Mixed Relationships

[jamesrwright3]

I really like my current gf, and we have discussed marriage from time to time. The problem is I am Catholic and she goes to a Bible based non-denominational church.

I have gone to her services and had no problems with it. She is a former Catholic who will not go back to the church. We agree on the fundamentals of our Christian faith.
I wouldn't be as concerned if we didn't plan on having at least one child, but that would be a major point of contention. Neither of us is willing to compromise...and we all couldn't go to the same chuch on Sundays....

Anyone have a good or bad experience with this? Should I continue in the relationship? I don't want to marry if we are going to run into problems down the road.

 

[LifeInYou]

A house divided against itself cannot stand. Why do we constantly let Satan win? He loves to divide and conquer, divide and conquer. You both are united about the gospel core, right? (Death, burial, and ressurrection, Christlikeness, ministry of reconciliation) Isn't that what matters? Isn't Christ the only thing that matters? If you have a child, teach him/her the core of the gospel, explain to him/her that there are different churches that adhere to different minor beliefs and let him/her decide which church they would like attend (when they are old enough to make that decision).

I pray you'll both be united.

Shalom

 

[IslandBreeze]

I don't know what to tell you, except good luck and think about it LONG and HARD. My brother-in-law is marrying a Lutheran who let him know a few days ago (they're getting married in 2 weeks) that her babies will be baptized in the Lutheran church (something he is totally against) whether he likes it or not.

 

[shania]

Is this the only thing that you don't agree with? Use this experience as a way to see how you deal with differences of opinion, the way that you compromise and submit to one another. If both of you are hard-set in your ways (I'm not saying that you are, you will need to answer that question), is this the way that you will usually deal with decision making if you don't agree with one another?
On the other hand, religion is an important issue and often a sensitive one. It gets more complicated when family and tradition are involved. But it is still important to come to an agreement before you are completely commited to one another if you plan on having children one day.
I'd pray about it and wait for the Lord to answer your prayers....you will get an answer to your questions. Are there any other couples you could talk to who have been in the same situation? Perhaps a pastor could refer you to someone or give you spiritual counsel.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Why won't she go back to the RCC?

Why won't you do Catholicism?

Either look into both denoms' theology more deeply together, and try to reach a conclusion... or break up.

 

[MusicMelOU]

Yes, I had this problem with my ex. He is a very devout Catholic and is unwavering on his kids being raised Catholic. I, in contrast, after learning as much as I could about Catholicism, just flat out didn't believe in many of the things taught. I really want my kids when they are young to just attend one place, and since I am not Catholic I would preferably have them go to a non-Catholic church. My now-ex said we could split the time, but to me that seemed like it would just bring confusion upon the kids (I was raised in a household similar to this and it turned me away from Christianity more than anything at a young age). We argued about it a bit, and I think if we would have stayed together we could have made it work, but we had some other problems that just made me decide (combined with this) that this relationship was not what God wanted for the rest of my life.

Just remember that the purpose of a relationship is to honor God throgh your love. Is this relationship doing more honoring in other respects or is it pulling the 2 of you further from God because of the arguments? That's what you have to decide. That's what helped me decide about mine. It really didn't boil down to our denominations; we just didn't seem to be honoring God as much as the relationship was keeping us from God.

 

[stubbornkelly]

If neither of you will compromise, get out while you can.

That said, pray on it, and try to work together on some sort of agreement.

And that said, what are the issues each of you have that would make you unwilling to compromise? Are there spiritual issues afoot? Is this just a symptom of dissimilar spiritual beliefs, or is it just logistical?

 

[JillLars]

I was raised Catholic, and my fiance was raised Christian, but didn't go to church very often. He really liked the Baptist church and wanted to go there, but I didn't want to. So, we started visiting all different churches in our area until we found one that we both liked. He didn't understand the Catholic services, it just wasn't his style of worshipping. We eventually found a Lutheran church, we both agreed with what they taught, and we became member just a few weeks ago. This is just an option to consider. I have to agree with stubbornkelly, if you are both unwilling to compromise, then things will probably not work in this relationship.

 

[ZeroTX]

I don't want to beat this dead horse, but I'd like to hear other testimonies, if possible, of couples who are "mixed" Catholic/Evangelical-Christian.

I'm dating a girl and she's a Catholic. I've tried to get her to compromise with me and try out Lutheran churches, but we tried one and she basically gave up and told me she's a Catholic and that's that....

Myself, raised Baptist, considered that I was making the larger leap by being willing to go to Lutheranism.

As it stands now, she has no plans to consider changing from Catholicism to any other Christian theology. She admits disagreement with many Catholic doctrines, but feels it's too much a part of her.

Right now I'm disillusioned and about ready to call it quits, even though I think on so many other levels we're great for each other.... *sad*

-Michael

 

[JC 101 FM]

I never liked the church my wife-to-be was pastoring at and attended elsewere.

Her church has asked her to find other employment as a result.

On the bright side, we can now find a place we both like.

 

[ZeroTX]

I wish it were that easy. Catholics have been trained from birth that their church is the only "true" church and that all others are "separated brethren". In other words, they feel they cannot be in "true communion" unless it's in the Catholic Church.

This kind of spiritual bigotry is ingrained into them.... I would gladly attend a compromise denomination, but we trued Lutheran -- the most likely candidate -- and she did not like it.

Very discouraging...

-Michael

 

[leah-bygrace]

I wish it were that easy. Catholics have been trained from birth that their church is the only "true" church and that all others are "separated brethren". In other words, they feel they cannot be in "true communion" unless it's in the Catholic Church.

This kind of spiritual bigotry is ingrained into them.... I would gladly attend a compromise denomination, but we trued Lutheran -- the most likely candidate -- and she did not like it.

Very discouraging...

-Michael

Michael-

I know I felt extremely overwhelmed when I first went to a non-catholic church so I can totally understand where you're coming from. I was raised Catholic, and almost everyone I knew was Catholic. I now attend a southern baptist church, which is quite different from the catholic churches I attended as a child. In fact- the catholic church is so different from other denominations that IMO it becomes an uphill battle to convert someone either way.

The one thing I would implore you to think about is whether spending a life with someone who stays Catholic is going to pull you away from serving God to your fullest capacity. I totally agree with MusicMelou on this:

Just remember that the purpose of a relationship is to honor God throgh your love. Is this relationship doing more honoring in other respects or is it pulling the 2 of you further from God because of the arguments? That's what you have to decide. That's what helped me decide about mine.

Your relationship with Christ should be first and foremost. It's harder said than done, I know, especially in relationships with someone we love.

 

[pegatha]

I wouldn't be as concerned if we didn't plan on having at least one child, but that would be a major point of contention. Neither of us is willing to compromise...and we all couldn't go to the same chuch on Sundays....

When a relationship is new and exciting, it's easy to believe that romantic love, along with a commitment to the same core doctrines, will be enough to see you over the rough spots and the occasional theological differences. I don't think this view will serve you very well in the long run, however.

I am an evangelical, married to another evangelical for over 23 years. I assure you that when you are married, you will face many different stresses from both within the marriage and from outside factors. It really helps if you can face these difficulties united in the same beliefs, traditions, and practices. Don't underestimate the value of going to the same church, and being part of the same spiritual community, even if you never have children.

But since you do want children, I think it's even more important to be united. I personally have yet to see a Catholic/evangelical marriage where there wasn't some friction over child-rearing issues. Infant baptism is a really emotional issue, for example. Not just which church to baptise the baby in, but (if your gf is an evangelical or fundamentalist) whether baptism of an infant is even allowed by Scripture. And then which church will the child attend as he/she is growing up? What will you tell her when she asks why Daddy's priest says the bread and wine are really Christ's body and blood, and Mommy's pastor says they aren't? Your core beliefs may be the same, but there are still enough differences to frustrate and confuse both you and your child.

In my opinion, you'd just be setting yourself up for problems by marrying outside your own faith. Since neither of you can honestly accept the other's faith, you'd probably both live happier, godlier live if you go your separate ways.

 

[leah-bygrace]

Pegatha-

AMEN! I agree with you 100%, very well said. Before I rededicated my life to Christ, I never understood why it mattered why 2 people with different religious beliefs shouldn't get married.

But I realize now that it would be near impossible for me to marry or even date someone of a different faith- without sacrificing some my own commitment to Christ. I think that in a marriage, you need to be unified in your beliefs 100% because that is what will help you help each other in your walks with Christ.

 

[JVD]

You are only asking for trouble in this type of a relationship. I know of a couple where it seems to be working, but it's very tough. They have a huge amount of love and respect for each other. They have 3 kids who they take to a catholic church and then to a southern baptist church...can you believe it?

Their kids are still very young and I don't know how this will work in the long run. I think you are going to have some major problems with this when you have children.

I am working with a couple in which he is Greek Orthodox and she is Baptist. They have compromised with a Lutheran Church. I guess it works for them