfishness.
First of all, I understand that you're coming at this from a "I can't relate to it" angle. All I can say is "that's my POINT. You haven't been there. You cannot understand."
You said:
Maybe I don't...but I'd like to think that I would suck it up for the benefit of my children (especially). You can't "suck up" mental illness. Depression to the point of suicide is mental illness. They aren't thinking as you would. You can't think as they would. You cannot relate if you haven't been there. Most people who commit suicide and have families (spouse, children) aren't thinking "It's too much for me", they're thinking "I'm too much for them. They'll be better off without me as a burden in their lives." Again, they aren't being selfish. They're ill.
You said:
and the fact they were voluntary means that those now supersede your own individual desires. Sweetheart, nobody DESIRES death via suicide. It's a final, desperate, last-ditch attempt at survival. I know that sounds backwards, but stay with me. For the suicidal person, LIFE is the unbearable alternative. Death is the only relief they can envision. You keep trying to apply your healthy, normal, rational thinking to a suicidal situation, and you can't. It's like trying to rationalize with someone who's schizophrenic. You can't.
Thank God I've never seriously contemplated suicide as an adult. But depression and anxiety are lifelong struggles for me. And life is still a daily struggle for me. Life is exhausting for me. I sometimes still fall into deep despair, where I feel like I'm disconnected from everything and everyone. And it wouldn't take too much stretching of my imagination to see myself wanting to harm myself sometimes. The fact that I have a job, home, husband, and child, doesn't magically "heal" the flaws in my brain. Yes, they help keep me grounded and present and give me reasons to go on. But it wouldn't take a very drastically different set of circumstances for me, or someone like me, to be heading down a much darker path.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a very functional, "normal" person. I'm not in any danger or anything. But I'm wise enough to see my own weaknesses and not brag that I'm stronger or better or above someone else who may be succumbing to depression or suicidal thoughts. I'm simply someone with some perspective, some awareness, and God's help, who could have been that other person.
